查太莱夫人的情人 第一章zhè dà gài jiù shì kāng shì dān sī · chá tài lāi fū rén de chǔjìng liǎo。 tā céng qīn cháng shì jiè dà zhàn de zāinàn， yīn cǐ tā liǎo jiě liǎo yī gè rén bì yào shēng huó， bì yào qiú zhī。
tā zài yī jiǔ yī qī nián dà zhàn zhōng hé kè lì fú · chá tài lāi jié hūn， nà shí tā qǐng liǎo yī gè yuè de jiǎ huí dào yīng guó lái。 tā men dù liǎo yī gè yuè de mì yuè hòu， kè lì fú huí dào fó lán dà sī qián xiàn qù。 liù gè yuè hòu， tā yī shēn pò suì dì bèi yùn fǎn yīng guó lái， nà shí kāng shì dān sī 'èr shí sān suì， tā shì 'èr shí jiǔ suì。
tā yòu yī zhǒng jīng qí de shēng mìng lì。 tā bìng méi yòu sǐ。 tā de yī shēn pò suì sì hū zhòng tái liǎo。 yī shēng bǎ tā yī zhì liǎo liǎng nián liǎo， jiēguǒ jǐn yǐ shēn miǎn。 kě shì yāo bù yǐ xià de bàn shēn， cóng cǐ yǒng jiǔ chéng liǎo fēng tān。
yī jiǔ 'èr líng nián， kè lì fú hé kāng shì dān sī huí dào tā de shì dài zhě jiā lè gé bèi qù。 tā de fù qīn yǐ sǐ liǎo； kè lì fú chéng xí liǎo jué wèi， tā shì kè lì fú nán jué， kāng shì dān sī biàn shì chá tài lāi nán jué fū rén liǎo。 tā men lái dào zhè yòu diǎn líng dīng de chá tài lāi lǎo jiā lǐ， kāi shǐ gòng tóng de shēng huó， shōu rù shì bù tài chōng yù de。 kè lì fú chú liǎo yī gè bù zài yī qǐ zhù de zǐ mèi wài， bìng méi yòu qí tā de jìn qīn， tā de cháng xiōng zài dà zhàn zhōng zhèn wáng liǎo。 kè lì fú míng zhī zì jǐ bàn shēn cán jí， shēng yù de xī wàng shì jué miè liǎo， yīn cǐ huí dào yān wù chén chén de mǐ dé lán jiā lǐ lái， jìn rén shì dì shǐ chá tài lāi jiā de yān huǒ wéi chí xià qù。
tā shí zài bìng bù tuí sàng。 tā kě yǐ zuò zài yī lún yǐ lǐ， lái qù yōu yóu。 tā hái yòu yī gè zhuāng liǎo fā dòng jī de zì dòng yǐ， zhè yī lái， tā kě yǐ zì jǐ jià shǐ zhe， màn màn dì rào guò huā yuán 'ér dào nà měi lì de qī qīng de dà lín yuán lǐ qù； tā duì yú zhè gè dà lín yuán， suī rán biǎo shì dé mǎn bù zài hū de yàng zǐ， qí shí tā shì fēi cháng dé yì de。
tā céng bǎo jīng kǔ nán， zhì tā shòu kǔ de néng lì dōuyòu diǎn qióng fá liǎo。 kě shì tā què yǐ rán zhè yàng qí tè、 huó pō、 yú kuài， hóng rùn de jiàn kāng de liǎn róng， tiǎo bō rén de shǎn guāng de huī lán yǎn jīng， tā jiǎn zhí kě shuō shì gè lè tiān 'ān mìng de rén。 tā yòu kuān dà qiáng zhuàng de jiān bó， liǎng zhǐ yòu lì de shǒu。 tā chuān de shì huá guì de yī fú， jié de shì bāng dé jiē mǎi lái de jiǎng jiū de lǐng dài。 kě shì tā de liǎn shàng què réng rán biǎo shì zhe yī gè cán fèi zhě de dāi shì de zhuàng tài hé yòu diǎn kōng xū de yàng zǐ。
tā yīn wéi céng lí sǐ zhǐ jiān yī fā， suǒ yǐ zhè shèng xià de shēng mìng， yú tā shì shí fēn kě guì de。 tā de bù 'ān dì shǎn zhe guāng de yǎn jīng， liú lù zhe sǐ lǐ shēng hái de fēi cháng dé yì de shén qíng， dàn shì tā shòu de shāng shì tài zhòng liǎo， tā lǐ miàn de shénme dōng xī yǐ jīng sǐ miè liǎo， mǒu zhǒng gǎn qíng yǐ jīng méi yòu liǎo， shèng xià de zhǐ shì gè wú zhī jué de kōng dòng。
kāng shì dān sī shì gè jiàn kāng de cūn gū yáng 'ér de nǚ zǐ， ruǎn ruǎn de hè sè de tóu fā， qiáng zhuàng de shēn tǐ， chí huǎn de jǔ zhǐ， dàn shì fù yòu fēi cháng de jīng lì。 tā yòu liǎng zhǐ hàoqí de dà yǎn jīng。 wēn ruǎn de shēng yīn， hǎo xiàng shì gè chū chū xiāng lú de rén， qí shí bù rán。 tā de fù qīn mài 'ěr · lè dé jué shì， shì gè céng jīng xiǎng yòu dǐng dǐng dà míng de huáng jiā yì shù xué huì de huì yuán。 mǔ qīn shì gè yòu jiào yǎng de fèi biān shè shè yuán。 zài yì shù jiā yǔ shè huì zhù yì zhě de yì rǎn zhōng， kāng shì dān sī hé tā de wǎn mèi xī 'ěr dá， shòu liǎo yī zhǒng kě yǐ chēng wéi měi yù dì fēi chuán tǒng de jiào yǎng。 tā men dào guò bā lí、 luó mǎ、 fó luó lún sī hū xī yì shù de kōng qì， tā men yě dào guò hǎi yá、 bólín qù cān jiā shè huì zhù yì zhě de dà huì， zài zhè xiē dà huì lǐ， yǎn shuō de rén yòng zhe suǒ yòu de wén míng yǔ yán， háo wú xiū kuì。
zhè yàng， zhè wǎn mèi liǎ cóng xiǎo jiù jìn qíng dì shēng huó zài měi shù hé de fēn wéi zhōng， tā men yǐ xí sǔn liǎo。 tā men yī fāng miàn shì shì jiè de， yī fāng miàn yòu shì xiāng tǔ de。 tā men zhè zhǒng shì jiè 'ér yòu xiāng tǔ de měi shù zhù yì， shì hé chún jié de shè huì lǐ xiǎng xiāng wěn hé de。
tā men shí wǔ suì de shí hòu， dào dé guó dé lěi sī dùn xué xí yīnyuè。 tā men zài nà lǐ guò de shì kuài huó de rì zǐ。 tā men wú yuán wú shù dì shēng huó zài xué shēng zhōng jiān， tā men hé nán zǐ men zhēng lùn zhe zhé xué、 shè huì xué hé yì shù shàng de zhǒng zhǒng wèn tí。 tā men de xué shí bìng bù xià yú nán zǐ； yīn wéi shì nǚ zǐ， suǒ yǐ gèng shèng yú tā men liǎo。 qiáng zhuàng de qīng nián nán zǐ men， dài zhe liù xián qín hé tā men dào lín zhōng màn yóu。 tā men gē chàng zhe， gē hóu dòng rén de qīng nián men， zài kuàng yě jiān， zài qīng chén de lín zhōng bēn cuàn， zì yóu dì wéi suǒ yù wéi， yóu qí shì zì yóu dì tán suǒ yù tán。 zuì yào jǐn de hái shì tán huà， rè qíng de tán huà， ài qíng bù guò shì jiàn xiǎo xiǎo de péi chèn pǐn。
xī 'ěr dá hé kāng shì dān sī wǎn mèi liǎ， dū céng zài shí bā suì de shí hòu chū shì 'ài qíng。 nà xiē rè qíng dì hé tā men jiāo tán， huān kuài dì hé tā men gē chàng， zì yóu zì zài dì hé tā men zài lín zhōng yě sù de nán zǐ men， bù yòng shuō dū yù wàng bó bó dì xiǎng gèng jìn yī bù。 tā men qǐ chū shì chóu chú zhe； dàn shì 'ài qíng zhè wèn tí yǐ jīng guò xǔ duō de tǎo lùn， ér qiě bèi rèn wéi shì zuì zhòng yào de dōng xī liǎo， kuàng qiě nán zǐ men yòu shì zhè yàng dī shēng xià qì dì yāng qiú。 wèishénme yī gè shàonǚ bù néng yǐ shēn xiāng jiù， xiàng yī gè wáng hòu shìde cì yú sī huì ní？
yú shì tā mendōu cì shēn yǔ píng sù zuì wēi miào、 zuì qīn mì zài yī qǐ tǎo lùn de nán zǐ liǎo。 biàn lùn shì zhòng yào de shì qíng， liàn 'ài hé xìng jiāo bù guò shì yī zhǒng yuán shǐ de běn néng； yī zhǒng fǎn yìng， shì hòu， tā men duì yú duì shǒu de 'ài qíng lěng tiǎo liǎo， ér qiě yòu diǎn zēng hěn tā men de qīng xiàng， fǎng fó tā men qīn fàn liǎo tā men de mì mì hé zì yóu shìde。 yīn wéi yī gè shàonǚ de zūn yán， hé tā de shēng cún yì yì， quán zài huò dé jué duì de、 wán quán de、 chún cuì de、 gāo shàng de zì yóu。 yào bù shì bǎi tuō liǎo cóng qián de wū huì de liǎng xìng guān xì hé kě chǐ de zhù nú zhuàng tài， yī gè shàonǚ de shēng mìng hái yòu shénme yì yì。
wú lùn rén zěn yàng gǎn qíng yòng shì， xìng 'ài zǒng shì gè zhǒng zuì gǔ lǎo、 zuì sù huì de jié hé hècóng shǔ zhuàng tài zhī yī。 gē sòng xìng 'ài de shī rén men dà dū shì nán zǐ。 nǚ zǐ men‘ xiàng jiù zhī dào yòu gèng hǎo gèng gāo shàng de dōng xī。 xiàn zài tā men zhī zhī gèng què liǎo。 yī gè rén de měi lì chún jié de zì yóu， shì bǐ rèn hé xìng 'ài dōukě 'ài de。 bù guò nán zǐ duì yú zhè diǎn de kàn fǎ tài luò hòu liǎo， tā men xiàng gǒu shìde jiān yào xìng de mǎn zú。
kě shì nǚ rén bù dé bù tuì ràng， nán yú shì xiàng hái zǐ bān de zuǐ chán de， tā yào shénme nǚ rén biàn dé huì shénme， fǒu zé tā biàn hái zǐ shìde tǎo yàn qǐ lái， bào zào qǐ lái bǎ hǎo shì nòng zāo。， dàn shì gè nǚ rén kě yǐ shùn cóng nán zǐ， ér bù hèn ràng tā nèi zài de、 zì yóu de zì wǒ。 nà xiē gāo tán xìng 'ài de shī rén hé qí tā de rén hǎo xiàng bù dà zhù yì dào zhè diǎn。 yī gè nǚ rén shì kě yǐ yòu gè nán zǐ， ér bù zhēn zhèng wěi shēn r ràng tā zhī pèi de。 fǎn zhī， tā kě yǐ lì yòng zhè xìng 'ài qù zhī pèi tā。 zài xìng jiāo de shí hòu， tā zì jǐ rěn chí zhe， ràng nán zǐ jìn xiān jìn qíng dì fā xiè wán liǎo， rán 'ér tā biàn kě yǐ bǎ xìng jiāo yán cháng， ér bǎ tā dāng zuò gōng jù qù mǎn zú tā zì mùdì xìng yù。
dāng dà zhàn bào fā， tā men jí máng huí jiā de shí hòu， wǎn mèi liǎ dōuyòu liǎo 'ài qíng de jīng yàn liǎo。 tā men suǒ yǐ liàn 'ài， quán shì yīn wéi duì shǒu shì kě yǐ qīnqiè dì、 rè liè dì tán xīn de nán zǐ。 hé zhēn zhèng cōng míng de qīng nián nán zǐ， yī diǎn zhōng yòu yī diǎn zhōng dì， yī tiān yòu yī tiān dì， rè qíng dì tán huà， zhè zhǒng jīng rén de、 shēn kè de、 yì xiǎng bù dào de měi miào， shì tā men zài jīng yàn yǐ qián suǒ bù zhī dào de， tiān guó de nuò yán：“ nín jiāng yòu kě yǐ tán xīn de nán zǐ。” hái méi yòu tù lù， ér zhè qí miào de nuò yán què zài tā men míng bái qí yì yì zhī qián shí xiàn liǎo。
zài zhè xiē shēng dòng de、 háo wú yǐn huì de、 qīn mì de tán xīn guò hòu， xìng xíng wéi chéng wéi bù kě bì miǎn de liǎo， nà zhǐ hǎo rěn shòu。 nà xiàng shì yī zhāng de jié wěi， tā běn shēn yě shì lìng rén qíng rè de； nà shì ròu tǐ shēn chù de yī zhǒng qí tè de、 měi miào de zhèn chàn， zuì hòu shì yī zhǒng zì wǒ jué dìng de jìng luán。 wǎn rú zuì hòu héng gè fèn jī de yǔ， hé yī duàn wén zì hòu yīháng biǎo shì tí yì zhōng duàn de xiǎo diǎn zǐ yī yàng。
yī jiǔ yī sān nián shǔ jiǎ tā men huí jiā de shí hòu， nà shí xī 'ěr dá 'èr shí suì， kāng nī ① shí bā suì， tā men de fù qīn biàn kàn chū zhè wǎn mèi liǎ yǐ yòu liǎo 'ài de jīng yàn liǎo。
① kāng nī， kāng shì dān sī de ní chēng。
hǎo xiàng shuí shuō de：“ ài qíng yǐ zài nà 'ér jīng lì guò liǎo。” dàn shì tā zì yǐ shì gè guò lái rén， suǒ yǐ tā tīng qí zì rán。 zhì yú tā men de mǔ qīn ní， nà shí tā huàn zhe shén jīng shàng de fēng jí， lí sǐ bù guò jǐ yuè liǎo， tā dàn yuàn tā de nǚ 'ér men néng gòu“ zì yóu”， néng gòu“ chéng jiù”。 dàn shì tā zì jǐ cóng méi yòu chéng jiù guò shénme， tā jiǎn zhí bù néng。 shàng dài zhī dào nà shì shénme yuán gù， yīn wéi tā shì gè rén jìn kuǎn hé yì zhì jiān qiáng de rén。 tā mányuàn tā de zhàng fū。 qí shí zhǐ shì yīn wéi tā bù néng bǎi tuō xīn líng shàng de mǒu zhǒng qiáng yòu lì de yā zhì bà liǎo。 nà hé mài 'ěr kěn jué shì shì wú guān de， tā bù lǐ tā de mányuàn hé chóu shì， tā men gè xíng qí shì。 suǒ yǐ mèi mèi liǎ shì“ zì yóu” de。 tā men huí dào dé lěi sī dùn， zhòng dù wǎng rì xué xí yīnyuè， zài dà xué tīng jiǎng， yǔ nián qīng nán zǐ men jiāo jì de shēng huó。 tā men gè zì liàn zhe tā men de nán zǐ， tā men de nán zǐ yě rè liàn zhe tā men。 suǒ yòu qīng nián nán zǐ suǒ néng xiǎng， suǒ néng shuō suǒ néng xiě de měi miào de dōng xī， tā mendōu wéi zhè liǎng gè 'ér xiǎng、 ér shuō、 ér xiě。 kāng nī de qíng rén shì 'ài yīnyuè de， xī 'ěr dá de qíng rén shì jì shù jiā。 zhì shǎo zài jīng shén fāng miàn， tā men quán wéi zhè liǎng gè shēng huó zhe。 lìng wài de shénme fāng miàn， tā men shì bèi rén yàn 'è de； dàn shì tā men zì jǐ bìng bù zhī dào。
hěn míng xiǎn； ài qíng héng héng ròu tǐ de 'ài héng héng yǐ zài tā men shēn shàng jīng guò liǎo。 ròu tǐ de 'ài， shǐ nán zǐ shēn tǐ fā shēng qí yì de、 wēi miào de、 xiǎn rán de biàn huà。 nǚ zǐ shì gèng yàn lì liǎo， gèng wēi miào dì liǎo， shàonǚ shí dài de cū cāo chù quán xiāo shī liǎo， liǎn shàng lù chū kě wàng de huò shèng lì de qíng tài。 nán zǐ shì gèng chén jìng liǎo， gēngshēn kè liǎo， jí jiān bó hé tún bù yě bù xiàng cóng qián yìng zhí liǎo。
zhè zǐ mèi liǎ zài xìng de kuài gǎn zhōng， jīhū zài nán xìng de qí yì de quán lì xià miàn qū fú liǎo。 dàn shì hěn kuài tā men biàn zì bō liǎo， bǎ xìng de kuài gǎn kàn zuò yī zhǒng gǎn jué， ér bǎo chí liǎo tā men de zì yóu。 zhì yú tā men de qíng rén ní， yīn wéi gǎn jī tā men suǒ cì yǔ de xìng de mǎn zú， biàn bǎ líng hún jiāo gěi tā men。 dàn shì bù jiǔ， tā men yòu yòu diǎn jué dé dé bù cháng shī liǎo。 kāng nī de nán zǐ kāi shǐ yòu diǎn fù qì de yàng zǐ， xī 'ěr dá de duì shǒu yě jiàn jiàn tài dù qīng miè qǐ lái。 dàn shì nán zǐ men jiù shì zhè yàng de； wàng 'ēn fù yì 'ér yǒng bù mǎn zú！ nǐ yào tā men de shí hòu， tā men zēng hèn nǐ， yīn wéi nǐ yào tā men。 nǐ bù cǎi tā men de shí hòu， tā men hái shì zēng hèn nǐ， yīn wéi bàng de shénme lǐ yóu。 huò zhě háo wú lǐ yóu。 tā men shì bù zhī zú de hái zǐ， wú lùn dé dào shénme， wú lùn nǚ zǐ zěn yàng， dōubù mǎn yì de。
dà zhàn bào fā liǎo。 xī 'ěr dá hé kāng nī yòu cōng cōng huí jiā héng héng tā men zài wǔ yuè yǐ jīng huí jiā yī cì， nà shí shì wéi liǎo mǔ qīn de sāngshì。 tā men de liǎng gè dé guó qíng rén， zài yī jiǔ yī sì nián shèng dàn jié dū sǐ liǎo， zǐ mèi liǎ liàn liàn dì tòng kū liǎo yīcháng， dàn shì xīn lǐ què bǎ tā men wàng diào liǎo， tā men zài yě bù cún zài liǎo。
tā mendōu zhù zài xīn gēn dòng tā men fù qīn de héng héng qí shí shì tā men mǔ qīn de jiā lǐ。 tā men hé nà xiē yōng hù“ zì yóu”， chuān fǎ lán róng kù hé fǎ lán róng kāi lǐng chèn yī de jiàn qiáo dà xué xué shēng men wǎng lái。 zhè xiē xué shēng shì yī zhǒng shàng liú de gǎn qíng de wú zhèng fǔ zhù yì zhě， shuō qǐ huà lái， shēng yīn yòu dī yòu zhuó， yí tài lì qiú jiǎng jiū。 xī 'ěr dá tū rán hé yī gè bǐ tā dà shí suì de rén jié liǎo hūn。 tā shì zhè jiàn qiáo xué shēng tuán tǐ de yī gè zhě qián bèi， jiā cái fù yòu， ér qiě zài zhèng fǔ lǐ yòu gè hǎo chāishi， tā yě xiě diǎn zhé xué shàng de wén zhāng。 tā hé tā zhù zài wēi shì míng sī tài de yī suǒ xiǎo wū lǐ， lái wǎng de shì zhèng fǔ rén wù， tā men suī bù shì liǎo bù qǐ de rén， què shì héng héng huò xī wàng shì héng héng guó zhōng yòu quán wēi de zhī shí fènzǐ。 tā men zhī dào zì jǐ suǒ shuō de shì shénme huò zhě zhuāng zuò zhī dào。
kāng nī dé liǎo gè zhàn shí qīng yì de gōng zuò， hé nà xiē cháo xiào yī qiē de， chuān fǎ lán róng kù de jiàn qiáo xué shēng cháng zài yī kuài。 tā de péng yǒu shì kè lì fú · chá tài lāi， yī gè 'èr shí 'èr suì de qīng nián。 tā yuán zài dé guó bèi 'ēn yán jiū méi kuàng jì shù， nà shí tā gāng cóng dé guó cōng cōng gǎn huí lái， tā yǐ qián yě zài jiàn qiáo dà xué dài guò liǎng nián， xiàn zài， tā shì gè táng táng de lù jūn zhōng wèi， chuān shàng liǎo jūn fú， gèng kě yǐ mù kōng yī qiē liǎo。
zài shè huì dì wèi shàng kàn lái， kè lì fú · chá tài lāi shì bǐ kāng nī gāo de， kāng nī shì shǔ yú xiǎo kāng de zhī shí jiē jí； dàn tā què shì gè guì zú。 suī bù shì dà guì zú， dàn zǒng shì guì zú。 tā de fù qīn shì gè nán jué， mǔ qīn shì gè zǐ jué de nǚ 'ér。
kè lì fú suī bǐ kāng nī chū shēn gāo guì， gèng qí shàng liú， dàn què méi yòu tā lěi luò dà fāng。 zài dì zhù guì zú de xiá xiǎo de shàng liú shè huì lǐ， tā biàn jué dé 'ān shì， dàn zài qí tā de zhōng chǎn jiē jí、 mín zhòng hé wài guó rén suǒ zǔ hé de dà shè huì lǐ， tā què jué dé qiè nuò bù 'ān liǎo。 shuō shí huà， tā duì yú zhōng xià céng jiē jí de dà zhòng hé yǔ zì jǐ bù tóng jiē jí de wài guó rén， shì yòu diǎn jù pà de。 tā zì jǐ jué dé má mù liǎo sì de háo wú bǎo zhàng； qí shí tā yòu zhe suǒ yòu yōu xiān quán de bǎo zhàng。 zhè shì kě guài de， dàn zhè shì wǒ men shí dài de yī zhǒng xī yòu de xiàn xiàng。
zhè shì wèishénme， yī gè yōng róng zì zài de shàonǚ kāng shì dān sī · lè dé shǐ tā diān dǎo liǎo。 tā zài nà fù zá hún dùn de shè huì shàng， bǐ tā zì rán dé duō liǎo。
rán 'ér， tā què shì gè pàn tú， shèn zhì fǎn pàn tā zì jǐ de jiē jí。 yě xǔ fǎn pàn zhè zì yòng dé guò huǒ liǎo， tài guò huǒ liǎo。 tā zhǐ shì gēn zhe pǔ tōng yī bān qīng nián de fèn hèn cháo liú， fǎn duì jiù xí guàn， fǎn duì rèn hé quán shì bà liǎo。 fù bèi de réndōu shì kě xiào de， tā zì jǐ de wán gù de fù qīn， yóu qí kě xiào。 yī qiē zhèng fǔ dōushì kě xiào de， tóu jī zhù yì de yīng guó zhèng fǔ， tè bié kě xiào， chē duì shì kě xiào de， yóu qí shì nà xiē lǎo 'ér bù sǐ de jiāng jūn men， zhì yú nà hóng liǎn de jí zhì nà jiāng jūn ② gèng shì kě xiào zhī zhì liǎo。 shèn zhì zhàn zhēng yě shì kě xiào de， suī rán zhàn zhēng yào shā bù shǎo rén。
② jí zhì nà K(itchener) yī jiǔ yī sì yī yī liù nián yīng guó lù jūn bù cháng。
zǒng zhī， yī qiēdōu yòu diǎn kě xiào， huò shí fēn kě xiào， yī qiē yòu quán wēi de dōng xī， wú lùn jūn duì、 zhèng fǔ huò kě xiào dào jué diǎn。 zì mìng yòu tǒng zhì néng lì de tǒng zhì jiē jí， yě kě xiào。 zuǒ fó lái nán jué， kè lì fú de fù qīn， yóu qí kě xiào。 kǎn fá zhe tā yuán lǐ de shù mù， tiáobō zhe tā méi kuàng chǎng lǐ de kuàng gōng， hé bài cǎo yī bān dì sòng dào zhàn chǎng shàng qù， tā zì jǐ biàn 'ān rán zài hòu fāng， gāo hǎn jiù guó， kě shì tā què rén bù fū chū dì wèiguó huā qián。
dāng kè lì fú de zǐ mèi 'ài mǎ · chá tài lāi xiǎo jiě cóng mǐ dé lán dào lún dūn qù zuò kānhù gōng zuò de shí hòu， tā 'àn dì lǐ cháo xiào zhe zuǒ fó lái nán jué hé tā de gāng bì de 'ài guó zhù yì。 zhì yú tā de cháng yú hā bái ní， què gōng rán dà xiào， suī rán kǎn gěi zhàn háo lǐ yòng de shù mù shì tā zì jǐ de。 dàn shì kè lì fú zhǐ shì yòu diǎn bù 'ān de wēi xiào。 yī qiēdōu kě xiào， nà shì zhēn de； dàn zhè kě xiào ruò 'āi dào zì jǐ shēn shàng lái de shí hòu？ qí tā jiē jí de rén men， rú kāng nī， shì zhèng zhòng qí shì de； tā men shì yòu suǒ xìn yǎng de。
tā men duì yú jūn duì， duì yú zhēng bīng de kǒnghè， duì yú 'ér tóng men de táng yǔ táng guǒ de quē fá， shì pō zhèng zhòng qí shì de。 zhè xiē shì qíng， dāng rán， dōushì dāng jú de zuì guò。 dàn shì kè lì fú què bù guān xīn， zài tā kàn lái， dāng jú běn shēn jiù shì kě xiào de， ér bù shì yīn wéi táng guǒ huò jūn duì wèn tí。
dāng jú zhě zì jǐ yě jué dé kě xiào， què yòu diǎn kě xiào dì xíng dòng zhe， yī shí wěn luàn dé yī tā hú tú。 zhí zhì qián fāng zhàn shì yán zhòng qǐ lái， lù yì · zuǒ zhì chū lái jiù liǎo guó nèi de jú miàn， zhè shì chāo hū kě xiào de， yú shì mù kōng yī qiē de qīng nián men bù zài cháo xiào liǎo。
yī jiǔ héng liù nián， kè lì fú de gē gē hā bái zhèn wáng liǎo。 yīn cǐ kè lì fú chéng liǎo wéi yī de jì chéng rén。 shèn zhì zhè gè yě shǐ tā hài pà qǐ lái。 tā zǎo jiù shēn zhī shēng zài zhè chá tài lāi shì jiā de lè gé bèi， zuò zuǒ fó lái nán jué 'ér zǐ， shì duō me zhòng yào de， tā jué bù néng táo bì tā de mìng yùn。 kě shì tā zhī dào zài zhè fèi téng de wài miàn shì jiè de rén kàn lái， yě shì kě xiào de。 xiàn zài tā shì jì chéng rén， shì lè gé bèi shì dài lǎo jiā de fù zé rén， zhè kě bù shì hài rén de shì？ zhè kě bù shì xiǎn hè 'ér tóng shí yě xǔ shì shí fēn huāng táng de shì？
zuǒ fó lái nán jué què bù yǐ wèiyòu shénme huāng táng de dì fāng。 tā liǎn sè cāng bái dì、 jǐn zhāng dì gù zhí zhe yào jiù tā de zǔ guó hé tā de dì wèi， bù guǎn zài wèi de shì lù yì · zuǒ zhì huò rèn hé rén。 tā yōng hù yīng guó hé lù yì。 zuǒ zhì， zhèng rú tā de zǔ xiān men yōng hù yīng guó hé shèng zuǒ zhì yī yàng； tā yǒng bù míng bái nà 'ér yòu shénme bù tóng de dì fāng。 suǒ yǐ zuǒ fó lái nán jué chuī fá tā de shù mù， yōng hù yīng guó hé lù yì · zuǒ zhì。
tā yào kè lì fú jié hūn， hǎo shēng gè sì yú， kè lì fú jué dé tā de fù qīn shì gè bù kě jiù yào de zhě wán gù。 dàn shì tā zì jǐ， chú liǎo huì cháo xiào yī qiē， hé jí duān cháo xiào tā zì jǐ de chǔjìng wài， hái yòu shénme bǐ tā fù qīn gēngxīn yíng de ní？ yīn wéi bù guǎn tā xīn yuàn yǔ fǒu， tā shì shí fēn zhèng zhòng qí shì dì jiē shòu zhè jué xián hé lè gé bèi jiā chǎn liǎo。
tài zhàn qǐ chū shí de kuáng rè xiāo shī liǎo。 sǐ miè liǎo。 yīn wéi sǐ de rén tài duō liǎo， kǒng bù tài dà liǎo。 nán zǐ xū yào fú chí hé 'ān wèi， xū yào yī gè tiě máo bǎ tā dìng bó zài 'ān quán dì xià， xū yào yī gè qī zǐ。
cóng qián， chá tài lāi xiōng dì zǐ mèi sān rén， suī rán rèn shí de rén duō， què guài gū dú dì zhù zài lè gé bèi jiā lǐ， tā men sān rén de guān xì shì hěn mìqiè de， yīn wéi tā men sān rén jué dé gū dú， suī rán yòu jué wèi hé tǔ dì ( yě xǔ zhèng yīn wéi zhè gè )， tā men què jué dé dì wèi bù jiān， háo wú bǎo zhàng。 tā men hé shēngzhǎng dì de mǐ dé lán gōng yè qū wán quán gé jué； tā men shèn zhì hé tóng jiē jí de rén yě gé jué liǎo， yīn wéi zuǒ fó lái nán jué de xìng qíng shì gǔ guài de，” gù zhí de， bù xǐ yǔ rén jiāo wǎng de。 tā men cháo xiào tā men de fù qīn， dàn shì tā men què bù yuàn rén cháo xiào tā。
tā men shuō guò yào yǒng jiǔ de zhù zài yī kuài， dàn shì xiàn zài hā bái yǐ sǐ liǎo。 ér zuǒ fó lái nán jué yòu yào kè lì fú chéng hūn。 fù qīn zhè yù wàng bìng bù zhèng shì biǎo shì， i tā shì hěn shǎo shuō huà de rén， dàn shì tā de wú yán de、 jìng mò dì jiān chí， shì shǐ kè lì fú nán yǐ fǎn kàng de。
dàn shì， ài mǎ què fǎn duì zhè shì！ tā bǐ kè lì fú dà shí suì， tā jué dé kè lì fú rú guǒ jié hūn， nà biàn shì lí pàn tā men wǎng rì de yuē yán。
rán 'ér， kè lì fú zhōng yú qǔ liǎo kāng nī， hé tā guò liǎo yī gè yuè de mì yuè shēng huó。 nà zhèng zài kě pà de yī jiǔ yī qī nà yī nián； fū fù liǎ qīnqiè dé qià rú zhèng zài chénmò de chuán shàng de liǎng gè nán rén。 jié hūn de shí hòu， tā hái shì gè tóng nán， suǒ yǐ xìng de fāng miàn， yú tā shì méi yòu duō dà yì yì de。 tā men zhǐ zhī xiāng qīn xiāng 'ài， kāng nī jué dé zhè zhǒng chāo hū xìng yù de nán zǐ bù qiú“ mǎn zú” de xiāng qīn xiāng 'ài， shì kě xǐ de。 ér kè lì fú yě bù xiàng bié de nán zǐ bān de zhuī qiú“ mǎn zú”。 bù， qīn qíng shì bǐ xìng jiāo gēngshēn kè， gèngzhíjiē de。 xìng jiāo bù guò shì 'ǒu rán de、 fù dài de shì， bù guò shì yī zhǒng bèn zhuō dì jiān chí zhe de guān néng zuò yòng， bìng bù shì zhēn zhèng xū yào de dōng xī。 kě shì kāng nī què xī yì zhe shēng xiē hái zǐ， hǎo shǐ zì jǐ de dì wèi qiáng guó qǐ lái， qù fǎn kàng 'ài mǎ。
rán 'ér， yī jiǔ yī bā nián kāi shǐ de shí hòu， kè lì fú shāng dé yī shēn pò suì。 bèi yùn liǎo huí lái， hái zǐ méi yòu shēng chéng。 zuǒ fó lái nán jué yě yōu fèn zhōng sǐ qù liǎo。
This was more or less Constance Chatterley's position. The war had brought the roof down over her head. And she had realized that one must live and learn.
She married Clifford Chatterley in 1917, when he was home for a month on leave. They had a month's honeymoon. Then he went back to Flanders: to be shipped over to England again six months later, more or less in bits. Constance, his wife, was then twenty-three years old, and he was twenty-nine.
His hold on life was marvellous. He didn't die, and the bits seemed to grow together again. For two years he remained in the doctor's hands. Then he was pronounced a cure, and could return to life again, with the lower half of his body, from the hips down, paralysed for ever.
This was in 1920. They returned, Clifford and Constance, to his home, Wragby Hall, the family `seat'. His father had died, Clifford was now a baronet, Sir Clifford, and Constance was Lady Chatterley. They came to start housekeeping and married life in the rather forlorn home of the Chatterleys on a rather inadequate income. Clifford had a sister, but she had departed. Otherwise there were no near relatives. The elder brother was dead in the war. Crippled for ever, knowing he could never have any children, Clifford came home to the smoky Midlands to keep the Chatterley name alive while he could.
He was not really downcast. He could wheel himself about in a wheeled chair, and he had a bath-chair with a small motor attachment, so he could drive himself slowly round the garden and into the line melancholy park, of which he was really so proud, though he pretended to be flippant about it.
Having suffered so much, the capacity for suffering had to some extent left him. He remained strange and bright and cheerful, almost, one might say, chirpy, with his ruddy, healthy-looking face, arid his pale-blue, challenging bright eyes. His shoulders were broad and strong, his hands were very strong. He was expensively dressed, and wore handsome neckties from Bond Street. Yet still in his face one saw the watchful look, the slight vacancy of a cripple.
He had so very nearly lost his life, that what remained was wonderfully precious to him. It was obvious in the anxious brightness of his eyes, how proud he was, after the great shock, of being alive. But he had been so much hurt that something inside him had perished, some of his feelings had gone. There was a blank of insentience.
Constance, his wife, was a ruddy, country-looking girl with soft brown hair and sturdy body, and slow movements, full of unusual energy. She had big, wondering eyes, and a soft mild voice, and seemed just to have come from her native village. It was not so at all. Her father was the once well-known R. A., old Sir Malcolm Reid. Her mother had been one of the cultivated Fabians in the palmy, rather pre-Raphaelite days. Between artists and cultured socialists, Constance and her sister Hilda had had what might be called an aesthetically unconventional upbringing. They had been taken to Paris and Florence and Rome to breathe in art, and they had been taken also in the other direction, to the Hague and Berlin, to great Socialist conventions, where the speakers spoke in every civilized tongue, and no one was abashed.
The two girls, therefore, were from an early age not the least daunted by either art or ideal politics. It was their natural atmosphere. They were at once cosmopolitan and provincial, with the cosmopolitan provincialism of art that goes with pure social ideals.
They had been sent to Dresden at the age of fifteen, for music among other things. And they had had a good time there. They lived freely among the students, they argued with the men over philosophical, sociological and artistic matters, they were just as good as the men themselves: only better, since they were women. And they tramped off to the forests with sturdy youths bearing guitars, twang-twang! They sang the Wandervogel songs, and they were free. Free! That was the great word. Out in the open world, out in the forests of the morning, with lusty and splendid-throated young fellows, free to do as they liked, and---above all---to say what they liked. It was the talk that mattered supremely: the impassioned interchange of talk. Love was only a minor accompaniment.
Both Hilda and Constance had had their tentative love-affairs by the time they were eighteen. The young men with whom they talked so passionately and sang so lustily and camped under the trees in such freedom wanted, of course, the love connexion. The girls were doubtful, but then the thing was so much talked about, it was supposed to be so important. And the men were so humble and craving. Why couldn't a girl be queenly, and give the gift of herself?
So they had given the gift of themselves, each to the youth with whom she had the most subtle and intimate arguments. The arguments, the discussions were the great thing: the love-making and connexion were only a sort of primitive reversion and a bit of an anti-climax. One was less in love with the boy afterwards, and a little inclined to hate him, as if he had trespassed on one's privacy and inner freedom. For, of course, being a girl, one's whole dignity and meaning in life consisted in the achievement of an absolute, a perfect, a pure and noble freedom. What else did a girl's life mean? To shake off the old and sordid connexions and subjections.
And however one might sentimentalize it, this sex business was one of the most ancient, sordid connexions and subjections. Poets who glorified it were mostly men. Women had always known there was something better, something higher. And now they knew it more definitely than ever. The beautiful pure freedom of a woman was infinitely more wonderful than any sexual love. The only unfortunate thing was that men lagged so far behind women in the matter. They insisted on the sex thing like dogs.
And a woman had to yield. A man was like a child with his appetites. A woman had to yield him what he wanted, or like a child he would probably turn nasty and flounce away and spoil what was a very pleasant connexion. But a woman could yield to a man without yielding her inner, free self. That the poets and talkers about sex did not seem to have taken sufficiently into account. A woman could take a man without really giving herself away. Certainly she could take him without giving herself into his power. Rather she could use this sex thing to have power over him. For she only had to hold herself back in sexual intercourse, and let him finish and expend himself without herself coming to the crisis: and then she could prolong the connexion and achieve her orgasm and her crisis while he was merely her tool.
Both sisters had had their love experience by the time the war came, and they were hurried home. Neither was ever in love with a young man unless he and she were verbally very near: that is unless they were profoundly interested, TALKING to one another. The amazing, the profound, the unbelievable thrill there was in passionately talking to some really clever young man by the hour, resuming day after day for months...this they had never realized till it happened! The paradisal promise: Thou shalt have men to talk to!---had never been uttered. It was fulfilled before they knew what a promise it was.
And if after the roused intimacy of these vivid and soul-enlightened discussions the sex thing became more or less inevitable, then let it. It marked the end of a chapter. It had a thrill of its own too: a queer vibrating thrill inside the body, a final spasm of self-assertion, like the last word, exciting, and very like the row of asterisks that can be put to show the end of a paragraph, and a break in the theme.
When the girls came home for the summer holidays of 1913, when Hilda was twenty and Connie eighteen, their father could see plainly that they had had the love experience.
L'amour avait possé par là, as somebody puts it. But he was a man of experience himself, and let life take its course. As for the mot a nervous invalid in the last few months of her life, she wanted her girls to be `free', and to `fulfil themselves'. She herself had never been able to be altogether herself: it had been denied her. Heaven knows why, for she was a woman who had her own income and her own way. She blamed her husband. But as a matter of fact, it was some old impression of authority on her own mind or soul that she could not get rid of. It had nothing to do with Sir Malcolm, who left his nervously hostile, high-spirited wife to rule her own roost, while he went his own way.
So the girls were `free', and went back to Dresden, and their music, and the university and the young men. They loved their respective young men, and their respective young men loved them with all the passion of mental attraction. All the wonderful things the young men thought and expressed and wrote, they thought and expressed and wrote for the young women. Connie's young man was musical, Hilda's was technical. But they simply lived for their young women. In their minds and their mental excitements, that is. Somewhere else they were a little rebuffed, though they did not know it.
It was obvious in them too that love had gone through them: that is, the physical experience. It is curious what a subtle but unmistakable transmutation it makes, both in the body of men and women: the woman more blooming, more subtly rounded, her young angularities softened, and her expression either anxious or triumphant: the man much quieter, more inward, the very shapes of his shoulders and his buttocks less assertive, more hesitant.
In the actual sex-thrill within the body, the sisters nearly succumbed to the strange male power. But quickly they recovered themselves, took the sex-thrill as a sensation, and remained free. Whereas the men, in gratitude to the woman for the sex experience, let their souls go out to her. And afterwards looked rather as if they had lost a shilling and found sixpence. Connie's man could be a bit sulky, and Hilda's a bit jeering. But that is how men are! Ungrateful and never satisfied. When you don't have them they hate you because you won't; and when you do have them they hate you again, for some other reason. Or for no reason at all, except that they are discontented children, and can't be satisfied whatever they get, let a woman do what she may.
However, came the war, Hilda and Connie were rushed home again after having been home already in May, to their mother's funeral. Before Christmas of 1914 both their German young men were dead: whereupon the sisters wept, and loved the young men passionately, but underneath forgot them. They didn't exist any more.
Both sisters lived in their father's, really their mother's, Kensington housemixed with the young Cambridge group, the group that stood for `freedom' and flannel trousers, and flannel shirts open at the neck, and a well-bred sort of emotional anarchy, and a whispering, murmuring sort of voice, and an ultra-sensitive sort of manner. Hilda, however, suddenly married a man ten years older than herself, an elder member of the same Cambridge group, a man with a fair amount of money, and a comfortable family job in the government: he also wrote philosophical essays. She lived with him in a smallish house in Westminster, and moved in that good sort of society of people in the government who are not tip-toppers, but who are, or would be, the real intelligent power in the nation: people who know what they're talking about, or talk as if they did.
Connie did a mild form of war-work, and consorted with the flannel-trousers Cambridge intransigents, who gently mocked at everything, so far. Her `friend' was a Clifford Chatterley, a young man of twenty-two, who had hurried home from Bonn, where he was studying the technicalities of coal-mining. He had previously spent two years at Cambridge. Now he had become a first lieutenant in a smart regiment, so he could mock at everything more becomingly in uniform.
Clifford Chatterley was more upper-class than Connie. Connie was well-to-do intelligentsia, but he was aristocracy. Not the big sort, but still it. His father was a baronet, and his mother had been a viscount's daughter.
But Clifford, while he was better bred than Connie, and more `society', was in his own way more provincial and more timid. He was at his ease in the narrow `great world', that is, landed aristocracy society, but he was shy and nervous of all that other big world which consists of the vast hordes of the middle and lower classes, and foreigners. If the truth must be told, he was just a little bit frightened of middle-and lower-class humanity, and of foreigners not of his own class. He was, in some paralysing way, conscious of his own defencelessness, though he had all the defence of privilege. Which is curious, but a phenomenon of our day.
Therefore the peculiar soft assurance of a girl like Constance Reid fascinated him. She was so much more mistress of herself in that outer world of chaos than he was master of himself.
Nevertheless he too was a rebel: rebelling even against his class. Or perhaps rebel is too strong a word; far too strong. He was only caught in the general, popular recoil of the young against convention and against any sort of real authority. Fathers were ridiculous: his own obstinate one supremely so. And governments were ridiculous: our own wait-and-see sort especially so. And armies were ridiculous, and old buffers of generals altogether, the red-faced Kitchener supremely. Even the war was ridiculous, though it did kill rather a lot of people.
In fact everything was a little ridiculous, or very ridiculous: certainly everything connected with authority, whether it were in the army or the government or the universities, was ridiculous to a degree. And as far as the governing class made any pretensions to govern, they were ridiculous too. Sir Geoffrey, Clifford's father, was intensely ridiculous, chopping down his trees, and weeding men out of his colliery to shove them into the war; and himself being so safe and patriotic; but, also, spending more money on his country than he'd got.
When Miss Chatterley---Emma---came down to London from the Midlands to do some nursing work, she was very witty in a quiet way about Sir Geoffrey and his determined patriotism. Herbert, the elder brother and heir, laughed outright, though it was his trees that were falling for trench props. But Clifford only smiled a little uneasily. Everything was ridiculous, quite true. But when it came too close and oneself became ridiculous too...? At least people of a different class, like Connie, were earnest about something. They believed in something.
They were rather earnest about the Tommies, and the threat of conscription, and the shortage of sugar and toffee for the children. In all these things, of course, the authorities were ridiculously at fault. But Clifford could not take it to heart. To him the authorities were ridiculous ab ovo, not because of toffee or Tommies.
And the authorities felt ridiculous, and behaved in a rather ridiculous fashion, and it was all a mad hatter's tea-party for a while. Till things developed over there, and Lloyd George came to save the situation over here. And this surpassed even ridicule, the flippant young laughed no more.
In 1916 Herbert Chatterley was killed, so Clifford became heir. He was terrified even of this. His importance as son of Sir Geoffrey, and child of Wragby, was so ingrained in him, he could never escape it. And yet he knew that this too, in the eyes of the vast seething world, was ridiculous. Now he was heir and responsible for Wragby. Was that not terrible? and also splendid and at the same time, perhaps, purely absurd?
Sir Geoffrey would have none of the absurdity. He was pale and tense, withdrawn into himself, and obstinately determined to save his country and his own position, let it be Lloyd George or who it might. So cut off he was, so divorced from the England that was really England, so utterly incapable, that he even thought well of Horatio Bottomley. Sir Geoffrey stood for England and Lloyd George as his forebears had stood for England and St George: and he never knew there was a difference. So Sir Geoffrey felled timber and stood for Lloyd George and England, England and Lloyd George.
And he wanted Clifford to marry and produce an heir. Clifford felt his father was a hopeless anachronism. But wherein was he himself any further ahead, except in a wincing sense of the ridiculousness of everything, and the paramount ridiculousness of his own position? For willy-nilly he took his baronetcy and Wragby with the last seriousness.
The gay excitement had gone out of the war...dead. Too much death and horror. A man needed support arid comfort. A man needed to have an anchor in the safe world. A man needed a wife.
The Chatterleys, two brothers and a sister, had lived curiously isolated, shut in with one another at Wragby, in spite of all their connexions. A sense of isolation intensified the family tie, a sense of the weakness of their position, a sense of defencelessness, in spite of, or because of, the title and the land. They were cut off from those industrial Midlands in which they passed their lives. And they were cut off from their own class by the brooding, obstinate, shut-up nature of Sir Geoffrey, their father, whom they ridiculed, but whom they were so sensitive about.
The three had said they would all live together always. But now Herbert was dead, and Sir Geoffrey wanted Clifford to marry. Sir Geoffrey barely mentioned it: he spoke very little. But his silent, brooding insistence that it should be so was hard for Clifford to bear up against.
But Emma said No! She was ten years older than Clifford, and she felt his marrying would be a desertion and a betrayal of what the young ones of the family had stood for.
Clifford married Connie, nevertheless, and had his month's honeymoon with her. It was the terrible year 1917, and they were intimate as two people who stand together on a sinking ship. He had been virgin when he married: and the sex part did not mean much to him. They were so close, he and she, apart from that. And Connie exulted a little in this intimacy which was beyond sex, and beyond a man's `satisfaction`. Clifford anyhow was not just keen on his `satisfaction', as so many men seemed to be. No, the intimacy was deeper, more personal than that. And sex was merely an accident, or an adjunct, one of the curious obsolete, organic processes which persisted in its own clumsiness, but was not really necessary. Though Connie did want children: if only to fortify her against her sister-in-law Emma.
But early in 1918 Clifford was shipped home smashed, and there was no child. And Sir Geoffrey died of chagrin.
yī jiǔ 'èr líng nián de qiū tiān， kāng nī hé kè lì fú huí lè gé bèi lǎo jiā lái， ài mǎ yīn wéi réng rán zēng 'è tā dì dì de shī xìn， yǐ dào lún dūn zū liǎo jiān xiǎo fáng zǐ zhù qù xià。 lè gé bèi shì gè hè sè shí zhù de cháng 'ér dī de lǎo wū。 jiàn zhù yú shí bā shì jì zhōng qī， hòu lái shí jiā tiān bǔ， zhí zhì chéng liǎo yī zuò wú shèn chū sè de dà fáng wū， tā zuò luò zài yī gāo qiū shàng， zài yī gè gòu yōu měi de mǎn shì xiàng shù de lǎo lín yuán zhōng。 kě xī dé hěn， cóng zhè 'ér kàn jiàn fù jìn méi kuàng chǎng de yān wù chéng yún de yān cōng， hé yuǎn chù shī wù méng lóng zhōng de xiǎo shān shàng de dá wá sī hā cūn luò， zhè cūn luò chàbù duō 'āi zhe yuán mén kāi shǐ， jí qí chǒu 'è dì màn yán yī lǐ zhī cháng， yīháng xíng de hán suān jī zàng de zhuān qiáng xiǎo wū， hēi shí bǎn de wū dǐng， jiān ruì de wū jiǎo， dài zhe wú xiàn bēi tā de qì gài。
kāng nī shì zhù guàn liǎo gēn xīn dòng， kàn guàn liǎo sū gé lán de xiǎo shān， hé sū sè kè sī de hǎi 'àn shā qiū de rén， nà biàn shì tā xīn mù zhōng de yīng gé lán， tā yòng nián qīng de rěn nài jīng shén， bǎ zhè wú líng hún de、 chǒu 'è de méi tiě qū de mǐ dé lán liú lǎn liǎo yī biàn， biàn piē kāi bù gù liǎo， nà shì lìng rén nán xìn de kě pà de huán jìng， shì bù bì jiā yǐ sī suǒ de。 yǐ lè gé bèi nà xiē yīn sēn de fáng wū lǐ， tā tīng dé jiàn kuàng kēng lǐ shāi zǐ jī de lì lì shēng， qǐ zhòng jī de pēn qì shēng。 zài zhòng chē huàn guǐ shí de xiǎng shēng， hé huǒ chē tóu cū yǎ de qì dí shēng。 dá wá sī hā de méi dī zài rán shāo zhe， yǐ jīng rán shāo hǎo jǐ nián liǎo， yào xī miè tā fēi yī zōng dà kuǎn bù kě， suǒ yǐ zhǐ hǎo rèn tā shāo zhe。 fēng cóng nà biān chuī lái de shí hòu héng héng zhè shì cháng shì héng héng wū lǐ biàn chōng mǎn liǎo fǔ tǔ jīng fén shāo hòu de liú huáng chòu wèi。 shèn zhì wú fēng de shí hòu， kōng qì lǐ yě dài zhe yī zhǒng dì jiào xià de shénme 'è wèi。 shèn zhì zài máo huáng huā shàng， yě pū zhe yī céng méi huī， hǎo xiàng shì 'è tiān jiàng xià de hēi gān lù。
rán 'ér， shì shì jiù shì zhè yàng， yī qiēdōu shì mìng dìng de！ zhè shì yòu diǎn kě pà de， dàn shì wèishénme yào fǎn kàng ní？ fǎn kàng shì wú yòng de， shì qíng hái shì yī yàng jì xù xià qù。 zhè biàn shì shēng huó， hé qí tā yī qiē yī yàng！ zài wǎn shàng， nà dī dī de yǒu hēi de yún tiān， fú dòng zhe yī xiē bān bān de hóng diǎn， zhǒng zhǎng zhe， shōu suō zhe， hǎo xiàng lìng rén tòng kǔ de huǒ shāng； nà shì méi dì de yī xiē gāo lú。 qǐ chū， zhè zhǒng jǐng sè shǐ kāng nī shēn shēn kǒng bù， tā jué dé zì jǐ shēng huó zài dì jiào lǐ。 yǐ hòu， tā jiàn jiàn xí guàn liǎo。 zǎo chén de shí hòu， tiān yòu xià qǐ yǔ lái。
kè lì fú zì chēng lè gé bèi bǐ lún dūn kě 'ài。 zhè dì fāng yòu yī zhǒng tè yòu de jiān qiáng de yì zhì， jū mín yòu yī zhǒng qiáng dà de yù wàng， kāng nī qí guài zhe， tā men chú cǐ yǐ wài， hái yòu shénme cháng shì de dōng xī。 wú lùn rú hé， jiàn jiě hé sī xiǎng tā men shì méi yòu de。 zhè xiē jū mín hé zhè dì fāng yī yàng， xíng róng kū gǎo， chǒu lòu， yīn sēn 'ér bù hé mù。 bù guò zài tā men de hán hú bù qīng de tǔ huà lǐ hé tā men zài lì qīng lù shàng yè zhe dīng dǐ 'ān。 yī qún yī qún de sǎngōng huí jiā shí hòu de cáo zá shēng lǐ， què yòu xiē shénme kě pà 'ér yòu diǎn shén mì de dōng xī。
dāng zhè nián qīng de guì zú guī jiā shí， shuí yě méi yòu lái huān yíng tā。 méi yòu yàn huì， méi yòu dài biǎo， shèn zhì yī duǒ huā yě méi yòu。 zhǐ shì dāng tā de qì chē zài yīn sēn de lín zhōng de cháo shī kōng qì lǐ kāi guò， jīng guò nà yòu xiē huī sè mián yáng zài nà lǐ chī zhe cǎo de yuán pǔ xié pō， lái dào nà gāo qiū shàng hēi hè sè de wū mén qián shí， yī gè nǚ guǎn jiā hé tā de zhàng fū zài nà lǐ děng zhe， yù bèi zhī wú jǐ jù huān yíng de huà。
lè gé bèi hé dá wá sī hā cūn luò shì háo wú lái wǎng de。 cūn lǐ rén jiàn liǎo tā men， yě bù tuō mào， yě bù jū gōng。 kuàng gōng men jiàn liǎo zhǐ shì yǎn zhēng dì wàng zhe。 shāng rén jiàn liǎo kāng nī jǔ jǔ mào zǐ， hé duì yī gè rèn hé shú rén yī yàng， duì kè lì fú xiāng tōng de shēn yuān， shuāng fāng dū bào zhe yī zhǒng chén jìng de chóu hèn。 qǐ chū， kāng nī duì yú cūn rén zhè zhǒng yín yǔ shìde xià gè bù jìn de chóu hèn， hěn jué tòng kǔ。 hòu lái tā rěn nài xià lái liǎo， fǎn 'ér jué dé nà shì yīfù qiáng shēn jì， shì yú rén yǐ yī zhǒng shēng qù de shénme dōng xī， zhè bìng bù shì yīn wéi tā hé kè lì fú bù fú zhòng wàng， jǐn jǐn shì yīn wéi tā men hé kuàng gōng shì wán quán bù tóng de liǎng zhǒng rén bà liǎo。 zài tè lán yǐ nán de dì fāng， zhè zhǒng rén yǔ rén zhī jiān de jí duān gé jué yě xǔ shì bù cún zài de。 dàn shì zài zhōng bù hé běi bù de gōng yè qū， tā men jiān de gé jué shì yán yǔ suǒ nán xíng róng de。 nǐ zǒu nǐ de。 wǒ zǒu wǒ de！ qí guài de xiāng kè de rén lèi gǎn qíng！
suī rán， zài wú xíng zhōng， cūn rén duì yú kè lì fú hé kāng nī hái yòu diǎn tóng qíng， dàn shì zài gǔ zǐ lǐ， shuāng fāng dū bào zhe“ bié guǎn wǒ men bà” de tài dù。
zhè 'ér de mù shī， shì gè qín yú zhí wù de yuē mó liù shí suì de hé 'ǎi de rén。 cūn rén de“ bié guǎn wǒ men bà” de wú yán tài dù bǎ tā kè fú liǎo， chàbù duō chéng liǎo wú zú qīng zhòng de rén wù， kuàng gōng de qī zǐ men jīhū dōushì jiān lǐ huì jiào tú， miàn kuàng gōng men què shì wú suǒ xìn yǎng de， dàn shì jí shǐ zhè mù shī suǒ chuān de nà tào， yě jiù gòu shǐ cūn rén bǎ tā kàn chéng yī gè yì cháng de rén liǎo。 shì de， tā shì gè yì cháng de rén， tā shì yà shì bǐ xiān shēng， yī zhǒng chuán dào hé qí dǎo de jī xiè。
“ guǎn nǐ shì shénme chá tài lāi nán jué fū rén， wǒ men bìng bù shū nǐ！” cūn rén de zhè zhǒng gù zhí de běn néng de tài dù， qǐ chū shì hěn shǐ kāng nī shí fēn bù 'ān 'ér jù sàng de。 dāng tā duì kuàng gōng de qī zǐ men biǎo shì hǎo gǎn de shí hòu， tā men nà zhǒng qí guài de、 cāi yí de、 xū wěi de qīn rè， shǐ tā bù jué dé zhēn nán rěn shòu。 tā cháng cháng tīng jiàn zhè xiē nǚ rén men yòng zhe bàn 'ēyú de bí yīn shuō：“ ā！ bié xiǎo kàn wǒ， chá tài lāi nán jué fū rén hé wǒ shuō huà lái zhe ní！ kě shì tā què bù bì yǐ wéi yīn cǐ wǒ biàn bù rú cǐ！” zhè zhǒng qí yì de mào fàn de tài dù， yě shǐ kāng nī jué dé guài nán rěn shòu。 zhè shì bù néng bì miǎn de。 zhè xiē dōushì bù kě jiù yào de lí pàn guó jiào de rén。
kè lì fú bìng bù liú xīn tā men， kāng nī yě bù xué yàng。 tā jīng guò cūn lǐ shí， mù bù bàng shì， cūn rén dāi wàng zhe tā， hǎo xiàng tā shì huì zǒu de là rén yī yàng。 dāng kè lì fú yòu shì hé tā men jiāo tán de shí hòu， tā de tài dù shì hěn gāo 'ào de， hěn qīng miè de， zhè bù shì jiǎng qīn 'ài de shí hòu liǎo， shì shí shàng， tā duì yú rèn hé bù shì tóng yī jiē jí de rén， zǒng shì hěn 'ào màn 'ér qīng miè de。 jiān shǒu zhe tā de dì wèi， yī diǎn yě bù xiǎng yǔ rén xiū hǎo。 tā men bù xǐ huān tā。 yě bù tǎo yàn tā， tā zhǐ shì shì shì de yī bù fēn， xiàng méi kuàng chǎng hé lè gé bèi wū yú yī yàng。
dàn shì zì cóng bàn qū cán fèi yǐ lái， kè lì fú shí zài shì hěn dǎn qiè de。 tā chú liǎo zì jǐ de pú rén wài， shuí yě bù yuàn jiàn。 yīn wéi tā dé zuò zài lún yǐ huò xiǎo chē lǐ， kě shì tā de gāo jià de cái féng shī， yǐ jiù bǎ tā chuān dé guài jiǎng jiū de。 tā hé wǎng rì yī yàng， xì zhe bāng dé jiē mǎi lái de jiǎng jiū de lǐng dài。 tā de shàng bàn jié hècóng qián yī yàng de shí máo dòng rén。 tā yī xiàng jiù méi yòu jìn dài qīng nián men de nà zhǒng nǚ xìng múyàng； tā de hóng rùn de liǎn sè， kuò dà de jiān bó， fǎn 'ér yòu mù rén de cū zhuàng shén qì。 dàn shì tā de níng jìng 'ér yóu yù de shēng yīn， hé tā de yǒng gǎn què yòu jù pà， guǒ duàn què yòu yí huò de yǎn jīng， què xiǎn shì zhe tā de tiān zhēn xìng。 tā de tài dù cháng cháng qǐ chū shì dí duì dì 'ào màn de， gēn zhe yòu qiān xùn、 zì bēi 'ér jīhū wèi suō xià lái。
kāng nī hé tā hù xiāng yǐ liàn， dàn hé jìn dài fū qī yī yàng， gè zì shǒu zhe xiāng dāng de jù lí。 tā yīn wéi zhōng shēn cán fèi de dǎ jī， gěi tā de nèi xīn de bào shāng guò zhòng， suǒ yǐ shī qù liǎo tā de qīng kuài hé zì rán， tā shì gè fù shāng de rén， yīn cǐ kāng nī rè qíng dì lián 'ài tā。
dàn shì kāng nī zǒng jué dé tā hé mín jiān de lái wǎng tài shǎo liǎo。 kuàng gōng men zài mǒu zhǒng yì yì shàng shì tā de yòng rén， dàn shì zài tā kàn lái， tā men shì wù jiàn， ér bù shì rén； tā men shì méi kuàng de yī bù fēn， ér bù shì shēng mìng de yī bù fēn； tā men shì yī xiē cū bēi de guài wù， ér bù shì xiàng tā zì jǐ yī yàng de rén lèi。 zài mǒu zhǒng qíng jìng shàng， tā què jù pà tā men， pà tā men kàn jiàn zì jǐ de zhè zhǒng cán fèi。 tā men de qí guài de cū bǐ de shēng huó， zài tā kàn lái， fǎng fó xiàng cì chāng de shēng huó yī yàng fǎn hū zì rán。
tā yuǎn yuǎn dì guān xīn zhe tā men， xiàng yī gè rén zài xiǎn wēi jìng lǐ huò wàng yuǎn jìng lǐ wàng zhe yī yàng。 tā hé tā men shì méi yòu zhí jiē jiē chù de。 chú liǎo yīn wéi xí guàn guān xì hé lè gé bèi jiē chù。 yīn wéi jiā zú guān xì hé 'ài mǎ jiē chù wài， tā hé shuí yě méi yòu zhēn zhèng de jiē chù。 shénme yě bù néng zhēn zhèng jiē chù tā。 kāng nī zì jǐ yě jué dé méi yòu zhēn zhèng dì jiē chù tā。 yě xǔ tā gēn běn jiù méi yòu shénme kě yǐ jiē chù de dōng xī， tā shì fǒu dìng rén lèi de jiāo jiē de。
rán 'ér tā shì jué duì dì yǐ lài yú tā de， tā shì wú shí wú kè bù xū yào tā de。 tā suī kuí wěi zhuàng jiàn， kě shì què bù néng zì jǐ zhào gù zì jǐ， tā suī kě yǐ zuò zài lún yǐ lǐ bǎ zì jǐ gǔn lái gǔn qù， tā suī yòu yī zhǒng xiǎo zì dòng chē， kě yǐ dào lín yuán lǐ màn màn dì dōu dōu juàn zǐ， dàn shì dú zì de shí hòu， tā biàn xiàng gè wú zhù zǎi de dōng xī liǎo。 tā xū yào kāng nī zài yī kuài， yǐ shǐ tā xiāng xìn zì jǐ shì shēng cún zhe de。
kě shì tā shì xióng xīn bó bó de。 tā xiě xiē xiǎo shuō， xiě xiē guān yú tā suǒ zhī dào de rén de qí guài tè bié de xiǎo shuō。 zhè xiē xiǎo shuō xiěde yòu diāo yòu qiǎo， yòu 'è là， kě shì shén mì dé méi yòu shénme shēn yì。 tā de guān chá shì yì yú cháng rén de， qí tè de， kě shì què méi yòu shǐ rén néng jiē chù、 néng zhēn zhèng dì jiē chù de dōng xī。 yī qiēdōu hǎo xiàng zài xū wú piāomiǎo zhōng fā shēng。 ér qiě， yīn wéi wǒ men jīn rì de shēng huó chǎng miàn dà dū shì rén gōng dì zhào liàng qǐ lái de yī gè wǔ tái， suǒ yǐ tā de xiǎo shuō dōushì guài zhōng shí yú xiàn dài huà shēng huó de。 shuō qià qiē xiē， shì guài zhōng shí xiàn dài xīn lǐ de。
kè lì fú duì yú tā de xiǎo shuō huǐ téng， chàbù duō shì bìng tài dì yì gǎn de。 tā yào rén réndōu shuō tā de xiǎo shuō hǎo， shì wú chū qí yòu de zuì shàng zuò pǐn。 tā de xiǎo shuō dōuzài zuì mó dēng de zá zhì shàng fā biǎo， yīn cǐ zhào lì dì shòu rén zàn měi hé fēinàn。 dàn shì fēinàn yú kè lì fú。 shì rú dāo cì ròu bān de kù xíng。 fǎng fó tā de shēng mìng dōuzài tā de xiǎo shuō lǐ。
kāng nī jí lì dì bāng zhù tā。 qǐ chū， tā jué dé hěn xīng fèn， tā dān diào dì、 jiān chí dì gěi tā jiě shuō yī qiē de shì qíng， tā dé yòng quán lì qù huí dá hé liǎo jiě。 fǎng fó tā zhěng gè de líng hún、 ròu tǐ hé xìng yù dū dé sū xǐng 'ér chuān guò tā de xiǎo shuō lǐ。 zhè shǐ tā xīng fèn 'ér wàng wǒ。
tā men de wù zhì shēng huó shì hěn shǎo de。 tā dé jiān dū jiā wù。 nà duō nián fú shì guò zuǒ fó lái nán jué de nǚ guǎn jiā shì gè gān kū liǎo de háo wú gǒu qiě de lǎo dōng xī。 tā bù dàn bù xiàng gè nǚ pú， lián nǚ réndōu bù xiàng。 tā zài zhè lǐ shì hòu cān shì yǐ jīng sì shí nián liǎo。 jiù shì qí tā de nǚ pú yě bù nián qīng liǎo。 zhēn kě bù！ zài zhè yàng de dì fāng， nǐ chú liǎo tīng qí zì rán yǐ wài； hái yòu shénme fǎ zǐ ní？ suǒ yòu zhè xiē shǔbù jìn de wú rén zhù de kòngfáng zǐ， suǒ yòu zhè xiē dé mǐ lán de xí guàn， jī xiè shì de zhěng qí qīng jié！ yī qiēdōu hěn de zhì xù dì、 hěn qīng jié dì、 hěn jīng mì dì、 shèn zhì hěn zhēn zhèng de jìn xíng zhe。 rán 'ér zài kāng nī kàn lái， zhè zhǐ shì yòu zhì xù de wú zhèng fǔ zhuàng tài bà liǎo。 nà 'ér bìng méi yòu gǎn qíng de rè lì de hù xiāng lián xì。 zhěng chù wū zǐ yīn sēn dé xiàng yī tiáo lěng qīng de jiē dào。
tā chú liǎo tīng qí zì rán yǐ wài， hái yòu shénme fāng fǎ？…… yú shì tā biàn tīng qí zì rán liǎo。 ài mǎ · chá tài lāi xiǎo jiě， liǎn kǒng qīng shòu 'ér 'ào màn， yòu shí yě shàng zhè 'ér lái kàn wàng tā men。 kàn jiàn yī qiēdōu méi yòu biàn dòng， jué dé hěn shì dé yì。 tā yǒng yuǎn bù néng kuān shù kāng nī， yīn wéi kāng nī chāi sàn liǎo tā hé tā dì dì de shēnqiè de tuán jié。 shì tā héng héng 'ài mǎ， cái yīnggāi bāng zhù kè lì fú xiě tā de xiǎo shuō， xiě tā de shū de。 chá tài lāi de xiǎo shuō，‘ shì jiè shàng yī zhǒng xīn yíng de dōng xī， yóu tā men xìng chá tài lāi de rén jīng shǒu chǎn shēng chū lái。 zhè hècóng qián de sī xiǎng yán lùn， shì háo wú gòng tōng， háo wú yòu jī de lián xì de。 shì jiè shàng zhǐ yòu chá tài lāi de shū， shì xīn yíng de， chún cuì dì gè rén de。
kāng nī de fù qīn， dāng tā dào lè gé bèi zuò duǎn cù de dòu liú de shí hòu， duì kāng nī shuō：“ kè lì fú de zuò pǐn shì qiǎo miào de， dàn shì dǐ zǐ lǐ kōng wú yī wù。 nà shì bù néng cháng jiǔ de！……” kāng nī wàng zhe zhè lǎo yú shì gù de kuí wěi de sū gé lán de lǎo jué shì， tā de yǎn jīng， tā de liǎng zhǐ lǎo shì jīng yì de lán sè de dà yǎn jīng， biàn dé mó hú qǐ lái。“ kōng wú yī wù！” zhè shì shénme yì sī？ pī píng jiā men zàn měi tā de zuò pǐn， kè lì fú chàbù duō yào chū míng liǎo， ér qiě tā de zuò pǐn hái néng zuàn yī bǐ qián ní。…… tā de fù qīn què shuō kè lì fú de zuò pǐn kōng wú yī wù， zhè shì shénme yì sī？ tā yào tā de zuò pǐn lǐ yòu shénme dōng xī？
yīn wéi kāng nī de guān diǎn shì hé yī bān qīng nián yī yàng de： yǎn qián biàn shì yī qiē， jiāng lái yǔ xiàn zài de xiāng jiē， shì bù bì bǐ cǐ xiāng shǔ de。
nà shì tā zài lè gé bèi de dì 'èr gè dōng tiān liǎo， tā de fù qīn duì tā shuō：
“ kāng nī， wǒ xī wàng nǐ bù yào yīn huán jìng de guān xì 'ér shǒu huó guǎ。”
“ shǒu huó guǎ！ wèishénme ní？ wèishénme bù ní？” kāng nī mò rán dì dá dào。
“ chú fēi nǐ yuàn yì， nà biàn méi yòu huà shuō liǎo！” tā de fù qīn máng shuō。
dāng tā hé kè lì fú zài yī qǐ 'ér méi yòu bàng rén de shí hòu， tā bǎ tóng yàng de huà duì tā shuō：
“ wǒ kǒng pà shǒu huó guǎ de shēng huó bù tài shì hé kāng nī。”
“ huó huó shǒu guǎ！” kè lì fú dá dào， bǎ zhè duǎn yǔ jiǎng dé gèng míng què liǎo。
tā chén sī liǎo yī huì hòu， liǎn kǒng tōng hóng qǐ lái， fā nù liǎo。
“ zěn me bù shì hé tā？” tā qiáng yìng huì wèn dào。
“ tā jiàn jiàn dì qīng shòu liǎo…… qiáo cuì liǎo。 zhè bìng bù shì tā yī xiàng de yàng zǐ。 tā bìng bù xiàng nà shòu xiǎo de shā dīng， tā shì dòng rén de sū gé lán bái lú yú。”
“ háo wú bān diǎn de zì lú yú， dāng rán liǎo！”， kè lì fú shuō。
guò hòu， tā xiǎng bǎ shǒu huó guǎ zhè zhuāng shì duì kāng nī tán tán。 dàn shì tā zǒng bù néng kāi kǒu。 tā hé tā tóng shí shì tài qīn mì 'ér yòu bù gòu qīn mì liǎo， zài jīng shén shàng， tā men shì hé yī de； dàn zài ròu tǐ shàng， tā men shì gé jué de； guān yú ròu tǐ shì jiàn de tǎo lùn， liǎng réndōu yào jué dé nán kān。 tā men shì tài qīn mì liǎo tóng shí yòu tài shū yuǎn liǎo。
rán 'ér kāng nī què cāi chū liǎo tā de fù qīn duì wú lì fú shuō guò liǎo shénme， ér kè lì fú jiān mò dì bǎ tā shǒu zài xīn lǐ， tā zhī dào， tā shì fǒu shǒu huó guǎ， huò shì yǔ rén sī tōng， kè lì fú shì bù guān qiē de， zhǐ yào tā bù què qiē dì zhī dào， hé bù bì yī dìng qù zhī dào。 yǎn suǒ bù jiàn， xīn suǒ bù zhī de shì qíng， shì bù cún zài de。
kāng nī hé kè lì fú zài lè gé bèi chàbù duō liǎng nián liǎo， tā men dù zhe yī zhǒng mò rán dì shēng huó， quán shén guàn zhù zài kè lì fú hé tā de zhù zuò shàng。 tā men duì yú zhè zhǒng gōng zuò de gòng tóng xīng qù bù duàn de nóng hòu。 tā men tán lùn zhe， zhēng zhí zhe xíng wén jié gòu， fǎng fó zài nà kōng xū zhī zhōng yòu shénme dōng xī zài fā shēng， zài zhēn zhèng fā shēng shìde。
tā men yǐ zài gòng tóng gōng zuò zhe， zhè biàn shì shēng huó héng héng yī zhǒng kōng xū zhōng de shēng huó。
chú cǐ zhī wài， qí tā yī qiēdōu bù cún zài liǎo。 lè gé bèi， pú rén men…… dōushì xiē guǐ yǐng。 ér bù shì xiàn shí。 kāng nī yě cháng dào yuán hé yǔ yuán pǔ xiāng lián de lín zhōng qù sàn bù， xīn shǎng zhe nà lǐ de gū pì hé shén mì， jiǎo tī zhe qiū tiān hé luò yè， huò cǎi zhāi zhe chūn tiān de lián xīn huā。 zhè yī qiēdōu shì mèng， zhēn shí de huàn yǐng。 xiàng shù de yè zǐ， zài tā kàn lái， fǎng fó shì jìng zǐ lǐ yáo dòng zhe de yè zǐ， tā zì jǐ shì shū běn lǐ de rén wù， cǎi zhe lián xīn huā， ér zhè xiē huā 'ér yě bù guò shì xiē yǐng zǐ， huò shì jì yì， huò shì yī xiē yǔ。 tā jué dé shénme yě méi yòu， méi yòu shí zhì， méi yòu jiē chù， méi yòu lián xì！ zhǐ yòu zhè yǔ kè lì fú de gòng tóng shēng huó， zhǐ yòu zhè xiē wú qióng wú jìn de cháng tán hé xīn lǐ fēn xī， zhǐ yòu zhè xiē mài 'ěr kěn jué shì suǒ wèi de dǐ zǐ lǐ yī wú suǒ yòu 'ér bù néng cháng jiǔ de xiǎo shuō。 wèishénme dǐ zǐ lǐ yào yòu shénme dōng xī？ wèishénme yào chuán zhī jiǔ yuǎn？ wǒ men shǐ qiě dé guò qiě guò， zhí zhì bù néng zài guò zhī rì。 wǒ men gū qiě dé guò qiě guò， zhí zhì xiàn zài“ chū xiàn” zhī rì。
kè lì fú de péng yǒu héng héng shí jì shàng zhǐ shì xiē xiāng shí héng héng hěn bù shǎo， tā cháng bǎ tā men qǐng dào lè gé bèi lái。 tā qǐng de shì gè zhǒng gè yàng de rén， pī píng jiā， zhù zuò jiā， yī xiē sòng zàn tā de zuò pǐn de rén men。 zhè xiē réndōu jué dé bèi qǐng dào lè gé bèi lái shì róng xìng de， yú shì tā men gē sòng tā。 kāng nī xīn lǐ míng bái zhè yī qiē， wèishénme bù ní？ zhè shì jìng zhōng yóu yǐng zhī yī。 tā bìng bù jué dé yòu shénme bù hǎo de dì fāng。
tā kuǎn dài zhe zhè xiē kè rén héng héng qí zhōng dà bù fēn shì xiē nán zǐ。 tā yě kuǎn dài zhe kè lì fú de bù cháng lái de guì zú qīn qī men。 yīn wéi tā cháng dé wēn róu， liǎn sè hóng rùn 'ér dài cūn duì de fēng tài， yòu zhe nà yì shēng sè bān de nèn zì de pí fū， dà dà de lán yǎn jīng， hè sè juǎnfà， wēn hé de shēng yīn hé wēi xián jiān qiáng de yāo bù。 suǒ yǐ rén jiā bǎ tā kàn chéng yī gè bù tài shí máo， ér tài“ fù rén” de nǚ zǐ。 tā bìng bù shì nán hái shìde xiàng yī tiáo“ xiǎo shā dīng yú”， tā xiōng bù biǎn píng， tún bù xì xiǎo。 tā tài nǚ xìng liǎo， suǒ yǐ bù néng shí fēn shí máo。
yīn cǐ nán zǐ men， yóu qí shì nián jì bù qīng de nán zǐ men， dōuduì tā hěn xiàn yīn qín。 tā shì， tā zhī dào rú guǒ tā duì tā men shāo wēi biǎo shì yī diǎn qīng táo， nà biàn yào shǐ kě lián de kè lì fú shēn gǎn tòng kǔ， suǒ yǐ tā cóng bù ràng zhè xiē nán zǐ men dǎn dà qǐ lái。 tā shǒu guān nà xián jìng 'ér dàn mò de tài dù， tā hé tā men háo wú mì jiāo， ér qiě háo wú zhè gè yì sī。 yīn cǐ kè lì fú shì jué dé fēi cháng zì dé de。
kè lì fú de qīn qī men， duì tā yě hěn hé 'ǎi。 tā zhī dào zhè zhǒng hé 'ǎi de yuán yīn， shì yīn wéi tā bù shǐ rén jù pà。 tā yě zhī dào， rú guǒ nǐ bù shǐ zhè xiē rén yòu diǎn pà nǐ， tā men shì bù huì zūn jìng nǐ de。 dàn shì tā hé tā men yě shì háo wú mì jiāo。 tā jiē shòu tā men de hé 'ǎi hé qīng miè， tā ràng tā men zhī dào yòng bù zhe jiàn bō nǔ zhāng。 tā hé tā men shì háo wú zhēn zhèng de guān xì de。
shí jiān biàn shì zhè yàng guò zhe。 wú lùn yòu liǎo shénme shì。 dū xiàng bù shì zhēn zhèng dì ’ yòu nà me huí shì， yīn wéi tā hé yī qiē shì tài méi yòu jiē chù liǎo。 tā hé kè lì fú zài tā men de lǐ xiǎng lǐ， zài tā men de zhù zuò lǐ shēng huó zhe。 tā kuǎn dài zhe kè rén…… jiā lǐ shì cháng cháng yòu kè de。 shí jiān xiàng zhōng yī yàng dì jìn xíng zhe， qī diǎn bàn guò liǎo shì bā diǎn， bā diǎn guò liǎo shì jǐ diǎn bàn。
Wragby was a long low old house in brown stone, begun about the middle of the eighteenth century, and added on to, till it was a warren of a place without much distinction. It stood on an eminence in a rather line old park of oak trees, but alas, one could see in the near distance the chimney of Tevershall pit, with its clouds of steam and smoke, and on the damp, hazy distance of the hill the raw straggle of Tevershall village, a village which began almost at the park gates, and trailed in utter hopeless ugliness for a long and gruesome mile: houses, rows of wretched, small, begrimed, brick houses, with black slate roofs for lids, sharp angles and wilful, blank dreariness. Connie was accustomed to Kensington or the Scotch hills or the Sussex downs: that was her England. With the stoicism of the young she took in the utter, soulless ugliness of the coal-and-iron Midlands at a glance, and left it at what it was: unbelievable and not to be thought about. From the rather dismal rooms at Wragby she heard the rattle-rattle of the screens at the pit, the puff of the winding-engine, the clink-clink of shunting trucks, and the hoarse little whistle of the colliery locomotives. Tevershall pit-bank was burning, had been burning for years, and it would cost thousands to put it out. So it had to burn. And when the wind was that way, which was often, the house was full of the stench of this sulphurous combustion of the earth's excrement. But even on windless days the air always smelt of something under-earth: sulphur, iron, coal, or acid. And even on the Christmas roses the smuts settled persistently, incredible, like black manna from the skies of doom.
Well, there it was: fated like the rest of things! It was rather awful, but why kick? You couldn't kick it away. It just went on. Life, like all the rest! On the low dark ceiling of cloud at night red blotches burned and quavered, dappling and swelling and contracting, like burns that give pain. It was the furnaces. At first they fascinated Connie with a sort of horror; she felt she was living underground. Then she got used to them. And in the morning it rained.
Clifford professed to like Wragby better than London. This country had a grim will of its own, and the people had guts. Connie wondered what else they had: certainly neither eyes nor minds. The people were as haggard, shapeless, and dreary as the countryside, and as unfriendly. Only there was something in their deep-mouthed slurring of the dialect, and the thresh-thresh of their hob-nailed pit-boots as they trailed home in gangs on the asphalt from work, that was terrible and a bit mysterious.
There had been no welcome home for the young squire, no festivities, no deputation, not even a single flower. Only a dank ride in a motor-car up a dark, damp drive, burrowing through gloomy trees, out to the slope of the park where grey damp sheep were feeding, to the knoll where the house spread its dark brown facade, and the housekeeper and her husband were hovering, like unsure tenants on the face of the earth, ready to stammer a welcome.
There was no communication between Wragby Hall and Tevershall village, none. No caps were touched, no curtseys bobbed. The colliers merely stared; the tradesmen lifted their caps to Connie as to an acquaintance, and nodded awkwardly to Clifford; that was all. Gulf impassable, and a quiet sort of resentment on either side. At first Connie suffered from the steady drizzle of resentment that came from the village. Then she hardened herself to it, and it became a sort of tonic, something to live up to. It was not that she and Clifford were unpopular, they merely belonged to another species altogether from the colliers. Gulf impassable, breach indescribable, such as is perhaps nonexistent south of the Trent. But in the Midlands and the industrial North gulf impassable, across which no communication could take place. You stick to your side, I'll stick to mine! A strange denial of the common pulse of humanity.
Yet the village sympathized with Clifford and Connie in the abstract. In the flesh it was---You leave me alone!---on either side.
The rector was a nice man of about sixty, full of his duty, and reduced, personally, almost to a nonentity by the silent---You leave me alone!---of the village. The miners' wives were nearly all Methodists. The miners were nothing. But even so much official uniform as the clergyman wore was enough to obscure entirely the fact that he was a man like any other man. No, he was Mester Ashby, a sort of automatic preaching and praying concern.
This stubborn, instinctive---We think ourselves as good as you, if you are Lady Chatterley!---puzzled and baffled Connie at first extremely. The curious, suspicious, false amiability with which the miners' wives met her overtures; the curiously offensive tinge of---Oh dear me! I am somebody now, with Lady Chatterley talking to me! But she needn't think I'm not as good as her for all that!---which she always heard twanging in the women's half-fawning voices, was impossible. There was no getting past it. It was hopelessly and offensively nonconformist.
Clifford left them alone, and she learnt to do the same: she just went by without looking at them, and they stared as if she were a walking wax figure. When he had to deal with them, Clifford was rather haughty and contemptuous; one could no longer afford to be friendly. In fact he was altogether rather supercilious and contemptuous of anyone not in his own class. He stood his ground, without any attempt at conciliation. And he was neither liked nor disliked by the people: he was just part of things, like the pit-bank and Wragby itself.
But Clifford was really extremely shy and self-conscious now he was lamed. He hated seeing anyone except just the personal servants. For he had to sit in a wheeled chair or a sort of bath-chair. Nevertheless he was just as carefully dressed as ever, by his expensive tailors, and he wore the careful Bond Street neckties just as before, and from the top he looked just as smart and impressive as ever. He had never been one of the modern ladylike young men: rather bucolic even, with his ruddy face and broad shoulders. But his very quiet, hesitating voice, and his eyes, at the same time bold and frightened, assured and uncertain, revealed his nature. His manner was often offensively supercilious, and then again modest and self-effacing, almost tremulous.
Connie and he were attached to one another, in the aloof modern way. He was much too hurt in himself, the great shock of his maiming, to be easy and flippant. He was a hurt thing. And as such Connie stuck to him passionately.
But she could not help feeling how little connexion he really had with people. The miners were, in a sense, his own men; but he saw them as objects rather than men, parts of the pit rather than parts of life, crude raw phenomena rather than human beings along with him. He was in some way afraid of them, he could not bear to have them look at him now he was lame. And their queer, crude life seemed as unnatural as that of hedgehogs.
He was remotely interested; but like a man looking down a microscope, or up a telescope. He was not in touch. He was not in actual touch with anybody, save, traditionally, with Wragby, and, through the close bond of family defence, with Emma. Beyond this nothing really touched him. Connie felt that she herself didn't really, not really touch him; perhaps there was nothing to get at ultimately; just a negation of human contact.
Yet he was absolutely dependent on her, he needed her every moment. Big and strong as he was, he was helpless. He could wheel himself about in a wheeled chair, and he had a sort of bath-chair with a motor attachment, in which he could puff slowly round the park. But alone he was like a lost thing. He needed Connie to be there, to assure him he existed at all.
Still he was ambitious. He had taken to writing stories; curious, very personal stories about people he had known. Clever, rather spiteful, and yet, in some mysterious way, meaningless. The observation was extraordinary and peculiar. But there was no touch, no actual contact. It was as if the whole thing took place in a vacuum. And since the field of life is largely an artificially-lighted stage today, the stories were curiously true to modern life, to the modern psychology, that is.
Clifford was almost morbidly sensitive about these stories. He wanted everyone to think them good, of the best, ne plus ultra. They appeared in the most modern magazines, and were praised and blamed as usual. But to Clifford the blame was torture, like knives goading him. It was as if the whole of his being were in his stories.
Connie helped him as much as she could. At first she was thrilled. He talked everything over with her monotonously, insistently, persistently, and she had to respond with all her might. It was as if her whole soul and body and sex had to rouse up and pass into theme stories of his. This thrilled her and absorbed her.
Of physical life they lived very little. She had to superintend the house. But the housekeeper had served Sir Geoffrey for many years, arid the dried-up, elderly, superlatively correct female you could hardly call her a parlour-maid, or even a woman...who waited at table, had been in the house for forty years. Even the very housemaids were no longer young. It was awful! What could you do with such a place, but leave it alone! All these endless rooms that nobody used, all the Midlands routine, the mechanical cleanliness and the mechanical order! Clifford had insisted on a new cook, an experienced woman who had served him in his rooms in London. For the rest the place seemed run by mechanical anarchy. Everything went on in pretty good order, strict cleanliness, and strict punctuality; even pretty strict honesty. And yet, to Connie, it was a methodical anarchy. No warmth of feeling united it organically. The house seemed as dreary as a disused street.
What could she do but leave it alone? So she left it alone. Miss Chatterley came sometimes, with her aristocratic thin face, and triumphed, finding nothing altered. She would never forgive Connie for ousting her from her union in consciousness with her brother. It was she, Emma, who should be bringing forth the stories, these books, with him; the Chatterley stories, something new in the world, that they, the Chatterleys, had put there. There was no other standard. There was no organic connexion with the thought and expression that had gone before. Only something new in the world: the Chatterley books, entirely personal.
Connie's father, where he paid a flying visit to Wragby, and in private to his daughter: As for Clifford's writing, it's smart, but there's nothing in it. It won't last! Connie looked at the burly Scottish knight who had done himself well all his life, and her eyes, her big, still-wondering blue eyes became vague. Nothing in it! What did he mean by nothing in it? If the critics praised it, and Clifford's name was almost famous, and it even brought in money...what did her father mean by saying there was nothing in Clifford's writing? What else could there be?
For Connie had adopted the standard of the young: what there was in the moment was everything. And moments followed one another without necessarily belonging to one another.
It was in her second winter at Wragby her father said to her: `I hope, Connie, you won't let circumstances force you into being a demi-vierge.'
`A demi-vierge!' replied Connie vaguely. `Why? Why not?'
`Unless you like it, of course!' said her father hastily. To Clifford he said the same, when the two men were alone: `I'm afraid it doesn't quite suit Connie to be a demi-vierge.'
`A half-virgin!' replied Clifford, translating the phrase to be sure of it.
He thought for a moment, then flushed very red. He was angry and offended.
`In what way doesn't it suit her?' he asked stiffly.
`She's getting thin...angular. It's not her style. She's not the pilchard sort of little slip of a girl, she's a bonny Scotch trout.'
`Without the spots, of course!' said Clifford.
He wanted to say something later to Connie about the demi-vierge business...the half-virgin state of her affairs. But he could not bring himself to do it. He was at once too intimate with her and not intimate enough. He was so very much at one with her, in his mind and hers, but bodily they were non-existent to one another, and neither could bear to drag in the corpus delicti. They were so intimate, and utterly out of touch.
Connie guessed, however, that her father had said something, and that something was in Clifford's mind. She knew that he didn't mind whether she were demi-vierge or demi-monde, so long as he didn't absolutely know, and wasn't made to see. What the eye doesn't see and the mind doesn't know, doesn't exist.
Connie and Clifford had now been nearly two years at Wragby, living their vague life of absorption in Clifford and his work. Their interests had never ceased to flow together over his work. They talked and wrestled in the throes of composition, and felt as if something were happening, really happening, really in the void.
And thus far it was a life: in the void. For the rest it was non-existence. Wragby was there, the servants...but spectral, not really existing. Connie went for walks in the park, and in the woods that joined the park, and enjoyed the solitude and the mystery, kicking the brown leaves of autumn, and picking the primroses of spring. But it was all a dream; or rather it was like the simulacrum of reality. The oak-leaves were to her like oak-leaves seen ruffling in a mirror, she herself was a figure somebody had read about, picking primroses that were only shadows or memories, or words. No substance to her or anything...no touch, no contact! Only this life with Clifford, this endless spinning of webs of yarn, of the minutiae of consciousness, these stories Sir Malcolm said there was nothing in, and they wouldn't last. Why should there be anything in them, why should they last? Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof. Sufficient unto the moment is the appearance of reality.
Clifford had quite a number of friends, acquaintances really, and he invited them to Wragby. He invited all sorts of people, critics and writers, people who would help to praise his books. And they were flattered at being asked to Wragby, and they praised. Connie understood it all perfectly. But why not? This was one of the fleeting patterns in the mirror. What was wrong with it?
She was hostess to these people...mostly men. She was hostess also to Clifford's occasional aristocratic relations. Being a soft, ruddy, country-looking girl, inclined to freckles, with big blue eyes, and curling, brown hair, and a soft voice, and rather strong, female loins she was considered a little old-fashioned and `womanly'. She was not a `little pilchard sort of fish', like a boy, with a boy's flat breast and little buttocks. She was too feminine to be quite smart.
So the men, especially those no longer young, were very nice to her indeed. But, knowing what torture poor Clifford would feel at the slightest sign of flirting on her part, she gave them no encouragement at all. She was quiet and vague, she had no contact with them and intended to have none. Clifford was extraordinarily proud of himself.
His relatives treated her quite kindly. She knew that the kindliness indicated a lack of fear, and that these people had no respect for you unless you could frighten them a little. But again she had no contact. She let them be kindly and disdainful, she let them feel they had no need to draw their steel in readiness. She had no real connexion with them.
Time went on. Whatever happened, nothing happened, because she was so beautifully out of contact. She and Clifford lived in their ideas and his books. She entertained...there were always people in the house. Time went on as the clock does, half past eight instead of half past seven.
kāng nī shì zhù guàn liǎo gēn xīn dòng， kàn guàn liǎo sū gé lán de xiǎo shān， hé sū sè kè sī de hǎi 'àn shā qiū de rén， nà biàn shì tā xīn mù zhōng de yīng gé lán， tā yòng nián qīng de rěn nài jīng shén， bǎ zhè wú líng hún de、 chǒu 'è de méi tiě qū de mǐ dé lán liú lǎn liǎo yī biàn， biàn piē kāi bù gù liǎo， nà shì lìng rén nán xìn de kě pà de huán jìng， shì bù bì jiā yǐ sī suǒ de。 yǐ lè gé bèi nà xiē yīn sēn de fáng wū lǐ， tā tīng dé jiàn kuàng kēng lǐ shāi zǐ jī de lì lì shēng， qǐ zhòng jī de pēn qì shēng。 zài zhòng chē huàn guǐ shí de xiǎng shēng， hé huǒ chē tóu cū yǎ de qì dí shēng。 dá wá sī hā de méi dī zài rán shāo zhe， yǐ jīng rán shāo hǎo jǐ nián liǎo， yào xī miè tā fēi yī zōng dà kuǎn bù kě， suǒ yǐ zhǐ hǎo rèn tā shāo zhe。 fēng cóng nà biān chuī lái de shí hòu héng héng zhè shì cháng shì héng héng wū lǐ biàn chōng mǎn liǎo fǔ tǔ jīng fén shāo hòu de liú huáng chòu wèi。 shèn zhì wú fēng de shí hòu， kōng qì lǐ yě dài zhe yī zhǒng dì jiào xià de shénme 'è wèi。 shèn zhì zài máo huáng huā shàng， yě pū zhe yī céng méi huī， hǎo xiàng shì 'è tiān jiàng xià de hēi gān lù。
rán 'ér， shì shì jiù shì zhè yàng， yī qiēdōu shì mìng dìng de！ zhè shì yòu diǎn kě pà de， dàn shì wèishénme yào fǎn kàng ní？ fǎn kàng shì wú yòng de， shì qíng hái shì yī yàng jì xù xià qù。 zhè biàn shì shēng huó， hé qí tā yī qiē yī yàng！ zài wǎn shàng， nà dī dī de yǒu hēi de yún tiān， fú dòng zhe yī xiē bān bān de hóng diǎn， zhǒng zhǎng zhe， shōu suō zhe， hǎo xiàng lìng rén tòng kǔ de huǒ shāng； nà shì méi dì de yī xiē gāo lú。 qǐ chū， zhè zhǒng jǐng sè shǐ kāng nī shēn shēn kǒng bù， tā jué dé zì jǐ shēng huó zài dì jiào lǐ。 yǐ hòu， tā jiàn jiàn xí guàn liǎo。 zǎo chén de shí hòu， tiān yòu xià qǐ yǔ lái。
kè lì fú zì chēng lè gé bèi bǐ lún dūn kě 'ài。 zhè dì fāng yòu yī zhǒng tè yòu de jiān qiáng de yì zhì， jū mín yòu yī zhǒng qiáng dà de yù wàng， kāng nī qí guài zhe， tā men chú cǐ yǐ wài， hái yòu shénme cháng shì de dōng xī。 wú lùn rú hé， jiàn jiě hé sī xiǎng tā men shì méi yòu de。 zhè xiē jū mín hé zhè dì fāng yī yàng， xíng róng kū gǎo， chǒu lòu， yīn sēn 'ér bù hé mù。 bù guò zài tā men de hán hú bù qīng de tǔ huà lǐ hé tā men zài lì qīng lù shàng yè zhe dīng dǐ 'ān。 yī qún yī qún de sǎngōng huí jiā shí hòu de cáo zá shēng lǐ， què yòu xiē shénme kě pà 'ér yòu diǎn shén mì de dōng xī。
dāng zhè nián qīng de guì zú guī jiā shí， shuí yě méi yòu lái huān yíng tā。 méi yòu yàn huì， méi yòu dài biǎo， shèn zhì yī duǒ huā yě méi yòu。 zhǐ shì dāng tā de qì chē zài yīn sēn de lín zhōng de cháo shī kōng qì lǐ kāi guò， jīng guò nà yòu xiē huī sè mián yáng zài nà lǐ chī zhe cǎo de yuán pǔ xié pō， lái dào nà gāo qiū shàng hēi hè sè de wū mén qián shí， yī gè nǚ guǎn jiā hé tā de zhàng fū zài nà lǐ děng zhe， yù bèi zhī wú jǐ jù huān yíng de huà。
lè gé bèi hé dá wá sī hā cūn luò shì háo wú lái wǎng de。 cūn lǐ rén jiàn liǎo tā men， yě bù tuō mào， yě bù jū gōng。 kuàng gōng men jiàn liǎo zhǐ shì yǎn zhēng dì wàng zhe。 shāng rén jiàn liǎo kāng nī jǔ jǔ mào zǐ， hé duì yī gè rèn hé shú rén yī yàng， duì kè lì fú xiāng tōng de shēn yuān， shuāng fāng dū bào zhe yī zhǒng chén jìng de chóu hèn。 qǐ chū， kāng nī duì yú cūn rén zhè zhǒng yín yǔ shìde xià gè bù jìn de chóu hèn， hěn jué tòng kǔ。 hòu lái tā rěn nài xià lái liǎo， fǎn 'ér jué dé nà shì yīfù qiáng shēn jì， shì yú rén yǐ yī zhǒng shēng qù de shénme dōng xī， zhè bìng bù shì yīn wéi tā hé kè lì fú bù fú zhòng wàng， jǐn jǐn shì yīn wéi tā men hé kuàng gōng shì wán quán bù tóng de liǎng zhǒng rén bà liǎo。 zài tè lán yǐ nán de dì fāng， zhè zhǒng rén yǔ rén zhī jiān de jí duān gé jué yě xǔ shì bù cún zài de。 dàn shì zài zhōng bù hé běi bù de gōng yè qū， tā men jiān de gé jué shì yán yǔ suǒ nán xíng róng de。 nǐ zǒu nǐ de。 wǒ zǒu wǒ de！ qí guài de xiāng kè de rén lèi gǎn qíng！
suī rán， zài wú xíng zhōng， cūn rén duì yú kè lì fú hé kāng nī hái yòu diǎn tóng qíng， dàn shì zài gǔ zǐ lǐ， shuāng fāng dū bào zhe“ bié guǎn wǒ men bà” de tài dù。
zhè 'ér de mù shī， shì gè qín yú zhí wù de yuē mó liù shí suì de hé 'ǎi de rén。 cūn rén de“ bié guǎn wǒ men bà” de wú yán tài dù bǎ tā kè fú liǎo， chàbù duō chéng liǎo wú zú qīng zhòng de rén wù， kuàng gōng de qī zǐ men jīhū dōushì jiān lǐ huì jiào tú， miàn kuàng gōng men què shì wú suǒ xìn yǎng de， dàn shì jí shǐ zhè mù shī suǒ chuān de nà tào， yě jiù gòu shǐ cūn rén bǎ tā kàn chéng yī gè yì cháng de rén liǎo。 shì de， tā shì gè yì cháng de rén， tā shì yà shì bǐ xiān shēng， yī zhǒng chuán dào hé qí dǎo de jī xiè。
“ guǎn nǐ shì shénme chá tài lāi nán jué fū rén， wǒ men bìng bù shū nǐ！” cūn rén de zhè zhǒng gù zhí de běn néng de tài dù， qǐ chū shì hěn shǐ kāng nī shí fēn bù 'ān 'ér jù sàng de。 dāng tā duì kuàng gōng de qī zǐ men biǎo shì hǎo gǎn de shí hòu， tā men nà zhǒng qí guài de、 cāi yí de、 xū wěi de qīn rè， shǐ tā bù jué dé zhēn nán rěn shòu。 tā cháng cháng tīng jiàn zhè xiē nǚ rén men yòng zhe bàn 'ēyú de bí yīn shuō：“ ā！ bié xiǎo kàn wǒ， chá tài lāi nán jué fū rén hé wǒ shuō huà lái zhe ní！ kě shì tā què bù bì yǐ wéi yīn cǐ wǒ biàn bù rú cǐ！” zhè zhǒng qí yì de mào fàn de tài dù， yě shǐ kāng nī jué dé guài nán rěn shòu。 zhè shì bù néng bì miǎn de。 zhè xiē dōushì bù kě jiù yào de lí pàn guó jiào de rén。
kè lì fú bìng bù liú xīn tā men， kāng nī yě bù xué yàng。 tā jīng guò cūn lǐ shí， mù bù bàng shì， cūn rén dāi wàng zhe tā， hǎo xiàng tā shì huì zǒu de là rén yī yàng。 dāng kè lì fú yòu shì hé tā men jiāo tán de shí hòu， tā de tài dù shì hěn gāo 'ào de， hěn qīng miè de， zhè bù shì jiǎng qīn 'ài de shí hòu liǎo， shì shí shàng， tā duì yú rèn hé bù shì tóng yī jiē jí de rén， zǒng shì hěn 'ào màn 'ér qīng miè de。 jiān shǒu zhe tā de dì wèi， yī diǎn yě bù xiǎng yǔ rén xiū hǎo。 tā men bù xǐ huān tā。 yě bù tǎo yàn tā， tā zhǐ shì shì shì de yī bù fēn， xiàng méi kuàng chǎng hé lè gé bèi wū yú yī yàng。
dàn shì zì cóng bàn qū cán fèi yǐ lái， kè lì fú shí zài shì hěn dǎn qiè de。 tā chú liǎo zì jǐ de pú rén wài， shuí yě bù yuàn jiàn。 yīn wéi tā dé zuò zài lún yǐ huò xiǎo chē lǐ， kě shì tā de gāo jià de cái féng shī， yǐ jiù bǎ tā chuān dé guài jiǎng jiū de。 tā hé wǎng rì yī yàng， xì zhe bāng dé jiē mǎi lái de jiǎng jiū de lǐng dài。 tā de shàng bàn jié hècóng qián yī yàng de shí máo dòng rén。 tā yī xiàng jiù méi yòu jìn dài qīng nián men de nà zhǒng nǚ xìng múyàng； tā de hóng rùn de liǎn sè， kuò dà de jiān bó， fǎn 'ér yòu mù rén de cū zhuàng shén qì。 dàn shì tā de níng jìng 'ér yóu yù de shēng yīn， hé tā de yǒng gǎn què yòu jù pà， guǒ duàn què yòu yí huò de yǎn jīng， què xiǎn shì zhe tā de tiān zhēn xìng。 tā de tài dù cháng cháng qǐ chū shì dí duì dì 'ào màn de， gēn zhe yòu qiān xùn、 zì bēi 'ér jīhū wèi suō xià lái。
kāng nī hé tā hù xiāng yǐ liàn， dàn hé jìn dài fū qī yī yàng， gè zì shǒu zhe xiāng dāng de jù lí。 tā yīn wéi zhōng shēn cán fèi de dǎ jī， gěi tā de nèi xīn de bào shāng guò zhòng， suǒ yǐ shī qù liǎo tā de qīng kuài hé zì rán， tā shì gè fù shāng de rén， yīn cǐ kāng nī rè qíng dì lián 'ài tā。
dàn shì kāng nī zǒng jué dé tā hé mín jiān de lái wǎng tài shǎo liǎo。 kuàng gōng men zài mǒu zhǒng yì yì shàng shì tā de yòng rén， dàn shì zài tā kàn lái， tā men shì wù jiàn， ér bù shì rén； tā men shì méi kuàng de yī bù fēn， ér bù shì shēng mìng de yī bù fēn； tā men shì yī xiē cū bēi de guài wù， ér bù shì xiàng tā zì jǐ yī yàng de rén lèi。 zài mǒu zhǒng qíng jìng shàng， tā què jù pà tā men， pà tā men kàn jiàn zì jǐ de zhè zhǒng cán fèi。 tā men de qí guài de cū bǐ de shēng huó， zài tā kàn lái， fǎng fó xiàng cì chāng de shēng huó yī yàng fǎn hū zì rán。
tā yuǎn yuǎn dì guān xīn zhe tā men， xiàng yī gè rén zài xiǎn wēi jìng lǐ huò wàng yuǎn jìng lǐ wàng zhe yī yàng。 tā hé tā men shì méi yòu zhí jiē jiē chù de。 chú liǎo yīn wéi xí guàn guān xì hé lè gé bèi jiē chù。 yīn wéi jiā zú guān xì hé 'ài mǎ jiē chù wài， tā hé shuí yě méi yòu zhēn zhèng de jiē chù。 shénme yě bù néng zhēn zhèng jiē chù tā。 kāng nī zì jǐ yě jué dé méi yòu zhēn zhèng dì jiē chù tā。 yě xǔ tā gēn běn jiù méi yòu shénme kě yǐ jiē chù de dōng xī， tā shì fǒu dìng rén lèi de jiāo jiē de。
rán 'ér tā shì jué duì dì yǐ lài yú tā de， tā shì wú shí wú kè bù xū yào tā de。 tā suī kuí wěi zhuàng jiàn， kě shì què bù néng zì jǐ zhào gù zì jǐ， tā suī kě yǐ zuò zài lún yǐ lǐ bǎ zì jǐ gǔn lái gǔn qù， tā suī yòu yī zhǒng xiǎo zì dòng chē， kě yǐ dào lín yuán lǐ màn màn dì dōu dōu juàn zǐ， dàn shì dú zì de shí hòu， tā biàn xiàng gè wú zhù zǎi de dōng xī liǎo。 tā xū yào kāng nī zài yī kuài， yǐ shǐ tā xiāng xìn zì jǐ shì shēng cún zhe de。
kě shì tā shì xióng xīn bó bó de。 tā xiě xiē xiǎo shuō， xiě xiē guān yú tā suǒ zhī dào de rén de qí guài tè bié de xiǎo shuō。 zhè xiē xiǎo shuō xiěde yòu diāo yòu qiǎo， yòu 'è là， kě shì shén mì dé méi yòu shénme shēn yì。 tā de guān chá shì yì yú cháng rén de， qí tè de， kě shì què méi yòu shǐ rén néng jiē chù、 néng zhēn zhèng dì jiē chù de dōng xī。 yī qiēdōu hǎo xiàng zài xū wú piāomiǎo zhōng fā shēng。 ér qiě， yīn wéi wǒ men jīn rì de shēng huó chǎng miàn dà dū shì rén gōng dì zhào liàng qǐ lái de yī gè wǔ tái， suǒ yǐ tā de xiǎo shuō dōushì guài zhōng shí yú xiàn dài huà shēng huó de。 shuō qià qiē xiē， shì guài zhōng shí xiàn dài xīn lǐ de。
kè lì fú duì yú tā de xiǎo shuō huǐ téng， chàbù duō shì bìng tài dì yì gǎn de。 tā yào rén réndōu shuō tā de xiǎo shuō hǎo， shì wú chū qí yòu de zuì shàng zuò pǐn。 tā de xiǎo shuō dōuzài zuì mó dēng de zá zhì shàng fā biǎo， yīn cǐ zhào lì dì shòu rén zàn měi hé fēinàn。 dàn shì fēinàn yú kè lì fú。 shì rú dāo cì ròu bān de kù xíng。 fǎng fó tā de shēng mìng dōuzài tā de xiǎo shuō lǐ。
kāng nī jí lì dì bāng zhù tā。 qǐ chū， tā jué dé hěn xīng fèn， tā dān diào dì、 jiān chí dì gěi tā jiě shuō yī qiē de shì qíng， tā dé yòng quán lì qù huí dá hé liǎo jiě。 fǎng fó tā zhěng gè de líng hún、 ròu tǐ hé xìng yù dū dé sū xǐng 'ér chuān guò tā de xiǎo shuō lǐ。 zhè shǐ tā xīng fèn 'ér wàng wǒ。
tā men de wù zhì shēng huó shì hěn shǎo de。 tā dé jiān dū jiā wù。 nà duō nián fú shì guò zuǒ fó lái nán jué de nǚ guǎn jiā shì gè gān kū liǎo de háo wú gǒu qiě de lǎo dōng xī。 tā bù dàn bù xiàng gè nǚ pú， lián nǚ réndōu bù xiàng。 tā zài zhè lǐ shì hòu cān shì yǐ jīng sì shí nián liǎo。 jiù shì qí tā de nǚ pú yě bù nián qīng liǎo。 zhēn kě bù！ zài zhè yàng de dì fāng， nǐ chú liǎo tīng qí zì rán yǐ wài； hái yòu shénme fǎ zǐ ní？ suǒ yòu zhè xiē shǔbù jìn de wú rén zhù de kòngfáng zǐ， suǒ yòu zhè xiē dé mǐ lán de xí guàn， jī xiè shì de zhěng qí qīng jié！ yī qiēdōu hěn de zhì xù dì、 hěn qīng jié dì、 hěn jīng mì dì、 shèn zhì hěn zhēn zhèng de jìn xíng zhe。 rán 'ér zài kāng nī kàn lái， zhè zhǐ shì yòu zhì xù de wú zhèng fǔ zhuàng tài bà liǎo。 nà 'ér bìng méi yòu gǎn qíng de rè lì de hù xiāng lián xì。 zhěng chù wū zǐ yīn sēn dé xiàng yī tiáo lěng qīng de jiē dào。
tā chú liǎo tīng qí zì rán yǐ wài， hái yòu shénme fāng fǎ？…… yú shì tā biàn tīng qí zì rán liǎo。 ài mǎ · chá tài lāi xiǎo jiě， liǎn kǒng qīng shòu 'ér 'ào màn， yòu shí yě shàng zhè 'ér lái kàn wàng tā men。 kàn jiàn yī qiēdōu méi yòu biàn dòng， jué dé hěn shì dé yì。 tā yǒng yuǎn bù néng kuān shù kāng nī， yīn wéi kāng nī chāi sàn liǎo tā hé tā dì dì de shēnqiè de tuán jié。 shì tā héng héng 'ài mǎ， cái yīnggāi bāng zhù kè lì fú xiě tā de xiǎo shuō， xiě tā de shū de。 chá tài lāi de xiǎo shuō，‘ shì jiè shàng yī zhǒng xīn yíng de dōng xī， yóu tā men xìng chá tài lāi de rén jīng shǒu chǎn shēng chū lái。 zhè hècóng qián de sī xiǎng yán lùn， shì háo wú gòng tōng， háo wú yòu jī de lián xì de。 shì jiè shàng zhǐ yòu chá tài lāi de shū， shì xīn yíng de， chún cuì dì gè rén de。
kāng nī de fù qīn， dāng tā dào lè gé bèi zuò duǎn cù de dòu liú de shí hòu， duì kāng nī shuō：“ kè lì fú de zuò pǐn shì qiǎo miào de， dàn shì dǐ zǐ lǐ kōng wú yī wù。 nà shì bù néng cháng jiǔ de！……” kāng nī wàng zhe zhè lǎo yú shì gù de kuí wěi de sū gé lán de lǎo jué shì， tā de yǎn jīng， tā de liǎng zhǐ lǎo shì jīng yì de lán sè de dà yǎn jīng， biàn dé mó hú qǐ lái。“ kōng wú yī wù！” zhè shì shénme yì sī？ pī píng jiā men zàn měi tā de zuò pǐn， kè lì fú chàbù duō yào chū míng liǎo， ér qiě tā de zuò pǐn hái néng zuàn yī bǐ qián ní。…… tā de fù qīn què shuō kè lì fú de zuò pǐn kōng wú yī wù， zhè shì shénme yì sī？ tā yào tā de zuò pǐn lǐ yòu shénme dōng xī？
yīn wéi kāng nī de guān diǎn shì hé yī bān qīng nián yī yàng de： yǎn qián biàn shì yī qiē， jiāng lái yǔ xiàn zài de xiāng jiē， shì bù bì bǐ cǐ xiāng shǔ de。
nà shì tā zài lè gé bèi de dì 'èr gè dōng tiān liǎo， tā de fù qīn duì tā shuō：
“ kāng nī， wǒ xī wàng nǐ bù yào yīn huán jìng de guān xì 'ér shǒu huó guǎ。”
“ shǒu huó guǎ！ wèishénme ní？ wèishénme bù ní？” kāng nī mò rán dì dá dào。
“ chú fēi nǐ yuàn yì， nà biàn méi yòu huà shuō liǎo！” tā de fù qīn máng shuō。
dāng tā hé kè lì fú zài yī qǐ 'ér méi yòu bàng rén de shí hòu， tā bǎ tóng yàng de huà duì tā shuō：
“ wǒ kǒng pà shǒu huó guǎ de shēng huó bù tài shì hé kāng nī。”
“ huó huó shǒu guǎ！” kè lì fú dá dào， bǎ zhè duǎn yǔ jiǎng dé gèng míng què liǎo。
tā chén sī liǎo yī huì hòu， liǎn kǒng tōng hóng qǐ lái， fā nù liǎo。
“ zěn me bù shì hé tā？” tā qiáng yìng huì wèn dào。
“ tā jiàn jiàn dì qīng shòu liǎo…… qiáo cuì liǎo。 zhè bìng bù shì tā yī xiàng de yàng zǐ。 tā bìng bù xiàng nà shòu xiǎo de shā dīng， tā shì dòng rén de sū gé lán bái lú yú。”
“ háo wú bān diǎn de zì lú yú， dāng rán liǎo！”， kè lì fú shuō。
guò hòu， tā xiǎng bǎ shǒu huó guǎ zhè zhuāng shì duì kāng nī tán tán。 dàn shì tā zǒng bù néng kāi kǒu。 tā hé tā tóng shí shì tài qīn mì 'ér yòu bù gòu qīn mì liǎo， zài jīng shén shàng， tā men shì hé yī de； dàn zài ròu tǐ shàng， tā men shì gé jué de； guān yú ròu tǐ shì jiàn de tǎo lùn， liǎng réndōu yào jué dé nán kān。 tā men shì tài qīn mì liǎo tóng shí yòu tài shū yuǎn liǎo。
rán 'ér kāng nī què cāi chū liǎo tā de fù qīn duì wú lì fú shuō guò liǎo shénme， ér kè lì fú jiān mò dì bǎ tā shǒu zài xīn lǐ， tā zhī dào， tā shì fǒu shǒu huó guǎ， huò shì yǔ rén sī tōng， kè lì fú shì bù guān qiē de， zhǐ yào tā bù què qiē dì zhī dào， hé bù bì yī dìng qù zhī dào。 yǎn suǒ bù jiàn， xīn suǒ bù zhī de shì qíng， shì bù cún zài de。
kāng nī hé kè lì fú zài lè gé bèi chàbù duō liǎng nián liǎo， tā men dù zhe yī zhǒng mò rán dì shēng huó， quán shén guàn zhù zài kè lì fú hé tā de zhù zuò shàng。 tā men duì yú zhè zhǒng gōng zuò de gòng tóng xīng qù bù duàn de nóng hòu。 tā men tán lùn zhe， zhēng zhí zhe xíng wén jié gòu， fǎng fó zài nà kōng xū zhī zhōng yòu shénme dōng xī zài fā shēng， zài zhēn zhèng fā shēng shìde。
tā men yǐ zài gòng tóng gōng zuò zhe， zhè biàn shì shēng huó héng héng yī zhǒng kōng xū zhōng de shēng huó。
chú cǐ zhī wài， qí tā yī qiēdōu bù cún zài liǎo。 lè gé bèi， pú rén men…… dōushì xiē guǐ yǐng。 ér bù shì xiàn shí。 kāng nī yě cháng dào yuán hé yǔ yuán pǔ xiāng lián de lín zhōng qù sàn bù， xīn shǎng zhe nà lǐ de gū pì hé shén mì， jiǎo tī zhe qiū tiān hé luò yè， huò cǎi zhāi zhe chūn tiān de lián xīn huā。 zhè yī qiēdōu shì mèng， zhēn shí de huàn yǐng。 xiàng shù de yè zǐ， zài tā kàn lái， fǎng fó shì jìng zǐ lǐ yáo dòng zhe de yè zǐ， tā zì jǐ shì shū běn lǐ de rén wù， cǎi zhe lián xīn huā， ér zhè xiē huā 'ér yě bù guò shì xiē yǐng zǐ， huò shì jì yì， huò shì yī xiē yǔ。 tā jué dé shénme yě méi yòu， méi yòu shí zhì， méi yòu jiē chù， méi yòu lián xì！ zhǐ yòu zhè yǔ kè lì fú de gòng tóng shēng huó， zhǐ yòu zhè xiē wú qióng wú jìn de cháng tán hé xīn lǐ fēn xī， zhǐ yòu zhè xiē mài 'ěr kěn jué shì suǒ wèi de dǐ zǐ lǐ yī wú suǒ yòu 'ér bù néng cháng jiǔ de xiǎo shuō。 wèishénme dǐ zǐ lǐ yào yòu shénme dōng xī？ wèishénme yào chuán zhī jiǔ yuǎn？ wǒ men shǐ qiě dé guò qiě guò， zhí zhì bù néng zài guò zhī rì。 wǒ men gū qiě dé guò qiě guò， zhí zhì xiàn zài“ chū xiàn” zhī rì。
kè lì fú de péng yǒu héng héng shí jì shàng zhǐ shì xiē xiāng shí héng héng hěn bù shǎo， tā cháng bǎ tā men qǐng dào lè gé bèi lái。 tā qǐng de shì gè zhǒng gè yàng de rén， pī píng jiā， zhù zuò jiā， yī xiē sòng zàn tā de zuò pǐn de rén men。 zhè xiē réndōu jué dé bèi qǐng dào lè gé bèi lái shì róng xìng de， yú shì tā men gē sòng tā。 kāng nī xīn lǐ míng bái zhè yī qiē， wèishénme bù ní？ zhè shì jìng zhōng yóu yǐng zhī yī。 tā bìng bù jué dé yòu shénme bù hǎo de dì fāng。
tā kuǎn dài zhe zhè xiē kè rén héng héng qí zhōng dà bù fēn shì xiē nán zǐ。 tā yě kuǎn dài zhe kè lì fú de bù cháng lái de guì zú qīn qī men。 yīn wéi tā cháng dé wēn róu， liǎn sè hóng rùn 'ér dài cūn duì de fēng tài， yòu zhe nà yì shēng sè bān de nèn zì de pí fū， dà dà de lán yǎn jīng， hè sè juǎnfà， wēn hé de shēng yīn hé wēi xián jiān qiáng de yāo bù。 suǒ yǐ rén jiā bǎ tā kàn chéng yī gè bù tài shí máo， ér tài“ fù rén” de nǚ zǐ。 tā bìng bù shì nán hái shìde xiàng yī tiáo“ xiǎo shā dīng yú”， tā xiōng bù biǎn píng， tún bù xì xiǎo。 tā tài nǚ xìng liǎo， suǒ yǐ bù néng shí fēn shí máo。
yīn cǐ nán zǐ men， yóu qí shì nián jì bù qīng de nán zǐ men， dōuduì tā hěn xiàn yīn qín。 tā shì， tā zhī dào rú guǒ tā duì tā men shāo wēi biǎo shì yī diǎn qīng táo， nà biàn yào shǐ kě lián de kè lì fú shēn gǎn tòng kǔ， suǒ yǐ tā cóng bù ràng zhè xiē nán zǐ men dǎn dà qǐ lái。 tā shǒu guān nà xián jìng 'ér dàn mò de tài dù， tā hé tā men háo wú mì jiāo， ér qiě háo wú zhè gè yì sī。 yīn cǐ kè lì fú shì jué dé fēi cháng zì dé de。
kè lì fú de qīn qī men， duì tā yě hěn hé 'ǎi。 tā zhī dào zhè zhǒng hé 'ǎi de yuán yīn， shì yīn wéi tā bù shǐ rén jù pà。 tā yě zhī dào， rú guǒ nǐ bù shǐ zhè xiē rén yòu diǎn pà nǐ， tā men shì bù huì zūn jìng nǐ de。 dàn shì tā hé tā men yě shì háo wú mì jiāo。 tā jiē shòu tā men de hé 'ǎi hé qīng miè， tā ràng tā men zhī dào yòng bù zhe jiàn bō nǔ zhāng。 tā hé tā men shì háo wú zhēn zhèng de guān xì de。
shí jiān biàn shì zhè yàng guò zhe。 wú lùn yòu liǎo shénme shì。 dū xiàng bù shì zhēn zhèng dì ’ yòu nà me huí shì， yīn wéi tā hé yī qiē shì tài méi yòu jiē chù liǎo。 tā hé kè lì fú zài tā men de lǐ xiǎng lǐ， zài tā men de zhù zuò lǐ shēng huó zhe。 tā kuǎn dài zhe kè rén…… jiā lǐ shì cháng cháng yòu kè de。 shí jiān xiàng zhōng yī yàng dì jìn xíng zhe， qī diǎn bàn guò liǎo shì bā diǎn， bā diǎn guò liǎo shì jǐ diǎn bàn。
Wragby was a long low old house in brown stone, begun about the middle of the eighteenth century, and added on to, till it was a warren of a place without much distinction. It stood on an eminence in a rather line old park of oak trees, but alas, one could see in the near distance the chimney of Tevershall pit, with its clouds of steam and smoke, and on the damp, hazy distance of the hill the raw straggle of Tevershall village, a village which began almost at the park gates, and trailed in utter hopeless ugliness for a long and gruesome mile: houses, rows of wretched, small, begrimed, brick houses, with black slate roofs for lids, sharp angles and wilful, blank dreariness. Connie was accustomed to Kensington or the Scotch hills or the Sussex downs: that was her England. With the stoicism of the young she took in the utter, soulless ugliness of the coal-and-iron Midlands at a glance, and left it at what it was: unbelievable and not to be thought about. From the rather dismal rooms at Wragby she heard the rattle-rattle of the screens at the pit, the puff of the winding-engine, the clink-clink of shunting trucks, and the hoarse little whistle of the colliery locomotives. Tevershall pit-bank was burning, had been burning for years, and it would cost thousands to put it out. So it had to burn. And when the wind was that way, which was often, the house was full of the stench of this sulphurous combustion of the earth's excrement. But even on windless days the air always smelt of something under-earth: sulphur, iron, coal, or acid. And even on the Christmas roses the smuts settled persistently, incredible, like black manna from the skies of doom.
Well, there it was: fated like the rest of things! It was rather awful, but why kick? You couldn't kick it away. It just went on. Life, like all the rest! On the low dark ceiling of cloud at night red blotches burned and quavered, dappling and swelling and contracting, like burns that give pain. It was the furnaces. At first they fascinated Connie with a sort of horror; she felt she was living underground. Then she got used to them. And in the morning it rained.
Clifford professed to like Wragby better than London. This country had a grim will of its own, and the people had guts. Connie wondered what else they had: certainly neither eyes nor minds. The people were as haggard, shapeless, and dreary as the countryside, and as unfriendly. Only there was something in their deep-mouthed slurring of the dialect, and the thresh-thresh of their hob-nailed pit-boots as they trailed home in gangs on the asphalt from work, that was terrible and a bit mysterious.
There had been no welcome home for the young squire, no festivities, no deputation, not even a single flower. Only a dank ride in a motor-car up a dark, damp drive, burrowing through gloomy trees, out to the slope of the park where grey damp sheep were feeding, to the knoll where the house spread its dark brown facade, and the housekeeper and her husband were hovering, like unsure tenants on the face of the earth, ready to stammer a welcome.
There was no communication between Wragby Hall and Tevershall village, none. No caps were touched, no curtseys bobbed. The colliers merely stared; the tradesmen lifted their caps to Connie as to an acquaintance, and nodded awkwardly to Clifford; that was all. Gulf impassable, and a quiet sort of resentment on either side. At first Connie suffered from the steady drizzle of resentment that came from the village. Then she hardened herself to it, and it became a sort of tonic, something to live up to. It was not that she and Clifford were unpopular, they merely belonged to another species altogether from the colliers. Gulf impassable, breach indescribable, such as is perhaps nonexistent south of the Trent. But in the Midlands and the industrial North gulf impassable, across which no communication could take place. You stick to your side, I'll stick to mine! A strange denial of the common pulse of humanity.
Yet the village sympathized with Clifford and Connie in the abstract. In the flesh it was---You leave me alone!---on either side.
The rector was a nice man of about sixty, full of his duty, and reduced, personally, almost to a nonentity by the silent---You leave me alone!---of the village. The miners' wives were nearly all Methodists. The miners were nothing. But even so much official uniform as the clergyman wore was enough to obscure entirely the fact that he was a man like any other man. No, he was Mester Ashby, a sort of automatic preaching and praying concern.
This stubborn, instinctive---We think ourselves as good as you, if you are Lady Chatterley!---puzzled and baffled Connie at first extremely. The curious, suspicious, false amiability with which the miners' wives met her overtures; the curiously offensive tinge of---Oh dear me! I am somebody now, with Lady Chatterley talking to me! But she needn't think I'm not as good as her for all that!---which she always heard twanging in the women's half-fawning voices, was impossible. There was no getting past it. It was hopelessly and offensively nonconformist.
Clifford left them alone, and she learnt to do the same: she just went by without looking at them, and they stared as if she were a walking wax figure. When he had to deal with them, Clifford was rather haughty and contemptuous; one could no longer afford to be friendly. In fact he was altogether rather supercilious and contemptuous of anyone not in his own class. He stood his ground, without any attempt at conciliation. And he was neither liked nor disliked by the people: he was just part of things, like the pit-bank and Wragby itself.
But Clifford was really extremely shy and self-conscious now he was lamed. He hated seeing anyone except just the personal servants. For he had to sit in a wheeled chair or a sort of bath-chair. Nevertheless he was just as carefully dressed as ever, by his expensive tailors, and he wore the careful Bond Street neckties just as before, and from the top he looked just as smart and impressive as ever. He had never been one of the modern ladylike young men: rather bucolic even, with his ruddy face and broad shoulders. But his very quiet, hesitating voice, and his eyes, at the same time bold and frightened, assured and uncertain, revealed his nature. His manner was often offensively supercilious, and then again modest and self-effacing, almost tremulous.
Connie and he were attached to one another, in the aloof modern way. He was much too hurt in himself, the great shock of his maiming, to be easy and flippant. He was a hurt thing. And as such Connie stuck to him passionately.
But she could not help feeling how little connexion he really had with people. The miners were, in a sense, his own men; but he saw them as objects rather than men, parts of the pit rather than parts of life, crude raw phenomena rather than human beings along with him. He was in some way afraid of them, he could not bear to have them look at him now he was lame. And their queer, crude life seemed as unnatural as that of hedgehogs.
He was remotely interested; but like a man looking down a microscope, or up a telescope. He was not in touch. He was not in actual touch with anybody, save, traditionally, with Wragby, and, through the close bond of family defence, with Emma. Beyond this nothing really touched him. Connie felt that she herself didn't really, not really touch him; perhaps there was nothing to get at ultimately; just a negation of human contact.
Yet he was absolutely dependent on her, he needed her every moment. Big and strong as he was, he was helpless. He could wheel himself about in a wheeled chair, and he had a sort of bath-chair with a motor attachment, in which he could puff slowly round the park. But alone he was like a lost thing. He needed Connie to be there, to assure him he existed at all.
Still he was ambitious. He had taken to writing stories; curious, very personal stories about people he had known. Clever, rather spiteful, and yet, in some mysterious way, meaningless. The observation was extraordinary and peculiar. But there was no touch, no actual contact. It was as if the whole thing took place in a vacuum. And since the field of life is largely an artificially-lighted stage today, the stories were curiously true to modern life, to the modern psychology, that is.
Clifford was almost morbidly sensitive about these stories. He wanted everyone to think them good, of the best, ne plus ultra. They appeared in the most modern magazines, and were praised and blamed as usual. But to Clifford the blame was torture, like knives goading him. It was as if the whole of his being were in his stories.
Connie helped him as much as she could. At first she was thrilled. He talked everything over with her monotonously, insistently, persistently, and she had to respond with all her might. It was as if her whole soul and body and sex had to rouse up and pass into theme stories of his. This thrilled her and absorbed her.
Of physical life they lived very little. She had to superintend the house. But the housekeeper had served Sir Geoffrey for many years, arid the dried-up, elderly, superlatively correct female you could hardly call her a parlour-maid, or even a woman...who waited at table, had been in the house for forty years. Even the very housemaids were no longer young. It was awful! What could you do with such a place, but leave it alone! All these endless rooms that nobody used, all the Midlands routine, the mechanical cleanliness and the mechanical order! Clifford had insisted on a new cook, an experienced woman who had served him in his rooms in London. For the rest the place seemed run by mechanical anarchy. Everything went on in pretty good order, strict cleanliness, and strict punctuality; even pretty strict honesty. And yet, to Connie, it was a methodical anarchy. No warmth of feeling united it organically. The house seemed as dreary as a disused street.
What could she do but leave it alone? So she left it alone. Miss Chatterley came sometimes, with her aristocratic thin face, and triumphed, finding nothing altered. She would never forgive Connie for ousting her from her union in consciousness with her brother. It was she, Emma, who should be bringing forth the stories, these books, with him; the Chatterley stories, something new in the world, that they, the Chatterleys, had put there. There was no other standard. There was no organic connexion with the thought and expression that had gone before. Only something new in the world: the Chatterley books, entirely personal.
Connie's father, where he paid a flying visit to Wragby, and in private to his daughter: As for Clifford's writing, it's smart, but there's nothing in it. It won't last! Connie looked at the burly Scottish knight who had done himself well all his life, and her eyes, her big, still-wondering blue eyes became vague. Nothing in it! What did he mean by nothing in it? If the critics praised it, and Clifford's name was almost famous, and it even brought in money...what did her father mean by saying there was nothing in Clifford's writing? What else could there be?
For Connie had adopted the standard of the young: what there was in the moment was everything. And moments followed one another without necessarily belonging to one another.
It was in her second winter at Wragby her father said to her: `I hope, Connie, you won't let circumstances force you into being a demi-vierge.'
`A demi-vierge!' replied Connie vaguely. `Why? Why not?'
`Unless you like it, of course!' said her father hastily. To Clifford he said the same, when the two men were alone: `I'm afraid it doesn't quite suit Connie to be a demi-vierge.'
`A half-virgin!' replied Clifford, translating the phrase to be sure of it.
He thought for a moment, then flushed very red. He was angry and offended.
`In what way doesn't it suit her?' he asked stiffly.
`She's getting thin...angular. It's not her style. She's not the pilchard sort of little slip of a girl, she's a bonny Scotch trout.'
`Without the spots, of course!' said Clifford.
He wanted to say something later to Connie about the demi-vierge business...the half-virgin state of her affairs. But he could not bring himself to do it. He was at once too intimate with her and not intimate enough. He was so very much at one with her, in his mind and hers, but bodily they were non-existent to one another, and neither could bear to drag in the corpus delicti. They were so intimate, and utterly out of touch.
Connie guessed, however, that her father had said something, and that something was in Clifford's mind. She knew that he didn't mind whether she were demi-vierge or demi-monde, so long as he didn't absolutely know, and wasn't made to see. What the eye doesn't see and the mind doesn't know, doesn't exist.
Connie and Clifford had now been nearly two years at Wragby, living their vague life of absorption in Clifford and his work. Their interests had never ceased to flow together over his work. They talked and wrestled in the throes of composition, and felt as if something were happening, really happening, really in the void.
And thus far it was a life: in the void. For the rest it was non-existence. Wragby was there, the servants...but spectral, not really existing. Connie went for walks in the park, and in the woods that joined the park, and enjoyed the solitude and the mystery, kicking the brown leaves of autumn, and picking the primroses of spring. But it was all a dream; or rather it was like the simulacrum of reality. The oak-leaves were to her like oak-leaves seen ruffling in a mirror, she herself was a figure somebody had read about, picking primroses that were only shadows or memories, or words. No substance to her or anything...no touch, no contact! Only this life with Clifford, this endless spinning of webs of yarn, of the minutiae of consciousness, these stories Sir Malcolm said there was nothing in, and they wouldn't last. Why should there be anything in them, why should they last? Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof. Sufficient unto the moment is the appearance of reality.
Clifford had quite a number of friends, acquaintances really, and he invited them to Wragby. He invited all sorts of people, critics and writers, people who would help to praise his books. And they were flattered at being asked to Wragby, and they praised. Connie understood it all perfectly. But why not? This was one of the fleeting patterns in the mirror. What was wrong with it?
She was hostess to these people...mostly men. She was hostess also to Clifford's occasional aristocratic relations. Being a soft, ruddy, country-looking girl, inclined to freckles, with big blue eyes, and curling, brown hair, and a soft voice, and rather strong, female loins she was considered a little old-fashioned and `womanly'. She was not a `little pilchard sort of fish', like a boy, with a boy's flat breast and little buttocks. She was too feminine to be quite smart.
So the men, especially those no longer young, were very nice to her indeed. But, knowing what torture poor Clifford would feel at the slightest sign of flirting on her part, she gave them no encouragement at all. She was quiet and vague, she had no contact with them and intended to have none. Clifford was extraordinarily proud of himself.
His relatives treated her quite kindly. She knew that the kindliness indicated a lack of fear, and that these people had no respect for you unless you could frighten them a little. But again she had no contact. She let them be kindly and disdainful, she let them feel they had no need to draw their steel in readiness. She had no real connexion with them.
Time went on. Whatever happened, nothing happened, because she was so beautifully out of contact. She and Clifford lived in their ideas and his books. She entertained...there were always people in the house. Time went on as the clock does, half past eight instead of half past seven.