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心的指针(给辛西亚)
斯诺德格拉斯 W. D. Snodgrass
  “你父亲死了”“这让我悲哀”他说。“你母亲死了”那孩子说。“现在对我的一切怜爱都结束了”他说。“你的兄弟死了,”乐应给商说。“唯一的女儿是心的指针”苏伯尼说。“那叫你爸爸的你的儿子死了”乐应给商说。他说“诚然,这是使得一个人落地的一次跌落”
  
  ——引自爱尔兰故事《苏伯尼的疯狂》
  
  一
  
  我的冬季的孩子,当他出生时
  新跌倒的战士动僵在
  亚洲的陡峭的峡谷中,玷污了雪;
  而我被爱
  
  撕裂,我不能平息的爱
  被恐惧撕裂,它使我痉挛的头脑
  在冷战面前沉寂,我输了,
  在我的意志中找不到我的安息
  
  这些日子里我们能让
  你的头脑像一片新雪后的风景
  寒冷的佃农在那里找到在下面
  他的土地在沉睡
  
  在它们平滑的遮盖之下,雪白得
  像罩单用来温暖的那张
  分娩和痛苦后休息的床
  无暇如白纸,展开等我去书写
  
  和思考:这里展开的是我的土地
  没有过痛楚的伤痕,这行鼬鼠的
  瘦小脚印,这布陷阱人的粗大的靴子印,
  而我已计划好
  
  我的时机来控制
  那发狂的夏季的暴虐,或者
  加强这里的秋收高潮
  在又下雪之前。
  
  二
  
  四月底,你三岁;今天
  我们为你在后院挖个园子
  好限制你的游戏造成的毁坏
  晚上有陌生的狗和打洞的鼬鼠
  四根细板条守卫着
  举起它们的细铁丝
  
  因此你是第一个把它们踏倒的人
  当土堆被推近时
  你拿来你的浇花桶要淹没
  土地和我们。但是这些混合的种子
  在它们的固定的行列里用薄土埋上
  孩子,我们已尽我们的力量
  
  应当要有人锄草和分散
  秧苗,当阴影横卧在它们的床上
  每小时为它们洒水
  你应当每天看看它们
  因为当它们盛开时
  我将离开了。


  For Cynthia
  When Suibhe would not return to fine garments and good food, to his houses and his people, Loingseachan told him, "Your father is dead." "I'm sorry to hear it," he said. "Your mother is dead," said the lad. "All pity for me has gone out of the world." "Your sister, too, is dead." "The mild sun rests on every ditch," he said; "a sister loves even though not loved." "Suibhne, your daughter is dead." "And an only daughter is the needle of the heart." "And Suibhne, your little boy, who used to call you 'Daddy' he is dead." "Aye," said Suibhne, "that's the drop that brings a man to the ground."
   He fell out of the yew tree; Loingseachan closed his arms around him and placed him in manacles.
  
  —after The Middle-Irish Romance
   The Madness of Suibhne
  
  
  1
  
  Child of my winter, born
  When the new fallen soldiers froze
  In Asia's steep ravines and fouled the snows,
  When I was torn
  
  By love I could not still,
  By fear that silenced my cramped mind
  To that cold war where, lost, I could not find
  My peace in my will,
  
  All those days we could keep
  Your mind a landscape of new snow
  Where the chilled tenant-farmer finds, below,
  His fields asleep
  
  In their smooth covering, white
  As quilts to warm the resting bed
  Of birth or pain, spotless as paper spread
  For me to write,
  
  And thinks: Here lies my land
  Unmarked by agony, the lean foot
  Of the weasel tracking, the thick trapper's boot;
  And I have planned
  
  My chances to restrain
  The torments of demented summer or
  Increase the deepening harvest here before
  It snows again.
  
  
  2
  
   Late April and you are three; today
   We dug your garden in the yard.
   To curb the damage of your play,
  Strange dogs at night and the moles tunneling,
   Four slender sticks of lath stand guard
   Uplifting their thin string.
  
   So you were the first to tramp it down.
   And after the earth was sifted close
   You brought your watering can to drown
  All earth and us. But these mixed seeds are pressed
   With light loam in their steadfast rows.
   Child, we've done our best.
  
   Someone will have to weed and spread
   The young sprouts. Sprinkle them in the hour
   When shadow falls across their bed.
  You should try to look at them every day
   Because when they come to full flower
   I will be away.
  
  3
  
  The child between them on the street
  Comes to a puddle, lifts his feet
   And hangs on their hands. They start
  At the Jive weight and lurch together,
  Recoil to swing him through the weather,
   Stiffen and pull apart.
  
  We read of cold war soldiers that
  Never gained ground, gave none, but sat
   Tight in their chill trenches.
  Pain seeps up from some cavity
  Through the ranked teeth in sympathy;
   The whole jaw grinds and clenches
  
  Till something somewhere has to give.
  It's better the poor soldiers live
   In someone else's hands
  Than drop where helpless powers fall
  On crops and barns, on towns where all
   Will burn. And no man stands.
  
  For good, they sever and divide
  Their won and lost land. On each side
   Prisoners are returned
  Excepting a few unknown names.
  The peasant plods back and reclaims
   His fields that strangers burned
  
  And nobody seems very pleased.
  It's best. Still, what must not be seized
   Clenches the empty fist.
  I tugged your hand, once, when I hated
  Things less: a mere game dislocated
   The radius of your wrist.
  
  Love's wishbone, child, although I've gone
  As men must and let you be drawn
   Off to appease another,
  It may help that a Chinese play
  Or Solomon himself might say
   I am your real mother.
  
  
  4
  
   No one can tell you why
   the season will not wait;
   the night I told you I
  must leave, you wept a fearful rate
   to stay up late.
  
   Now that it's turning Fan,
   we go to take our walk
   among municipal
  flowers, to steal one off its stalk,
   to try and talk.
  
   We huff like windy giants
   scattering with our breath
   gray-headed dandelions;
  Spring is the cold wind's aftermath.
   The poet saith.
  
   But the asters, too, are gray,
   ghost-gray. Last night's cold
   is sending on their way
  petunias and dwarf marigold,
   hunched sick and old.
  
   Like nerves caught in a graph,
   the morning-glory vines
   frost has erased by half
  still scrawl across their rigid twines.
   Like broken lines
  
   of verses I can't make.
   In its unraveling loom
   we find a flower to take,
  with some late buds that might still bloom,
   back to your room.
  
   Night comes and the stiff dew.
   I'm told a friend's child cried
   because a cricket, who
  had minstreled every night outside
   her window, died.
  
  
  5
  
  Winter again and it is snowing;
  Although you are still three,
  You are already growing
  Strange to me.
  
  You chatter about new playmates, sing
  Strange songs; you do not know
  Hey ding-a-ding-a-ding
  Or where I go
  
  Or when I sang for bedtime, Fox
  Went out on a chilly night,
  Before I went for walks
  And did not write;
  
  You never mind the squalls and storms
  That are renewed long since;
  Outside, the thick snow swarms
  Into my prints
  
  And swirls out by warehouses, sealed,
  Dark cowbarns, huddled, still,
  Beyond to the blank field,
  The fox's hill
  
  Where he backtracks and sees the paw,
  Gnawed off, he cannot feel;
  Conceded to the jaw
  Of toothed, blue steel.
  
  
  6
  
   Easter has come around
   again; the river is rising
   over the thawed ground
   and the banksides. When you come you bring
   an egg dyed lavender.
   We shout along our bank to hear
  our voices returning from the hills to meet us.
   We need the landscape to repeat us.
  
   You Jived on this bank first.
   While nine months filled your term, we knew
   how your lungs, immersed
   in the womb, miraculously grew
   their useless folds till
   the fierce, cold air rushed in to fill
  them out like bushes thick with leaves. You took your hour,
   caught breath, and cried with your full lung power.
  
   Over the stagnant bight
   we see the hungry bank swallow
   flaunting his free flight
   still; we sink in mud to follow
   the killdeer from the grass
   that hides her nest. That March there was
  rain; the rivers rose; you could hear killdeers flying
   all night over the mudflats crying.
  
   You bring back how the red-
   winged blackbird shrieked, slapping frail wings,
   diving at my head—
   I saw where her tough nest, cradled, swings
   in tall reeds that must sway
   with the winds blowing every way.
  If you recall much, you recall this place. You still
   live nearby—on the opposite hill.
  
   After the sharp windstorm
   of July Fourth, all that summer
   through the gentle, warm
   afternoons, we heard great chain saws chirr
   like iron locusts. Crews
   of roughneck boys swarmed to cut loose
  branches wrenched in the shattering wind, to hack free
   all the torn limbs that could sap the tree.
  
   In the debris lay
   starlings, dead. Near the park's birdrun
   we surprised one day
   a proud, tan-spatted, buff-brown pigeon.
   In my hands she flapped so
   fearfully that I let her go.
  Her keeper came. And we helped snarl her in a net.
   You bring things I'd as soon forget.
  
   You raise into my head
   a Fall night that I came once more
   to sit on your bed;
   sweat beads stood out on your arms and fore-
   head and you wheezed for breath,
   for help, like some child caught beneath
  its comfortable wooly blankets, drowning there.
   Your lungs caught and would not take the air.
  
   Of all things, only we
   have power to choose that we should die;
   nothing else is free
   in this world to refuse it. Yet I,
   who say this, could not raise
   myself from bed how many days
  to the thieving world. Child, I have another wife,
   another child. We try to choose our life.
  
  
  7
  
  Here in the scuffled dust
   is our ground of play.
  I lift you on your swing and must
   shove you away,
  see you return again,
   drive you off again, then
  
  stand quiet till you come.
   You, though you climb
  higher, farther from me, longer,
   will fall back to me stronger.
  Bad penny, pendulum,
   you keep my constant time
  
  to bob in blue July
   where fat goldfinches fly
  over the glittering, fecund
   reach of our growing lands.
  Once more now, this second,
   I hold you in my hands.
  
  
  8
  
  I thumped on you the best I could
   which was no use;
  you would not tolerate your food
  until the sweet, fresh milk was soured
   with lemon juice.
  
  That puffed you up like a fine yeast.
   The first June in your yard
  like some squat Nero at a feast
  you sat and chewed on white, sweet clover.
   That is over.
  
  When you were old enough to walk
   we went to feed
  the rabbits in the park milkweed;
  saw the paired monkeys, under lock,
   consume each other's salt.
  
  Going home we watched the slow
  stars follow us down Heaven's vault.
  You said, let's catch one that comes low,
   pull off its skin
   and cook it for our dinner.
  
   As absentee bread-winner,
  I seldom got you such cuisine;
  we ate in local restaurants
  or bought what lunches we could pack
   in a brown sack
  
  with stale, dry bread to toss for ducks
   on the green-scummed lagoons,
  crackers for porcupine and fox,
  life-savers for the footpad coons
   to scour and rinse,
  
  snatch after in their muddy pail
   and stare into their paws.
  When I moved next door to the jail
   I learned to fry
  omelettes and griddle cakes so I
  
  could set you supper at my table.
  As I built back from helplessness,
   when I grew able,
  the only possible answer was
   you had to come here less.
  
  This Hallowe'en you come one week.
   You masquerade
   as a vermilion, sleek,
  fat, crosseyed fox in the parade
  or, where grim jackolanterns leer,
  
  go with your bag from door to door
  foraging for treats. How queer:
   when you take off your mask
  my neighbors must forget and ask
   whose child you are.
  
  Of course you lose your appetite,
   whine and won't touch your plate;
   as local law
  I set your place on an orange crate
  in your own room for days. At night
  
  you lie asleep there on the bed
   and grate your jaw.
  Assuredly your father's crimes
   are visited
  on you. You visit me sometimes.
  
  The time's up. Now our pumpkin sees
   me bringing your suitcase.
   He holds his grin;
  the forehead shrivels, sinking in.
  You break this year's first crust of snow
  
  off the runningboard to eat.
   We manage, though for days
  I crave sweets when you leave and know
  they rot my teeth. Indeed our sweet
   foods leave us cavities.
  
  
  9
  
   I get numb and go in
  though the dry ground will not hold
   the few dry swirls of snow
  and it must not be very cold.
  A friend asks how you've been
   and I don't know
  
   or see much right to ask.
  Or what use it could be to know.
   In three months since you came
  the leaves have fallen and the snow;
  your pictures pinned above my desk
   seem much the same.
  
   Somehow I come to find
  myself upstairs in the third floor
   museum's halls,
  walking to kill my time once more
  among the enduring and resigned
   stuffed animals,
  
   where, through a century's
  caprice, displacement and
   known treachery between
  its wars, they hear some old command
  and in their peaceable kingdoms freeze
   to this still scene,
  
   Nature Morte. Here
  by the door, its guardian,
   the patchwork dodo stands
  where you and your stepsister ran
  laughing and pointing. Here, last year,
   you pulled my hands
  
   and had your first, worst quarrel,
  so toys were put up on your shelves.
   Here in the first glass cage
  the little bobcats arch themselves,
  still practicing their snarl
   of constant rage.
  
   The bison, here, immense,
  shoves at his calf, brow to brow,
   and looks it in the eye
  to see what is it thinking now.
  I forced you to obedience;
   I don't know why.
  
   Still the lean lioness
  beyond them, on her jutting ledge
   of shale and desert shrub,
  stands watching always at the edge,
  stands hard and tanned and envious
   above her cub;
  
   with horns locked in tan heather,
  two great Olympian Elk stand bound,
   fixed in their lasting hate
  till hunger brings them both to ground.
  Whom equal weakness binds together
   none shall separate.
  
   Yet separate in the ocean
  of broken ice, the white bear reels
   beyond the leathery groups
  of scattered, drab Arctic seals
  arrested here in violent motion
   like Napoleon's troops.
  
   Our states have stood so long
  At war, shaken with hate and dread,
   they are paralyzed at bay;
  once we were out of reach, we said,
  we would grow reasonable and strong.
   Some other day.
  
   Like the cold men of Rome,
  we have won costly fields to sow
   in salt, our only seed.
  Nothing but injury will grow.
  I write you only the bitter poems
   that you can't read.
  
   Onan who would not breed
  a child to take his brother's bread
   and be his brother's birth,
  rose up and left his lawful bed,
  went out and spilled his seed
   in the cold earth.
  
   I stand by the unborn,
  by putty-colored children curled
   in jars of alcohol,
  that waken to no other world,
  unchanging, where no eye shall mourn.
   I see the caul
  
   that wrapped a kitten, dead.
  I see the branching, doubled throat
   of a two-headed foal;
  I see the hydrocephalic goat;
  here is the curled and swollen head,
   there, the burst skull;
  
   skin of a limbless calf;
  a horse's foetus, mummified;
   mounted and joined forever,
  the Siamese twin dogs that ride
  belly to belly, half and half,
   that none shall sever.
  
   I walk among the growths,
  by gangrenous tissue, goiter, cysts,
   by fistulas and cancers,
  where the malignancy man loathes
  is held suspended and persists.
   And I don't know the answers.
  
   The window's turning white.
  The world moves like a diseased heart
   packed with ice and snow.
  Three months now we have been apart
  less than a mile. I cannot fight
   or let you go.
  
  
  10
  
  The vicious winter finally yields
   the green winter wheat;
  the farmer, tired in the tired fields
   he dare not leave will eat.
  
  Once more the runs come fresh; prevailing
   piglets, stout as jugs,
  harry their old sow to the railing
   to ease her swollen dugs
  
  and game colts trail the herded mares
   that circle the pasture courses;
  our seasons bring us back once more
   like merry-go-round horses.
  
  With crocus mouths, perennial hungers,
   into the park Spring comes;
  we roast hot dogs on old coat hangers
   and feed the swan bread crumbs,
  
  pay our respects to the peacocks, rabbits,
   and leathery Canada goose
  who took, last Fall, our tame white habits
   and now will not turn loose.
  
  In full regalia, the pheasant cocks
   march past their dubious hens;
  the porcupine and the lean, red fox
   trot around bachelor pens
  
  and the miniature painted train
   wails on its oval track:
  you said, I'm going to Pennsylvania!
   and waved. And you've come back.
  
  If I loved you, they said, I'd leave
   and find my own affairs.
  Well, once again this April, we've
   come around to the bears;
  
  punished and cared for, behind bars,
   the coons on bread and water
  stretch thin black fingers after ours.
   And you are still my daughter.
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