zài bèi duō fú fù qīn de fáng zǐ lǐ, bù lǎng wēn jiā liǎng jiě mèi 'è xiù lā hé gē zhēn zuò zài tū dù chuāng chuāng tái shàng, yī biān xiù huā、 huì huà, yī biān liáo zhe。 è xiù lā zhèng xiù yī jiàn sè cǎi xiān yàn de dōng xī, gē zhēn xī gài shàng fàng zhe yī kuài huà bǎn zài huà huà 'ér。
tā men mò mò dì xiù zhe、 huà zhe, xiǎng dào shénme jiù shuō diǎn shénme。
“ è xiù lā,” gē zhēn shuō,“ nǐ zhēn xiǎng jié hūn má?” è xiù lā bǎ cì xiù tān zài xī shàng tái qǐ tóu lái, shén qíng píng jìng、 ruò yòu suǒ sī dì shuō:
“ wǒ bù zhī dào, zhè yào kàn zěn me jiǎng liǎo。”
gē zhēn yòu diǎn chī jīng dì kàn zhe jiě jiě, kàn liǎo hǎo yī huì 'ér。
“ zhè gè má,” gē zhēn diào kǎn dì shuō,“ yī bān lái shuō zhǐ de jiù shì nà huí shì! dàn shì, nǐ bù jué dé nǐ yīnggāi, ǹg,” tā yòu diǎn shén sè 'àn rán dì shuō,“ bù yìng gāi bǐ xiàn zài de chǔjìng gèng hǎo yī diǎn má?”
è xiù lā liǎn shàng shǎn guò yī piàn yīn yǐng。
“ yīnggāi,” tā shuō,“ bù guò wǒ méi bǎ wò。”
gē zhēn yòu bù shuō huà liǎo, yòu diǎn bù gāo xīng liǎo, tā yuán běn yào dé dào yī gè què qiē de dá fù。
“ nǐ bù rèn wéi yī gè rén xū yào jié hūn de jīng yàn má?” tā wèn。
“ nǐ rèn wéi jié hūn shì yī zhǒng jīng yàn má?” è xiù lā fǎn wèn。
“ kěn dìng shì, bù guǎn zěn yàng dōushì。” gē zhēn lěng jìng dì shuō,“ kě néng zhè jīng yàn ràng rén bù yú kuài, dàn kěn dìng shì yī zhǒng jīng yàn。”
“ nà bù jiàn dé,” è xiù lā shuō,“ yě xǔ dǎo shì jīng yàn de jié shù ní。”
gē zhēn bǐ zhí dì zuò zhe, rèn zhēn tīng 'è xiù lā shuō zhè huà。
“ dāng rán liǎo,” tā shuō,“ shì yào xiǎng dào zhè gè。” shuō wán hòu, tā men bù zài shuō huà liǎo。 gē zhēn jīhū shì qì hū hū dì zhuā qǐ xiàng pí, kāi shǐ cā diào huà shàng qù de dōng xī。 è xiù lā zhuān xīn dì xiù tā de huā 'ér。
“ yòu xiàng yàng de rén qiú hūn nǐ bù kǎo lǜ jiē shòu má?” gē zhēn wèn。
“ wǒdōu huí jué liǎo hǎo jǐ gè liǎo。” è xiù lā shuō。
“ zhēn de!?” gē zhēn fēi hóng liǎo liǎn wèn:“ shénme zhí dé nǐ zhè me gān? nǐ zhēn yòu shénme xiǎng fǎ má?”
“ yī nián zhōng yòu hǎo duō rén qiú hūn, wǒ xǐ huān shàng liǎo yī gè fēi cháng hǎo de rén, tài xǐ huān tā liǎo。” è xiù lā shuō。
“ zhēn de! shì bù shì nǐ ràng rén jiā yǐn yòu liǎo?”
“ kě yǐ shuō shì, yě kě yǐ shuō bù shì。” è xiù lā shuō,“ yī dào nà shí hòu, yā gēn 'ér jiù méi liǎo yǐn yòu zhè yī shuō。 yào shì wǒ ràng rén jiā yǐn yòu liǎo, wǒ zǎo lì jí jié hūn liǎo。 wǒ shòu de shì bù jié hūn de yǐn yòu。” shuō dào zhè lǐ, liǎng jiě mèi de liǎn sè míng lǎng qǐ lái, gǎn dào lè bù kě zhī。
“ tài bàng liǎo,” gē zhēn jiào dào,“ zhè yǐn yòu lì yě tài dà liǎo, bù jié hūn!” tā men liǎng rén xiāng duì dà xiào qǐ lái, dàn tā men xīn lǐ gǎn dào kě pà。
zhè yǐ hòu tā men chén mò liǎo hǎo jiǔ, è xiù lā réng jiù xiù huā 'ér, gē zhēn zhào jiù huà tā de sù miáo。 jiě mèi liǎ dōushì dà gū niàn liǎo, è xiù lā 'èr shí liù, gē zhēn 'èr shí wǔ。 dàn tā mendōu xiàng xiàn dài nǚ xìng nà yàng, kàn shàng qù lěng mò、 chún jié, bù xiàng qīng chūn nǚ shén, fǎn dǎo gèng xiàng yuè shén。 gē zhēn hěn piào liàng、 pí fū róu nèn, tǐ tài 'ē'nuó, rén yě wēn shùn。 tā shēn zhe yī jiàn mò lǜ sè chóu shàng yī, lǐng kǒu hé xiù kǒu shàng dū xiāng zhe lán sè hé lǜ sè de yà má bù xí biān 'ér; jiǎo shàng chuān de wà zǐ zé shì cuì lǜ sè de。 tā kàn shàng qù yǔ 'è xiù lā zhèng xiāng fǎn。 tā shí 'ér zì xìn, shí 'ér xiū shè, ér 'è xiù lā zé mǐn gǎn, chōng mǎn xìn xīn。 běn dì rén bèi gē zhēn nà tài rán zì ruò de shén tài hé háo wú yǎn shì de jǔ zhǐ suǒ jīng chà, shuō tā shì gè“ líng lì de gū niàn。” tā gāng cóng lún dūn huí lái, zài nà 'ér zhù liǎo jǐ nián, zài yī suǒ yì shù xué xiào biān gōng zuò biān xué xí, yǎn rán shì gè yì shù jiā。
“ wǒ xiàn zài zài děng yī gè nán rén de dào lái,” gē zhēn shuō zhe, tū rán yǎo zhù xià zuǐ chún, yī bàn shì jiǎo huá de xiào, yī bàn shì tòng kǔ xiāng, zuò liǎo gè qí guài de guǐ liǎn。
è xiù lā bèi xià liǎo yī tiào。
“ nǐ huí jiā lái, jiù shì wèile zài zhè 'ér děng tā?” tā xiào dào。
“ dé liǎo bā,” gē zhēn cì 'ěr dì jiào dào,“ wǒ cái bù huì fàn shén jīng qù zhǎo tā ní。 bù guò má, yào shì zhēn yòu nà me yī gè rén, xiàngmào chū zhòng、 fēng cǎi zhào rén, yòu yòu zú gòu de qián, nà héng héng” gē zhēn yòu diǎn bù hǎo yì sī, huà méi shuō wán。 rán hòu tā dīng zhe 'è xiù lā, hǎo xiàng yào kàn tòu tā shìde。“ nǐ bù jué dé nǐ dū gǎn dào yàn fán liǎo má?” tā wèn jiě jiě,“ nǐ shì fǒu fā xiàn shénme dōuwú fǎ shí xiàn? shénme dū shí xiàn bù liǎo! yī qiēdōu hái wèi děng kāi huā 'ér jiù diāo xiè liǎo。”
“ shénme méi kāi huā jiù diāo xiè liǎo?” è xiù lā wèn。
“ hāi, shénme dōushì zhè yàng, zì jǐ yī bān de shì qíng dū zhè yàng。” jiě mèi liǎ bù shuō huà liǎo, dōuzài méng méng lóng lóng dì kǎo lǜ zhe zì jǐ de mìng yùn。
“ zhè shì gòu kě pà de。” è xiù lā shuō, tíng liǎo yī huì 'ér yòu shuō:“ bù guò nǐ xiǎng tōng guò jié hūn dá dào shénme mù de má?”
“ nà shì xià yī bù de shì 'ér, bù kě bì miǎn。” gē zhēn shuō。 è xiù lā sī kǎo zhe zhè gè wèn tí, xīn zhōng yòu diǎn fā kǔ。 tā zài wēi lì · gé lín zhōng xué jiāoshū, gōng zuò hǎo jǐ nián liǎo。
“ wǒ zhī dào,” tā shuō,“ rén yī kōng xiǎng qǐ lái sì hū dū nà yàng, kě yào shì shèshēnchǔdì dì xiǎng xiǎng jiù hǎo liǎo, xiǎng xiǎng bā, xiǎng xiǎng nǐ liǎo jiě de yī gè nán rén, měi tiān wǎn shàng huí jiā lái, duì nǐ shuō shēng ‘ hā luó ’, rán hòu wěn nǐ héng héng”
shuídōu bù shuō huà liǎo。
“ méi cuò,” gē zhēn xiǎo shēng shuō,“ zhè bù kě néng。 nán rén bù kě néng zhè yàng。”
“ dāng rán hái yòu hái zǐ héng héng” è xiù lā chí yí dì shuō。
gē zhēn de biǎo qíng yán jùn qǐ lái。
“ nǐ zhēn xiǎng yào hái zǐ má, è xiù lā?” tā lěng lěng dì wèn。 tīng tā zhè yī wèn, è xiù lā liǎn shàng lù chū liǎo mí huò bù jiě de biǎo qíng。
“ wǒ jué dé zhè gè wèn tí lí wǒ hái tài yuǎn,” tā shuō。
“ nǐ shì zhè zhǒng gǎn shòu má?” gē zhēn wèn,“ wǒ cóng lái méi xiǎng guò shēng hái zǐ, méi nà gǎn shòu。”
gē zhēn háo wú biǎo qíng dì kàn zhe 'è xiù lā。 è xiù lā zhòu qǐ liǎo méi tóu。
“ huò xǔ zhè bìng bù shì zhēn de,” tā zhī wú dào,“ huò xǔ rén men xīn lǐ bìng bù xiǎng yào hái zǐ, zhǐ shì biǎo miàn shàng zhè yàng 'ér yǐ。” gē zhēn de shén tài yán sù qǐ lái。 tā bìng bù xū yào tài kěn dìng de shuō fǎ。
“ kě yòu shí yī gè rén huì xiǎng dào bié rén de hái zǐ。” è xiù lā shuō。
gē zhēn yòu yī cì kàn kàn jiě jiě, mù guāng zhōng jīhū yòu xiē dí yì。
“ shì zhè yàng。” tā shuō wán bù zài shuō huà liǎo。
jiě mèi liǎng rén mò mò dì xiù huā、 huì huà 'ér。 è xiù lā zǒng shì nà me jīng shén dǒu sǒu, xīn zhōng rán zhe yī tuán pū pū zuò xiǎng、 xióng xióng téng téng de huǒ。 tā zì jǐ dú lì shēng huó hěn jiǔ liǎo, jié shēn zì hǎo, gōng zuò zhe, rì fù yī rì, zǒng xiǎng bǎ wò zhù shēng huó, zhào zì jǐ de xiǎng fǎ qù bǎ wò shēng huó。 biǎo miàn shàng tā tíng zhǐ liǎo huó yuè de shēng huó, kě shí jì shàng, zài míng míng zhōng què yòu shénme zài shēngzhǎng chū lái。 yào shì tā néng gòu chōng pò nà zuì hòu de yī céng ké pí gāi duō hǎo 'ā! tā sì hū xiàng yī gè tāi 'ér nà yàng shēn chū liǎo shuāng shǒu, kě shì, tā bù néng, hái bù néng。 tā réng yòu yī zhǒng qí tè de yù gǎn, gǎn dào yòu shénme jiāng zhì。
tā fàng xià shǒu zhōng de cì xiù, kàn kàn mèi mèi。 tā jué dé gē zhēn tài piào liàng、 shí zài tài mí rén liǎo, tā róu měi、 fēng yú、 xiàn tiáo xiān xì。 tā hái yòu diǎn wán pí、 táo qì、 chū yán xīn là, zhēn shì gè háo wú xiū shì de chǔnǚ。 è xiù lā dǎ xīn yǎn 'ér lǐ xiàn mù tā。
“ nǐ wèishénme huí jiā lái?”
gē zhēn zhī dào 'è xiù lā xiàn mù tā liǎo。 tā zhí qǐ yāo lái, xiàn tiáo yōu měi de yǎn jié máo xià mù guāng níng shì zhe 'è xiù lā。
“ wèn wǒ wèishénme huí lái má, è xiù lā?” tā chóngfù dào:“ wǒ zì jǐ yǐ jīng wèn guò zì jǐ yī qiān cì liǎo。”
“ nǐ zhī dào liǎo má?”
“ zhī dào liǎo, wǒ xiǎng wǒ míng bái liǎo。 wǒ jué dé wǒ tuì yī bù shì wéi liǎo gèng hǎo dì qián jìn。”
shuō wán tā jiǔ jiǔ dì dīng zhe 'è xiù lā, mù guāng xún wèn zhe tā。
“ wǒ zhī dào!” è xiù lā jiào dào, nà shén qíng yòu xiē mí máng, xiàng shì zài shuō huǎng, hǎo xiàng tā bù míng bái yī yàng。“ kě nǐ yào tiào dào nǎ 'ér qù ní?”
“ ò, wú suǒ wèi,” gē zhēn shuō, kǒu qì yòu diǎn chāo rán。“ yī gè rén rú guǒ tiào guò liǎo lí bā, tā zǒng néng luò dào yī gè shénme dì fāng de。”
“ kě zhè bù shì zài mào xiǎn má?” è xiù lā shuō。
gē zhēn liǎn shàng jiàn jiàn lüè guò yī sī cháo fěng de xiào yì。
“ hāi!” tā xiào dào:“ wǒ men jìn chǎo xiē shénme yā!” tā yòu bù shuō huà liǎo, kě 'è xiù lā réng rán yù mèn dì chén sī zhe。
“ nǐ huí lái liǎo, jué dé jiā lǐ zěn me yàng?” tā wèn。
gē zhēn chén mò liǎo piàn kè, yòu diǎn lěng mò。 rán hòu lěng lěng dì shuō:
“ wǒ fā xiàn wǒ wán quán bù shì zhè 'ér de rén liǎo。”
“ nà bà bà ní?”
gē zhēn jīhū yòu diǎn fǎn gǎn dì kàn kàn 'è xiù lā, yòu xiē de yàng zǐ, shuō:
“ wǒ hái méi xiǎng dào tā ní, wǒ bù ràng zì jǐ qù xiǎng。” tā de huà hěn lěng mò。
“ hǎo 'ā,” è xiù lā tūn tūn tù tù dì shuō。 tā liǎ de duì huà díquè jìn xíng bù xià qù liǎo。 jiě mèi liǎng rén fā xiàn zì jǐ yù dào liǎo yī tiáo hēi dòng dòng de shēn yuān, hěn kě pà, hǎo xiàng tā men jiù zài biān shàng kuī shì yī yàng。
tā men yòu mò mò dì zuò zhe zì jǐ de huó 'ér。 yī huì 'ér, gē zhēn de liǎn yīn wéi kòng zhì zhe qíng xù 'ér tōng hóng qǐ lái。 tā bù yuàn ràng liǎn hóng qǐ lái。
“ wǒ men chū qù kàn kàn rén jiā de hūn lǐ bā。” tā zhōng yú shuō huà liǎo, kǒu qì hěn suí biàn。
“ hǎo 'ā!” è xiù lā jiào dào, jíqiè dì bǎ zhēn xiàn rēng dào yī biān, tiào liǎo qǐ lái, sì hū yào táo lí shénme dōng xī yī yàng。 zhè me yī lái, fǎn dǎo nòng dé hěn jǐn zhāng, lìng gē zhēn gǎn dào bù gāo xīng。
wǎng lóu shàng zǒu zhe, è xiù lā zhù yì dì kàn zhe zhè zuò fáng zǐ, zhè shì tā de jiā。 kě shì tā tǎo yàn zhè 'ér, zhè kuài 'āng zàng、 tài ràng rén shú xí de dì fāng! yě xǔ tā nèi xīn shēn chù duì zhè gè jiā shì fǎn gǎn de, zhè zhōu wéi de huán jìng, zhěng gè qì fēn hé zhè zhǒng chén fǔ de shēng huó dū ràng tā fǎn gǎn。 zhè zhǒng gǎn jué lìng tā kǒng bù。
liǎng gè gū niàn hěn kuài jiù lái dào liǎo bèi duō fú de zhùgàn dào shàng, cōng cōng zǒu zhe。 zhè tiáo jiē hěn kuān, lù bàng yòu shāng diàn hé zhù fáng, bù jú sǎnluàn, jiē miàn shàng yě hěn zàng, bù guò dǎo bù xiǎn dé pín hán。 gē zhēn gāng cóng chè xī qū ① hé sū sài kè sī ② lái, duì zhōng bù zhè zuò xiǎo xiǎo de kuàng qū chéng shí fēn yàn 'è, zhè 'ér zhēn shì yòu luàn yòu zàng。 tā cháo qián zǒu zhe, chuān guò cháng cháng de lì shí jiē dào, bǎ gè hùn luàn bù kān、 āng zàng tòu dǐng、 xiǎo qì shí zú de chǎng miàn jìn shōu yǎn dǐ。 rén men de mù guāng dū dīng zhe tā, tā gǎn dào hěn nán shòu。 zhēn bù zhī dào tā wèishénme yào huí lái, wèishénme yào cháng cháng zhè luàn qī bā zāo、 chǒu lòu bù kān de xiǎo chéng zī wèi。 tā wèishénme yào xiàng zhè xiē lìng rén nán yǐ rěn shòu de zhé mó, zhè xiē háo wú yì yì de rén hé zhè zuò háo wú guāng cǎi de nóng cūn xiǎo zhèn qū fú ní? wèishénme tā réng rán yào xiàng zhè xiē dōng xī qū fú? tā gǎn dào zì jǐ jiù xiàng yī zhǐ zài chén tǔ zhōng rú dòng de jiáqiào chóng, zhè zhēn lìng rén fǎn gǎn。
① chè xī qū shì lún dūn jù jí liǎo wén xué yì shù jiā de yī gè qū。
② yīng guó de yī gè jùn。 héng héng yì zhě zhù。 yǐ hòu suǒ yòu de zhù shì jūn wéi yì zhě zhù。
tā men zǒu xià zhùgàn dào, cóng yī zuò hēi hū hū de gōng jiā cài yuán bàng zǒu guò, yuán zǐ lǐ zhān mǎn méi tàn de bái cài gēn bù shí xiū chǐ dì sǎnluò zhe。 méi rén gǎn dào nán kàn, méi rén wéi zhè gè gǎn dào bù hǎo yì sī。
“ zhè dì yù zhōng de nóng cūn。” gē zhēn shuō,“ kuàng gōng men bǎ méi tàn dài dào dì miàn shàng lái, dài lái zhè me duō yā。 è xiù lā, zhè kě zhēn tài hǎo wán liǎo, tài hǎo liǎo, zhēn shì tài miào liǎo, zhè 'ér yòu shì yī gè shì jiè。 zhè 'ér de rén quán shì xiē chī shī guǐ, zhè 'ér shénme dōng xī dū zhān zhe guǐ qì。 quán shì zhēn shí shì jiè de guǐ yǐng, shì guǐ yǐng、 shí shī guǐ, quán shì xiē 'āng zàng、 wò chuò de dōng xī。 è xiù lā, zhè jiǎn zhí ràng rén fā fēng。”
jiě mèi liǎ chuān guò yī piàn hēi yǒu yǒu、 āng zàng bù kān de tián yě。 zuǒ biān shì sǎnluò zhe yī zuò zuò méi kuàng de gǔ dì, gǔ dì shàng miàn de shān pō shàng shì xiǎo mài tián hé sēn lín, yuǎn yuǎn yī piàn yǒu hēi, jiù xiàng zhào zhe yī céng hēi shā yī yàng。 dūn dūn shí shí de yān chuāng lǐ mào zhe bái yān hēi yān, xiàng hēi chén chén tiān kōng shàng zài biàn mó shù yī yàng。 jìn chù shì yī pái pái de zhù fáng, shùn shān pō 'ér shàng, yī zhí tōng xiàng shān dǐng。 zhè xiē fáng zǐ yòng 'àn hóng zhuān qì chéng, fáng dǐng pū zhe shí bǎn, kàn shàng qù hěn bù jiēshí。 jiě mèi 'èr rén zǒu de zhè tiáo lù yě shì hēi hū hū de。 lù shì ràng kuàng gōng men de jiǎo yī bù bù cǎi chū lái de, lù bàng wéi zhe tiě shān lán, shān mén yě ràng jìn chū de kuàng gōng men de hòu máo bù kù mó liàng liǎo。 xiàn zài jiě mèi 'èr rén zǒu zài jǐ pái fáng wū zhōng jiān de lù shàng, zhè lǐ kě jiù hán suān liǎo。 nǚ rén men dài zhe wéi qún, shuāng bì jiāo chā zhe bào zài xiōng qián, zhàn zài yuǎn chù qiè qiè sī yǔ, tā men yòng yī zhǒng bù kāi huà rén de mù guāng mù bù zhuǎn jīng dì dīng zhe bù lǎng wēn jiě mèi; hái zǐ men zài jiào mà zhe。
gē zhēn zǒu zhe, bèi yǎn qián de dōng xī jīng dāi liǎo。 rú guǒ shuō zhè shì rén de shēng huó, rú guǒ shuō zhè xiē shì shēng huó zài yī gè wán zhěng shì jiè zhōng de rén, nà me tā zì jǐ nà gè shì jiè suàn shénme ní? tā yì shí dào zì jǐ chuānzhuó lǜ cǎo bān xiān lǜ de wà zǐ, dài zhe lǜ sè de tiān 'é róng mào, róu ruǎn de zhǎngdà yī yě shì lǜ de, yán sè gēngshēn yī diǎn。 tā gǎn dào zì jǐ téng yún jià wù bān dì zǒu zhe, yī diǎn dōubù wěn, tā de xīn suō jǐn liǎo, sì hū tā suí shí dū huì cù rán shuāi dǎo zài dì。 tā pà liǎo。
tā jǐn jǐn wēi yǐ zhe 'è xiù lā, tā duì zhè gè hēi 'àn、 cū bǐ、 chōng mǎn dí yì de shì jiè zǎo xí yǐ wéi cháng liǎo。 jìn guǎn yòu 'è xiù lā, gē zhēn hái gǎn dào xiàng shì zài shòu zhe kǔ xíng, xīn 'ér yī zhí zài hū hǎn:“ wǒ yào huí qù, yào zǒu, wǒ bù xiǎng zhī dào zhè 'ér, bù xiǎng zhī dào zhè xiē dōng xī。” kě tā bù dé bù jì xù cháo qián zǒu。
è xiù lā kě yǐ gǎn jué dào gē zhēn shì zài shòu zuì。
“ nǐ tǎo yàn zhè xiē, shì má?” tā wèn。
“ zhè 'ér ràng wǒ chī jīng。” gē zhēn jié jiēbā bā dì shuō。
“ nǐ bié zài zhè 'ér dāi tài jiǔ。” è xiù lā shuō。
gē zhēn sōng liǎo yī kǒu qì, jì xù cháo qián zǒu。
tā men lí kāi liǎo kuàng qū, fān guò shān, jìn rù liǎo shān hòu níng jìng de xiāng cūn, cháo wēi lì · gé lín zhōng xué zǒu qù。 tián yě shàng réng yòu xiē méi tàn, dàn hǎo duō liǎo, shān shàng de lín zǐ lǐ yě zhè yàng, sì hū zài shǎn zhe hēi sè de guāng máng。 zhè shì chūn tiān, chūn hán liào qiào, dàn shàng yòu jǐ xǔ yáng guāng。 lí bā xià mào chū xiē huáng sè de huā lái, wēi lì · gé lín de nóng jiā cài yuán lǐ, fù pén zǐ yǐ jīng cháng chū liǎo yè zǐ, fú zhǒng zài shí qiáng shàng de yóu cài, huī yè zhōng yǐ zhàn chū xiē xiǎo bái huā 'ér。
tā men zhuǎn shēn zǒu xià liǎo gāo gāo de tián gěng, zhōng jiān shì tōng xiàng jiào táng de zhùgàn dào。 zài zhuǎn wān de dī chù, shù xià zhàn zhe yī qún děng zhe kàn hūn lǐ de rén men。 zhè gè dì qū de kuàng yè zhù tuō mǎ sī · kè lǐ qí de nǚ 'ér yǔ yī wèi hǎi jūn jūn guān de hūn lǐ jiāng yào jǔ xíng。
“ zán men huí qù bā,” gē zhēn zhuǎn guò shēn shuō zhe,“ quán shì xiē zhè zhǒng rén。”
tā zài lù shàng yóu yù zhe。
“ bié guǎn tā men,” è xiù lā shuō,“ tā mendōu bù cuò, dū rèn shí wǒ, méi shì 'ér。”
“ wǒ men fēi dé cóng tā men dāng zhōng chuān guò qù má?” gē zhēn wèn。
“ tā mendōu bù cuò, zhēn de。” è xiù lā shuō zhe jì xù cháo qián zǒu。 zhè jiě mèi liǎng rén yī qǐ jiē jìn liǎo zhè qún zào dòng bù 'ān、 yǎn bā bā dīng zhe kàn de rén。 zhè dāng zhōng dà duō shù shì nǚ rén, kuàng gōng men de qī zǐ, gèng shì xiē hùn rì zǐ de rén, tā men liǎn shàng tòu zhe jǐng jué de shén sè, yī kàn jiù shì xià céng rén。
jiě mèi liǎng rén tí xīn diào dǎn dì zhí cháo dà mén zǒu qù。 nǚ rén men wéi tā men ràng lù, kě ràng chū lái de jiù nà me zhǎi zhǎi de yī tiáo féng, hǎo xiàng shì zài miǎnqiǎng fàng qì zì jǐ de dì pán 'ér yī yàng。 jiě mèi liǎ mò mò dì chuān guò shí mén tà shàng tái jiē, zhàn zài hóng sè dì tǎn shàng de yī gè dīng zhe tā men wǎng qián xíng jìn de bù fá。
“ zhè shuāng wà zǐ kě gòu zhí qián de!” gē zhēn hòu miàn yòu rén shuō。 yī tīng zhè huà, gē zhēn hún shēn jiù rán qǐ yī gǔ nù huǒ, yī gǔ xiōng měng、 kě pà de huǒ。 tā zhēn hèn bù dé bǎ zhè xiē rén quán gàndiào, cóng zhè gè shì jiè shàng qīng chú gān jìng。 tā zhēn tǎo yàn zài zhè xiē rén zhù shì xià chuān guò jiào táng de yuàn zǐ yán zhe dì tǎn wǎng qián zǒu。
“ wǒ bù jìn jiào táng liǎo。” gē zhēn tū rán zuò chū liǎo zuì hòu de jué dìng。 tā de huà ràng 'è xiù lā lì jí tíng zhù jiǎo bù, zhuǎn guò shēn zǒu shàng liǎo bàng biān yī tiáo tōng xiàng zhōng xué bàng mén de xiǎo lù, zhōng xué jiù zài jiào táng gé bì。
chuān guò xué xiào yǔ jiào táng zhōng jiān de guàn mù cóng jìn dào xué xiào lǐ, è xiù lā zuò zài yuè guì shù xià de 'ǎi shí qiáng shàng xiē xī。 tā shēn hòu xué xiào gāo dà de hóng lóu jìng jìng dì zhù lì zhe, jiàrì lǐ chuāng hù quán chǎng kāi zhe, miàn qián guàn mù cóng nà biān jiù shì jiào táng dàn dàn de wū dǐng hé tǎ lóu。 jiě mèi liǎng rén bèi yǎn yìng zài shù mù zhōng。
gē zhēn mò mò dì zuò liǎo xià lái, jǐn bì zhe zuǐ, tóu niǔ xiàng yī biān。 tā zhēn hòu huǐ huí dào jiā lái。 è xiù lā kàn kàn tā, jué dé tā piào liàng jí liǎo, zì jǐ rèn shū liǎo, liǎn dū hóng liǎo。 kě tā ràng 'è xiù lā gǎn dào jǐn zhāng dé yòu diǎn lěi liǎo。 è xiù lā xī wàng dān dú zì chù, tuō lí gē zhēn gěi tā zào chéng de tòu bù guò qì lái de jǐn zhāng gǎn。
“ wǒ men hái yào zài zhè 'ér dāi xià qù má?” gē zhēn wèn。
“ wǒ jiù xiē yī xiǎo huì 'ér,” è xiù lā shuō zhe zhàn qǐ shēn, xiàng shì shòu dào gē zhēn de chì zé yī yàng。“ zán men jiù zhàn zài gé bì qiú chǎng de jiǎo luò lǐ, cóng nà 'ér shénme dū kàn dé jiàn。”
tài yáng zhèng huī huáng dì zhào yào zhe jiào táng mù dì, kōng qì zhōng dàn dàn dì mí màn zhe shù zhī de qīng xiāng, nà shì chūn tiān de qì xī, huò xǔ shì mù dì hēi zǐ luó lán sàn fā zhe yōu xiāng de yuán gù。 yī xiē chú jú yǐ zhàn kāi liǎo jié bái de huā duǒ, xiàng xiǎo tiān shǐ yī yàng piào liàng。 kōng zhōng tóng sè shān máo jǔ shàng shū zhǎn chū xuè hóng sè de shù yè。
shí yī diǎn shí, mǎ chē zhǔn shí dào dá。 yī liàng chē shǐ guò lái, mén kǒu rén qún yōng jǐ qǐ lái, chǎn shēng liǎo yī zhèn sāo dòng。 chū xí hūn lǐ de bīn kè men xú xú zǒu shàng tái jiē, yán zhe hóng dì tǎn zǒu xiàng jiào táng。 zhè tiān yáng guāng míng mèi, rén men gè gè xīng gāo cǎi liè。
gē zhēn yòng wài lái rén nà zhǒng hàoqí de mù guāng zǎi xì guān chá zhe zhè xiē rén。 tā bǎ měi gè réndōu zhěng tǐ dì guān chá yī tōng, huò bǎ tā men kàn zuò shū zhōng de yī gè gè rén wù, yī fú huà zhōng de rén wù huò jù yuàn zhōng de huó dòng mù 'ǒu, zǒng zhī, wán zhěng dì guān chá tā men。 tā xǐ huān biàn bié tā men bù tóng de xìng gé, jiāng tā men hái qí běn lái miàn mù, gěi tā men shè zhì zì wǒ huán jìng, zài tā men cóng tā yǎn qián zǒu guò de dāng 'ér jiù gěi tā men xià liǎo gè yǒng jiǔ de dìng lùn。 tā liǎo jiě tā men liǎo, duì tā lái shuō tā men shì xiē wán zhěng de rén, yǐ jīng dǎ shàng liǎo lào yìn de wán zhěng de rén。 děng dào kè lǐ qí jiā de rén kāi shǐ lòumiàn shí, zài yě méi yòu shénme wèi zhī、 bù néng jiě jué de wèn tí liǎo。 tā de xīng qù bèi jī fā qǐ lái liǎo, tā fā xiàn zhè lǐ yòu diǎn shénme dōng xī shì bù nà me róng yì tí qián xià jié lùn de。
nà biān zǒu guò lái kè lǐ qí tài tài hé tā de 'ér zǐ jié lā dé。 jìn guǎn tā wèile jīn tiān zhè gè rì zǐ míng xiǎn dì xiū shì zhuāng bàn liǎo yī fān, dàn réng kàn dé chū tā zhè rén shì bù xiū biān fú de。 tā liǎn sè cāng bái, yòu diǎn fā huáng, pí fū jié jìng tòu míng, yòu diǎn qián qīng de shēn tǐ, xiàn tiáo fēn míng, hěn jiàn zhuàng, kàn shàng qù xiàng shì yào gǔ zú lì qì bù gù yī qiē dì qù bǔ zhuō shénme。 tā yī tóu de báifà yī diǎn dōubù zhěng qí, jǐ lǚ tóu fā cóng lǜ chóu mào lǐ diào chū lái, piāo dào zhào zhuómò lǜ chóu yī de xí zhòu shā shàng。 yī kàn jiù zhī dào tā shì gè huàn piān zhí kuáng de nǚ rén, jiǎo huá 'ér 'ào màn。
tā 'ér zǐ běn shì gè fū sè bái jìng de rén, dàn ràng tài yáng shài hēi liǎo。 tā gè tóu zhōng děng piān gāo, shēn cái hěn hǎo, chuānzhuó sì hū yòu xiē guòfèn de jiǎng jiū。 dàn tā de shén tài què shì nà me qí yì、 jǐng jué, liǎn shàng qíng bù zì jìn dì shǎn shuò zhe guāng máng, sì hū tā tóng zhōu wéi de zhè xiē rén yòu zhe gēn běn de bù tóng。 gē zhēn de mù guāng zài dǎliang tā, tā shēn shàng mǒu zhǒng běi fāng rén de dōng xī mí zhù liǎo gē zhēn。 tā nà běi fāng rén chún jìng de jī fū hé jīn sè de tóu fā xiàng tòu guò shuǐ jīng zhé shè de yáng guāng yī yàng zài shǎn shuò。 tā kàn shàng qù shì nà me xīn qí de yī gè rén, méi yòu rèn hé zuò zuò de hén jì, xiàng běi jí de dōng xī yī yàng chún jié。 tā huò xǔ yòu sān shí suì liǎo, huò xǔ gèng dà xiē。 tā fēng cǎi zhào rén, nán zǐ qì shí zú, qià xiàng yī zhǐ pí qì wēn hé、 wēi xiào zhe de yòu láng yī yàng。 dàn zhè fù wài biǎo wú fǎ lìng tā biàn dé máng mù, tā hái shì lěng jìng dì kàn chū tā jìng tài zhōng cún zài zhe wēi xiǎn, tā nà pū shí de xí xìng shì wú fǎ gǎi biàn de。“ tā de tú téng shì láng,” tā zì jǐ chóngfù zhe zhè jù huà。“ tā mǔ qīn shì yī zhǐ háo bù qū fú de lǎo láng。” xiǎng dào cǐ, tā yī zhèn kuáng xǐ, hǎo xiàng tā yòu liǎo yī gè quán shì jiè dōubù zhī dào de lìng rén nán yǐ zhì xìn de fā xiàn。 yī zhèn kuáng xǐ jué zhù liǎo tā, quán shēn de xuè guǎn yī shí jiān měng liè jī dòng qǐ lái。“ tiān 'ā!” tā zì jǐ dà jiào zhe,“ zhè shì zěn me yī huí shì 'ā?” yī huì 'ér, tā yòu zì xìn dì shuō,“ wǒ huì gèng duō dì liǎo jiě nà gè rén de。” tā yào zài cì jiàn dào tā, tā bèi zhè zhǒng yù wàng zhé mó zhe, yī dìng yào zài cì jiàn dào tā, zhè xīn qíng rú tóng yī zhǒng xiāng liàn yī yàng。 tā qīng chǔ, tā méi yòu cuò, tā méi yòu zì qī qī rén, tā de què yīn wéi jiàn dào liǎo tā cái chǎn shēng liǎo zhè zhǒng qí tè 'ér zhèn fèn rén xīn de gǎn jué。 tā cóng běn zhì shàng liǎo jiě liǎo tā, shēn kè dì lǐ jiě tā,“ nán dào wǒ zhēn dì xuǎn zhōng liǎo tā má? nán dào zhēn yòu yī dào cāng bái、 jīn sè de běi jí guāng bǎ wǒ men liǎng rén shuān zài yī qǐ liǎo má?” tā duì zì jǐ fā wèn。 tā wú fǎ xiāng xìn zì jǐ, tā réng rán chén sī zhe, jīhū yì shí bù dào zhōu wéi dū fā shēng liǎo shénme shì。
nǚ bīn xiāng lái liǎo, dàn xīn niàn hái chí chí wèi dào。 è xiù lā cāi xiǎng kě néng chū liǎo diǎn chā cuò, zhè chǎng hūn lǐ nòng bù hǎo jiù bàn bù chéng liǎo。 tā wèicǐ gǎn dào yōu lǜ, sì hū hūn lǐ chéng gōng yǔ fǒu shì qǔ jué yú tā。 zhù yào de nǚ bīn xiāng mendōu dào liǎo, è xiù lā kàn zhe tā men zǒu shàng tái jiē。 tā rèn shí tā men dāng zhōng de yī gè, zhè rén gāo gāo de gè zǐ, xíng dòng huǎn màn, cháng zhe yī tóu jīn fā, cháng cháng de liǎn, liǎn sè cāng bái, yī kàn jiù zhī dào shì gè nán yǐ jià yù de rén。 tā shì kè lǐ qí jiā de péng yǒu, jiào hè mài nī · luó dí sī。 tā zǒu guò lái liǎo, áng zhe tóu, dài zhe yī dǐng qiǎn huáng sè tiān 'é róng kuān yán mào, mào zǐ shàng chā zhe jǐ gēn tiān rán huī sè tuó niǎo yǔ máo。 tā piāo rán 'ér guò, sì hū duì zhōu wéi shì 'ér bù jiàn, cāng bái de cháng liǎn xiàng shàng yáng qǐ, bìng bù liú yì zhōu wéi。 tā hěn fù yòu, jīn tiān chuān liǎo yī jiàn qiǎn huáng sè ruǎn tiān 'é róng shàng yī, liàng shǎn shǎn de, shǒu shàng pěng yī shù méi guī sè xiān kè lái huā 'ér; xié hé wà zǐ de yán sè hěn xiàng mào zǐ shàng yǔ máo de yán sè, yě shì huī sè de。 tā zhè rén hàn máo hěn zhòng ní。 zǒu qǐ lù lái tún bù shōu dé hěn jǐn, zhè shì tā de yī dà tè diǎn, nà zhǒng yōu yōu rán de yàng zǐ gēn zhòng rén jiù shì bù tóng, tā de yī zhe yóu qiǎn huáng hé 'àn huī dā pèi 'ér chéng, yī fú piào liàng, rén yě hěn měi, dàn yòu diǎn kě pà, yòu diǎn ràng rén shēng yàn。 tā zǒu guò shí, rén mendōu jìng liǎo xià lái, kàn lái ràng tā mí zhù liǎo, jì 'ér rén men yòu jī dòng qǐ lái, xiǎng tiáokǎn jǐ jù, dàn zhōng jiū bù gǎn, yòu chén mò liǎo。 tā gāo yáng zhe cāng bái de cháng liǎn, yàng zǐ pō xiàng luó sài dì①, sì hū yòu diǎn má mù, sì hū tā hēi 'àn de nèi xīn shēn chù jù jí liǎo xǔ xǔ duō duō qí tè de sī xiǎng lìng tā yǒng yuǎn wú fǎ cóng zhōng jiě tuō。
① luó sài dì( 1 8 3 0 héng18 9 4), yīng guó lā fěi 'ěr qián pài zhù míng nǚ shī rén。 tā de shī duō yǐ tián yuán mù gē shī wéi zhù, fù yòu shén mì zōng jiào sè cǎi。
è xiù lā chū shén dì kàn zhe hè mài nī。 tā liǎo jiě yī diǎn tā de qíng kuàng。 hè mài nī shì zhōng yuán dì qū zuì chū sè de nǚ rén, fù qīn shì dé bǐ jùn de nán jué, shì gè jiù pài rén wù, ér tā zé quán rán xīn pài, cōng míng guò rén qiě jí yòu sī xiǎng。 tā duì gǎi gé chōng mǎn rè qíng, xīn sī quán yòng zài shè huì shì yè shàng。 kě tā hái shì zhōng guī jià liǎo rén, réng rán dé shòu nán xìng shì jiè de zuǒ yòu。
tā tóng gè lù yòu dì wèi de nán réndōu yòu shén jiāo。 è xiù lā zhǐ zhī dào qí zhōng yòu yī wèi shì xué xiào jiān chá yuán, míng jiào lú bó tè · bó jīn。 dǎo shì gē zhēn zài lún dūn rèn shí rén gèng duō xiē。 tā tóng gǎo yì shù de péng yǒu men chū rù gè zhǒng shè jiāo juàn zǐ, yǐ jīng rèn shí liǎo bù shǎo zhī míng rén shì。 tā yǔ hè mài nī dǎ guò liǎng cì jiāo dào, dàn tā men liǎng rén huà bù tóu jī。 tā men zài lún dūn chéng lǐ gè lèi péng yǒu jiā yǐ píng děng de shēn fèn xiāng shí, xiàn zài rú guǒ yǐ rú cǐ xuán shū de shè huì dì wèi zài zhōng yuán xiāng huì jiāng huì lìng rén hěn bù shū fú。 gē zhēn zài shè huì shàng yī zhí shì gè jiǎo jiǎo zhě, yǔ guì zú zhōng gǎo diǎn yì shù de yòu xián zhě jiāo wǎng mìqiè。
hè mài nī zhī dào zì jǐ chuān dé hěn piào liàng, tā zhī dào zì jǐ zài wēi lì · gé lín kě yǐ píng děng dì tóng rèn hé tā xiǎng rèn shí de rén dǎ jiāo dào, huò xǔ xiǎng bǎi bǎi jià zǐ jiù bǎi bǎi jià zǐ。 tā zhī dào tā de dì wèi zài wén huà zhī shí jiè de juàn zǐ lǐ shì dé dào rèn kě de, tā shì wén huà yì shí de chuán bō méi jiè。 wú lùn zài shè huì shàng hái shì zài sī xiǎng yì shí fāng miàn shèn zhì zài yì shù shàng, tā dū chù zài zuì gāo céng cì shàng, mù xiù yú lín, zài zhè xiē fāng miàn tā xiǎn dé zuǒ yòu féng yuán。 méi shuí néng bǎ tā bǐ xià qù, méi shuí néng gòu ràng tā chū chǒu, yīn wéi tā zǒng shì gāo jū yī liú, ér nà xiē yǔ tā zuò duì de réndōu zài tā zhī xià, wú lùn zài děng jí shàng、 cái lì shàng huò shì zài gāo céng cì de sī xiǎng jiāo liú, sī xiǎng fā zhǎn jí lǐng wù néng lì shàng dū bù rú tā。 yīn cǐ tā shì mào fàn bù dé de rén wù。 tā yī shēng zhōng dū nǔ lì bù shòu rén shāng hài huò qīn fàn, yào ràng rén men wú fǎ pàn duàn tā。
dàn shì tā de xīn zài shòu zhé mó, zhè yī diǎn tā wú fǎ yǎn shì。 bié kàn tā zài tōng wǎng jiào táng de lù shàng rú cǐ xìn bù qián xíng, què xìn yōng sú de duì tā háo wú sǔn shāng, shēn xìn zì jǐ de xíng xiàng wán měi wú quē、 shǔ yú dì yī liú。 dàn shì tā rěn shòu zhe zhé mó, zì xìn hé 'ào màn zhǐ shì biǎo miàn xiàn xiàng 'ér yǐ, qí shí tā gǎn dào zì jǐ shāng hén lěi lěi, shòu zhe rén men de cháo fěng yǔ miè shì。 tā zǒng gǎn dào zì jǐ róng yì shòu dào shāng hài, zài tā de kuī jiá xià zǒng yòu yī dào yǐn mì de shāng kǒu。 tā bù zhī dào zhè shì zěn me huí shì。 qí shí zhè shì yīn wéi tā quē fá qiáng jiàn de zì wǒ, bù jù bèi tiān rán de zì fù gǎn。 tā yòu de zhǐ shì yī gè kě pà kōng dòng de líng hún, quē fá shēng mìng de dǐ yùn。
tā xū yào yòu gè rén lái chōng yì tā shēng mìng de dǐ yùn, yǒng yuǎn zhè yàng。 yú shì tā jí lì zhuī qiú lú bó tè · bó jīn。 dāng bó jīn zài tā shēn biān shí, tā jiù gǎn dào zì jǐ shì wán zhěng de, dǐ qì hěn zú。 ér zài qí tā shí jiān lǐ, tā jiù gǎn dào yáo yáo yù diē, jiù xiàng jiàn lì zài duàn liè dài zhī shàng de fáng wū yī yàng。 jìn guǎn tā 'ài miàn zǐ, yǎn shì zì jǐ, dàn rèn hé yī wèi zì xìn、 pí qì jué jiàng de pǔ tōng nǚ yōng dōukě yǐ yòng qīng wēi de cháo fěng hé miè shì jǔ zhǐ jiāng tā pāo rù wú dǐ de shēn yuān, lìng tā gǎn dào zì jǐ wú néng。 dàn shì, zhè wèi yōu yù、 rěn shòu zhe zhé mó de nǚ rén yī zhí zài jìn qǔ, yòng měi xué、 wén huà、 shàng liú shè huì de tài dù hé dà gōng wú sī de xíng wéi lái bǎo hù zì jǐ。 kě tā zěn me yě wú fǎ yuè guò zhè dào kě pà de gōu hè, zǒng gǎn dào zì jǐ méi yòu dǐ qì。
'Ursula,' said Gudrun, 'don't you REALLY WANT to get married?' Ursula laid her embroidery in her lap and looked up. Her face was calm and considerate.
'I don't know,' she replied. 'It depends how you mean.'
Gudrun was slightly taken aback. She watched her sister for some moments.
'Well,' she said, ironically, 'it usually means one thing! But don't you think anyhow, you'd be--' she darkened slightly--'in a better position than you are in now.'
A shadow came over Ursula's face.
'I might,' she said. 'But I'm not sure.'
Again Gudrun paused, slightly irritated. She wanted to be quite definite.
'You don't think one needs the EXPERIENCE of having been married?' she asked.
'Do you think it need BE an experience?' replied Ursula.
'Bound to be, in some way or other,' said Gudrun, coolly. 'Possibly undesirable, but bound to be an experience of some sort.'
'Not really,' said Ursula. 'More likely to be the end of experience.'
Gudrun sat very still, to attend to this.
'Of course,' she said, 'there's THAT to consider.' This brought the conversation to a close. Gudrun, almost angrily, took up her rubber and began to rub out part of her drawing. Ursula stitched absorbedly.
'You wouldn't consider a good offer?' asked Gudrun.
'I think I've rejected several,' said Ursula.
'REALLY!' Gudrun flushed dark--'But anything really worth while? Have you REALLY?'
'A thousand a year, and an awfully nice man. I liked him awfully,' said Ursula.
'Really! But weren't you fearfully tempted?'
'In the abstract but not in the concrete,' said Ursula. 'When it comes to the point, one isn't even tempted--oh, if I were tempted, I'd marry like a shot. I'm only tempted NOT to.' The faces of both sisters suddenly lit up with amusement.
'Isn't it an amazing thing,' cried Gudrun, 'how strong the temptation is, not to!' They both laughed, looking at each other. In their hearts they were frightened.
There was a long pause, whilst Ursula stitched and Gudrun went on with her sketch. The sisters were women, Ursula twenty-six, and Gudrun twenty-five. But both had the remote, virgin look of modern girls, sisters of Artemis rather than of Hebe. Gudrun was very beautiful, passive, soft-skinned, soft-limbed. She wore a dress of dark-blue silky stuff, with ruches of blue and green linen lace in the neck and sleeves; and she had emerald-green stockings. Her look of confidence and diffidence contrasted with Ursula's sensitive expectancy. The provincial people, intimidated by Gudrun's perfect sang-froid and exclusive bareness of manner, said of her: 'She is a smart woman.' She had just come back from London, where she had spent several years, working at an art-school, as a student, and living a studio life.
'I was hoping now for a man to come along,' Gudrun said, suddenly catching her underlip between her teeth, and making a strange grimace, half sly smiling, half anguish. Ursula was afraid.
'So you have come home, expecting him here?' she laughed.
'Oh my dear,' cried Gudrun, strident, 'I wouldn't go out of my way to look for him. But if there did happen to come along a highly attractive individual of sufficient means--well--' she tailed off ironically. Then she looked searchingly at Ursula, as if to probe her. 'Don't you find yourself getting bored?' she asked of her sister. 'Don't you find, that things fail to materialise? NOTHING MATERIALISES! Everything withers in the bud.'
'What withers in the bud?' asked Ursula.
'Oh, everything--oneself--things in general.' There was a pause, whilst each sister vaguely considered her fate.
'It does frighten one,' said Ursula, and again there was a pause. 'But do you hope to get anywhere by just marrying?'
'It seems to be the inevitable next step,' said Gudrun. Ursula pondered this, with a little bitterness. She was a class mistress herself, in Willey Green Grammar School, as she had been for some years.
'I know,' she said, 'it seems like that when one thinks in the abstract. But really imagine it: imagine any man one knows, imagine him coming home to one every evening, and saying "Hello," and giving one a kiss--'
There was a blank pause.
'Yes,' said Gudrun, in a narrowed voice. 'It's just impossible. The man makes it impossible.'
'Of course there's children--' said Ursula doubtfully.
Gudrun's face hardened.
'Do you REALLY want children, Ursula?' she asked coldly. A dazzled, baffled look came on Ursula's face.
'One feels it is still beyond one,' she said.
'DO you feel like that?' asked Gudrun. 'I get no feeling whatever from the thought of bearing children.'
Gudrun looked at Ursula with a masklike, expressionless face. Ursula knitted her brows.
'Perhaps it isn't genuine,' she faltered. 'Perhaps one doesn't really want them, in one's soul--only superficially.' A hardness came over Gudrun's face. She did not want to be too definite.
'When one thinks of other people's children--' said Ursula.
Again Gudrun looked at her sister, almost hostile.
'Exactly,' she said, to close the conversation.
The two sisters worked on in silence, Ursula having always that strange brightness of an essential flame that is caught, meshed, contravened. She lived a good deal by herself, to herself, working, passing on from day to day, and always thinking, trying to lay hold on life, to grasp it in her own understanding. Her active living was suspended, but underneath, in the darkness, something was coming to pass. If only she could break through the last integuments! She seemed to try and put her hands out, like an infant in the womb, and she could not, not yet. Still she had a strange prescience, an intimation of something yet to come.
She laid down her work and looked at her sister. She thought Gudrun so CHARMING, so infinitely charming, in her softness and her fine, exquisite richness of texture and delicacy of line. There was a certain playfulness about her too, such a piquancy or ironic suggestion, such an untouched reserve. Ursula admired her with all her soul.
'Why did you come home, Prune?' she asked.
Gudrun knew she was being admired. She sat back from her drawing and looked at Ursula, from under her finely-curved lashes.
'Why did I come back, Ursula?' she repeated. 'I have asked myself a thousand times.'
'And don't you know?'
'Yes, I think I do. I think my coming back home was just RECULER POUR MIEUX SAUTER.'
And she looked with a long, slow look of knowledge at Ursula.
'I know!' cried Ursula, looking slightly dazzled and falsified, and as if she did NOT know. 'But where can one jump to?'
'Oh, it doesn't matter,' said Gudrun, somewhat superbly. 'If one jumps over the edge, one is bound to land somewhere.'
'But isn't it very risky?' asked Ursula.
A slow mocking smile dawned on Gudrun's face.
'Ah!' she said laughing. 'What is it all but words!' And so again she closed the conversation. But Ursula was still brooding.
'And how do you find home, now you have come back to it?' she asked.
Gudrun paused for some moments, coldly, before answering. Then, in a cold truthful voice, she said:
'I find myself completely out of it.'
'And father?'
Gudrun looked at Ursula, almost with resentment, as if brought to bay.
'I haven't thought about him: I've refrained,' she said coldly.
'Yes,' wavered Ursula; and the conversation was really at an end. The sisters found themselves confronted by a void, a terrifying chasm, as if they had looked over the edge.
They worked on in silence for some time, Gudrun's cheek was flushed with repressed emotion. She resented its having been called into being.
'Shall we go out and look at that wedding?' she asked at length, in a voice that was too casual.
'Yes!' cried Ursula, too eagerly, throwing aside her sewing and leaping up, as if to escape something, thus betraying the tension of the situation and causing a friction of dislike to go over Gudrun's nerves.
As she went upstairs, Ursula was aware of the house, of her home round about her. And she loathed it, the sordid, too-familiar place! She was afraid at the depth of her feeling against the home, the milieu, the whole atmosphere and condition of this obsolete life. Her feeling frightened her.
The two girls were soon walking swiftly down the main road of Beldover, a wide street, part shops, part dwelling-houses, utterly formless and sordid, without poverty. Gudrun, new from her life in Chelsea and Sussex, shrank cruelly from this amorphous ugliness of a small colliery town in the Midlands. Yet forward she went, through the whole sordid gamut of pettiness, the long amorphous, gritty street. She was exposed to every stare, she passed on through a stretch of torment. It was strange that she should have chosen to come back and test the full effect of this shapeless, barren ugliness upon herself. Why had she wanted to submit herself to it, did she still want to submit herself to it, the insufferable torture of these ugly, meaningless people, this defaced countryside? She felt like a beetle toiling in the dust. She was filled with repulsion.
They turned off the main road, past a black patch of common-garden, where sooty cabbage stumps stood shameless. No one thought to be ashamed. No one was ashamed of it all.
'It is like a country in an underworld,' said Gudrun. 'The colliers bring it above-ground with them, shovel it up. Ursula, it's marvellous, it's really marvellous--it's really wonderful, another world. The people are all ghouls, and everything is ghostly. Everything is a ghoulish replica of the real world, a replica, a ghoul, all soiled, everything sordid. It's like being mad, Ursula.'
The sisters were crossing a black path through a dark, soiled field. On the left was a large landscape, a valley with collieries, and opposite hills with cornfields and woods, all blackened with distance, as if seen through a veil of crape. White and black smoke rose up in steady columns, magic within the dark air. Near at hand came the long rows of dwellings, approaching curved up the hill-slope, in straight lines along the brow of the hill. They were of darkened red brick, brittle, with dark slate roofs. The path on which the sisters walked was black, trodden-in by the feet of the recurrent colliers, and bounded from the field by iron fences; the stile that led again into the road was rubbed shiny by the moleskins of the passing miners. Now the two girls were going between some rows of dwellings, of the poorer sort. Women, their arms folded over their coarse aprons, standing gossiping at the end of their block, stared after the Brangwen sisters with that long, unwearying stare of aborigines; children called out names.
Gudrun went on her way half dazed. If this were human life, if these were human beings, living in a complete world, then what was her own world, outside? She was aware of her grass-green stockings, her large grass-green velour hat, her full soft coat, of a strong blue colour. And she felt as if she were treading in the air, quite unstable, her heart was contracted, as if at any minute she might be precipitated to the ground. She was afraid.
She clung to Ursula, who, through long usage was inured to this violation of a dark, uncreated, hostile world. But all the time her heart was crying, as if in the midst of some ordeal: 'I want to go back, I want to go away, I want not to know it, not to know that this exists.' Yet she must go forward.
Ursula could feel her suffering.
'You hate this, don't you?' she asked.
'It bewilders me,' stammered Gudrun.
'You won't stay long,' replied Ursula.
And Gudrun went along, grasping at release.
They drew away from the colliery region, over the curve of the hill, into the purer country of the other side, towards Willey Green. Still the faint glamour of blackness persisted over the fields and the wooded hills, and seemed darkly to gleam in the air. It was a spring day, chill, with snatches of sunshine. Yellow celandines showed out from the hedge-bottoms, and in the cottage gardens of Willey Green, currant-bushes were breaking into leaf, and little flowers were coming white on the grey alyssum that hung over the stone walls.
Turning, they passed down the high-road, that went between high banks towards the church. There, in the lowest bend of the road, low under the trees, stood a little group of expectant people, waiting to see the wedding. The daughter of the chief mine-owner of the district, Thomas Crich, was getting married to a naval officer.
'Let us go back,' said Gudrun, swerving away. 'There are all those people.'
And she hung wavering in the road.
'Never mind them,' said Ursula, 'they're all right. They all know me, they don't matter.'
'But must we go through them?' asked Gudrun.
'They're quite all right, really,' said Ursula, going forward. And together the two sisters approached the group of uneasy, watchful common people. They were chiefly women, colliers' wives of the more shiftless sort. They had watchful, underworld faces.
The two sisters held themselves tense, and went straight towards the gate. The women made way for them, but barely sufficient, as if grudging to yield ground. The sisters passed in silence through the stone gateway and up the steps, on the red carpet, a policeman estimating their progress.
'What price the stockings!' said a voice at the back of Gudrun. A sudden fierce anger swept over the girl, violent and murderous. She would have liked them all annihilated, cleared away, so that the world was left clear for her. How she hated walking up the churchyard path, along the red carpet, continuing in motion, in their sight.
'I won't go into the church,' she said suddenly, with such final decision that Ursula immediately halted, turned round, and branched off up a small side path which led to the little private gate of the Grammar School, whose grounds adjoined those of the church.
Just inside the gate of the school shrubbery, outside the churchyard, Ursula sat down for a moment on the low stone wall under the laurel bushes, to rest. Behind her, the large red building of the school rose up peacefully, the windows all open for the holiday. Over the shrubs, before her, were the pale roofs and tower of the old church. The sisters were hidden by the foliage.
Gudrun sat down in silence. Her mouth was shut close, her face averted. She was regretting bitterly that she had ever come back. Ursula looked at her, and thought how amazingly beautiful she was, flushed with discomfiture. But she caused a constraint over Ursula's nature, a certain weariness. Ursula wished to be alone, freed from the tightness, the enclosure of Gudrun's presence.
'Are we going to stay here?' asked Gudrun.
'I was only resting a minute,' said Ursula, getting up as if rebuked. 'We will stand in the corner by the fives-court, we shall see everything from there.'
For the moment, the sunshine fell brightly into the churchyard, there was a vague scent of sap and of spring, perhaps of violets from off the graves. Some white daisies were out, bright as angels. In the air, the unfolding leaves of a copper-beech were blood-red.
Punctually at eleven o'clock, the carriages began to arrive. There was a stir in the crowd at the gate, a concentration as a carriage drove up, wedding guests were mounting up the steps and passing along the red carpet to the church. They were all gay and excited because the sun was shining.
Gudrun watched them closely, with objective curiosity. She saw each one as a complete figure, like a character in a book, or a subject in a picture, or a marionette in a theatre, a finished creation. She loved to recognise their various characteristics, to place them in their true light, give them their own surroundings, settle them for ever as they passed before her along the path to the church. She knew them, they were finished, sealed and stamped and finished with, for her. There was none that had anything unknown, unresolved, until the Criches themselves began to appear. Then her interest was piqued. Here was something not quite so preconcluded.
There came the mother, Mrs Crich, with her eldest son Gerald. She was a queer unkempt figure, in spite of the attempts that had obviously been made to bring her into line for the day. Her face was pale, yellowish, with a clear, transparent skin, she leaned forward rather, her features were strongly marked, handsome, with a tense, unseeing, predative look. Her colourless hair was untidy, wisps floating down on to her sac coat of dark blue silk, from under her blue silk hat. She looked like a woman with a monomania, furtive almost, but heavily proud.
Her son was of a fair, sun-tanned type, rather above middle height, well-made, and almost exaggeratedly well-dressed. But about him also was the strange, guarded look, the unconscious glisten, as if he did not belong to the same creation as the people about him. Gudrun lighted on him at once. There was something northern about him that magnetised her. In his clear northern flesh and his fair hair was a glisten like sunshine refracted through crystals of ice. And he looked so new, unbroached, pure as an arctic thing. Perhaps he was thirty years old, perhaps more. His gleaming beauty, maleness, like a young, good-humoured, smiling wolf, did not blind her to the significant, sinister stillness in his bearing, the lurking danger of his unsubdued temper. 'His totem is the wolf,' she repeated to herself. 'His mother is an old, unbroken wolf.' And then she experienced a keen paroxyism, a transport, as if she had made some incredible discovery, known to nobody else on earth. A strange transport took possession of her, all her veins were in a paroxysm of violent sensation. 'Good God!' she exclaimed to herself, 'what is this?' And then, a moment after, she was saying assuredly, 'I shall know more of that man.' She was tortured with desire to see him again, a nostalgia, a necessity to see him again, to make sure it was not all a mistake, that she was not deluding herself, that she really felt this strange and overwhelming sensation on his account, this knowledge of him in her essence, this powerful apprehension of him. 'Am I REALLY singled out for him in some way, is there really some pale gold, arctic light that envelopes only us two?' she asked herself. And she could not believe it, she remained in a muse, scarcely conscious of what was going on around.
The bridesmaids were here, and yet the bridegroom had not come. Ursula wondered if something was amiss, and if the wedding would yet all go wrong. She felt troubled, as if it rested upon her. The chief bridesmaids had arrived. Ursula watched them come up the steps. One of them she knew, a tall, slow, reluctant woman with a weight of fair hair and a pale, long face. This was Hermione Roddice, a friend of the Criches. Now she came along, with her head held up, balancing an enormous flat hat of pale yellow velvet, on which were streaks of ostrich feathers, natural and grey. She drifted forward as if scarcely conscious, her long blanched face lifted up, not to see the world. She was rich. She wore a dress of silky, frail velvet, of pale yellow colour, and she carried a lot of small rose-coloured cyclamens. Her shoes and stockings were of brownish grey, like the feathers on her hat, her hair was heavy, she drifted along with a peculiar fixity of the hips, a strange unwilling motion. She was impressive, in her lovely pale-yellow and brownish-rose, yet macabre, something repulsive. People were silent when she passed, impressed, roused, wanting to jeer, yet for some reason silenced. Her long, pale face, that she carried lifted up, somewhat in the Rossetti fashion, seemed almost drugged, as if a strange mass of thoughts coiled in the darkness within her, and she was never allowed to escape.
tā men mò mò dì xiù zhe、 huà zhe, xiǎng dào shénme jiù shuō diǎn shénme。
“ è xiù lā,” gē zhēn shuō,“ nǐ zhēn xiǎng jié hūn má?” è xiù lā bǎ cì xiù tān zài xī shàng tái qǐ tóu lái, shén qíng píng jìng、 ruò yòu suǒ sī dì shuō:
“ wǒ bù zhī dào, zhè yào kàn zěn me jiǎng liǎo。”
gē zhēn yòu diǎn chī jīng dì kàn zhe jiě jiě, kàn liǎo hǎo yī huì 'ér。
“ zhè gè má,” gē zhēn diào kǎn dì shuō,“ yī bān lái shuō zhǐ de jiù shì nà huí shì! dàn shì, nǐ bù jué dé nǐ yīnggāi, ǹg,” tā yòu diǎn shén sè 'àn rán dì shuō,“ bù yìng gāi bǐ xiàn zài de chǔjìng gèng hǎo yī diǎn má?”
è xiù lā liǎn shàng shǎn guò yī piàn yīn yǐng。
“ yīnggāi,” tā shuō,“ bù guò wǒ méi bǎ wò。”
gē zhēn yòu bù shuō huà liǎo, yòu diǎn bù gāo xīng liǎo, tā yuán běn yào dé dào yī gè què qiē de dá fù。
“ nǐ bù rèn wéi yī gè rén xū yào jié hūn de jīng yàn má?” tā wèn。
“ nǐ rèn wéi jié hūn shì yī zhǒng jīng yàn má?” è xiù lā fǎn wèn。
“ kěn dìng shì, bù guǎn zěn yàng dōushì。” gē zhēn lěng jìng dì shuō,“ kě néng zhè jīng yàn ràng rén bù yú kuài, dàn kěn dìng shì yī zhǒng jīng yàn。”
“ nà bù jiàn dé,” è xiù lā shuō,“ yě xǔ dǎo shì jīng yàn de jié shù ní。”
gē zhēn bǐ zhí dì zuò zhe, rèn zhēn tīng 'è xiù lā shuō zhè huà。
“ dāng rán liǎo,” tā shuō,“ shì yào xiǎng dào zhè gè。” shuō wán hòu, tā men bù zài shuō huà liǎo。 gē zhēn jīhū shì qì hū hū dì zhuā qǐ xiàng pí, kāi shǐ cā diào huà shàng qù de dōng xī。 è xiù lā zhuān xīn dì xiù tā de huā 'ér。
“ yòu xiàng yàng de rén qiú hūn nǐ bù kǎo lǜ jiē shòu má?” gē zhēn wèn。
“ wǒdōu huí jué liǎo hǎo jǐ gè liǎo。” è xiù lā shuō。
“ zhēn de!?” gē zhēn fēi hóng liǎo liǎn wèn:“ shénme zhí dé nǐ zhè me gān? nǐ zhēn yòu shénme xiǎng fǎ má?”
“ yī nián zhōng yòu hǎo duō rén qiú hūn, wǒ xǐ huān shàng liǎo yī gè fēi cháng hǎo de rén, tài xǐ huān tā liǎo。” è xiù lā shuō。
“ zhēn de! shì bù shì nǐ ràng rén jiā yǐn yòu liǎo?”
“ kě yǐ shuō shì, yě kě yǐ shuō bù shì。” è xiù lā shuō,“ yī dào nà shí hòu, yā gēn 'ér jiù méi liǎo yǐn yòu zhè yī shuō。 yào shì wǒ ràng rén jiā yǐn yòu liǎo, wǒ zǎo lì jí jié hūn liǎo。 wǒ shòu de shì bù jié hūn de yǐn yòu。” shuō dào zhè lǐ, liǎng jiě mèi de liǎn sè míng lǎng qǐ lái, gǎn dào lè bù kě zhī。
“ tài bàng liǎo,” gē zhēn jiào dào,“ zhè yǐn yòu lì yě tài dà liǎo, bù jié hūn!” tā men liǎng rén xiāng duì dà xiào qǐ lái, dàn tā men xīn lǐ gǎn dào kě pà。
zhè yǐ hòu tā men chén mò liǎo hǎo jiǔ, è xiù lā réng jiù xiù huā 'ér, gē zhēn zhào jiù huà tā de sù miáo。 jiě mèi liǎ dōushì dà gū niàn liǎo, è xiù lā 'èr shí liù, gē zhēn 'èr shí wǔ。 dàn tā mendōu xiàng xiàn dài nǚ xìng nà yàng, kàn shàng qù lěng mò、 chún jié, bù xiàng qīng chūn nǚ shén, fǎn dǎo gèng xiàng yuè shén。 gē zhēn hěn piào liàng、 pí fū róu nèn, tǐ tài 'ē'nuó, rén yě wēn shùn。 tā shēn zhe yī jiàn mò lǜ sè chóu shàng yī, lǐng kǒu hé xiù kǒu shàng dū xiāng zhe lán sè hé lǜ sè de yà má bù xí biān 'ér; jiǎo shàng chuān de wà zǐ zé shì cuì lǜ sè de。 tā kàn shàng qù yǔ 'è xiù lā zhèng xiāng fǎn。 tā shí 'ér zì xìn, shí 'ér xiū shè, ér 'è xiù lā zé mǐn gǎn, chōng mǎn xìn xīn。 běn dì rén bèi gē zhēn nà tài rán zì ruò de shén tài hé háo wú yǎn shì de jǔ zhǐ suǒ jīng chà, shuō tā shì gè“ líng lì de gū niàn。” tā gāng cóng lún dūn huí lái, zài nà 'ér zhù liǎo jǐ nián, zài yī suǒ yì shù xué xiào biān gōng zuò biān xué xí, yǎn rán shì gè yì shù jiā。
“ wǒ xiàn zài zài děng yī gè nán rén de dào lái,” gē zhēn shuō zhe, tū rán yǎo zhù xià zuǐ chún, yī bàn shì jiǎo huá de xiào, yī bàn shì tòng kǔ xiāng, zuò liǎo gè qí guài de guǐ liǎn。
è xiù lā bèi xià liǎo yī tiào。
“ nǐ huí jiā lái, jiù shì wèile zài zhè 'ér děng tā?” tā xiào dào。
“ dé liǎo bā,” gē zhēn cì 'ěr dì jiào dào,“ wǒ cái bù huì fàn shén jīng qù zhǎo tā ní。 bù guò má, yào shì zhēn yòu nà me yī gè rén, xiàngmào chū zhòng、 fēng cǎi zhào rén, yòu yòu zú gòu de qián, nà héng héng” gē zhēn yòu diǎn bù hǎo yì sī, huà méi shuō wán。 rán hòu tā dīng zhe 'è xiù lā, hǎo xiàng yào kàn tòu tā shìde。“ nǐ bù jué dé nǐ dū gǎn dào yàn fán liǎo má?” tā wèn jiě jiě,“ nǐ shì fǒu fā xiàn shénme dōuwú fǎ shí xiàn? shénme dū shí xiàn bù liǎo! yī qiēdōu hái wèi děng kāi huā 'ér jiù diāo xiè liǎo。”
“ shénme méi kāi huā jiù diāo xiè liǎo?” è xiù lā wèn。
“ hāi, shénme dōushì zhè yàng, zì jǐ yī bān de shì qíng dū zhè yàng。” jiě mèi liǎ bù shuō huà liǎo, dōuzài méng méng lóng lóng dì kǎo lǜ zhe zì jǐ de mìng yùn。
“ zhè shì gòu kě pà de。” è xiù lā shuō, tíng liǎo yī huì 'ér yòu shuō:“ bù guò nǐ xiǎng tōng guò jié hūn dá dào shénme mù de má?”
“ nà shì xià yī bù de shì 'ér, bù kě bì miǎn。” gē zhēn shuō。 è xiù lā sī kǎo zhe zhè gè wèn tí, xīn zhōng yòu diǎn fā kǔ。 tā zài wēi lì · gé lín zhōng xué jiāoshū, gōng zuò hǎo jǐ nián liǎo。
“ wǒ zhī dào,” tā shuō,“ rén yī kōng xiǎng qǐ lái sì hū dū nà yàng, kě yào shì shèshēnchǔdì dì xiǎng xiǎng jiù hǎo liǎo, xiǎng xiǎng bā, xiǎng xiǎng nǐ liǎo jiě de yī gè nán rén, měi tiān wǎn shàng huí jiā lái, duì nǐ shuō shēng ‘ hā luó ’, rán hòu wěn nǐ héng héng”
shuídōu bù shuō huà liǎo。
“ méi cuò,” gē zhēn xiǎo shēng shuō,“ zhè bù kě néng。 nán rén bù kě néng zhè yàng。”
“ dāng rán hái yòu hái zǐ héng héng” è xiù lā chí yí dì shuō。
gē zhēn de biǎo qíng yán jùn qǐ lái。
“ nǐ zhēn xiǎng yào hái zǐ má, è xiù lā?” tā lěng lěng dì wèn。 tīng tā zhè yī wèn, è xiù lā liǎn shàng lù chū liǎo mí huò bù jiě de biǎo qíng。
“ wǒ jué dé zhè gè wèn tí lí wǒ hái tài yuǎn,” tā shuō。
“ nǐ shì zhè zhǒng gǎn shòu má?” gē zhēn wèn,“ wǒ cóng lái méi xiǎng guò shēng hái zǐ, méi nà gǎn shòu。”
gē zhēn háo wú biǎo qíng dì kàn zhe 'è xiù lā。 è xiù lā zhòu qǐ liǎo méi tóu。
“ huò xǔ zhè bìng bù shì zhēn de,” tā zhī wú dào,“ huò xǔ rén men xīn lǐ bìng bù xiǎng yào hái zǐ, zhǐ shì biǎo miàn shàng zhè yàng 'ér yǐ。” gē zhēn de shén tài yán sù qǐ lái。 tā bìng bù xū yào tài kěn dìng de shuō fǎ。
“ kě yòu shí yī gè rén huì xiǎng dào bié rén de hái zǐ。” è xiù lā shuō。
gē zhēn yòu yī cì kàn kàn jiě jiě, mù guāng zhōng jīhū yòu xiē dí yì。
“ shì zhè yàng。” tā shuō wán bù zài shuō huà liǎo。
jiě mèi liǎng rén mò mò dì xiù huā、 huì huà 'ér。 è xiù lā zǒng shì nà me jīng shén dǒu sǒu, xīn zhōng rán zhe yī tuán pū pū zuò xiǎng、 xióng xióng téng téng de huǒ。 tā zì jǐ dú lì shēng huó hěn jiǔ liǎo, jié shēn zì hǎo, gōng zuò zhe, rì fù yī rì, zǒng xiǎng bǎ wò zhù shēng huó, zhào zì jǐ de xiǎng fǎ qù bǎ wò shēng huó。 biǎo miàn shàng tā tíng zhǐ liǎo huó yuè de shēng huó, kě shí jì shàng, zài míng míng zhōng què yòu shénme zài shēngzhǎng chū lái。 yào shì tā néng gòu chōng pò nà zuì hòu de yī céng ké pí gāi duō hǎo 'ā! tā sì hū xiàng yī gè tāi 'ér nà yàng shēn chū liǎo shuāng shǒu, kě shì, tā bù néng, hái bù néng。 tā réng yòu yī zhǒng qí tè de yù gǎn, gǎn dào yòu shénme jiāng zhì。
tā fàng xià shǒu zhōng de cì xiù, kàn kàn mèi mèi。 tā jué dé gē zhēn tài piào liàng、 shí zài tài mí rén liǎo, tā róu měi、 fēng yú、 xiàn tiáo xiān xì。 tā hái yòu diǎn wán pí、 táo qì、 chū yán xīn là, zhēn shì gè háo wú xiū shì de chǔnǚ。 è xiù lā dǎ xīn yǎn 'ér lǐ xiàn mù tā。
“ nǐ wèishénme huí jiā lái?”
gē zhēn zhī dào 'è xiù lā xiàn mù tā liǎo。 tā zhí qǐ yāo lái, xiàn tiáo yōu měi de yǎn jié máo xià mù guāng níng shì zhe 'è xiù lā。
“ wèn wǒ wèishénme huí lái má, è xiù lā?” tā chóngfù dào:“ wǒ zì jǐ yǐ jīng wèn guò zì jǐ yī qiān cì liǎo。”
“ nǐ zhī dào liǎo má?”
“ zhī dào liǎo, wǒ xiǎng wǒ míng bái liǎo。 wǒ jué dé wǒ tuì yī bù shì wéi liǎo gèng hǎo dì qián jìn。”
shuō wán tā jiǔ jiǔ dì dīng zhe 'è xiù lā, mù guāng xún wèn zhe tā。
“ wǒ zhī dào!” è xiù lā jiào dào, nà shén qíng yòu xiē mí máng, xiàng shì zài shuō huǎng, hǎo xiàng tā bù míng bái yī yàng。“ kě nǐ yào tiào dào nǎ 'ér qù ní?”
“ ò, wú suǒ wèi,” gē zhēn shuō, kǒu qì yòu diǎn chāo rán。“ yī gè rén rú guǒ tiào guò liǎo lí bā, tā zǒng néng luò dào yī gè shénme dì fāng de。”
“ kě zhè bù shì zài mào xiǎn má?” è xiù lā shuō。
gē zhēn liǎn shàng jiàn jiàn lüè guò yī sī cháo fěng de xiào yì。
“ hāi!” tā xiào dào:“ wǒ men jìn chǎo xiē shénme yā!” tā yòu bù shuō huà liǎo, kě 'è xiù lā réng rán yù mèn dì chén sī zhe。
“ nǐ huí lái liǎo, jué dé jiā lǐ zěn me yàng?” tā wèn。
gē zhēn chén mò liǎo piàn kè, yòu diǎn lěng mò。 rán hòu lěng lěng dì shuō:
“ wǒ fā xiàn wǒ wán quán bù shì zhè 'ér de rén liǎo。”
“ nà bà bà ní?”
gē zhēn jīhū yòu diǎn fǎn gǎn dì kàn kàn 'è xiù lā, yòu xiē de yàng zǐ, shuō:
“ wǒ hái méi xiǎng dào tā ní, wǒ bù ràng zì jǐ qù xiǎng。” tā de huà hěn lěng mò。
“ hǎo 'ā,” è xiù lā tūn tūn tù tù dì shuō。 tā liǎ de duì huà díquè jìn xíng bù xià qù liǎo。 jiě mèi liǎng rén fā xiàn zì jǐ yù dào liǎo yī tiáo hēi dòng dòng de shēn yuān, hěn kě pà, hǎo xiàng tā men jiù zài biān shàng kuī shì yī yàng。
tā men yòu mò mò dì zuò zhe zì jǐ de huó 'ér。 yī huì 'ér, gē zhēn de liǎn yīn wéi kòng zhì zhe qíng xù 'ér tōng hóng qǐ lái。 tā bù yuàn ràng liǎn hóng qǐ lái。
“ wǒ men chū qù kàn kàn rén jiā de hūn lǐ bā。” tā zhōng yú shuō huà liǎo, kǒu qì hěn suí biàn。
“ hǎo 'ā!” è xiù lā jiào dào, jíqiè dì bǎ zhēn xiàn rēng dào yī biān, tiào liǎo qǐ lái, sì hū yào táo lí shénme dōng xī yī yàng。 zhè me yī lái, fǎn dǎo nòng dé hěn jǐn zhāng, lìng gē zhēn gǎn dào bù gāo xīng。
wǎng lóu shàng zǒu zhe, è xiù lā zhù yì dì kàn zhe zhè zuò fáng zǐ, zhè shì tā de jiā。 kě shì tā tǎo yàn zhè 'ér, zhè kuài 'āng zàng、 tài ràng rén shú xí de dì fāng! yě xǔ tā nèi xīn shēn chù duì zhè gè jiā shì fǎn gǎn de, zhè zhōu wéi de huán jìng, zhěng gè qì fēn hé zhè zhǒng chén fǔ de shēng huó dū ràng tā fǎn gǎn。 zhè zhǒng gǎn jué lìng tā kǒng bù。
liǎng gè gū niàn hěn kuài jiù lái dào liǎo bèi duō fú de zhùgàn dào shàng, cōng cōng zǒu zhe。 zhè tiáo jiē hěn kuān, lù bàng yòu shāng diàn hé zhù fáng, bù jú sǎnluàn, jiē miàn shàng yě hěn zàng, bù guò dǎo bù xiǎn dé pín hán。 gē zhēn gāng cóng chè xī qū ① hé sū sài kè sī ② lái, duì zhōng bù zhè zuò xiǎo xiǎo de kuàng qū chéng shí fēn yàn 'è, zhè 'ér zhēn shì yòu luàn yòu zàng。 tā cháo qián zǒu zhe, chuān guò cháng cháng de lì shí jiē dào, bǎ gè hùn luàn bù kān、 āng zàng tòu dǐng、 xiǎo qì shí zú de chǎng miàn jìn shōu yǎn dǐ。 rén men de mù guāng dū dīng zhe tā, tā gǎn dào hěn nán shòu。 zhēn bù zhī dào tā wèishénme yào huí lái, wèishénme yào cháng cháng zhè luàn qī bā zāo、 chǒu lòu bù kān de xiǎo chéng zī wèi。 tā wèishénme yào xiàng zhè xiē lìng rén nán yǐ rěn shòu de zhé mó, zhè xiē háo wú yì yì de rén hé zhè zuò háo wú guāng cǎi de nóng cūn xiǎo zhèn qū fú ní? wèishénme tā réng rán yào xiàng zhè xiē dōng xī qū fú? tā gǎn dào zì jǐ jiù xiàng yī zhǐ zài chén tǔ zhōng rú dòng de jiáqiào chóng, zhè zhēn lìng rén fǎn gǎn。
① chè xī qū shì lún dūn jù jí liǎo wén xué yì shù jiā de yī gè qū。
② yīng guó de yī gè jùn。 héng héng yì zhě zhù。 yǐ hòu suǒ yòu de zhù shì jūn wéi yì zhě zhù。
tā men zǒu xià zhùgàn dào, cóng yī zuò hēi hū hū de gōng jiā cài yuán bàng zǒu guò, yuán zǐ lǐ zhān mǎn méi tàn de bái cài gēn bù shí xiū chǐ dì sǎnluò zhe。 méi rén gǎn dào nán kàn, méi rén wéi zhè gè gǎn dào bù hǎo yì sī。
“ zhè dì yù zhōng de nóng cūn。” gē zhēn shuō,“ kuàng gōng men bǎ méi tàn dài dào dì miàn shàng lái, dài lái zhè me duō yā。 è xiù lā, zhè kě zhēn tài hǎo wán liǎo, tài hǎo liǎo, zhēn shì tài miào liǎo, zhè 'ér yòu shì yī gè shì jiè。 zhè 'ér de rén quán shì xiē chī shī guǐ, zhè 'ér shénme dōng xī dū zhān zhe guǐ qì。 quán shì zhēn shí shì jiè de guǐ yǐng, shì guǐ yǐng、 shí shī guǐ, quán shì xiē 'āng zàng、 wò chuò de dōng xī。 è xiù lā, zhè jiǎn zhí ràng rén fā fēng。”
jiě mèi liǎ chuān guò yī piàn hēi yǒu yǒu、 āng zàng bù kān de tián yě。 zuǒ biān shì sǎnluò zhe yī zuò zuò méi kuàng de gǔ dì, gǔ dì shàng miàn de shān pō shàng shì xiǎo mài tián hé sēn lín, yuǎn yuǎn yī piàn yǒu hēi, jiù xiàng zhào zhe yī céng hēi shā yī yàng。 dūn dūn shí shí de yān chuāng lǐ mào zhe bái yān hēi yān, xiàng hēi chén chén tiān kōng shàng zài biàn mó shù yī yàng。 jìn chù shì yī pái pái de zhù fáng, shùn shān pō 'ér shàng, yī zhí tōng xiàng shān dǐng。 zhè xiē fáng zǐ yòng 'àn hóng zhuān qì chéng, fáng dǐng pū zhe shí bǎn, kàn shàng qù hěn bù jiēshí。 jiě mèi 'èr rén zǒu de zhè tiáo lù yě shì hēi hū hū de。 lù shì ràng kuàng gōng men de jiǎo yī bù bù cǎi chū lái de, lù bàng wéi zhe tiě shān lán, shān mén yě ràng jìn chū de kuàng gōng men de hòu máo bù kù mó liàng liǎo。 xiàn zài jiě mèi 'èr rén zǒu zài jǐ pái fáng wū zhōng jiān de lù shàng, zhè lǐ kě jiù hán suān liǎo。 nǚ rén men dài zhe wéi qún, shuāng bì jiāo chā zhe bào zài xiōng qián, zhàn zài yuǎn chù qiè qiè sī yǔ, tā men yòng yī zhǒng bù kāi huà rén de mù guāng mù bù zhuǎn jīng dì dīng zhe bù lǎng wēn jiě mèi; hái zǐ men zài jiào mà zhe。
gē zhēn zǒu zhe, bèi yǎn qián de dōng xī jīng dāi liǎo。 rú guǒ shuō zhè shì rén de shēng huó, rú guǒ shuō zhè xiē shì shēng huó zài yī gè wán zhěng shì jiè zhōng de rén, nà me tā zì jǐ nà gè shì jiè suàn shénme ní? tā yì shí dào zì jǐ chuānzhuó lǜ cǎo bān xiān lǜ de wà zǐ, dài zhe lǜ sè de tiān 'é róng mào, róu ruǎn de zhǎngdà yī yě shì lǜ de, yán sè gēngshēn yī diǎn。 tā gǎn dào zì jǐ téng yún jià wù bān dì zǒu zhe, yī diǎn dōubù wěn, tā de xīn suō jǐn liǎo, sì hū tā suí shí dū huì cù rán shuāi dǎo zài dì。 tā pà liǎo。
tā jǐn jǐn wēi yǐ zhe 'è xiù lā, tā duì zhè gè hēi 'àn、 cū bǐ、 chōng mǎn dí yì de shì jiè zǎo xí yǐ wéi cháng liǎo。 jìn guǎn yòu 'è xiù lā, gē zhēn hái gǎn dào xiàng shì zài shòu zhe kǔ xíng, xīn 'ér yī zhí zài hū hǎn:“ wǒ yào huí qù, yào zǒu, wǒ bù xiǎng zhī dào zhè 'ér, bù xiǎng zhī dào zhè xiē dōng xī。” kě tā bù dé bù jì xù cháo qián zǒu。
è xiù lā kě yǐ gǎn jué dào gē zhēn shì zài shòu zuì。
“ nǐ tǎo yàn zhè xiē, shì má?” tā wèn。
“ zhè 'ér ràng wǒ chī jīng。” gē zhēn jié jiēbā bā dì shuō。
“ nǐ bié zài zhè 'ér dāi tài jiǔ。” è xiù lā shuō。
gē zhēn sōng liǎo yī kǒu qì, jì xù cháo qián zǒu。
tā men lí kāi liǎo kuàng qū, fān guò shān, jìn rù liǎo shān hòu níng jìng de xiāng cūn, cháo wēi lì · gé lín zhōng xué zǒu qù。 tián yě shàng réng yòu xiē méi tàn, dàn hǎo duō liǎo, shān shàng de lín zǐ lǐ yě zhè yàng, sì hū zài shǎn zhe hēi sè de guāng máng。 zhè shì chūn tiān, chūn hán liào qiào, dàn shàng yòu jǐ xǔ yáng guāng。 lí bā xià mào chū xiē huáng sè de huā lái, wēi lì · gé lín de nóng jiā cài yuán lǐ, fù pén zǐ yǐ jīng cháng chū liǎo yè zǐ, fú zhǒng zài shí qiáng shàng de yóu cài, huī yè zhōng yǐ zhàn chū xiē xiǎo bái huā 'ér。
tā men zhuǎn shēn zǒu xià liǎo gāo gāo de tián gěng, zhōng jiān shì tōng xiàng jiào táng de zhùgàn dào。 zài zhuǎn wān de dī chù, shù xià zhàn zhe yī qún děng zhe kàn hūn lǐ de rén men。 zhè gè dì qū de kuàng yè zhù tuō mǎ sī · kè lǐ qí de nǚ 'ér yǔ yī wèi hǎi jūn jūn guān de hūn lǐ jiāng yào jǔ xíng。
“ zán men huí qù bā,” gē zhēn zhuǎn guò shēn shuō zhe,“ quán shì xiē zhè zhǒng rén。”
tā zài lù shàng yóu yù zhe。
“ bié guǎn tā men,” è xiù lā shuō,“ tā mendōu bù cuò, dū rèn shí wǒ, méi shì 'ér。”
“ wǒ men fēi dé cóng tā men dāng zhōng chuān guò qù má?” gē zhēn wèn。
“ tā mendōu bù cuò, zhēn de。” è xiù lā shuō zhe jì xù cháo qián zǒu。 zhè jiě mèi liǎng rén yī qǐ jiē jìn liǎo zhè qún zào dòng bù 'ān、 yǎn bā bā dīng zhe kàn de rén。 zhè dāng zhōng dà duō shù shì nǚ rén, kuàng gōng men de qī zǐ, gèng shì xiē hùn rì zǐ de rén, tā men liǎn shàng tòu zhe jǐng jué de shén sè, yī kàn jiù shì xià céng rén。
jiě mèi liǎng rén tí xīn diào dǎn dì zhí cháo dà mén zǒu qù。 nǚ rén men wéi tā men ràng lù, kě ràng chū lái de jiù nà me zhǎi zhǎi de yī tiáo féng, hǎo xiàng shì zài miǎnqiǎng fàng qì zì jǐ de dì pán 'ér yī yàng。 jiě mèi liǎ mò mò dì chuān guò shí mén tà shàng tái jiē, zhàn zài hóng sè dì tǎn shàng de yī gè dīng zhe tā men wǎng qián xíng jìn de bù fá。
“ zhè shuāng wà zǐ kě gòu zhí qián de!” gē zhēn hòu miàn yòu rén shuō。 yī tīng zhè huà, gē zhēn hún shēn jiù rán qǐ yī gǔ nù huǒ, yī gǔ xiōng měng、 kě pà de huǒ。 tā zhēn hèn bù dé bǎ zhè xiē rén quán gàndiào, cóng zhè gè shì jiè shàng qīng chú gān jìng。 tā zhēn tǎo yàn zài zhè xiē rén zhù shì xià chuān guò jiào táng de yuàn zǐ yán zhe dì tǎn wǎng qián zǒu。
“ wǒ bù jìn jiào táng liǎo。” gē zhēn tū rán zuò chū liǎo zuì hòu de jué dìng。 tā de huà ràng 'è xiù lā lì jí tíng zhù jiǎo bù, zhuǎn guò shēn zǒu shàng liǎo bàng biān yī tiáo tōng xiàng zhōng xué bàng mén de xiǎo lù, zhōng xué jiù zài jiào táng gé bì。
chuān guò xué xiào yǔ jiào táng zhōng jiān de guàn mù cóng jìn dào xué xiào lǐ, è xiù lā zuò zài yuè guì shù xià de 'ǎi shí qiáng shàng xiē xī。 tā shēn hòu xué xiào gāo dà de hóng lóu jìng jìng dì zhù lì zhe, jiàrì lǐ chuāng hù quán chǎng kāi zhe, miàn qián guàn mù cóng nà biān jiù shì jiào táng dàn dàn de wū dǐng hé tǎ lóu。 jiě mèi liǎng rén bèi yǎn yìng zài shù mù zhōng。
gē zhēn mò mò dì zuò liǎo xià lái, jǐn bì zhe zuǐ, tóu niǔ xiàng yī biān。 tā zhēn hòu huǐ huí dào jiā lái。 è xiù lā kàn kàn tā, jué dé tā piào liàng jí liǎo, zì jǐ rèn shū liǎo, liǎn dū hóng liǎo。 kě tā ràng 'è xiù lā gǎn dào jǐn zhāng dé yòu diǎn lěi liǎo。 è xiù lā xī wàng dān dú zì chù, tuō lí gē zhēn gěi tā zào chéng de tòu bù guò qì lái de jǐn zhāng gǎn。
“ wǒ men hái yào zài zhè 'ér dāi xià qù má?” gē zhēn wèn。
“ wǒ jiù xiē yī xiǎo huì 'ér,” è xiù lā shuō zhe zhàn qǐ shēn, xiàng shì shòu dào gē zhēn de chì zé yī yàng。“ zán men jiù zhàn zài gé bì qiú chǎng de jiǎo luò lǐ, cóng nà 'ér shénme dū kàn dé jiàn。”
tài yáng zhèng huī huáng dì zhào yào zhe jiào táng mù dì, kōng qì zhōng dàn dàn dì mí màn zhe shù zhī de qīng xiāng, nà shì chūn tiān de qì xī, huò xǔ shì mù dì hēi zǐ luó lán sàn fā zhe yōu xiāng de yuán gù。 yī xiē chú jú yǐ zhàn kāi liǎo jié bái de huā duǒ, xiàng xiǎo tiān shǐ yī yàng piào liàng。 kōng zhōng tóng sè shān máo jǔ shàng shū zhǎn chū xuè hóng sè de shù yè。
shí yī diǎn shí, mǎ chē zhǔn shí dào dá。 yī liàng chē shǐ guò lái, mén kǒu rén qún yōng jǐ qǐ lái, chǎn shēng liǎo yī zhèn sāo dòng。 chū xí hūn lǐ de bīn kè men xú xú zǒu shàng tái jiē, yán zhe hóng dì tǎn zǒu xiàng jiào táng。 zhè tiān yáng guāng míng mèi, rén men gè gè xīng gāo cǎi liè。
gē zhēn yòng wài lái rén nà zhǒng hàoqí de mù guāng zǎi xì guān chá zhe zhè xiē rén。 tā bǎ měi gè réndōu zhěng tǐ dì guān chá yī tōng, huò bǎ tā men kàn zuò shū zhōng de yī gè gè rén wù, yī fú huà zhōng de rén wù huò jù yuàn zhōng de huó dòng mù 'ǒu, zǒng zhī, wán zhěng dì guān chá tā men。 tā xǐ huān biàn bié tā men bù tóng de xìng gé, jiāng tā men hái qí běn lái miàn mù, gěi tā men shè zhì zì wǒ huán jìng, zài tā men cóng tā yǎn qián zǒu guò de dāng 'ér jiù gěi tā men xià liǎo gè yǒng jiǔ de dìng lùn。 tā liǎo jiě tā men liǎo, duì tā lái shuō tā men shì xiē wán zhěng de rén, yǐ jīng dǎ shàng liǎo lào yìn de wán zhěng de rén。 děng dào kè lǐ qí jiā de rén kāi shǐ lòumiàn shí, zài yě méi yòu shénme wèi zhī、 bù néng jiě jué de wèn tí liǎo。 tā de xīng qù bèi jī fā qǐ lái liǎo, tā fā xiàn zhè lǐ yòu diǎn shénme dōng xī shì bù nà me róng yì tí qián xià jié lùn de。
nà biān zǒu guò lái kè lǐ qí tài tài hé tā de 'ér zǐ jié lā dé。 jìn guǎn tā wèile jīn tiān zhè gè rì zǐ míng xiǎn dì xiū shì zhuāng bàn liǎo yī fān, dàn réng kàn dé chū tā zhè rén shì bù xiū biān fú de。 tā liǎn sè cāng bái, yòu diǎn fā huáng, pí fū jié jìng tòu míng, yòu diǎn qián qīng de shēn tǐ, xiàn tiáo fēn míng, hěn jiàn zhuàng, kàn shàng qù xiàng shì yào gǔ zú lì qì bù gù yī qiē dì qù bǔ zhuō shénme。 tā yī tóu de báifà yī diǎn dōubù zhěng qí, jǐ lǚ tóu fā cóng lǜ chóu mào lǐ diào chū lái, piāo dào zhào zhuómò lǜ chóu yī de xí zhòu shā shàng。 yī kàn jiù zhī dào tā shì gè huàn piān zhí kuáng de nǚ rén, jiǎo huá 'ér 'ào màn。
tā 'ér zǐ běn shì gè fū sè bái jìng de rén, dàn ràng tài yáng shài hēi liǎo。 tā gè tóu zhōng děng piān gāo, shēn cái hěn hǎo, chuānzhuó sì hū yòu xiē guòfèn de jiǎng jiū。 dàn tā de shén tài què shì nà me qí yì、 jǐng jué, liǎn shàng qíng bù zì jìn dì shǎn shuò zhe guāng máng, sì hū tā tóng zhōu wéi de zhè xiē rén yòu zhe gēn běn de bù tóng。 gē zhēn de mù guāng zài dǎliang tā, tā shēn shàng mǒu zhǒng běi fāng rén de dōng xī mí zhù liǎo gē zhēn。 tā nà běi fāng rén chún jìng de jī fū hé jīn sè de tóu fā xiàng tòu guò shuǐ jīng zhé shè de yáng guāng yī yàng zài shǎn shuò。 tā kàn shàng qù shì nà me xīn qí de yī gè rén, méi yòu rèn hé zuò zuò de hén jì, xiàng běi jí de dōng xī yī yàng chún jié。 tā huò xǔ yòu sān shí suì liǎo, huò xǔ gèng dà xiē。 tā fēng cǎi zhào rén, nán zǐ qì shí zú, qià xiàng yī zhǐ pí qì wēn hé、 wēi xiào zhe de yòu láng yī yàng。 dàn zhè fù wài biǎo wú fǎ lìng tā biàn dé máng mù, tā hái shì lěng jìng dì kàn chū tā jìng tài zhōng cún zài zhe wēi xiǎn, tā nà pū shí de xí xìng shì wú fǎ gǎi biàn de。“ tā de tú téng shì láng,” tā zì jǐ chóngfù zhe zhè jù huà。“ tā mǔ qīn shì yī zhǐ háo bù qū fú de lǎo láng。” xiǎng dào cǐ, tā yī zhèn kuáng xǐ, hǎo xiàng tā yòu liǎo yī gè quán shì jiè dōubù zhī dào de lìng rén nán yǐ zhì xìn de fā xiàn。 yī zhèn kuáng xǐ jué zhù liǎo tā, quán shēn de xuè guǎn yī shí jiān měng liè jī dòng qǐ lái。“ tiān 'ā!” tā zì jǐ dà jiào zhe,“ zhè shì zěn me yī huí shì 'ā?” yī huì 'ér, tā yòu zì xìn dì shuō,“ wǒ huì gèng duō dì liǎo jiě nà gè rén de。” tā yào zài cì jiàn dào tā, tā bèi zhè zhǒng yù wàng zhé mó zhe, yī dìng yào zài cì jiàn dào tā, zhè xīn qíng rú tóng yī zhǒng xiāng liàn yī yàng。 tā qīng chǔ, tā méi yòu cuò, tā méi yòu zì qī qī rén, tā de què yīn wéi jiàn dào liǎo tā cái chǎn shēng liǎo zhè zhǒng qí tè 'ér zhèn fèn rén xīn de gǎn jué。 tā cóng běn zhì shàng liǎo jiě liǎo tā, shēn kè dì lǐ jiě tā,“ nán dào wǒ zhēn dì xuǎn zhōng liǎo tā má? nán dào zhēn yòu yī dào cāng bái、 jīn sè de běi jí guāng bǎ wǒ men liǎng rén shuān zài yī qǐ liǎo má?” tā duì zì jǐ fā wèn。 tā wú fǎ xiāng xìn zì jǐ, tā réng rán chén sī zhe, jīhū yì shí bù dào zhōu wéi dū fā shēng liǎo shénme shì。
nǚ bīn xiāng lái liǎo, dàn xīn niàn hái chí chí wèi dào。 è xiù lā cāi xiǎng kě néng chū liǎo diǎn chā cuò, zhè chǎng hūn lǐ nòng bù hǎo jiù bàn bù chéng liǎo。 tā wèicǐ gǎn dào yōu lǜ, sì hū hūn lǐ chéng gōng yǔ fǒu shì qǔ jué yú tā。 zhù yào de nǚ bīn xiāng mendōu dào liǎo, è xiù lā kàn zhe tā men zǒu shàng tái jiē。 tā rèn shí tā men dāng zhōng de yī gè, zhè rén gāo gāo de gè zǐ, xíng dòng huǎn màn, cháng zhe yī tóu jīn fā, cháng cháng de liǎn, liǎn sè cāng bái, yī kàn jiù zhī dào shì gè nán yǐ jià yù de rén。 tā shì kè lǐ qí jiā de péng yǒu, jiào hè mài nī · luó dí sī。 tā zǒu guò lái liǎo, áng zhe tóu, dài zhe yī dǐng qiǎn huáng sè tiān 'é róng kuān yán mào, mào zǐ shàng chā zhe jǐ gēn tiān rán huī sè tuó niǎo yǔ máo。 tā piāo rán 'ér guò, sì hū duì zhōu wéi shì 'ér bù jiàn, cāng bái de cháng liǎn xiàng shàng yáng qǐ, bìng bù liú yì zhōu wéi。 tā hěn fù yòu, jīn tiān chuān liǎo yī jiàn qiǎn huáng sè ruǎn tiān 'é róng shàng yī, liàng shǎn shǎn de, shǒu shàng pěng yī shù méi guī sè xiān kè lái huā 'ér; xié hé wà zǐ de yán sè hěn xiàng mào zǐ shàng yǔ máo de yán sè, yě shì huī sè de。 tā zhè rén hàn máo hěn zhòng ní。 zǒu qǐ lù lái tún bù shōu dé hěn jǐn, zhè shì tā de yī dà tè diǎn, nà zhǒng yōu yōu rán de yàng zǐ gēn zhòng rén jiù shì bù tóng, tā de yī zhe yóu qiǎn huáng hé 'àn huī dā pèi 'ér chéng, yī fú piào liàng, rén yě hěn měi, dàn yòu diǎn kě pà, yòu diǎn ràng rén shēng yàn。 tā zǒu guò shí, rén mendōu jìng liǎo xià lái, kàn lái ràng tā mí zhù liǎo, jì 'ér rén men yòu jī dòng qǐ lái, xiǎng tiáokǎn jǐ jù, dàn zhōng jiū bù gǎn, yòu chén mò liǎo。 tā gāo yáng zhe cāng bái de cháng liǎn, yàng zǐ pō xiàng luó sài dì①, sì hū yòu diǎn má mù, sì hū tā hēi 'àn de nèi xīn shēn chù jù jí liǎo xǔ xǔ duō duō qí tè de sī xiǎng lìng tā yǒng yuǎn wú fǎ cóng zhōng jiě tuō。
① luó sài dì( 1 8 3 0 héng18 9 4), yīng guó lā fěi 'ěr qián pài zhù míng nǚ shī rén。 tā de shī duō yǐ tián yuán mù gē shī wéi zhù, fù yòu shén mì zōng jiào sè cǎi。
è xiù lā chū shén dì kàn zhe hè mài nī。 tā liǎo jiě yī diǎn tā de qíng kuàng。 hè mài nī shì zhōng yuán dì qū zuì chū sè de nǚ rén, fù qīn shì dé bǐ jùn de nán jué, shì gè jiù pài rén wù, ér tā zé quán rán xīn pài, cōng míng guò rén qiě jí yòu sī xiǎng。 tā duì gǎi gé chōng mǎn rè qíng, xīn sī quán yòng zài shè huì shì yè shàng。 kě tā hái shì zhōng guī jià liǎo rén, réng rán dé shòu nán xìng shì jiè de zuǒ yòu。
tā tóng gè lù yòu dì wèi de nán réndōu yòu shén jiāo。 è xiù lā zhǐ zhī dào qí zhōng yòu yī wèi shì xué xiào jiān chá yuán, míng jiào lú bó tè · bó jīn。 dǎo shì gē zhēn zài lún dūn rèn shí rén gèng duō xiē。 tā tóng gǎo yì shù de péng yǒu men chū rù gè zhǒng shè jiāo juàn zǐ, yǐ jīng rèn shí liǎo bù shǎo zhī míng rén shì。 tā yǔ hè mài nī dǎ guò liǎng cì jiāo dào, dàn tā men liǎng rén huà bù tóu jī。 tā men zài lún dūn chéng lǐ gè lèi péng yǒu jiā yǐ píng děng de shēn fèn xiāng shí, xiàn zài rú guǒ yǐ rú cǐ xuán shū de shè huì dì wèi zài zhōng yuán xiāng huì jiāng huì lìng rén hěn bù shū fú。 gē zhēn zài shè huì shàng yī zhí shì gè jiǎo jiǎo zhě, yǔ guì zú zhōng gǎo diǎn yì shù de yòu xián zhě jiāo wǎng mìqiè。
hè mài nī zhī dào zì jǐ chuān dé hěn piào liàng, tā zhī dào zì jǐ zài wēi lì · gé lín kě yǐ píng děng dì tóng rèn hé tā xiǎng rèn shí de rén dǎ jiāo dào, huò xǔ xiǎng bǎi bǎi jià zǐ jiù bǎi bǎi jià zǐ。 tā zhī dào tā de dì wèi zài wén huà zhī shí jiè de juàn zǐ lǐ shì dé dào rèn kě de, tā shì wén huà yì shí de chuán bō méi jiè。 wú lùn zài shè huì shàng hái shì zài sī xiǎng yì shí fāng miàn shèn zhì zài yì shù shàng, tā dū chù zài zuì gāo céng cì shàng, mù xiù yú lín, zài zhè xiē fāng miàn tā xiǎn dé zuǒ yòu féng yuán。 méi shuí néng bǎ tā bǐ xià qù, méi shuí néng gòu ràng tā chū chǒu, yīn wéi tā zǒng shì gāo jū yī liú, ér nà xiē yǔ tā zuò duì de réndōu zài tā zhī xià, wú lùn zài děng jí shàng、 cái lì shàng huò shì zài gāo céng cì de sī xiǎng jiāo liú, sī xiǎng fā zhǎn jí lǐng wù néng lì shàng dū bù rú tā。 yīn cǐ tā shì mào fàn bù dé de rén wù。 tā yī shēng zhōng dū nǔ lì bù shòu rén shāng hài huò qīn fàn, yào ràng rén men wú fǎ pàn duàn tā。
dàn shì tā de xīn zài shòu zhé mó, zhè yī diǎn tā wú fǎ yǎn shì。 bié kàn tā zài tōng wǎng jiào táng de lù shàng rú cǐ xìn bù qián xíng, què xìn yōng sú de duì tā háo wú sǔn shāng, shēn xìn zì jǐ de xíng xiàng wán měi wú quē、 shǔ yú dì yī liú。 dàn shì tā rěn shòu zhe zhé mó, zì xìn hé 'ào màn zhǐ shì biǎo miàn xiàn xiàng 'ér yǐ, qí shí tā gǎn dào zì jǐ shāng hén lěi lěi, shòu zhe rén men de cháo fěng yǔ miè shì。 tā zǒng gǎn dào zì jǐ róng yì shòu dào shāng hài, zài tā de kuī jiá xià zǒng yòu yī dào yǐn mì de shāng kǒu。 tā bù zhī dào zhè shì zěn me huí shì。 qí shí zhè shì yīn wéi tā quē fá qiáng jiàn de zì wǒ, bù jù bèi tiān rán de zì fù gǎn。 tā yòu de zhǐ shì yī gè kě pà kōng dòng de líng hún, quē fá shēng mìng de dǐ yùn。
tā xū yào yòu gè rén lái chōng yì tā shēng mìng de dǐ yùn, yǒng yuǎn zhè yàng。 yú shì tā jí lì zhuī qiú lú bó tè · bó jīn。 dāng bó jīn zài tā shēn biān shí, tā jiù gǎn dào zì jǐ shì wán zhěng de, dǐ qì hěn zú。 ér zài qí tā shí jiān lǐ, tā jiù gǎn dào yáo yáo yù diē, jiù xiàng jiàn lì zài duàn liè dài zhī shàng de fáng wū yī yàng。 jìn guǎn tā 'ài miàn zǐ, yǎn shì zì jǐ, dàn rèn hé yī wèi zì xìn、 pí qì jué jiàng de pǔ tōng nǚ yōng dōukě yǐ yòng qīng wēi de cháo fěng hé miè shì jǔ zhǐ jiāng tā pāo rù wú dǐ de shēn yuān, lìng tā gǎn dào zì jǐ wú néng。 dàn shì, zhè wèi yōu yù、 rěn shòu zhe zhé mó de nǚ rén yī zhí zài jìn qǔ, yòng měi xué、 wén huà、 shàng liú shè huì de tài dù hé dà gōng wú sī de xíng wéi lái bǎo hù zì jǐ。 kě tā zěn me yě wú fǎ yuè guò zhè dào kě pà de gōu hè, zǒng gǎn dào zì jǐ méi yòu dǐ qì。
'Ursula,' said Gudrun, 'don't you REALLY WANT to get married?' Ursula laid her embroidery in her lap and looked up. Her face was calm and considerate.
'I don't know,' she replied. 'It depends how you mean.'
Gudrun was slightly taken aback. She watched her sister for some moments.
'Well,' she said, ironically, 'it usually means one thing! But don't you think anyhow, you'd be--' she darkened slightly--'in a better position than you are in now.'
A shadow came over Ursula's face.
'I might,' she said. 'But I'm not sure.'
Again Gudrun paused, slightly irritated. She wanted to be quite definite.
'You don't think one needs the EXPERIENCE of having been married?' she asked.
'Do you think it need BE an experience?' replied Ursula.
'Bound to be, in some way or other,' said Gudrun, coolly. 'Possibly undesirable, but bound to be an experience of some sort.'
'Not really,' said Ursula. 'More likely to be the end of experience.'
Gudrun sat very still, to attend to this.
'Of course,' she said, 'there's THAT to consider.' This brought the conversation to a close. Gudrun, almost angrily, took up her rubber and began to rub out part of her drawing. Ursula stitched absorbedly.
'You wouldn't consider a good offer?' asked Gudrun.
'I think I've rejected several,' said Ursula.
'REALLY!' Gudrun flushed dark--'But anything really worth while? Have you REALLY?'
'A thousand a year, and an awfully nice man. I liked him awfully,' said Ursula.
'Really! But weren't you fearfully tempted?'
'In the abstract but not in the concrete,' said Ursula. 'When it comes to the point, one isn't even tempted--oh, if I were tempted, I'd marry like a shot. I'm only tempted NOT to.' The faces of both sisters suddenly lit up with amusement.
'Isn't it an amazing thing,' cried Gudrun, 'how strong the temptation is, not to!' They both laughed, looking at each other. In their hearts they were frightened.
There was a long pause, whilst Ursula stitched and Gudrun went on with her sketch. The sisters were women, Ursula twenty-six, and Gudrun twenty-five. But both had the remote, virgin look of modern girls, sisters of Artemis rather than of Hebe. Gudrun was very beautiful, passive, soft-skinned, soft-limbed. She wore a dress of dark-blue silky stuff, with ruches of blue and green linen lace in the neck and sleeves; and she had emerald-green stockings. Her look of confidence and diffidence contrasted with Ursula's sensitive expectancy. The provincial people, intimidated by Gudrun's perfect sang-froid and exclusive bareness of manner, said of her: 'She is a smart woman.' She had just come back from London, where she had spent several years, working at an art-school, as a student, and living a studio life.
'I was hoping now for a man to come along,' Gudrun said, suddenly catching her underlip between her teeth, and making a strange grimace, half sly smiling, half anguish. Ursula was afraid.
'So you have come home, expecting him here?' she laughed.
'Oh my dear,' cried Gudrun, strident, 'I wouldn't go out of my way to look for him. But if there did happen to come along a highly attractive individual of sufficient means--well--' she tailed off ironically. Then she looked searchingly at Ursula, as if to probe her. 'Don't you find yourself getting bored?' she asked of her sister. 'Don't you find, that things fail to materialise? NOTHING MATERIALISES! Everything withers in the bud.'
'What withers in the bud?' asked Ursula.
'Oh, everything--oneself--things in general.' There was a pause, whilst each sister vaguely considered her fate.
'It does frighten one,' said Ursula, and again there was a pause. 'But do you hope to get anywhere by just marrying?'
'It seems to be the inevitable next step,' said Gudrun. Ursula pondered this, with a little bitterness. She was a class mistress herself, in Willey Green Grammar School, as she had been for some years.
'I know,' she said, 'it seems like that when one thinks in the abstract. But really imagine it: imagine any man one knows, imagine him coming home to one every evening, and saying "Hello," and giving one a kiss--'
There was a blank pause.
'Yes,' said Gudrun, in a narrowed voice. 'It's just impossible. The man makes it impossible.'
'Of course there's children--' said Ursula doubtfully.
Gudrun's face hardened.
'Do you REALLY want children, Ursula?' she asked coldly. A dazzled, baffled look came on Ursula's face.
'One feels it is still beyond one,' she said.
'DO you feel like that?' asked Gudrun. 'I get no feeling whatever from the thought of bearing children.'
Gudrun looked at Ursula with a masklike, expressionless face. Ursula knitted her brows.
'Perhaps it isn't genuine,' she faltered. 'Perhaps one doesn't really want them, in one's soul--only superficially.' A hardness came over Gudrun's face. She did not want to be too definite.
'When one thinks of other people's children--' said Ursula.
Again Gudrun looked at her sister, almost hostile.
'Exactly,' she said, to close the conversation.
The two sisters worked on in silence, Ursula having always that strange brightness of an essential flame that is caught, meshed, contravened. She lived a good deal by herself, to herself, working, passing on from day to day, and always thinking, trying to lay hold on life, to grasp it in her own understanding. Her active living was suspended, but underneath, in the darkness, something was coming to pass. If only she could break through the last integuments! She seemed to try and put her hands out, like an infant in the womb, and she could not, not yet. Still she had a strange prescience, an intimation of something yet to come.
She laid down her work and looked at her sister. She thought Gudrun so CHARMING, so infinitely charming, in her softness and her fine, exquisite richness of texture and delicacy of line. There was a certain playfulness about her too, such a piquancy or ironic suggestion, such an untouched reserve. Ursula admired her with all her soul.
'Why did you come home, Prune?' she asked.
Gudrun knew she was being admired. She sat back from her drawing and looked at Ursula, from under her finely-curved lashes.
'Why did I come back, Ursula?' she repeated. 'I have asked myself a thousand times.'
'And don't you know?'
'Yes, I think I do. I think my coming back home was just RECULER POUR MIEUX SAUTER.'
And she looked with a long, slow look of knowledge at Ursula.
'I know!' cried Ursula, looking slightly dazzled and falsified, and as if she did NOT know. 'But where can one jump to?'
'Oh, it doesn't matter,' said Gudrun, somewhat superbly. 'If one jumps over the edge, one is bound to land somewhere.'
'But isn't it very risky?' asked Ursula.
A slow mocking smile dawned on Gudrun's face.
'Ah!' she said laughing. 'What is it all but words!' And so again she closed the conversation. But Ursula was still brooding.
'And how do you find home, now you have come back to it?' she asked.
Gudrun paused for some moments, coldly, before answering. Then, in a cold truthful voice, she said:
'I find myself completely out of it.'
'And father?'
Gudrun looked at Ursula, almost with resentment, as if brought to bay.
'I haven't thought about him: I've refrained,' she said coldly.
'Yes,' wavered Ursula; and the conversation was really at an end. The sisters found themselves confronted by a void, a terrifying chasm, as if they had looked over the edge.
They worked on in silence for some time, Gudrun's cheek was flushed with repressed emotion. She resented its having been called into being.
'Shall we go out and look at that wedding?' she asked at length, in a voice that was too casual.
'Yes!' cried Ursula, too eagerly, throwing aside her sewing and leaping up, as if to escape something, thus betraying the tension of the situation and causing a friction of dislike to go over Gudrun's nerves.
As she went upstairs, Ursula was aware of the house, of her home round about her. And she loathed it, the sordid, too-familiar place! She was afraid at the depth of her feeling against the home, the milieu, the whole atmosphere and condition of this obsolete life. Her feeling frightened her.
The two girls were soon walking swiftly down the main road of Beldover, a wide street, part shops, part dwelling-houses, utterly formless and sordid, without poverty. Gudrun, new from her life in Chelsea and Sussex, shrank cruelly from this amorphous ugliness of a small colliery town in the Midlands. Yet forward she went, through the whole sordid gamut of pettiness, the long amorphous, gritty street. She was exposed to every stare, she passed on through a stretch of torment. It was strange that she should have chosen to come back and test the full effect of this shapeless, barren ugliness upon herself. Why had she wanted to submit herself to it, did she still want to submit herself to it, the insufferable torture of these ugly, meaningless people, this defaced countryside? She felt like a beetle toiling in the dust. She was filled with repulsion.
They turned off the main road, past a black patch of common-garden, where sooty cabbage stumps stood shameless. No one thought to be ashamed. No one was ashamed of it all.
'It is like a country in an underworld,' said Gudrun. 'The colliers bring it above-ground with them, shovel it up. Ursula, it's marvellous, it's really marvellous--it's really wonderful, another world. The people are all ghouls, and everything is ghostly. Everything is a ghoulish replica of the real world, a replica, a ghoul, all soiled, everything sordid. It's like being mad, Ursula.'
The sisters were crossing a black path through a dark, soiled field. On the left was a large landscape, a valley with collieries, and opposite hills with cornfields and woods, all blackened with distance, as if seen through a veil of crape. White and black smoke rose up in steady columns, magic within the dark air. Near at hand came the long rows of dwellings, approaching curved up the hill-slope, in straight lines along the brow of the hill. They were of darkened red brick, brittle, with dark slate roofs. The path on which the sisters walked was black, trodden-in by the feet of the recurrent colliers, and bounded from the field by iron fences; the stile that led again into the road was rubbed shiny by the moleskins of the passing miners. Now the two girls were going between some rows of dwellings, of the poorer sort. Women, their arms folded over their coarse aprons, standing gossiping at the end of their block, stared after the Brangwen sisters with that long, unwearying stare of aborigines; children called out names.
Gudrun went on her way half dazed. If this were human life, if these were human beings, living in a complete world, then what was her own world, outside? She was aware of her grass-green stockings, her large grass-green velour hat, her full soft coat, of a strong blue colour. And she felt as if she were treading in the air, quite unstable, her heart was contracted, as if at any minute she might be precipitated to the ground. She was afraid.
She clung to Ursula, who, through long usage was inured to this violation of a dark, uncreated, hostile world. But all the time her heart was crying, as if in the midst of some ordeal: 'I want to go back, I want to go away, I want not to know it, not to know that this exists.' Yet she must go forward.
Ursula could feel her suffering.
'You hate this, don't you?' she asked.
'It bewilders me,' stammered Gudrun.
'You won't stay long,' replied Ursula.
And Gudrun went along, grasping at release.
They drew away from the colliery region, over the curve of the hill, into the purer country of the other side, towards Willey Green. Still the faint glamour of blackness persisted over the fields and the wooded hills, and seemed darkly to gleam in the air. It was a spring day, chill, with snatches of sunshine. Yellow celandines showed out from the hedge-bottoms, and in the cottage gardens of Willey Green, currant-bushes were breaking into leaf, and little flowers were coming white on the grey alyssum that hung over the stone walls.
Turning, they passed down the high-road, that went between high banks towards the church. There, in the lowest bend of the road, low under the trees, stood a little group of expectant people, waiting to see the wedding. The daughter of the chief mine-owner of the district, Thomas Crich, was getting married to a naval officer.
'Let us go back,' said Gudrun, swerving away. 'There are all those people.'
And she hung wavering in the road.
'Never mind them,' said Ursula, 'they're all right. They all know me, they don't matter.'
'But must we go through them?' asked Gudrun.
'They're quite all right, really,' said Ursula, going forward. And together the two sisters approached the group of uneasy, watchful common people. They were chiefly women, colliers' wives of the more shiftless sort. They had watchful, underworld faces.
The two sisters held themselves tense, and went straight towards the gate. The women made way for them, but barely sufficient, as if grudging to yield ground. The sisters passed in silence through the stone gateway and up the steps, on the red carpet, a policeman estimating their progress.
'What price the stockings!' said a voice at the back of Gudrun. A sudden fierce anger swept over the girl, violent and murderous. She would have liked them all annihilated, cleared away, so that the world was left clear for her. How she hated walking up the churchyard path, along the red carpet, continuing in motion, in their sight.
'I won't go into the church,' she said suddenly, with such final decision that Ursula immediately halted, turned round, and branched off up a small side path which led to the little private gate of the Grammar School, whose grounds adjoined those of the church.
Just inside the gate of the school shrubbery, outside the churchyard, Ursula sat down for a moment on the low stone wall under the laurel bushes, to rest. Behind her, the large red building of the school rose up peacefully, the windows all open for the holiday. Over the shrubs, before her, were the pale roofs and tower of the old church. The sisters were hidden by the foliage.
Gudrun sat down in silence. Her mouth was shut close, her face averted. She was regretting bitterly that she had ever come back. Ursula looked at her, and thought how amazingly beautiful she was, flushed with discomfiture. But she caused a constraint over Ursula's nature, a certain weariness. Ursula wished to be alone, freed from the tightness, the enclosure of Gudrun's presence.
'Are we going to stay here?' asked Gudrun.
'I was only resting a minute,' said Ursula, getting up as if rebuked. 'We will stand in the corner by the fives-court, we shall see everything from there.'
For the moment, the sunshine fell brightly into the churchyard, there was a vague scent of sap and of spring, perhaps of violets from off the graves. Some white daisies were out, bright as angels. In the air, the unfolding leaves of a copper-beech were blood-red.
Punctually at eleven o'clock, the carriages began to arrive. There was a stir in the crowd at the gate, a concentration as a carriage drove up, wedding guests were mounting up the steps and passing along the red carpet to the church. They were all gay and excited because the sun was shining.
Gudrun watched them closely, with objective curiosity. She saw each one as a complete figure, like a character in a book, or a subject in a picture, or a marionette in a theatre, a finished creation. She loved to recognise their various characteristics, to place them in their true light, give them their own surroundings, settle them for ever as they passed before her along the path to the church. She knew them, they were finished, sealed and stamped and finished with, for her. There was none that had anything unknown, unresolved, until the Criches themselves began to appear. Then her interest was piqued. Here was something not quite so preconcluded.
There came the mother, Mrs Crich, with her eldest son Gerald. She was a queer unkempt figure, in spite of the attempts that had obviously been made to bring her into line for the day. Her face was pale, yellowish, with a clear, transparent skin, she leaned forward rather, her features were strongly marked, handsome, with a tense, unseeing, predative look. Her colourless hair was untidy, wisps floating down on to her sac coat of dark blue silk, from under her blue silk hat. She looked like a woman with a monomania, furtive almost, but heavily proud.
Her son was of a fair, sun-tanned type, rather above middle height, well-made, and almost exaggeratedly well-dressed. But about him also was the strange, guarded look, the unconscious glisten, as if he did not belong to the same creation as the people about him. Gudrun lighted on him at once. There was something northern about him that magnetised her. In his clear northern flesh and his fair hair was a glisten like sunshine refracted through crystals of ice. And he looked so new, unbroached, pure as an arctic thing. Perhaps he was thirty years old, perhaps more. His gleaming beauty, maleness, like a young, good-humoured, smiling wolf, did not blind her to the significant, sinister stillness in his bearing, the lurking danger of his unsubdued temper. 'His totem is the wolf,' she repeated to herself. 'His mother is an old, unbroken wolf.' And then she experienced a keen paroxyism, a transport, as if she had made some incredible discovery, known to nobody else on earth. A strange transport took possession of her, all her veins were in a paroxysm of violent sensation. 'Good God!' she exclaimed to herself, 'what is this?' And then, a moment after, she was saying assuredly, 'I shall know more of that man.' She was tortured with desire to see him again, a nostalgia, a necessity to see him again, to make sure it was not all a mistake, that she was not deluding herself, that she really felt this strange and overwhelming sensation on his account, this knowledge of him in her essence, this powerful apprehension of him. 'Am I REALLY singled out for him in some way, is there really some pale gold, arctic light that envelopes only us two?' she asked herself. And she could not believe it, she remained in a muse, scarcely conscious of what was going on around.
The bridesmaids were here, and yet the bridegroom had not come. Ursula wondered if something was amiss, and if the wedding would yet all go wrong. She felt troubled, as if it rested upon her. The chief bridesmaids had arrived. Ursula watched them come up the steps. One of them she knew, a tall, slow, reluctant woman with a weight of fair hair and a pale, long face. This was Hermione Roddice, a friend of the Criches. Now she came along, with her head held up, balancing an enormous flat hat of pale yellow velvet, on which were streaks of ostrich feathers, natural and grey. She drifted forward as if scarcely conscious, her long blanched face lifted up, not to see the world. She was rich. She wore a dress of silky, frail velvet, of pale yellow colour, and she carried a lot of small rose-coloured cyclamens. Her shoes and stockings were of brownish grey, like the feathers on her hat, her hair was heavy, she drifted along with a peculiar fixity of the hips, a strange unwilling motion. She was impressive, in her lovely pale-yellow and brownish-rose, yet macabre, something repulsive. People were silent when she passed, impressed, roused, wanting to jeer, yet for some reason silenced. Her long, pale face, that she carried lifted up, somewhat in the Rossetti fashion, seemed almost drugged, as if a strange mass of thoughts coiled in the darkness within her, and she was never allowed to escape.
rú guǒ bó jīn néng gòu bǎo chí gēn tā zhī jiān de mìqiè guān xì, hè mài nī zài rén shēng zhè duō chóu duō yōu de háng xíng zhōng jiù huì gǎn dào 'ān quán。 bó jīn kě yǐ ràng tā 'ān quán, ràng tā chéng gōng, ràng tā zhàn shèng tiān shǐ。 tā yào shì zhè yàng jiù hǎo liǎo! kě tā méi yòu。 yú shì tā jiù zài kǒng bù yǔ dān xīn zhōng shòu zhe zhé mó。 tā bǎ zì jǐ zhuāng bàn dé hěn piào liàng, jìn liàng dá dào néng lìng bó jīnxiàng xìn de měi yǔ yōu yuè chéng dù。 kě tā zǒng yě bù néng。
tā yě bù shì gè yī bān rén。 tā bǎ tā jī tuì liǎo, zǒng jī tuì tā。 tā yuè shì yào lā tā, tā yuè shì yào jī tuì tā。 kě tā men jǐ nián lái jìng yī zhí xiāng 'ài zhe。 tiān 'ā, zhè tài lìng rén yàn juàn tòng kǔ liǎo, kě tā yǐ rán hěn zì xìn。 tā zhī dào tā shì tú lí tā 'ér qù, dàn tā réng rán zì xìn yòu lì liàng shǒu zhù tā, tā duì zì jǐ gāo shēn de xué wèn shēn xìn bù yí。 bó jīn de zhī shí shuǐ píng hěn gāo, dàn hè mài nī zé shì zhēn lǐ de shì jīn shí, tā yào de shì bó jīn gēn tā yī tiáo xīn。
tā xiàng yī gè yòu xīn lǐ de rèn xìng hái zǐ yī yàng yào fǒu rèn yǔ tā de lián xì, fǒu rèn liǎo zhè gè jiù shì fǒu rèn liǎo zì jǐ de wán měi。 tā xiàng yī gè rèn xìng de hái zǐ, yào dǎ pò tā men liǎng rén zhī jiān de shén shèng lián xì。
tā huì lái cān jiā zhè chǎng hūn lǐ de, tā yào lái dāng nán bīn xiāng。 tā huì zǎo zǎo lái jiào táng děng hòu de。 hè mài nī zǒu jìn jiào táng dà mén shí xiǎng dào zhè xiē, bù jìn pà qǐ lái, xīn lǐ dǎ liǎo yī gè hán lì。 tā huì zài nà lǐ de, tā kěn dìng huì kàn dào tā de yī fú shì duō me piào liàng, tā kěn dìng huì míng bái tā shì wèile tā cái bǎ zì jǐ dǎ bàn dé rú cǐ piào liàng。 tā huì míng bái de, tā néng gòu kàn dé chū tā shì wèile tā cái bǎ zì jǐ dǎ bàn dé rú cǐ chū zhòng, wú yǔ lún bǐ。 tā huì rèn kě zì jǐ zuì hǎo de mìng yùn, zuì zhōng tā bù huì bù jiē shòu tā de。
kě wàng lìng tā pí juàn dì chōu chù liǎo yī xià。 tā zǒu jìn jiào táng de mén hòu zuǒ yòu xún gù zhe zhǎo tā, tā miáo tiáo de qū tǐ bù 'ān dì chàn dòng zhe。 zuò wéi nán bīn xiāng, tā shì yīnggāi zhàn zài jì tán biān shàng de。 tā huǎn huǎn dì chōng mǎn zì xìn dì bǎ mù guāng tóu guò qù, dàn xīn zhōng bù miǎn yòu diǎn huái yí。
tā méi zài nà 'ér, zhè gěi liǎo tā yī gè kě pà de dǎ jī, tā hǎo xiàng yào chén méi liǎo。 huǐ miè xìng de shī wàng gǎn jué zhù liǎo tā。 tā mù rán dì cháo jì tán nuó guò qù。 tā cóng lái méi yòu jīng lì guò zhè yàng chè dǐ huǐ miè xìng de dǎ jī, tā bǐ sǐ hái kě pà, nà zhǒng gǎn jué shì rú cǐ kōng kuàng、 huāng wú。
xīn láng hé bàn láng hái méi yòu dào。 wài miàn de rén qún jiàn jiàn luàn dòng qǐ lái。 è xiù lā gǎn dào zì jǐ sì hū gāi duì zhè jiàn shì fù zé。 tā bù rěn xīn kàn dào xīn niàn lái liǎo què méi yòu xīn láng péi bàn。 zhè chǎng hūn lǐ qiān wàn bù néng shī bài, qiān wàn bù néng。
xīn niàn de mǎ chē lái liǎo, mǎ chē shàng zhuāng shì zhe cǎi dài hé huā jié。 huī mǎ què yuè zhe bēn xiàng jiào táng dà mén, zhěng gè jìn chéng dū chōng mǎn liǎo huān xiào, zhè 'ér shì suǒ yòu huān xiào yǔ huān lè de zhōng xīn。 mǎ chē mén kāi liǎo, jīn tiān de huā 'ér jiù yào cóng chē zhōng chū lái liǎo。
lù shàng de rén men shāo yòu bù mǎn dì qiè qiè sī yǔ。
xiān zǒu chū mǎ chē de shì xīn niàn de fù qīn, tā jiù xiàng yī gè yīn yǐng chū xiàn zài chén kōng zhōng。 tā gāo dà、 shòuxuē、 yī fù bǎo jīng mó nán de xíng xiàng, chún shàng xì xì de yī dào hēi zī yǐ jīng yòu xiē huī bái liǎo。 tā wàng wǒ nài xīn dì děng zài chē mén kǒu。
chē mén yī kāi, chē shàng làxià fēn fēn yáng yáng de piào liàng yè zǐ hé xiān huā, piāo xià lái bái sè duàn dài, chē zhōng chuán chū yī gè huān kuài de shēng yīn:
“ wǒ zěn me chū qù yā?”
děng dài de rén qún zhōng xiǎng qǐ yī piàn mǎn yì de yì lùn shēng。 dà jiā kào jìn chē mén lái yíng tā, yǎn bā bā dì dīng zhe tā chuí xià qù de tóu, nà yī tóu jīn fā shàng zhān mǎn liǎo huā lěi。 yǎn kàn zhe nà zhǐ jiāo xiǎo de bái sè jīn lián 'ér shì tàn zhe dèng dào chē tī shàng, yī zhèn xuě làng bān de chōng jī, suí zhī xīn niàn hū dì yī xià, yōng xiàng shù yìn xià de fù qīn, tā yī tuán xuě bái, cóng miàn shā zhōng dàng yàng chū xiào shēng lái。
“ zhè xià hǎo liǎo!”
tā yòng shǒu wǎn zhù bǎo jīng fēng shuāng、 miàn dài bìng sè de fù qīn, dàng zhe yī shēn bái làng zǒu shàng liǎo hóng dì tǎn。 miàn sè fā huáng de fù qīn chén mò bù yǔ, hēi zī lìng tā kàn shàng qù gèng xiǎn dé bǎo jīng mó nán。 tā kuài bù tà shàng tái jiē, sì hū tóu nǎo lǐ yī piàn kōng xū, kě tā shēn biān de xīn niàn què yī zhí xiào shēng bù duàn。
kě shì xīn láng hái méi yòu dào! è xiù lā jiǎn zhí duì cǐ wú fǎ rěn shòu。 tā yōu xīn chōng chōng dì wàng zhe yuǎn shān, xī wàng nà bái sè de xià shān lù shàng huì chū xiàn xīn láng de shēn yǐng。 nà biān shǐ lái yī liàng mǎ chē, jiàn jiàn jìn rù rén men de shì xiàn。 méi cuò, shì tā lái liǎo。 è xiù lā suí jí zhuǎn shēn miàn duì zhe xīn niàn hé rén qún, cóng gāo chù xiàng rén men fā chū liǎo yī shēng nà hǎn。 tā xiǎng gào sù rén men, xīn láng lái liǎo。 kě shì tā de hǎn shēng zhǐ mèn zài xīn zhōng, wú rén tīng dào。 yú shì tā shēn shēn wéi zì jǐ wèi shǒu wèi wěi、 yuàn wàng wèi jìng gǎn dào cán kuì。
mǎ chē dīng dīng guāng guāng shǐ xià shān lái, yù lái yù jìn liǎo。 rén qún zhōng yòu rén dà jiào qǐ lái。 gāng gāng tà shàng tái jiē dǐng de xīn niàn jīng xǐ dì zhuǎn guò shēn lái, tā kàn dào rén tóu fèi dòng, yī liàng mǎ chē tíng liǎo xià lái, tā de qíng rén cóng chē shàng tiào xià lái, duǒ kāi mǎ pǐ, jǐ jìn rén duī zhōng。
“ tī pǔ sī! tī pǔ sī!” tā zhàn zài gāo chù, zài yáng guāng xià xīng fèn dì huī wǔ zhe xiān huā, huá jī dì hǎn jiào zhe。 kě tā shǒu wò zhe mào zǐ zài rén qún zhōng zuàn lái zuàn qù, bìng wèi tīng dào tā de jiào hǎn。
“ tī pǔ sī!” tā cháo xià kàn zhe tā, yòu dà jiào yī shēng。
tā háo wú yì shí dì zhāoshàng kàn liǎo yī yǎn, kàn dào xīn niàn hé tā de fù qīn zhàn zài shàng fāng, liǎn shàng lüè guò yī sī qí tè、 jīng yà de biǎo qíng。 tā yóu yù liǎo piàn kè, rán hòu shǐ jìn quán shēn lì qì tiào qǐ lái xiàng tā pū guò qù。
“ ā hā!” tā fǎn yìng guò lái liǎo, wēi wēi fā chū yī shēng qí guài de jiào hǎn, rán hòu jīng tiào qǐ lái, zhuǎn shēn páo liǎo。 tā cháo jiào táng fēi páo zhe, chuān zhe bái xié de jiǎo wěn wěn dì qiāo dǎzháo dì miàn, bái sè yī fú piāo piāo rán cā zhe lù miàn。 zhè xiǎo huǒ zǐ xiàng yī wèi liè rén yī yàng jǐn jǐn zài tā shēn hòu zhuī zhe, tā tiào yuè zhe cóng tā fù qīn shēn biān lüè guò, fēng mǎn jiēshí de tuǐ hé tún bù niǔ dòng zhe, rú tóng pū xiàng liè wù de liè rén yī bān。
“ hēi, zhuī shàng tā!” xià miàn nà xiē cū sú de nǚ rén tū rán còu guò lái dòu lè 'ér, dà hǎn dà jiào zhe。
xīn niàn shǒu pěng xiān huā wěn wěn dì zhuǎn guò liǎo jiào táng de qiáng jiǎo。 rán hòu tā huí tóu kàn kàn shēn hòu, tiǎo zhàn bān fàng shēng dà xiào zhe zhuǎn guò shēn lái zhàn wěn。 zhè shí xīn láng páo liǎo guò lái, wān xià yāo yī shǒu bā zhù nà chén mò qiáng jiǎo de shí duǒ, fēi shēn xuánzhuàn guò qù, suí zhī tā de shēn yǐng hé cū zhuàng jiēshí de yāo tuǐ dōuzài rén men de shì xiàn zhōng xiāo shī liǎo。
mén kǒu de rén qún zhōng lì kè bào fā chū yī zhèn hècǎi shēng。 rán hòu, è xiù lā zài yī cì zhù yì dào wēi wēi tuó bèi de kè lǐ qí xiān shēng, tā máng rán dì děng zài yī biān, háo wú biǎo qíng dì kàn zhe xīn láng xīn niàn bēn xiàng jiào táng。 zhí dào kàn bù dào tā men liǎng rén liǎo, tā cái zhuǎn huí shēn kàn kàn shēn hòu de lú bó tè · bó jīn, bó jīn máng shàng qián dā huà:
“ zán men diàn hòu bā。” shuō zhe liǎn shàng lüè guò yī sī xiào。
“ hǎo de!” fù qīn jiǎn duǎn dì huí dá。 shuō wán liǎng rén jiù zhuǎn shēn shàng qù liǎo。
bó jīn xiàng kè lǐ qí xiān shēng yī yàng shòuxuē, cāng bái de liǎn shàng lù chū xiē xǔ bìng róng。 tā shēn jià zhǎi xiǎo, dàn shēn cái hěn bù cuò。 tā zǒu qǐ lù lái yī zhǐ jiǎo yòu xiē gù yì dì tuō dì。 jìn guǎn tā zhè shēn bàn láng de zhuāng shù yī sī bù gǒu, kě tā tiān shēng de qì zhì què yǔ zhī bù xié diào, yīn cǐ chuān shàng zhè shēn yī fú kàn shàng qù hěn huá jī。 tā shēng xìng cōng míng dàn bù hé qún, duì zhèng shì chǎng hé yī diǎn dōubù shì yìng, kě tā yòu bù dé bù wéi xīn dì qù yíng hé yī bān sú rén de guān niàn。
tā zhuāng zuò yī gè jí pǔ tōng rén de yàng zǐ, zhuāng dé wéi miào wéi xiào。 tā xué zhe zhōu wéi rén jiǎng huà de kǒu qì, néng gòu xùn sù bǎi zhèng yǔ duì huà zhě de guān xì, gēn jù zì jǐ de chǔjìng tiáozhěng zì jǐ de yán xíng, cóng 'ér dá dào yǔ qí tā fán fū sú zǐ háo wú qū bié de chéng dù。 tā zhè yàng zuò cháng cháng kě yǐ yī shí bó dé bàng rén de hǎo gǎn, cóng 'ér miǎn zāo gōng jié。
xiàn zài, tā yī lù zǒu yī lù tóng kè lǐ qí xiān shēng qīng sōng yú kuài dì jiāo tán zhe。 tā jiù xiàng yī gè zǒu shéng suǒ de rén nà yàng duì jú shì yìng fù zì rú, jìn guǎn zǒu zài shéng suǒ shàng què yào zhuāng chū yī fù yōu rán zì dé de yàng zǐ lái。
“ wǒ men zhè me wǎn cái dào, tài bào qiàn liǎo。” tā shuō,“ wǒ men zěn me yě zhǎo bù dào niǔ kòu gōu liǎo, huā liǎo hǎo cháng shí jiān cái bǎ xuē zǐ shàng de kòu zǐ dū xì hǎo。 nín shì 'àn shí dào dá de bā。”
“ wǒ men zǒng shì zūn shǒu shí jiān de,” kè lǐ qí xiān shēng shuō。
“ kě wǒ què cháng chí dào,” bó jīn shuō,“ bù guò jīn tiān wǒ díquè shì xiǎng zhǔn diǎn dào nà 'ér de, què chū yú 'ǒu rán méi néng zhǔn diǎn dào zhè 'ér, tài bào qiàn liǎo。”
zhè liǎng gè rén yě zǒu yuǎn liǎo, yī shí jiān méi shí me kě kàn de liǎo。 è xiù lā zài sīliáng zhe bó jīn, tā yǐn qǐ liǎo tā de zhù yì, lìng tā zháomí yě lìng tā xīn luàn。
tā xiǎng gèng duō dì liǎo jiě tā。 tā zhǐ gēn tā jiāo tán guò yī liǎng cì, nà shì tā lái xué xiào lǚ xíng tā xué xiào jiān chá yuán de zhí zé de shí hòu。 tā yǐ wéi tā sì hū kàn chū liǎo liǎng rén zhī jiān de 'ài mèi, nà shì yī zhǒng zì rán de、 xīn zhào bù xuān de lǐ jiě, tā men yòu gòng tóng yǔ yán li。 kě zhè zhǒng lǐ jiě méi yòu fā zhǎn de jī huì。 yòu shénme dōng xī shǐ tā gēn tā ruò jí ruò lí de? tā shēn shàng yòu mǒu zhǒng dí yì, yǐn cáng zhe mǒu zhǒng wú fǎ tū pò de jū jǐn、 lěng mò, ràng rén wú fǎ jiē jìn。
kě tā hái shì yào liǎo jiě tā。
“ nǐ jué dé lú bó tè · bó jīn zhè rén zěn me yàng?” tā yòu diǎn miǎnqiǎng dì wèn gē zhēn。 qí shí tā bìng bù xiǎng yì lùn tā。
“ wǒ jué dé tā zěn me yàng?” gē zhēn zhòng fù dào,“ wǒ jué dé tā yòu xī yǐn lì, jué duì yòu xī yǐn lì。 wǒ bù néng róng rěn de shì tā dài rén de fāng shì。 tā duì dài rèn hé yī gè xiǎo shǎ guā dū nà me zhèng 'ér bā jīng, sì hū tā duō me kàn zhòng rén jiā。 zhè ràng rén chǎn shēng yī zhǒng shòu piàn de gǎn jué。”
“ tā gànmá yào zhè yàng?” è xiù lā wèn。
“ yīn wéi tā duì rén méi yòu zhēn zhèng de pàn duàn néng lì, shénme shí hòu dōushì zhè yàng。” gē zhēn shuō,“ gēn nǐ shuō bā, tā duì wǒ、 duì nǐ gēn duì dài shénme xiǎo shǎ guā yī yàng, zhè jiǎn zhí shì yī zhǒng qū rǔ。”
“ ò, shì zhè yàng,” è xiù lā shuō,“ yī gè rén bì xū yào yòu pàn duàn lì。”
“ yī gè rén bì xū yào yòu pàn duàn lì。” gē zhēn zhòng fù shuō,“ kě zài bié de fāng miàn tā shì gè tǐng bù cuò de rén, tā de xìng gé kě hǎo liǎo。 bù guò nǐ bù néng xiāng xìn tā。”
“ ǹg,” è xiù lā yòu yī dā méi yī dā dì shuō。 è xiù lā zǒng shì tóng yì gē zhēn de huà, shèn zhì dāng tā bìng bù wán quán yǔ gē zhēn yī zhì shí yě zhè yàng。
jiě mèi liǎng rén mò mò dì zuò zhe děng dài cān jiā hūn lǐ de rén men chū lái。 gē zhēn bù nài fán tán huà liǎo, tā yào xiǎng yī xiǎng jié lā dé · kè lǐ qí liǎo, tā xiǎng kàn yī kàn tā duì tā chǎn shēng de qiáng liè gǎn qíng shì fǒu shì zhēn de。 tā yào ràng zì jǐ yòu gè sī xiǎng zhǔn bèi。
jiào táng lǐ, hūn lǐ zhèng zài jìn xíng。 kě hè mài nī · luó dí sī yī xīn zhǐ xiǎng zhe bó jīn。 tā jiù zhàn zài fù jìn, sì hū tā zài xī yǐn zhe tā guò qù。 tā zhēn xiǎng qù fǔ mō tā, rú guǒ bù mō yī mō tā, tā jiù wú fǎ què xìn tā jiù zài fù jìn。 bù guò tā zǒng suàn rěn nài dào liǎo hūn lǐ jié shù。
tā méi lái zhī qián, tā gǎn dào tài tòng kǔ liǎo, zhí dào xiàn zài tā hái gǎn dào yòu xiē huàn yùn。 tā réng rán yīn wéi tā jīng shén shàng duì tā màn bù jīng xīn 'ér gǎn dào tòng kǔ, shén jīng shòu zhe zhé mó。 tā sì hū zài yī zhǒng yōu yōu de mèng huàn zhōng děng dài zhe tā, jīng shén shàng rěn shòu zhe mó nán。 tā yōu yù dì zhàn zhe, liǎn shàng nà chén mí de biǎo qíng ràng tā kàn shàng qù xiàng tiān shǐ yī yàng, shí jì shàng nà dōushì tòng kǔ suǒ zhì。 zhè fù shén tài xiǎn dé chǔ chǔ dòng rén, bù jìn lìng bó jīn gǎn dào xīn suì, duì tā chǎn shēng liǎo lián mǐn。 tā kàn dào tā chuí zhe tóu, nà xiāo hún dàng bó de shén tài jīhū xiàng fēng kuáng de mó guǐ。 tā gǎn dào tā zài kàn tā, yú shì tā tái qǐ tóu lái, měi lì de huī yǎn jīng shǎn shuò zhe xiàng tā fā chū yī gè xìn hào。 kě shì tā bì kāi liǎo tā de mù guāng, yú shì tā tòng kǔ qū rǔ dì dī xià tóu qù, xīn líng jì xù shòu zhe 'áo jiān。 tā yě yīn wéi xiū chǐ、 fǎn gǎn hé duì tā shēn shēn de lián mǐn gǎn dào tòng kǔ。
tā bù xiǎng yǔ tā de mù guāng xiāng yù, bù xiǎng jiē shòu tā de zhì yì。
xīn niàn hé xīn láng de jié hūn yí shì jǔ xíng wán yǐ hòu, rén mendōu jìn liǎo shì。 hè mài nī qíng bù zì jìn jǐ shàng lái pèng yī pèng bó jīn, bó jīn róng rěn liǎo tā de zuò fǎ。
gē zhēn hé 'è xiù lā zài jiào táng wài qīng tīng tā men de fù qīn tánzòu zháofēng qín。 tā jiù xǐ huān yǎn zòu hūn lǐ jìn xíng qū。 qiáo, xīn hūn fū fù lái liǎo! zhōng shēng sì qǐ, zhèn dé kōng qì dū fā chàn liǎo。 è xiù lā xiǎng, bù zhī shù mù hé huā duǒ shì fǒu néng gǎn dào zhè zhōng shēng de zhèn chàn, duì kōng zhōng zhè qí tè de zhèn dòng tā men huì zuò hé gǎn xiǎng? xīn niàn wǎn zhe xīn láng de gēbo, xiǎn dé hěn xián jìng, xīn láng zé dīng zhe tiān kōng, xià yì shí dì zhǎ zhuóyǎn jīng, sì hū tā jì bù zài zhè 'ér yě bù zài nà 'ér。 tā zhǎ zhuóyǎn jīng jié lì yào jìn rù juésè, kě bèi zhè me yī dà qún rén wéi guān gǎn jué shàng yòu bù hǎo shòu, nà fù múyàng shí fēn huá jī。 tā kàn shàng qù shì wèi diǎn xíng de hǎi jūn jūn guān, yòu nán zǐ qì yòu zhōng yú zhí shǒu。
bó jīn hé hè mài nī bìng jiān zǒu zhe。 hè mài nī yī liǎn de dé yì xiāng 'ér, jiù xiàng yī wèi làng zǐ huí tóu zuò liǎo tiān shǐ, kě tā réng rán yòu diǎn xiàng mó guǐ。 xiàn zài, tā yǐ jīng wǎn qǐ bó jīn de gēbo liǎo, bó jīn miàn wú biǎo qíng, rèn tā bǎi bù, sì hū háo wú yí wèn zhè shì tā mìng lǐ zhù dìng de shì。
jié lā dé · kè lǐ qí guò lái liǎo, tā pí fū bái xī, piào liàng、 jiàn zhuàng, hún shēn yùn cáng zhe wèi shì fàng chū lái de jù dà néng liàng。 tā shēn jià tǐng zhí, shēn cái hěn měi, hé 'ǎi de tài dù hé xìng fú gǎn shǐ tā de liǎn wēi wēi shǎn zhe qí tè de guāng máng。 kàn dào zhè lǐ, gē zhēn měng dì zhàn qǐ shēn zǒu kāi liǎo。 tā duì cǐ wú fǎ rěn shòu liǎo, tā xiǎng dān dú yī gè rén zài yī chù pǐn wèi yī xià zhè qí tè qiáng liè de gǎn shòu, tā gǎi biàn liǎo tā zhěng gè 'ér de qì zhì。
She had various intimacies of mind and soul with various men of capacity. Ursula knew, among these men, only Rupert Birkin, who was one of the school-inspectors of the county. But Gudrun had met others, in London. Moving with her artist friends in different kinds of society, Gudrun had already come to know a good many people of repute and standing. She had met Hermione twice, but they did not take to each other. It would be queer to meet again down here in the Midlands, where their social standing was so diverse, after they had known each other on terms of equality in the houses of sundry acquaintances in town. For Gudrun had been a social success, and had her friends among the slack aristocracy that keeps touch with the arts.
Hermione knew herself to be well-dressed; she knew herself to be the social equal, if not far the superior, of anyone she was likely to meet in Willey Green. She knew she was accepted in the world of culture and of intellect. She was a KULTURTRAGER, a medium for the culture of ideas. With all that was highest, whether in society or in thought or in public action, or even in art, she was at one, she moved among the foremost, at home with them. No one could put her down, no one could make mock of her, because she stood among the first, and those that were against her were below her, either in rank, or in wealth, or in high association of thought and progress and understanding. So, she was invulnerable. All her life, she had sought to make herself invulnerable, unassailable, beyond reach of the world's judgment.
And yet her soul was tortured, exposed. Even walking up the path to the church, confident as she was that in every respect she stood beyond all vulgar judgment, knowing perfectly that her appearance was complete and perfect, according to the first standards, yet she suffered a torture, under her confidence and her pride, feeling herself exposed to wounds and to mockery and to despite. She always felt vulnerable, vulnerable, there was always a secret chink in her armour. She did not know herself what it was. It was a lack of robust self, she had no natural sufficiency, there was a terrible void, a lack, a deficiency of being within her.
And she wanted someone to close up this deficiency, to close it up for ever. She craved for Rupert Birkin. When he was there, she felt complete, she was sufficient, whole. For the rest of time she was established on the sand, built over a chasm, and, in spite of all her vanity and securities, any common maid-servant of positive, robust temper could fling her down this bottomless pit of insufficiency, by the slightest movement of jeering or contempt. And all the while the pensive, tortured woman piled up her own defences of aesthetic knowledge, and culture, and world-visions, and disinterestedness. Yet she could never stop up the terrible gap of insufficiency.
If only Birkin would form a close and abiding connection with her, she would be safe during this fretful voyage of life. He could make her sound and triumphant, triumphant over the very angels of heaven. If only he would do it! But she was tortured with fear, with misgiving. She made herself beautiful, she strove so hard to come to that degree of beauty and advantage, when he should be convinced. But always there was a deficiency.
He was perverse too. He fought her off, he always fought her off. The more she strove to bring him to her, the more he battled her back. And they had been lovers now, for years. Oh, it was so wearying, so aching; she was so tired. But still she believed in herself. She knew he was trying to leave her. She knew he was trying to break away from her finally, to be free. But still she believed in her strength to keep him, she believed in her own higher knowledge. His own knowledge was high, she was the central touchstone of truth. She only needed his conjunction with her.
And this, this conjunction with her, which was his highest fulfilment also, with the perverseness of a wilful child he wanted to deny. With the wilfulness of an obstinate child, he wanted to break the holy connection that was between them.
He would be at this wedding; he was to be groom's man. He would be in the church, waiting. He would know when she came. She shuddered with nervous apprehension and desire as she went through the church-door. He would be there, surely he would see how beautiful her dress was, surely he would see how she had made herself beautiful for him. He would understand, he would be able to see how she was made for him, the first, how she was, for him, the highest. Surely at last he would be able to accept his highest fate, he would not deny her.
In a little convulsion of too-tired yearning, she entered the church and looked slowly along her cheeks for him, her slender body convulsed with agitation. As best man, he would be standing beside the altar. She looked slowly, deferring in her certainty.
And then, he was not there. A terrible storm came over her, as if she were drowning. She was possessed by a devastating hopelessness. And she approached mechanically to the altar. Never had she known such a pang of utter and final hopelessness. It was beyond death, so utterly null, desert.
The bridegroom and the groom's man had not yet come. There was a growing consternation outside. Ursula felt almost responsible. She could not bear it that the bride should arrive, and no groom. The wedding must not be a fiasco, it must not.
But here was the bride's carriage, adorned with ribbons and cockades. Gaily the grey horses curvetted to their destination at the church-gate, a laughter in the whole movement. Here was the quick of all laughter and pleasure. The door of the carriage was thrown open, to let out the very blossom of the day. The people on the roadway murmured faintly with the discontented murmuring of a crowd.
The father stepped out first into the air of the morning, like a shadow. He was a tall, thin, careworn man, with a thin black beard that was touched with grey. He waited at the door of the carriage patiently, self-obliterated.
In the opening of the doorway was a shower of fine foliage and flowers, a whiteness of satin and lace, and a sound of a gay voice saying:
'How do I get out?'
A ripple of satisfaction ran through the expectant people. They pressed near to receive her, looking with zest at the stooping blond head with its flower buds, and at the delicate, white, tentative foot that was reaching down to the step of the carriage. There was a sudden foaming rush, and the bride like a sudden surf-rush, floating all white beside her father in the morning shadow of trees, her veil flowing with laughter.
'That's done it!' she said.
She put her hand on the arm of her care-worn, sallow father, and frothing her light draperies, proceeded over the eternal red carpet. Her father, mute and yellowish, his black beard making him look more careworn, mounted the steps stiffly, as if his spirit were absent; but the laughing mist of the bride went along with him undiminished.
And no bridegroom had arrived! It was intolerable for her. Ursula, her heart strained with anxiety, was watching the hill beyond; the white, descending road, that should give sight of him. There was a carriage. It was running. It had just come into sight. Yes, it was he. Ursula turned towards the bride and the people, and, from her place of vantage, gave an inarticulate cry. She wanted to warn them that he was coming. But her cry was inarticulate and inaudible, and she flushed deeply, between her desire and her wincing confusion.
The carriage rattled down the hill, and drew near. There was a shout from the people. The bride, who had just reached the top of the steps, turned round gaily to see what was the commotion. She saw a confusion among the people, a cab pulling up, and her lover dropping out of the carriage, and dodging among the horses and into the crowd.
'Tibs! Tibs!' she cried in her sudden, mocking excitement, standing high on the path in the sunlight and waving her bouquet. He, dodging with his hat in his hand, had not heard.
'Tibs!' she cried again, looking down to him.
He glanced up, unaware, and saw the bride and her father standing on the path above him. A queer, startled look went over his face. He hesitated for a moment. Then he gathered himself together for a leap, to overtake her.
'Ah-h-h!' came her strange, intaken cry, as, on the reflex, she started, turned and fled, scudding with an unthinkable swift beating of her white feet and fraying of her white garments, towards the church. Like a hound the young man was after her, leaping the steps and swinging past her father, his supple haunches working like those of a hound that bears down on the quarry.
'Ay, after her!' cried the vulgar women below, carried suddenly into the sport.
She, her flowers shaken from her like froth, was steadying herself to turn the angle of the church. She glanced behind, and with a wild cry of laughter and challenge, veered, poised, and was gone beyond the grey stone buttress. In another instant the bridegroom, bent forward as he ran, had caught the angle of the silent stone with his hand, and had swung himself out of sight, his supple, strong loins vanishing in pursuit.
Instantly cries and exclamations of excitement burst from the crowd at the gate. And then Ursula noticed again the dark, rather stooping figure of Mr Crich, waiting suspended on the path, watching with expressionless face the flight to the church. It was over, and he turned round to look behind him, at the figure of Rupert Birkin, who at once came forward and joined him.
'We'll bring up the rear,' said Birkin, a faint smile on his face.
'Ay!' replied the father laconically. And the two men turned together up the path.
Birkin was as thin as Mr Crich, pale and ill-looking. His figure was narrow but nicely made. He went with a slight trail of one foot, which came only from self-consciousness. Although he was dressed correctly for his part, yet there was an innate incongruity which caused a slight ridiculousness in his appearance. His nature was clever and separate, he did not fit at all in the conventional occasion. Yet he subordinated himself to the common idea, travestied himself.
He affected to be quite ordinary, perfectly and marvellously commonplace. And he did it so well, taking the tone of his surroundings, adjusting himself quickly to his interlocutor and his circumstance, that he achieved a verisimilitude of ordinary commonplaceness that usually propitiated his onlookers for the moment, disarmed them from attacking his singleness.
Now he spoke quite easily and pleasantly to Mr Crich, as they walked along the path; he played with situations like a man on a tight-rope: but always on a tight-rope, pretending nothing but ease.
'I'm sorry we are so late,' he was saying. 'We couldn't find a button-hook, so it took us a long time to button our boots. But you were to the moment.'
'We are usually to time,' said Mr Crich.
'And I'm always late,' said Birkin. 'But today I was REALLY punctual, only accidentally not so. I'm sorry.'
The two men were gone, there was nothing more to see, for the time. Ursula was left thinking about Birkin. He piqued her, attracted her, and annoyed her.
She wanted to know him more. She had spoken with him once or twice, but only in his official capacity as inspector. She thought he seemed to acknowledge some kinship between her and him, a natural, tacit understanding, a using of the same language. But there had been no time for the understanding to develop. And something kept her from him, as well as attracted her to him. There was a certain hostility, a hidden ultimate reserve in him, cold and inaccessible.
Yet she wanted to know him.
'What do you think of Rupert Birkin?' she asked, a little reluctantly, of Gudrun. She did not want to discuss him.
'What do I think of Rupert Birkin?' repeated Gudrun. 'I think he's attractive--decidedly attractive. What I can't stand about him is his way with other people--his way of treating any little fool as if she were his greatest consideration. One feels so awfully sold, oneself.'
'Why does he do it?' said Ursula.
'Because he has no real critical faculty--of people, at all events,' said Gudrun. 'I tell you, he treats any little fool as he treats me or you--and it's such an insult.'
'Oh, it is,' said Ursula. 'One must discriminate.'
'One MUST discriminate,' repeated Gudrun. 'But he's a wonderful chap, in other respects--a marvellous personality. But you can't trust him.'
'Yes,' said Ursula vaguely. She was always forced to assent to Gudrun's pronouncements, even when she was not in accord altogether.
The sisters sat silent, waiting for the wedding party to come out. Gudrun was impatient of talk. She wanted to think about Gerald Crich. She wanted to see if the strong feeling she had got from him was real. She wanted to have herself ready.
Inside the church, the wedding was going on. Hermione Roddice was thinking only of Birkin. He stood near her. She seemed to gravitate physically towards him. She wanted to stand touching him. She could hardly be sure he was near her, if she did not touch him. Yet she stood subjected through the wedding service.
She had suffered so bitterly when he did not come, that still she was dazed. Still she was gnawed as by a neuralgia, tormented by his potential absence from her. She had awaited him in a faint delirium of nervous torture. As she stood bearing herself pensively, the rapt look on her face, that seemed spiritual, like the angels, but which came from torture, gave her a certain poignancy that tore his heart with pity. He saw her bowed head, her rapt face, the face of an almost demoniacal ecstatic. Feeling him looking, she lifted her face and sought his eyes, her own beautiful grey eyes flaring him a great signal. But he avoided her look, she sank her head in torment and shame, the gnawing at her heart going on. And he too was tortured with shame, and ultimate dislike, and with acute pity for her, because he did not want to meet her eyes, he did not want to receive her flare of recognition.
The bride and bridegroom were married, the party went into the vestry. Hermione crowded involuntarily up against Birkin, to touch him. And he endured it.
Outside, Gudrun and Ursula listened for their father's playing on the organ. He would enjoy playing a wedding march. Now the married pair were coming! The bells were ringing, making the air shake. Ursula wondered if the trees and the flowers could feel the vibration, and what they thought of it, this strange motion in the air. The bride was quite demure on the arm of the bridegroom, who stared up into the sky before him, shutting and opening his eyes unconsciously, as if he were neither here nor there. He looked rather comical, blinking and trying to be in the scene, when emotionally he was violated by his exposure to a crowd. He looked a typical naval officer, manly, and up to his duty.
Birkin came with Hermione. She had a rapt, triumphant look, like the fallen angels restored, yet still subtly demoniacal, now she held Birkin by the arm. And he was expressionless, neutralised, possessed by her as if it were his fate, without question.
Gerald Crich came, fair, good-looking, healthy, with a great reserve of energy. He was erect and complete, there was a strange stealth glistening through his amiable, almost happy appearance. Gudrun rose sharply and went away. She could not bear it. She wanted to be alone, to know this strange, sharp inoculation that had changed the whole temper of her blood.
tā yě bù shì gè yī bān rén。 tā bǎ tā jī tuì liǎo, zǒng jī tuì tā。 tā yuè shì yào lā tā, tā yuè shì yào jī tuì tā。 kě tā men jǐ nián lái jìng yī zhí xiāng 'ài zhe。 tiān 'ā, zhè tài lìng rén yàn juàn tòng kǔ liǎo, kě tā yǐ rán hěn zì xìn。 tā zhī dào tā shì tú lí tā 'ér qù, dàn tā réng rán zì xìn yòu lì liàng shǒu zhù tā, tā duì zì jǐ gāo shēn de xué wèn shēn xìn bù yí。 bó jīn de zhī shí shuǐ píng hěn gāo, dàn hè mài nī zé shì zhēn lǐ de shì jīn shí, tā yào de shì bó jīn gēn tā yī tiáo xīn。
tā xiàng yī gè yòu xīn lǐ de rèn xìng hái zǐ yī yàng yào fǒu rèn yǔ tā de lián xì, fǒu rèn liǎo zhè gè jiù shì fǒu rèn liǎo zì jǐ de wán měi。 tā xiàng yī gè rèn xìng de hái zǐ, yào dǎ pò tā men liǎng rén zhī jiān de shén shèng lián xì。
tā huì lái cān jiā zhè chǎng hūn lǐ de, tā yào lái dāng nán bīn xiāng。 tā huì zǎo zǎo lái jiào táng děng hòu de。 hè mài nī zǒu jìn jiào táng dà mén shí xiǎng dào zhè xiē, bù jìn pà qǐ lái, xīn lǐ dǎ liǎo yī gè hán lì。 tā huì zài nà lǐ de, tā kěn dìng huì kàn dào tā de yī fú shì duō me piào liàng, tā kěn dìng huì míng bái tā shì wèile tā cái bǎ zì jǐ dǎ bàn dé rú cǐ piào liàng。 tā huì míng bái de, tā néng gòu kàn dé chū tā shì wèile tā cái bǎ zì jǐ dǎ bàn dé rú cǐ chū zhòng, wú yǔ lún bǐ。 tā huì rèn kě zì jǐ zuì hǎo de mìng yùn, zuì zhōng tā bù huì bù jiē shòu tā de。
kě wàng lìng tā pí juàn dì chōu chù liǎo yī xià。 tā zǒu jìn jiào táng de mén hòu zuǒ yòu xún gù zhe zhǎo tā, tā miáo tiáo de qū tǐ bù 'ān dì chàn dòng zhe。 zuò wéi nán bīn xiāng, tā shì yīnggāi zhàn zài jì tán biān shàng de。 tā huǎn huǎn dì chōng mǎn zì xìn dì bǎ mù guāng tóu guò qù, dàn xīn zhōng bù miǎn yòu diǎn huái yí。
tā méi zài nà 'ér, zhè gěi liǎo tā yī gè kě pà de dǎ jī, tā hǎo xiàng yào chén méi liǎo。 huǐ miè xìng de shī wàng gǎn jué zhù liǎo tā。 tā mù rán dì cháo jì tán nuó guò qù。 tā cóng lái méi yòu jīng lì guò zhè yàng chè dǐ huǐ miè xìng de dǎ jī, tā bǐ sǐ hái kě pà, nà zhǒng gǎn jué shì rú cǐ kōng kuàng、 huāng wú。
xīn láng hé bàn láng hái méi yòu dào。 wài miàn de rén qún jiàn jiàn luàn dòng qǐ lái。 è xiù lā gǎn dào zì jǐ sì hū gāi duì zhè jiàn shì fù zé。 tā bù rěn xīn kàn dào xīn niàn lái liǎo què méi yòu xīn láng péi bàn。 zhè chǎng hūn lǐ qiān wàn bù néng shī bài, qiān wàn bù néng。
xīn niàn de mǎ chē lái liǎo, mǎ chē shàng zhuāng shì zhe cǎi dài hé huā jié。 huī mǎ què yuè zhe bēn xiàng jiào táng dà mén, zhěng gè jìn chéng dū chōng mǎn liǎo huān xiào, zhè 'ér shì suǒ yòu huān xiào yǔ huān lè de zhōng xīn。 mǎ chē mén kāi liǎo, jīn tiān de huā 'ér jiù yào cóng chē zhōng chū lái liǎo。
lù shàng de rén men shāo yòu bù mǎn dì qiè qiè sī yǔ。
xiān zǒu chū mǎ chē de shì xīn niàn de fù qīn, tā jiù xiàng yī gè yīn yǐng chū xiàn zài chén kōng zhōng。 tā gāo dà、 shòuxuē、 yī fù bǎo jīng mó nán de xíng xiàng, chún shàng xì xì de yī dào hēi zī yǐ jīng yòu xiē huī bái liǎo。 tā wàng wǒ nài xīn dì děng zài chē mén kǒu。
chē mén yī kāi, chē shàng làxià fēn fēn yáng yáng de piào liàng yè zǐ hé xiān huā, piāo xià lái bái sè duàn dài, chē zhōng chuán chū yī gè huān kuài de shēng yīn:
“ wǒ zěn me chū qù yā?”
děng dài de rén qún zhōng xiǎng qǐ yī piàn mǎn yì de yì lùn shēng。 dà jiā kào jìn chē mén lái yíng tā, yǎn bā bā dì dīng zhe tā chuí xià qù de tóu, nà yī tóu jīn fā shàng zhān mǎn liǎo huā lěi。 yǎn kàn zhe nà zhǐ jiāo xiǎo de bái sè jīn lián 'ér shì tàn zhe dèng dào chē tī shàng, yī zhèn xuě làng bān de chōng jī, suí zhī xīn niàn hū dì yī xià, yōng xiàng shù yìn xià de fù qīn, tā yī tuán xuě bái, cóng miàn shā zhōng dàng yàng chū xiào shēng lái。
“ zhè xià hǎo liǎo!”
tā yòng shǒu wǎn zhù bǎo jīng fēng shuāng、 miàn dài bìng sè de fù qīn, dàng zhe yī shēn bái làng zǒu shàng liǎo hóng dì tǎn。 miàn sè fā huáng de fù qīn chén mò bù yǔ, hēi zī lìng tā kàn shàng qù gèng xiǎn dé bǎo jīng mó nán。 tā kuài bù tà shàng tái jiē, sì hū tóu nǎo lǐ yī piàn kōng xū, kě tā shēn biān de xīn niàn què yī zhí xiào shēng bù duàn。
kě shì xīn láng hái méi yòu dào! è xiù lā jiǎn zhí duì cǐ wú fǎ rěn shòu。 tā yōu xīn chōng chōng dì wàng zhe yuǎn shān, xī wàng nà bái sè de xià shān lù shàng huì chū xiàn xīn láng de shēn yǐng。 nà biān shǐ lái yī liàng mǎ chē, jiàn jiàn jìn rù rén men de shì xiàn。 méi cuò, shì tā lái liǎo。 è xiù lā suí jí zhuǎn shēn miàn duì zhe xīn niàn hé rén qún, cóng gāo chù xiàng rén men fā chū liǎo yī shēng nà hǎn。 tā xiǎng gào sù rén men, xīn láng lái liǎo。 kě shì tā de hǎn shēng zhǐ mèn zài xīn zhōng, wú rén tīng dào。 yú shì tā shēn shēn wéi zì jǐ wèi shǒu wèi wěi、 yuàn wàng wèi jìng gǎn dào cán kuì。
mǎ chē dīng dīng guāng guāng shǐ xià shān lái, yù lái yù jìn liǎo。 rén qún zhōng yòu rén dà jiào qǐ lái。 gāng gāng tà shàng tái jiē dǐng de xīn niàn jīng xǐ dì zhuǎn guò shēn lái, tā kàn dào rén tóu fèi dòng, yī liàng mǎ chē tíng liǎo xià lái, tā de qíng rén cóng chē shàng tiào xià lái, duǒ kāi mǎ pǐ, jǐ jìn rén duī zhōng。
“ tī pǔ sī! tī pǔ sī!” tā zhàn zài gāo chù, zài yáng guāng xià xīng fèn dì huī wǔ zhe xiān huā, huá jī dì hǎn jiào zhe。 kě tā shǒu wò zhe mào zǐ zài rén qún zhōng zuàn lái zuàn qù, bìng wèi tīng dào tā de jiào hǎn。
“ tī pǔ sī!” tā cháo xià kàn zhe tā, yòu dà jiào yī shēng。
tā háo wú yì shí dì zhāoshàng kàn liǎo yī yǎn, kàn dào xīn niàn hé tā de fù qīn zhàn zài shàng fāng, liǎn shàng lüè guò yī sī qí tè、 jīng yà de biǎo qíng。 tā yóu yù liǎo piàn kè, rán hòu shǐ jìn quán shēn lì qì tiào qǐ lái xiàng tā pū guò qù。
“ ā hā!” tā fǎn yìng guò lái liǎo, wēi wēi fā chū yī shēng qí guài de jiào hǎn, rán hòu jīng tiào qǐ lái, zhuǎn shēn páo liǎo。 tā cháo jiào táng fēi páo zhe, chuān zhe bái xié de jiǎo wěn wěn dì qiāo dǎzháo dì miàn, bái sè yī fú piāo piāo rán cā zhe lù miàn。 zhè xiǎo huǒ zǐ xiàng yī wèi liè rén yī yàng jǐn jǐn zài tā shēn hòu zhuī zhe, tā tiào yuè zhe cóng tā fù qīn shēn biān lüè guò, fēng mǎn jiēshí de tuǐ hé tún bù niǔ dòng zhe, rú tóng pū xiàng liè wù de liè rén yī bān。
“ hēi, zhuī shàng tā!” xià miàn nà xiē cū sú de nǚ rén tū rán còu guò lái dòu lè 'ér, dà hǎn dà jiào zhe。
xīn niàn shǒu pěng xiān huā wěn wěn dì zhuǎn guò liǎo jiào táng de qiáng jiǎo。 rán hòu tā huí tóu kàn kàn shēn hòu, tiǎo zhàn bān fàng shēng dà xiào zhe zhuǎn guò shēn lái zhàn wěn。 zhè shí xīn láng páo liǎo guò lái, wān xià yāo yī shǒu bā zhù nà chén mò qiáng jiǎo de shí duǒ, fēi shēn xuánzhuàn guò qù, suí zhī tā de shēn yǐng hé cū zhuàng jiēshí de yāo tuǐ dōuzài rén men de shì xiàn zhōng xiāo shī liǎo。
mén kǒu de rén qún zhōng lì kè bào fā chū yī zhèn hècǎi shēng。 rán hòu, è xiù lā zài yī cì zhù yì dào wēi wēi tuó bèi de kè lǐ qí xiān shēng, tā máng rán dì děng zài yī biān, háo wú biǎo qíng dì kàn zhe xīn láng xīn niàn bēn xiàng jiào táng。 zhí dào kàn bù dào tā men liǎng rén liǎo, tā cái zhuǎn huí shēn kàn kàn shēn hòu de lú bó tè · bó jīn, bó jīn máng shàng qián dā huà:
“ zán men diàn hòu bā。” shuō zhe liǎn shàng lüè guò yī sī xiào。
“ hǎo de!” fù qīn jiǎn duǎn dì huí dá。 shuō wán liǎng rén jiù zhuǎn shēn shàng qù liǎo。
bó jīn xiàng kè lǐ qí xiān shēng yī yàng shòuxuē, cāng bái de liǎn shàng lù chū xiē xǔ bìng róng。 tā shēn jià zhǎi xiǎo, dàn shēn cái hěn bù cuò。 tā zǒu qǐ lù lái yī zhǐ jiǎo yòu xiē gù yì dì tuō dì。 jìn guǎn tā zhè shēn bàn láng de zhuāng shù yī sī bù gǒu, kě tā tiān shēng de qì zhì què yǔ zhī bù xié diào, yīn cǐ chuān shàng zhè shēn yī fú kàn shàng qù hěn huá jī。 tā shēng xìng cōng míng dàn bù hé qún, duì zhèng shì chǎng hé yī diǎn dōubù shì yìng, kě tā yòu bù dé bù wéi xīn dì qù yíng hé yī bān sú rén de guān niàn。
tā zhuāng zuò yī gè jí pǔ tōng rén de yàng zǐ, zhuāng dé wéi miào wéi xiào。 tā xué zhe zhōu wéi rén jiǎng huà de kǒu qì, néng gòu xùn sù bǎi zhèng yǔ duì huà zhě de guān xì, gēn jù zì jǐ de chǔjìng tiáozhěng zì jǐ de yán xíng, cóng 'ér dá dào yǔ qí tā fán fū sú zǐ háo wú qū bié de chéng dù。 tā zhè yàng zuò cháng cháng kě yǐ yī shí bó dé bàng rén de hǎo gǎn, cóng 'ér miǎn zāo gōng jié。
xiàn zài, tā yī lù zǒu yī lù tóng kè lǐ qí xiān shēng qīng sōng yú kuài dì jiāo tán zhe。 tā jiù xiàng yī gè zǒu shéng suǒ de rén nà yàng duì jú shì yìng fù zì rú, jìn guǎn zǒu zài shéng suǒ shàng què yào zhuāng chū yī fù yōu rán zì dé de yàng zǐ lái。
“ wǒ men zhè me wǎn cái dào, tài bào qiàn liǎo。” tā shuō,“ wǒ men zěn me yě zhǎo bù dào niǔ kòu gōu liǎo, huā liǎo hǎo cháng shí jiān cái bǎ xuē zǐ shàng de kòu zǐ dū xì hǎo。 nín shì 'àn shí dào dá de bā。”
“ wǒ men zǒng shì zūn shǒu shí jiān de,” kè lǐ qí xiān shēng shuō。
“ kě wǒ què cháng chí dào,” bó jīn shuō,“ bù guò jīn tiān wǒ díquè shì xiǎng zhǔn diǎn dào nà 'ér de, què chū yú 'ǒu rán méi néng zhǔn diǎn dào zhè 'ér, tài bào qiàn liǎo。”
zhè liǎng gè rén yě zǒu yuǎn liǎo, yī shí jiān méi shí me kě kàn de liǎo。 è xiù lā zài sīliáng zhe bó jīn, tā yǐn qǐ liǎo tā de zhù yì, lìng tā zháomí yě lìng tā xīn luàn。
tā xiǎng gèng duō dì liǎo jiě tā。 tā zhǐ gēn tā jiāo tán guò yī liǎng cì, nà shì tā lái xué xiào lǚ xíng tā xué xiào jiān chá yuán de zhí zé de shí hòu。 tā yǐ wéi tā sì hū kàn chū liǎo liǎng rén zhī jiān de 'ài mèi, nà shì yī zhǒng zì rán de、 xīn zhào bù xuān de lǐ jiě, tā men yòu gòng tóng yǔ yán li。 kě zhè zhǒng lǐ jiě méi yòu fā zhǎn de jī huì。 yòu shénme dōng xī shǐ tā gēn tā ruò jí ruò lí de? tā shēn shàng yòu mǒu zhǒng dí yì, yǐn cáng zhe mǒu zhǒng wú fǎ tū pò de jū jǐn、 lěng mò, ràng rén wú fǎ jiē jìn。
kě tā hái shì yào liǎo jiě tā。
“ nǐ jué dé lú bó tè · bó jīn zhè rén zěn me yàng?” tā yòu diǎn miǎnqiǎng dì wèn gē zhēn。 qí shí tā bìng bù xiǎng yì lùn tā。
“ wǒ jué dé tā zěn me yàng?” gē zhēn zhòng fù dào,“ wǒ jué dé tā yòu xī yǐn lì, jué duì yòu xī yǐn lì。 wǒ bù néng róng rěn de shì tā dài rén de fāng shì。 tā duì dài rèn hé yī gè xiǎo shǎ guā dū nà me zhèng 'ér bā jīng, sì hū tā duō me kàn zhòng rén jiā。 zhè ràng rén chǎn shēng yī zhǒng shòu piàn de gǎn jué。”
“ tā gànmá yào zhè yàng?” è xiù lā wèn。
“ yīn wéi tā duì rén méi yòu zhēn zhèng de pàn duàn néng lì, shénme shí hòu dōushì zhè yàng。” gē zhēn shuō,“ gēn nǐ shuō bā, tā duì wǒ、 duì nǐ gēn duì dài shénme xiǎo shǎ guā yī yàng, zhè jiǎn zhí shì yī zhǒng qū rǔ。”
“ ò, shì zhè yàng,” è xiù lā shuō,“ yī gè rén bì xū yào yòu pàn duàn lì。”
“ yī gè rén bì xū yào yòu pàn duàn lì。” gē zhēn zhòng fù shuō,“ kě zài bié de fāng miàn tā shì gè tǐng bù cuò de rén, tā de xìng gé kě hǎo liǎo。 bù guò nǐ bù néng xiāng xìn tā。”
“ ǹg,” è xiù lā yòu yī dā méi yī dā dì shuō。 è xiù lā zǒng shì tóng yì gē zhēn de huà, shèn zhì dāng tā bìng bù wán quán yǔ gē zhēn yī zhì shí yě zhè yàng。
jiě mèi liǎng rén mò mò dì zuò zhe děng dài cān jiā hūn lǐ de rén men chū lái。 gē zhēn bù nài fán tán huà liǎo, tā yào xiǎng yī xiǎng jié lā dé · kè lǐ qí liǎo, tā xiǎng kàn yī kàn tā duì tā chǎn shēng de qiáng liè gǎn qíng shì fǒu shì zhēn de。 tā yào ràng zì jǐ yòu gè sī xiǎng zhǔn bèi。
jiào táng lǐ, hūn lǐ zhèng zài jìn xíng。 kě hè mài nī · luó dí sī yī xīn zhǐ xiǎng zhe bó jīn。 tā jiù zhàn zài fù jìn, sì hū tā zài xī yǐn zhe tā guò qù。 tā zhēn xiǎng qù fǔ mō tā, rú guǒ bù mō yī mō tā, tā jiù wú fǎ què xìn tā jiù zài fù jìn。 bù guò tā zǒng suàn rěn nài dào liǎo hūn lǐ jié shù。
tā méi lái zhī qián, tā gǎn dào tài tòng kǔ liǎo, zhí dào xiàn zài tā hái gǎn dào yòu xiē huàn yùn。 tā réng rán yīn wéi tā jīng shén shàng duì tā màn bù jīng xīn 'ér gǎn dào tòng kǔ, shén jīng shòu zhe zhé mó。 tā sì hū zài yī zhǒng yōu yōu de mèng huàn zhōng děng dài zhe tā, jīng shén shàng rěn shòu zhe mó nán。 tā yōu yù dì zhàn zhe, liǎn shàng nà chén mí de biǎo qíng ràng tā kàn shàng qù xiàng tiān shǐ yī yàng, shí jì shàng nà dōushì tòng kǔ suǒ zhì。 zhè fù shén tài xiǎn dé chǔ chǔ dòng rén, bù jìn lìng bó jīn gǎn dào xīn suì, duì tā chǎn shēng liǎo lián mǐn。 tā kàn dào tā chuí zhe tóu, nà xiāo hún dàng bó de shén tài jīhū xiàng fēng kuáng de mó guǐ。 tā gǎn dào tā zài kàn tā, yú shì tā tái qǐ tóu lái, měi lì de huī yǎn jīng shǎn shuò zhe xiàng tā fā chū yī gè xìn hào。 kě shì tā bì kāi liǎo tā de mù guāng, yú shì tā tòng kǔ qū rǔ dì dī xià tóu qù, xīn líng jì xù shòu zhe 'áo jiān。 tā yě yīn wéi xiū chǐ、 fǎn gǎn hé duì tā shēn shēn de lián mǐn gǎn dào tòng kǔ。
tā bù xiǎng yǔ tā de mù guāng xiāng yù, bù xiǎng jiē shòu tā de zhì yì。
xīn niàn hé xīn láng de jié hūn yí shì jǔ xíng wán yǐ hòu, rén mendōu jìn liǎo shì。 hè mài nī qíng bù zì jìn jǐ shàng lái pèng yī pèng bó jīn, bó jīn róng rěn liǎo tā de zuò fǎ。
gē zhēn hé 'è xiù lā zài jiào táng wài qīng tīng tā men de fù qīn tánzòu zháofēng qín。 tā jiù xǐ huān yǎn zòu hūn lǐ jìn xíng qū。 qiáo, xīn hūn fū fù lái liǎo! zhōng shēng sì qǐ, zhèn dé kōng qì dū fā chàn liǎo。 è xiù lā xiǎng, bù zhī shù mù hé huā duǒ shì fǒu néng gǎn dào zhè zhōng shēng de zhèn chàn, duì kōng zhōng zhè qí tè de zhèn dòng tā men huì zuò hé gǎn xiǎng? xīn niàn wǎn zhe xīn láng de gēbo, xiǎn dé hěn xián jìng, xīn láng zé dīng zhe tiān kōng, xià yì shí dì zhǎ zhuóyǎn jīng, sì hū tā jì bù zài zhè 'ér yě bù zài nà 'ér。 tā zhǎ zhuóyǎn jīng jié lì yào jìn rù juésè, kě bèi zhè me yī dà qún rén wéi guān gǎn jué shàng yòu bù hǎo shòu, nà fù múyàng shí fēn huá jī。 tā kàn shàng qù shì wèi diǎn xíng de hǎi jūn jūn guān, yòu nán zǐ qì yòu zhōng yú zhí shǒu。
bó jīn hé hè mài nī bìng jiān zǒu zhe。 hè mài nī yī liǎn de dé yì xiāng 'ér, jiù xiàng yī wèi làng zǐ huí tóu zuò liǎo tiān shǐ, kě tā réng rán yòu diǎn xiàng mó guǐ。 xiàn zài, tā yǐ jīng wǎn qǐ bó jīn de gēbo liǎo, bó jīn miàn wú biǎo qíng, rèn tā bǎi bù, sì hū háo wú yí wèn zhè shì tā mìng lǐ zhù dìng de shì。
jié lā dé · kè lǐ qí guò lái liǎo, tā pí fū bái xī, piào liàng、 jiàn zhuàng, hún shēn yùn cáng zhe wèi shì fàng chū lái de jù dà néng liàng。 tā shēn jià tǐng zhí, shēn cái hěn měi, hé 'ǎi de tài dù hé xìng fú gǎn shǐ tā de liǎn wēi wēi shǎn zhe qí tè de guāng máng。 kàn dào zhè lǐ, gē zhēn měng dì zhàn qǐ shēn zǒu kāi liǎo。 tā duì cǐ wú fǎ rěn shòu liǎo, tā xiǎng dān dú yī gè rén zài yī chù pǐn wèi yī xià zhè qí tè qiáng liè de gǎn shòu, tā gǎi biàn liǎo tā zhěng gè 'ér de qì zhì。
She had various intimacies of mind and soul with various men of capacity. Ursula knew, among these men, only Rupert Birkin, who was one of the school-inspectors of the county. But Gudrun had met others, in London. Moving with her artist friends in different kinds of society, Gudrun had already come to know a good many people of repute and standing. She had met Hermione twice, but they did not take to each other. It would be queer to meet again down here in the Midlands, where their social standing was so diverse, after they had known each other on terms of equality in the houses of sundry acquaintances in town. For Gudrun had been a social success, and had her friends among the slack aristocracy that keeps touch with the arts.
Hermione knew herself to be well-dressed; she knew herself to be the social equal, if not far the superior, of anyone she was likely to meet in Willey Green. She knew she was accepted in the world of culture and of intellect. She was a KULTURTRAGER, a medium for the culture of ideas. With all that was highest, whether in society or in thought or in public action, or even in art, she was at one, she moved among the foremost, at home with them. No one could put her down, no one could make mock of her, because she stood among the first, and those that were against her were below her, either in rank, or in wealth, or in high association of thought and progress and understanding. So, she was invulnerable. All her life, she had sought to make herself invulnerable, unassailable, beyond reach of the world's judgment.
And yet her soul was tortured, exposed. Even walking up the path to the church, confident as she was that in every respect she stood beyond all vulgar judgment, knowing perfectly that her appearance was complete and perfect, according to the first standards, yet she suffered a torture, under her confidence and her pride, feeling herself exposed to wounds and to mockery and to despite. She always felt vulnerable, vulnerable, there was always a secret chink in her armour. She did not know herself what it was. It was a lack of robust self, she had no natural sufficiency, there was a terrible void, a lack, a deficiency of being within her.
And she wanted someone to close up this deficiency, to close it up for ever. She craved for Rupert Birkin. When he was there, she felt complete, she was sufficient, whole. For the rest of time she was established on the sand, built over a chasm, and, in spite of all her vanity and securities, any common maid-servant of positive, robust temper could fling her down this bottomless pit of insufficiency, by the slightest movement of jeering or contempt. And all the while the pensive, tortured woman piled up her own defences of aesthetic knowledge, and culture, and world-visions, and disinterestedness. Yet she could never stop up the terrible gap of insufficiency.
If only Birkin would form a close and abiding connection with her, she would be safe during this fretful voyage of life. He could make her sound and triumphant, triumphant over the very angels of heaven. If only he would do it! But she was tortured with fear, with misgiving. She made herself beautiful, she strove so hard to come to that degree of beauty and advantage, when he should be convinced. But always there was a deficiency.
He was perverse too. He fought her off, he always fought her off. The more she strove to bring him to her, the more he battled her back. And they had been lovers now, for years. Oh, it was so wearying, so aching; she was so tired. But still she believed in herself. She knew he was trying to leave her. She knew he was trying to break away from her finally, to be free. But still she believed in her strength to keep him, she believed in her own higher knowledge. His own knowledge was high, she was the central touchstone of truth. She only needed his conjunction with her.
And this, this conjunction with her, which was his highest fulfilment also, with the perverseness of a wilful child he wanted to deny. With the wilfulness of an obstinate child, he wanted to break the holy connection that was between them.
He would be at this wedding; he was to be groom's man. He would be in the church, waiting. He would know when she came. She shuddered with nervous apprehension and desire as she went through the church-door. He would be there, surely he would see how beautiful her dress was, surely he would see how she had made herself beautiful for him. He would understand, he would be able to see how she was made for him, the first, how she was, for him, the highest. Surely at last he would be able to accept his highest fate, he would not deny her.
In a little convulsion of too-tired yearning, she entered the church and looked slowly along her cheeks for him, her slender body convulsed with agitation. As best man, he would be standing beside the altar. She looked slowly, deferring in her certainty.
And then, he was not there. A terrible storm came over her, as if she were drowning. She was possessed by a devastating hopelessness. And she approached mechanically to the altar. Never had she known such a pang of utter and final hopelessness. It was beyond death, so utterly null, desert.
The bridegroom and the groom's man had not yet come. There was a growing consternation outside. Ursula felt almost responsible. She could not bear it that the bride should arrive, and no groom. The wedding must not be a fiasco, it must not.
But here was the bride's carriage, adorned with ribbons and cockades. Gaily the grey horses curvetted to their destination at the church-gate, a laughter in the whole movement. Here was the quick of all laughter and pleasure. The door of the carriage was thrown open, to let out the very blossom of the day. The people on the roadway murmured faintly with the discontented murmuring of a crowd.
The father stepped out first into the air of the morning, like a shadow. He was a tall, thin, careworn man, with a thin black beard that was touched with grey. He waited at the door of the carriage patiently, self-obliterated.
In the opening of the doorway was a shower of fine foliage and flowers, a whiteness of satin and lace, and a sound of a gay voice saying:
'How do I get out?'
A ripple of satisfaction ran through the expectant people. They pressed near to receive her, looking with zest at the stooping blond head with its flower buds, and at the delicate, white, tentative foot that was reaching down to the step of the carriage. There was a sudden foaming rush, and the bride like a sudden surf-rush, floating all white beside her father in the morning shadow of trees, her veil flowing with laughter.
'That's done it!' she said.
She put her hand on the arm of her care-worn, sallow father, and frothing her light draperies, proceeded over the eternal red carpet. Her father, mute and yellowish, his black beard making him look more careworn, mounted the steps stiffly, as if his spirit were absent; but the laughing mist of the bride went along with him undiminished.
And no bridegroom had arrived! It was intolerable for her. Ursula, her heart strained with anxiety, was watching the hill beyond; the white, descending road, that should give sight of him. There was a carriage. It was running. It had just come into sight. Yes, it was he. Ursula turned towards the bride and the people, and, from her place of vantage, gave an inarticulate cry. She wanted to warn them that he was coming. But her cry was inarticulate and inaudible, and she flushed deeply, between her desire and her wincing confusion.
The carriage rattled down the hill, and drew near. There was a shout from the people. The bride, who had just reached the top of the steps, turned round gaily to see what was the commotion. She saw a confusion among the people, a cab pulling up, and her lover dropping out of the carriage, and dodging among the horses and into the crowd.
'Tibs! Tibs!' she cried in her sudden, mocking excitement, standing high on the path in the sunlight and waving her bouquet. He, dodging with his hat in his hand, had not heard.
'Tibs!' she cried again, looking down to him.
He glanced up, unaware, and saw the bride and her father standing on the path above him. A queer, startled look went over his face. He hesitated for a moment. Then he gathered himself together for a leap, to overtake her.
'Ah-h-h!' came her strange, intaken cry, as, on the reflex, she started, turned and fled, scudding with an unthinkable swift beating of her white feet and fraying of her white garments, towards the church. Like a hound the young man was after her, leaping the steps and swinging past her father, his supple haunches working like those of a hound that bears down on the quarry.
'Ay, after her!' cried the vulgar women below, carried suddenly into the sport.
She, her flowers shaken from her like froth, was steadying herself to turn the angle of the church. She glanced behind, and with a wild cry of laughter and challenge, veered, poised, and was gone beyond the grey stone buttress. In another instant the bridegroom, bent forward as he ran, had caught the angle of the silent stone with his hand, and had swung himself out of sight, his supple, strong loins vanishing in pursuit.
Instantly cries and exclamations of excitement burst from the crowd at the gate. And then Ursula noticed again the dark, rather stooping figure of Mr Crich, waiting suspended on the path, watching with expressionless face the flight to the church. It was over, and he turned round to look behind him, at the figure of Rupert Birkin, who at once came forward and joined him.
'We'll bring up the rear,' said Birkin, a faint smile on his face.
'Ay!' replied the father laconically. And the two men turned together up the path.
Birkin was as thin as Mr Crich, pale and ill-looking. His figure was narrow but nicely made. He went with a slight trail of one foot, which came only from self-consciousness. Although he was dressed correctly for his part, yet there was an innate incongruity which caused a slight ridiculousness in his appearance. His nature was clever and separate, he did not fit at all in the conventional occasion. Yet he subordinated himself to the common idea, travestied himself.
He affected to be quite ordinary, perfectly and marvellously commonplace. And he did it so well, taking the tone of his surroundings, adjusting himself quickly to his interlocutor and his circumstance, that he achieved a verisimilitude of ordinary commonplaceness that usually propitiated his onlookers for the moment, disarmed them from attacking his singleness.
Now he spoke quite easily and pleasantly to Mr Crich, as they walked along the path; he played with situations like a man on a tight-rope: but always on a tight-rope, pretending nothing but ease.
'I'm sorry we are so late,' he was saying. 'We couldn't find a button-hook, so it took us a long time to button our boots. But you were to the moment.'
'We are usually to time,' said Mr Crich.
'And I'm always late,' said Birkin. 'But today I was REALLY punctual, only accidentally not so. I'm sorry.'
The two men were gone, there was nothing more to see, for the time. Ursula was left thinking about Birkin. He piqued her, attracted her, and annoyed her.
She wanted to know him more. She had spoken with him once or twice, but only in his official capacity as inspector. She thought he seemed to acknowledge some kinship between her and him, a natural, tacit understanding, a using of the same language. But there had been no time for the understanding to develop. And something kept her from him, as well as attracted her to him. There was a certain hostility, a hidden ultimate reserve in him, cold and inaccessible.
Yet she wanted to know him.
'What do you think of Rupert Birkin?' she asked, a little reluctantly, of Gudrun. She did not want to discuss him.
'What do I think of Rupert Birkin?' repeated Gudrun. 'I think he's attractive--decidedly attractive. What I can't stand about him is his way with other people--his way of treating any little fool as if she were his greatest consideration. One feels so awfully sold, oneself.'
'Why does he do it?' said Ursula.
'Because he has no real critical faculty--of people, at all events,' said Gudrun. 'I tell you, he treats any little fool as he treats me or you--and it's such an insult.'
'Oh, it is,' said Ursula. 'One must discriminate.'
'One MUST discriminate,' repeated Gudrun. 'But he's a wonderful chap, in other respects--a marvellous personality. But you can't trust him.'
'Yes,' said Ursula vaguely. She was always forced to assent to Gudrun's pronouncements, even when she was not in accord altogether.
The sisters sat silent, waiting for the wedding party to come out. Gudrun was impatient of talk. She wanted to think about Gerald Crich. She wanted to see if the strong feeling she had got from him was real. She wanted to have herself ready.
Inside the church, the wedding was going on. Hermione Roddice was thinking only of Birkin. He stood near her. She seemed to gravitate physically towards him. She wanted to stand touching him. She could hardly be sure he was near her, if she did not touch him. Yet she stood subjected through the wedding service.
She had suffered so bitterly when he did not come, that still she was dazed. Still she was gnawed as by a neuralgia, tormented by his potential absence from her. She had awaited him in a faint delirium of nervous torture. As she stood bearing herself pensively, the rapt look on her face, that seemed spiritual, like the angels, but which came from torture, gave her a certain poignancy that tore his heart with pity. He saw her bowed head, her rapt face, the face of an almost demoniacal ecstatic. Feeling him looking, she lifted her face and sought his eyes, her own beautiful grey eyes flaring him a great signal. But he avoided her look, she sank her head in torment and shame, the gnawing at her heart going on. And he too was tortured with shame, and ultimate dislike, and with acute pity for her, because he did not want to meet her eyes, he did not want to receive her flare of recognition.
The bride and bridegroom were married, the party went into the vestry. Hermione crowded involuntarily up against Birkin, to touch him. And he endured it.
Outside, Gudrun and Ursula listened for their father's playing on the organ. He would enjoy playing a wedding march. Now the married pair were coming! The bells were ringing, making the air shake. Ursula wondered if the trees and the flowers could feel the vibration, and what they thought of it, this strange motion in the air. The bride was quite demure on the arm of the bridegroom, who stared up into the sky before him, shutting and opening his eyes unconsciously, as if he were neither here nor there. He looked rather comical, blinking and trying to be in the scene, when emotionally he was violated by his exposure to a crowd. He looked a typical naval officer, manly, and up to his duty.
Birkin came with Hermione. She had a rapt, triumphant look, like the fallen angels restored, yet still subtly demoniacal, now she held Birkin by the arm. And he was expressionless, neutralised, possessed by her as if it were his fate, without question.
Gerald Crich came, fair, good-looking, healthy, with a great reserve of energy. He was erect and complete, there was a strange stealth glistening through his amiable, almost happy appearance. Gudrun rose sharply and went away. She could not bear it. She wanted to be alone, to know this strange, sharp inoculation that had changed the whole temper of her blood.