In Praise of Things

2011-06-24 10:03:40

In Praise of a Slow Cooker

Edit 2

when heated, it simmers like hot springs.

How mild tempered it is -
throw in beef tendon, carrots,
kidney beans, shiitake and kelp...
add hot water and aniseeds,
turn the switch
and leave it to hatch.
Go read, relax, or run an errand.
When you return, you\'ll see how
soft fire makes tender meat.

I love the way steam whistles softly,
pushing the glass lid that gently pops
poof, poof, poof to the rhythm of bubbling
stews. No spills, but a waft of aroma;

everything dissolving in a slow burn.

Edit

Today I want to say something wonderful
about my slow cooker –
a Rival, a crock nestled
in stainless steel shell,
when heated, it simmers like hot springs.

I want to tell you how mild tempered it is -
you throw in beef tendon, carrots,
kidney beans, shiitake and kelp...
add hot water and aniseeds,
turn the switch
and leave it to hatch.
Go read, relax, or run an errand.
When you return, you\'ll see how
soft fire makes tender meat.

I love the way steam whistles softly,
pushing the glass lid that gently pops
poof, poof, poof to the rhythm of bubbling
stews. No spills, but a waft of aroma; inside

everything dissolving in a slow burn.

In Praise of Things

Today I want to say something wonderful
about my slow cooker –
a Rival, with a crock nestled
in a stainless steel shell,
when heated, it simmers like hot springs.

I want to tell you how mild tempered it is -
you throw in beef tendon, carrots,
kidney beans, shiitake and kelp...
add hot water and aniseeds,
turn the switch
and leave it to hatch.
Go read, relax, or run an errand.
When you return, you\'ll see how
soft fire makes tender meat.

I love the way it clanks softly as steam
tries to escape, pushing the glass lid that gently
pops, poof, poof, poof to the rhythm of bubbling
stews. No spills, but a waft of smell; inside,

everything dissolves in the art of slowness.

6/24/2011
unfinished

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作者	留言
Lake	Hi Lu - I used to have slow cooker... and I want another one now : ) Lynne Rees said...
Lake	by gavin » Thu Jul 07, 2011 6:01 am lake this is a good solid poem i believe it also has a rhyme although small, leave the mushroom out until the last 10 minutes; your living standards are on a high, kelp what a setting invasion; your cooking process is simplicity it-self by Nick Kerklaan » Thu Jul 07, 2011 6:41 am Hi Lake, I really like this. It\'s well-written, charming, and oddly affecting, with some great imagery and word choices. I especially like When you return, you\'ll see how soft fire makes tender beef. and pops, poof, poof, poof to the rhythm of bubbling There are only two things that don\'t really work for me. First, the title. "Things" is too general for a poem that is so specifically in praise of one thing. A simple "In Praise of My Slow Cooker" or even just "Slow Cooker" would probably better lend itself to the poem, as well as make for a better "hook" if you will. Second, the last line. "disintegrates in the art of slowness" reads a bit clumsily to me, and ending a poem with so much strong visual imagery on that sort of vague note seems a bit out of place. "Disintegrates" also seems like a bit of a tautology with "dissolves" ending the line above it. I don\'t think that first line necessarily needs to change, but what you might better follow it with, or whether something else might make for a better ending entirely, is something worth at least thinking about. Other than that, only a couple minor nits to pick: I want to tell you how mild tempered it is - is a good line, but what the rest of the stanza goes on to describe doesn\'t really read as "mild-temperedness". I\'m not sure what it actually reads as, but that line as is seems to set up something that doesn\'t really happen. No spills, but an inviting smell. The use of "but" suggests to me that you\'re hoping for spills, and unless that\'s what you\'re going for (which seems a bit odd if it is) the line would probably be better served with "and". And that\'s pretty much it for criticism. Everything else I love, and I think with those few minor problems tightened up you have a fantastic poem here. Cheers, Nick by David » Thu Jul 07, 2011 5:48 pm Nick Kerklaan wrote: I really like this. So do I. I think it\'s very good. Just a few minor suggestions ... I agree with Ray about the semicolon. Perhaps the desired meat, seasoning (no s). Hatching? I know what you mean, and it\'s a lovely image, but I\'m not sure it\'s quite right. I like the last line, but I think there might be a better word than "art", and I\'m a bit unhappy about "disintegrates" too. But all in all a lovely thing. Cheers David
Lake	Postby Nash » Sat Jul 09, 2011 6:17 pm Nice one Lake, this has a gentleness to it that I really like. I imagine that \'Rival\' is the manufacturer of the slow cooker? I\'m not sure you need it in there (unless you\'re hoping to earn a bit from advertising ), I\'d prefer it to read something like: Today I want to say something wonderful about my slow cooker – a crock nestled in a stainless steel shell, when heated, it simmers like hot springs. I love the last line there by the way. I\'d change a bit in S2 as well if it were mine, lines 5,6 & 7 I would have as: turn on the switch and leave to brew for hours. Read, relax, or run an errand. It just seems to read a little smoother to me that way. Lake wrote:soft fire makes tender beef. That really is a wonderful line, I\'d be tempted to end the poem there. Thanks, Nash. Postby JohnLott » Sat Jul 09, 2011 7:43 pm I think this is good Lake. A mundane subject turned into a yummy savoury poem. Almost mouth watering by the end. I make a lot of \'Slow Cooker\' meals so know what you mean. I would mention that \'desired meat\' seems out of place, especially since later, you mention \'beef\'. Minor stuff really. Good job.
Lake	by lemonstar » Sat Jul 09, 2011 10:59 pm Am I too late on this? Nothing wrong at all with a hymn to an everyday object so a valid poetry target IMHO. I\'d agree with the short and to the point title "Slow Cooker" Now this is just me - some words I don\'t like - \'moist\'\' for instance, is one of them. Now to me \'nestled\' is ok for golf balls and hatchlings but makes the skin on my back crawl when used for other things in poems - I\'d have looked at the good honest material that makes the pot - the earthenware(or toughened glass), warm, porous, glazed - encassed, wrapped, protected, etc., in a stainless steel shell. Perhaps I would have put a geographic reference in for \'hot springs\' [that\'s a great poetic link to make BTW] e.g. Rotorua - it\'s such a great word with its internal rhyme, but it\'d force some readers to look up a reference. Do you need \'desired\'. \'add\' - an imperative sounds cold and instructional, something like \'a splash\' has more sound & movement to my mind. \'seasoning\' is a that too general - couldn\'t you spell out seom actual ingredients to make it more real? I like the inclusion of an uncommon ingredient & word \'kelp\' \'brewing\' or \'stewing\' - \'leaving it to stew\' is nicely ambiguous or could you find a way to capture in one word the magic chemistry that only takes place when something is cooked this way. \'soft fire makes tender beef\' sounds the right way round to me. Does your cooker whistle? Mine clinks. I like what you are trying to capture when you say \'no spills\' - it\'s to do with the containment isn\'t it? Ought/could you say more about the aroma? The first lift of the lid is a moment to savour. Hopefully - some food for thought! Neil by Nick Kerklaan » Mon Jul 11, 2011 8:12 am I think you\'re close with the last line now, but I\'m still not entirely sold on it. I also miss "hatching"; I thought it made a wonderful image, and "brewing" is a bit bland by comparison. And while I see what Nash is saying about the "Rival" bit, I personally like it there; it\'s a little detail that lends itself to the poem\'s conversational tone. hi Lake I like this, the simplicity of the every day but with wider meaning. I have a few specific observations but I need to start with an overall question - does everything dissolve/disintegrate in a slow cooker. Would that not just be a sloppy mess rather than a stew? I dont think that invalidates the poem at all but I wonder if the best close is to refer back to the tenderising of the beef so the closing line might be the "art of tenderness" or such like. On specifics I am not sure you need the last line of s1 - i think we know that it simmers. I do like the idea of it being mild tempered I dont think you need "desired" to modify meat - its not really adding anything. Love kelp and like lemonstar I wonder if a more specific seasoning would add to the slightly exotic feel. Similarly could you name the type of mushroom? I think you could delete "and leave it brewing for hours" - the next line and "slow" in the title already suggests this. Soft fire and tender beef is a lovely line - I think its the key point of this poem, hence my suggestion above re the last line. As always these are just my thoughts for you to ponder and let them cook slowly. elph
Lake	Hi, Lulu: It\'s often nice to write a poem about simple, ordinary items. This one\'s pretty sweet, but it reads a bit prosy. I\'d trim some unnecessary words. Quote: Today I want to say something wonderful about my slow cooker – a Rival, a crock nestled in stainless steel shell. When heated, it simmers like hot springs. <--- nice I want to tell you how mild tempered it is - throw in beef tendon, carrots, kidney beans, shiitake and kelp... add hot water and aniseeds, turn the switch and leave it to hatch. Go read, relax, or run an errand. When you return, you see how soft fire makes tender meat. <--- already said "beef" above + I think "meat" sounds tougher I love the way it whistles, as steam tries to escape, pushing the lid that pops, poof, poof, poof to the rhythm of stew. No spills, but an inviting smell; inside, <--- might find another way to say this everything dissolves in the art of slowness. <--- love this line _________________ Eric poets.org Hey there, Interesting piece. I\'d recommend only some minor changes. This is the place where it stuck out to me as the most inappropriately prosaic: Quote: I love the way it whistles softly as steam tries to escape, pushing the glass lid that gently pops, poof, poof, poof to the rhythm of bubbling stews. No spills, but an inviting smell; inside, I think I would recommend a little rewording. Replace "it" with "steam" and you have a simple and effective trim. Those two lines would then read "I love the way steam whistles softly, / tries to escape, pushing the glass lid that gently..." I think the line becomes a bit long-winded, but it feels appropriate, an example of form matching content, as we shift into the "pops." I also like the last line, and at the same time dislike it. It seems like an appropriate way to end, but feels a little abstract, difficult to define, insubstantial. Maybe "with" rather than "in" would do it for me, but I think that\'s a tough statement to make either way. Elsewhere, I didn\'t really have any other issues with the lyricism. I found the voice mostly effective, and didn\'t really have any issue with the way you treated the content. It felt like a nice soft cook. _________________ Nearly
Lake	I really enjoyed the meditative nature of this. I\'ve read it several times and each reading offers something more. The line breaks are especially skillful and make for a kind of sensual ambiguity. I think this poem is quite complete but it is bogged down but just a couple of common phrases. So much I’ve missed the incense joss paper for burning March rain, soft as silk (soft as silk as much as it is redeemed by the subsequent line, still rings as over used. This exquisite poem deserves no distractions. I would find another simile) brushing my face pools of your eyes (pools of your eyes -- too common. Again, the elegance of this poem simply demands the poet to turn away from any over used phrases. Even the simple "your eyes" is raw and an improvement over the "pools") impossible to penetrate the oblation - rice wine sprinkled before the grave thick smell of swirling smokes palms together with prayers spring after spring my polluted heart is cleansed, then rejuvenated. Just beautiful. No other nits for you. A truly rejuvenating poem! E http://penshells.yuku.com/topic/7668/Tomb-Sweeping-Day#.TjMjYmFQXTo
Lake	really enjoyed this! Your "voice" has a wonderful pacing and tone. Just a couple of small questions. Slow Cooker Today I want to say something wonderful about my slow cooker – a Rival, a crock nestled in stainless steel shell, when heated, it simmers like hot springs. I want to tell you how mild tempered it is - you throw in beef tendon, carrots, (who is the "you" here? At first I thought it was the narrator speaking to the subject in the kitchen and that there was another layer of meaning -- the narrator talking about the cooker and then the subject throwing in the ingredients despite the "mild temper" of the crock. But then...I realized that it was all one person and it was a kind of zen introduction to the art of slow cooking which I found very pleasing as well). kidney beans, shiitake and kelp... add hot water and aniseeds, turn the switch and leave it to hatch. Go read, relax, or run an errand. When you return, you\'ll see how soft fire makes tender meat. I love the way steam whistles softly, pushing the glass lid that gently pops poof, poof, poof to the rhythm of bubbling stews. No spills, but an escape of aroma; inside everything dissolves in the art of slowness. I wonder, rather than telling the reader at the end what to think perhaps a very minor change could show it? everything dissolving in a slow burn ? It\'s really just a niggly thing but if I were an editor reading this I might prefer a more understated finish. You can play with this a bit to see if you agree (or not). Cheers! E
Lake	For me, the poem starts at L5. It doesn\'t matter what the brand is, or that it\'s stainless steel. What matters is what it actually does. As the title identifies the subject, you could easily open with "When heated, it simmers like hot springs" which then starts us off with a specific comparison and a great image. Don\'t think you need "I want to tell you" because that\'s implied by the fact of having written the poem to do just that. I\'ve indicated a few other places where you might consider trimming. As e has mentioned, the zen of slow-cooking runs through this piece in a most pleasing way. The "you" briefly threw me as well, but I then decided this was spoken directly to the reader, with a "you" who was an understood figure, including both the speaker and audience at the same time. That having been established, the piece read very well - and the pace is suitably languorous to suit the theme. This poem makes me hungry for a good, slow-cooked stew of some kind, even in the middle of summer. Brenda Slow Cooker [Today I want to say something wonderful about my slow cooker – a Rival, a crock nestled in stainless steel shell, ] when heated, it simmers like hot springs. [I want to tell you] how mild tempered it is - [you] throw in beef tendon, carrots, kidney beans, shiitake and kelp... add hot water and aniseeds, turn the switch and leave it to hatch. Go read, relax, or run an errand. When you return, you\'ll see how soft fire makes tender meat. I love the way steam whistles softly, pushing the glass lid that gently pops poof, poof, poof to the rhythm of bubbling ... lovely dynamic line! stews. No spills, but an escape of aroma; [inside] everything dissolves in the art of slowness.