Prologue:
　　
　　On green hills and fields, two young boys speed,
　　Handsome young boys, galloping a white horse.
　　My dear, hug me tight, tighter still.
　　
　　
　　Part I Patroclus: Achilles' sun
　　
　　Let the rage of fire rise higher in Troy, which even the Aegean seawater shan't slake.
　　-- Achilles murmurs.
　　
　　The sky is overcast by black clouds, thunderbolts sound gathering,
　　It starts to blow a gale, and all the plants in Troy begin to tremble.
　　The galleys in the distance are rocking, a sea storm is coming.
　　
　　Aegean Sea, since when have you quietly changed your colors?
　　[Achilles is full of tears]: Ocean, I will nevermore see
　　your calm blue, as blood pervades your dark abysses.
　　
　　How can you leave me like this, bearing the loneliness in this world?
　　[caressing Patroclus' naked body]: my love,
　　from now on, I can only face the cold moonlight with sword in my hand.
　　
　　No matter for how long I shall stop looking for joy, it won't be long enough
　　To recall all the times of your smiles. Ocean! I beseech you,
　　Bestow upon me just a moment of his breath by Moses' rod.
　　
　　[Achilles kisses Patroclus on the dead arms,
　　the legs, the feet, with his lips pressing long on the feet]
　　Half of my life has vanished: glory and love! -- No! All of it!
　　
　　The sky nevermore will be blue, nor will the seas, the sword in my hand
　　Is no longer bright -- Is Troy, [ruefully] meant to be
　　A punishment on me, and I, to lose forever my naked god of starry nights...
　　
　　Patroclus, my love, my life, you are finally
　　with me, let me look at you closely again, let me kiss you
　　to the full. Tonight, I'll drop my sword outside the brocade curtains for the first time.
　　
　　On my bed, I only want you, whether or not you have departed.
　　I only want to recollect your eternal smiles with my naked body,
　　and warm your ever more cold body with my burning life.
　　
　　Across the icy waters, this massive expedition is a mistake which I
　　cannot remedy, everything is gone, my happiness that will never again be found, the times
　　that cannot be reversed and called, Patroclus, my love, gift from Heaven.
　　
　　Let me have your breath once more, and put it into an enclave in my life that only belongs
　　to you, again let me listen to your murmurs of all those nights,
　　Let me sip the last drop of your lip juice in this sea storm, before the fire flares up.
　　
　　Flames! Burn, redden the dark clouds, burn the thunderbolts brighter!
　　Blaze all the woods of Troy, and the shores of the Aegean Sea shall be
　　your funeral site. [Achilles holds Patroclus' hanging hand tight, sobbing]
　　
　　In the surge of the Aegean Sea, in the flames of Troy, Patroclus,
　　my love, you shall become the only star in the black sky that shall direct
　　my joy, when my curtain is flipped open by wind, I will have got the first kiss.
　　
　　
　　Part II Hephaestion: Alexander’s moon
　　Even the eminent Taurus Mountain range is not as high as the hairline of your forehead.
　　-- Alexander’s eulogy
　　
　　Get jubilant, golden cups and silver goblets have been scattered about, lands
　　And jungles are their destinations for sleep; yellow leaves shall fly, strong
　　Winds shall also come here, sing, jump, let us all dance!
　　
　　It is the time of heroes, from the Black Sea to the Red Sea, across the Mediterranean
　　to the Persian Gulf, to the end of the known world, the rivers are dyed red.
　　Where are our heroes, Alexander, where are you, Hephaestion?
　　
　　[Aside]: The two rascals, they must have found a nice place, behind thin
　　Bed curtains, where they fell over each other, not even bother to close the door.
　　[Alexander sniggers]: My dear, no hurry, you should wait for the last sip of my wine.
　　
　　Now that half of the sip is left, I want you to get it with your lips, let the sweet smell
　　Permeate our long night, Hephaestion, sweet love, Hephaestion,
　　My life, I cannot wait any more, let the wind more vigorously blow.
　　
　　I do not need any armor, I do not need any weapon.
　　You are my only breath, I just beg to be allowed to present my stark
　　Naked body to you. Come, Hephaestion, come stay at my side.
　　
　　You are my king here, and our sheets are your staff.
　　Let me remove your weary armor, let me scoop a ladle of aromatic
　　bath. Let me take off your muddy boots, and breathe on your feet.
　　
　　Let me, the bashfulness below your soft belly, let me take and clean it
　　with my hands, and adorn my armor with it; let me suck your wounds, may gods
　　Bless you. I'll spread your love juice on the handle of my sword and cremate it over combatants' bones.
　　
　　You shall always enjoy the inscriptions of my love, let me kiss your eyes, let me kiss
　　Your lips, I'll absorb your nightly waiting with my taste buds, I’ll wash away
　　the dust on your arms with my lip juice. I’ll rest on their gentleness in this long night.
　　
　　[Hephaestion whispers]: Your Majesty, my love, the Mediterranean
　　Performs ablution on your unique body with its seething waves. The flowers of Babylon
　　are now ornaments on your crown, and the Armenia Mount the cornerstone of your throne.
　　
　　O, my love, I will throw myself at your knees, kiss your tracks and earth, kiss your
　　Fatigue; appease your trembling and pains, make bed for you, and scatter on it the petals
　　Of fragrant, blooming flowers, then lie naked like the stars and wait for your lithe steps.
　　
　　[Grunts of love from Alexander and Hephaestion]: I want all of you,
　　I want all of you......I want all the interlacing creases on your naked
　　body, I want the enchanting youth that you had, until the next starry night.
　　
　　[Alexander]: The loving eyes of Hephaestion are glittering in the starlight,
　　[Hephaestion]: The lips of Patroclus will always be as tender as water,
　　My God, I request all the stars to exit, and leave the intimacies of lovers brightening the depth of the night.
　　
　　
　　Epilogue:
　　
　　In ancient Canaan, there is a handsome young man.
　　In beautiful Jerusalem, there is a wise king.
　　The sun rises, and shines down on the whole Florence.

【Review】 此诗把抒情的背景置放在伟大史诗的环境中，在神秘而雄浑的氛围中展开炽烈的情感风暴。语言华美而有力。（谢冕）

诗的结构及文字都相当圆熟，有西方史诗或诗剧的味道。只是那些有译名的诗中人物，对不熟悉这段西腊神话故事的读者来说，恐怕会隔了些。（非马）

严格地说，这是一首不成熟的“史诗”，唯其是“不成熟”，而非完全的失败，我们应给予作者对此的企图和努力作出肯定。（陈铭华）

Naked God, trans. Edgar Dive

What an ambitious poem to translate! So much of the passion and grief are deftly carried over into English. Some of the rewording of the images is exquisite: lines like, "all the plants in Troy begin to tremble," "I'll drop my sword outside the brocade curtains for the first time," "Let me take off your muddy boots and breathe on your feet." I think the struggle for the translator here is twofold: how to maintain an elegant yet unarchaic diction and how to express such passion without becoming melodramatic and overstated. I'll give a couple of examples to show what I mean. The lines "The sky nevermore will be blue, nor will the seas, the sword in my hand/ Is no longer bright--Is Troy, [ruefully] meant to be/ A punishment on my, and I, to lose forever my naked god of starry nights..." could be reworded, with the considerations I mentioned in mind, to become: "The sky won't be blue any more, nor the seas. The sword in my hand/Is no longer bright--Is Troy meant to be/My punishment. Am I to lose my naked god of starry nights..." "Ruefully" is one of those unecessary adverbs again. The ruefulness is already in the voice and what the speaker is saying. There are some phrases the translator may want to find alternatives for. For instance, "lip juices" sounds strange in English whereas "The lips of Patroclus will always be tender as water," sounds exquisite.

(Commented by Lorna Crozier)

裸神
英译 戴珏

可以想见翻这首诗是很费劲的! 译者圆熟地将大量的激情和痛苦在英语版中保存了下来。某些意像的措辞是精美的：如这几行，"all the plants in Troy begin to tremble,"（特洛伊所有的树木都在颤抖，） "I'll drop my sword outside the brocade curtains for the first time,"（我将第一次在锦帐外丢弃我的长剑） "Let me take off your muddy boots and breathe on your feet."（让我为你脱去泥泞的战靴，在脚边轻轻呵护）我想译者面对的难处是双重的：怎样保持文雅但并不古旧的用词，怎样表达出这样的激情但又不至于夸张滥情。我来举几个例子说明我的意思。这几行"The sky nevermore will be blue, nor will the seas, the sword in my hand/ Is no longer bright--Is Troy, [ruefully] meant to be/ A punishment on me, and I, to lose forever my naked god of starry nights..."（天空将不再是蓝色，大海将不再是蓝色，我手中的 /剑已经失去了光芒，----难道，[痛悔地]特洛伊 /是对我的惩罚，我永远失去了我星夜里的裸神......）按我说的考虑，可以这样改写："The sky won't be blue any more, nor the seas. The sword in my hand/Is no longer bright--Is Troy meant to be/My punishment. Am I to lose my naked god of starry nights..."再者，"Ruefully"[痛悔地]是不必要的副词。叙述者的语气和所说的已经显得痛悔了。有些字译者或可找到其它的选择。例如，"lip juices"（唇液）在英语中听起来有点怪而"The lips of Patroclus will always be tender as water,"（普特洛克勒斯的嘴唇永远是那样的似水柔情，）就优美多了。

（评论 罗娜?克罗兹尔）