nà tiān， chū qù sàn bù shì bù kě néng liǎo。 qí shí， zǎo shàng wǒ men hái zài guāng tū tū de guàn mù lín zhōng liù dá liǎo yī gè xiǎo shí， dàn cóng wǔ fàn shí qǐ（ wú kè zào fǎng shí， lǐ dé tài tài hěn zǎo jiù yòng wǔ fàn） biàn guā qǐ liǎo dōng rì lǐn liè de hán fēng， suí hòu yīn yún mì bù， dà yǔ pāng tuó， shì wài de huó dòng yě jiù zhǐ néng zuò bà liǎo。
wǒ dǎo shì qiú zhī bù dé。 wǒ xiàng lái bù xǐ huān yuǎn jù lí sàn bù， yóu qí zài lěng sōu sōu de xià wǔ。 shì xiǎng， yīn lěng de bó mù shí fēn huí dé jiā lái， shǒu jiǎo dū dòng jiāng liǎo， hái yào shòu dào bǎo mǔ bèi yīn de shǔluò， yòu zì jué tǐ gé bù rú yī lì suō、 yuē hàn hé qiáo zhì yà nà， xīn lǐ jì nán guò yòu cán kuì， nà qíng xíng wěi shí kě pà。
cǐ shí cǐ kè， gāng cái tí dào de yī lì suō、 yuē hàn hé qiáo zhì yà nà dōuzài kè tīng lǐ， cù yōng zhe tā men de mā mā。 tā zé xié yǐ zài lú biān de shā fā shàng， shēn bàng zuò zhe zì jǐ de xiǎo bǎo bèi men（ yǎn xià jì wèi zhēng chǎo yě wèi kū jiào）， yī fù 'ān xiǎng tiān lún zhī lè de shén tài。 ér wǒ ní， tā 'ēn zhǔn wǒ bù bì tóng tā men zuò zài yī qǐ liǎo， shuō shì tā hěn yí hàn， bù dé bù ràng wǒ dú gè 'ér zài yī bàng dāi zhe。 yào shì méi yòu qīn 'ěr cóng bèi qiàn nà 'ér tīng dào， bìng qiě qīn yǎn kàn dào， wǒ què shí zài jìn lì yǎng chéng yī zhǒng bǐ jiào dān chún suí hé de xí xìng， huó pō kě 'ài de jǔ zhǐ， yě jiù shì gèng kāi lǎng、 gèng shuài zhí、 gèng zì rán xiē， nà tā dàngzhēn bù ràng wǒ xiǎng shòu nà xiē zhǐ pèijǐ yú kuài lè zhī zú de hái zǐ men de tè quán liǎo。
“ bèi yīn shuō wǒ gān liǎo shénme lā？” wǒ wèn。
“ jiǎn， wǒ bù xǐ huān chuī máo qiú cī huò zhě páogēn jiū dǐ de rén， gèng hé kuàng xiǎo hái zǐ jiā zhè me gēn dà rén dǐng zuǐ shí zài ràng rén tǎo yàn。 zhǎo gè dì fāng qù zuò zhe， bù huì hé qì shuō huà jiù bié zhāng zuǐ。”
kè tīng de gé bì shì yī jiān xiǎo xiǎo de cān shì， wǒ liù liǎo jìn qù。 lǐ miàn yòu yī gè shū jià。 bù yī huì 'ér， wǒ cóng shàng miàn ná xià yī běn shū lái， tè yì tiǎo chā tú duō de， pá shàng chuāng tái， suō qǐ shuāng jiǎo， xiàng tǔ 'ěr qí rén nà yàng pán tuǐ zuò xià， jiāng hóng sè de bō wén chuāng lián jīhū wán quán lā lǒng， bǎ zì jǐ jiā bèi yǐn bì liǎo qǐ lái。
zài wǒ yòu cè， fēi hóng sè chuāng màn de zhòu xí dàng zhù liǎo wǒ de shì xiàn； zuǒ cè， míng liàng de bō lí chuāng bì hù zhe wǒ， shǐ wǒ jì miǎn shòu shí yī yuè yīn chén tiān qì de qīn hài， yòu bù yǔ wài miàn de shì jiè gé jué， zài fān shū de jiànxì， wǒ tái tóu xì kàn dōng rì xià wǔ de jǐng sè。 zhǐ jiàn yuǎn fāng bái máng máng yī piàn yún wù， jìn chù shī lù lù yī kuài cǎo dì hé shòu fēng yǔ xí jī de guàn mù。 yī zhèn chí jiǔ 'ér qī lì de kuáng fēng， qū gǎn zhe rú zhù de bào yǔ， héng kōng guī guò。
wǒ zhòng yòu dī tóu kàn shū， nà shì běn bǐ yóu yī kè de《 yīng guó niǎo lèi shǐ》。 wén zì bù fèn wǒ yī bān bù gǎn xīng qù， dàn yòu jǐ yè dǎo yán， suī shuō wǒ shì hái zǐ， què bù yuàn dāng zuò kōng yè suí shǒu fān guò。 nèi zhōng xiě dào liǎo hǎi niǎo shēng xī zhī dì； xiě dào liǎo zhǐ yòu hǎi niǎo qī jū de“ gū líng líng de yán shí hé hǎi jiǎ”； xiě dào liǎo zì nán duān lín nà sī ní sī， huò nà sī， zhì běi jiǎo dū biàn bù xiǎo dǎo de nuó wēi hǎi 'àn：
nà lǐ， běi bīng yáng xiān qǐ de jù dà xuán wō， páo xiào zài jí dì guāng tū qī liáng yuē xiǎo dǎo sì zhōu。 ér dà xī yáng de xiōng yǒng bō tāo， xiè rù liǎo kuáng bào de hè bù lǐ dǐ qún dǎo。
hái yòu xiē dì fāng wǒ yě bù néng kàn dū bù kàn， yī fān 'ér guò， nà jiù shì shū zhōng tí dào de lā pǔ lán、 xī bó lì yà、 sī pǐ cì bēi 'ěr gēn qún dǎo、 xīn dì dǎo、 bīng dǎo hé gé líng lán huāng liáng de hǎi 'àn。“ guǎng mào wú yín de běi jí dì dài hé nà xiē yīn qī qī de bù máo zhī dì， wǎn ruò bīng xuě de chǔ cún kù。 qiān wàn gè hán dōng suǒ jī jù chéng de jiān bīng， xiàng 'ā 'ěr bēi sī shān de céng céng gāo fēng， guāng huá jīng yíng， bāo wéi zhe dì jí， bǎ yǔ rì jù zēng de yán hán huì jí yú yī chù。” wǒ duì zhè xiē sǐ bái sè de dì yù， yǐ yòu yī dìng zhī jiàn， dàn yī shí nán yǐ zhuō mō， fǎng fó hái zǐ men mǒu xiē sì dǒng fēi dǒng de niàn tóu， méng méng lóng lóng fú xiàn zài nǎo jì， què chū qí dì shēng dòng， dǎo yán zhōng de zhè jǐ yè wén zì， yǔ hòu miàn de chā tú xiāng pèi， shǐ wù lì bō tāo zhōng de gū yán， gē qiǎn zài huāng liáng hǎi 'àn shàng de pò chuán， yǐ jí tòu guò yún dài fǔ shì zhe chén chuán de yōu yōu yuè guāng， gèng jiā hán yì juàn yǒng liǎo。
wǒ shuō bù qīng yī zhǒng shénme yàng de qíng diào mí màn zài gū jì de mù dì： kè yòu míng wén de mù bēi、 yī shàn dà mén、 liǎng kē shù、 dī dī de dì píng xiàn、 pò bài de wéi qiáng。 yī wān chū shēng de xīn yuè， biǎo míng shí hòu zhèng shì huáng hūn。
liǎng sōu lún chuán tíng bó zài shuǐ bō bù xīng de hǎi miàn shàng， wǒ yǐ wéi tā men shì hǎi shàng de guǐ guài。
mó guǐ cóng shēn hòu 'àn zhù qiè zéi de bēibāo， nà múyàng shí zài kě pà， wǒ gǎn jǐn fān liǎo guò qù。
yī yàng kě pà de shì， nà gè tóu shàng cháng jiǎo de hēi sè guài wù， dú jù yú yán shí zhī shàng， yuǎn tiào zhe yī dà qún rén wéi zhe jiǎo jià。
měi fú huà dōushì yī gè gù shì、 yóu yú wǒ lǐ jiě lì bù zú， xīn shǎng shuǐ píng yòu xiàn， tā men wǎng wǎng xiǎn dé shén mì mò cè， dàn wú bù qù wèi 'àng rán， jiù xiàng mǒu xiē dōng yè， bèi qiàn pèng qiǎo xīn qíng bù cuò shí jiǎng shù de gù shì yī yàng。 yù dào zhè zhǒng shí hòu， bèi yīn huì bǎ tàng yī zhuō bān dào bǎo yù shì de bì lú bàng biān， ràng wǒ men wéi zhe tā zuò hǎo。 tā yī miàn yùn lǐ dé tài tài de wǎng yǎn shì biān， bǎ shuì mào de biān yán tàng chū xí jiǎn lái， yī miàn ràng wǒ men pò bù jí dài dì qīng tīng tā yī duàn duàn 'ài qíng hé mào xiǎn gù shì， zhè xiē piàn duàn qǔ zì yú gǔ lǎo de shén huà chuán shuō hé gèng gǔ lǎo de gē yáo， huò zhě rú wǒ hòu lái suǒ fā xiàn， lái zì《 pà měi lā》 hé《 mò lán bó jué hēng lì》。
dāng shí， wǒ xī tóu tān zhe bǐ yóu yī kè de shū， xīn lǐ lè zī zī de， zhì shǎo shì zì dé qí lè， jiù pà bié rén lái dǎ rǎo。 dàn dǎ rǎo lái dé hěn kuài， cān shì de mén kāi liǎo。
“ shī！ kǔ nǎo xiǎo jiě！” yuē hàn · lǐ dé jiào huàn zhe， suí hòu yòu dǎ zhù liǎo， xiǎn rán fā jué fáng jiān lǐ kōng wú yī rén。
“ jiàn guǐ， shàng nǎ 'ér qù liǎo yā？” tā jiē zhe shuō。“ lì qiàn！ qiáo qí！”（ hǎn zhe tā de jiě mèi）“ qióng bù zài zhè 'ér nà， gào sù mā mā tā cuàn dào yǔ dì lǐ qù liǎo， zhè gè huài chù shēng！”
“ xìng kuī wǒ lā hǎo liǎo chuāng lián，” wǒ xiǎng。 wǒ zhēn xī wàng tā fā xiàn bù liǎo wǒ de cáng shēn zhī dì。 yuē hàn · lǐ dé zì jǐ shì fā xiàn bù liǎo de， tā yǎn jīng bù jiān， tóu nǎo bù líng。 kě xī yī lì suō cóng mén wài yī tàn jìn tóu lái， jiù shuō：
“ tā zài chuāng tái shàng， zhǔn méi cuò， jié kè。”
wǒ lì jí zǒu liǎo chū lái， yīn wéi yī xiǎng dào yào bèi zhè gè jié kè yìng tuō chū qù， shēn zǐ biàn zhí dǎ duō suo。
shénme shì yā？” wǒ wèn， jì gān gà yòu bù 'ān。
“ gāi shuō， shénme shì yā， lǐ dé ‘ shàoye？ ’” biàn shì wǒ dé dào de huí dá。“ wǒ yào nǐ dào zhè lǐ lái，” tā zài fú shǒu yǐ shàng zuò xià， dǎ liǎo gè shǒu shì， shì yì wǒ zǒu guò qù zhàn dào tā miàn qián。
yuē hàn · lǐ dé shì gè shí sì suì de xiǎo xué shēng， bǐ wǒ dà sì suì， yīn wéi wǒ cái shí suì。 lùn nián líng， tā cháng dé yòu dà yòu pàng， dàn fū sè huī 'àn， yī fù bìng tài。 liǎn pán kuò， wǔ guān cū， sì zhī féi， shǒu péng dà。 hái xǐ huān bào yǐn bào shí， luò dé gè gān huǒ hěn wàng， mù guāng chí dùn， liǎng jiá sōng chí。 zhè zhèn zǐ， tā běn gāi dāi zài xué xiào lǐ， kě shì tā mā bǎ tā lǐng liǎo huí lái， zhù shàng héng、 liǎng gè yuè， shuō shì yīn wéi“ shēn tǐ xū ruò”。 dàn tā lǎo shī mài 'ěr sī xiān shēng què duàn yán， yào shì jiā lǐ shǎo sòng xiē gāo diǎn táng guǒ qù， tā huì shénme dōuhěn hǎo de， zuò mǔ qīn de xīn lǐ què tǎo yàn zhè me kè bó de huà， ér qīng xiàng yú yī zhǒng gèng suí hé de xiǎng fǎ， rèn wéi yuē hàn shì guò yú yòng gōng， huò xǔ hái yīn wéi xiǎng jiā， cái nòng dé nà me miàn sè là huáng de。
yuē hàn duì mǔ qīn hé jiě mèi men méi yòu duō shǎo gǎn qíng， ér duì wǒ zé hěn yàn 'è。 tā qī wǔ wǒ， wǒ， bù shì yī zhōu sān liǎng cì， yě bù shì yī tiān yī liǎng huí， ér shì jīng cháng rú cǐ。 nòng dé wǒ měi gēn shén jīng dū pà tā， tā yī zǒu yùn， wǒ shēn zǐ gǔ shàng de měi kuài jī ròu dū huì shōu suō qǐ lái。 yòu shí wǒ huì bèi tā xià dé shǒu zú wú cuò， yīn wéi miàn duì tā de kǒnghè hé qī wǔ， wǒ wú chù kū sù。 yōng rén men bù yuàn zhàn zài wǒ yī biān qù dé zuì tā men de shàoye， ér lǐ dé tài tài zé zhuāng lóng zuò yǎ， ér zǐ dǎ wǒ mà wǒ， tā shú shì wú dǔ， jìn guǎn tā dòng bù dòng dāng zhe tā de miàn zhè yàng zuò， ér bēizhe tā de shí hòu bù yòng shuō jiù gèng duō liǎo。
wǒ duì yuē hàn yǐ guàn yú nì lái shùn shòu， yīn cǐ biàn zǒu dào tā yǐ zǐ gēn qián。 tā fèi liǎo dà yuē sān fēn zhōng， pīn mìng xiàng wǒ shēn chū shé tóu， jiù chā méi yòu bēng duàn shé gēn。 wǒ míng bái tā huì mǎ shàng xià shǒu， yī miàn dān xīn 'áidǎ， yī miàn níng shì zhe zhè gè jiù yào dòng shǒu de rén nà fù lìng rén yàn 'è de chǒu tài。 wǒ bù zhī dào tā kàn chū liǎo wǒ de xīn sī méi yòu， fǎn zhèng tā 'èr huà méi shuō， měng rán jiān hěn mìng zòu wǒ。 wǒ yī gè liàngqiàng， cóng tā yǐ zǐ qián dàotuì liǎo yī liǎng bù cái zhàn wěn shēn zǐ。
“ zhè shì duì nǐ de jiào xùn， shuí jiào nǐ gāng cái nà me wú lǐ gēn mā mā dǐng zuǐ，” tā shuō，“ shuí jiào nǐ guǐ guǐ suì suì duǒ dào chuāng lián hòu miàn， shuí jiào nǐ liǎng fēn zhōng zhī qián yǎn guāng lǐ lù chū nà fù guǐ yàng zǐ， nǐ zhè hào zǐ！”
wǒ yǐ jīng xí guàn yú yuē hàn · lǐ dé de mán mà， cóng lái bù yuàn qù lǐ cǎi， yī xīn zhǐ xiǎng zhe jiā hé qù rěn shòu rǔ mà yǐ hòu bì rán jiē zōng 'ér lái de 'ōu dǎ。
“ nǐ duǒ zài chuāng lián hòu miàn gànshénme？” tā wèn。
“ zài kàn shū。”
“ bǎ shū ná lái。”
wǒ zǒu huí chuāng qián bǎ shū qǔ lái。
“ nǐ méi yòu zī gé dòng wǒ men de shū。 mā mā shuō de， nǐ kào bié rén yǎng huó nǐ， nǐ méi yòu qián， nǐ bà bà shénme yě méi liú gěi nǐ， nǐ yīngdāng qù tǎo fàn， ér bù gāi tóng xiàng wǒ men zhè yàng tǐ miàn rén jiā de hái zǐ yī qǐ guò rì zǐ， bù gāi tóng wǒ men chī yī yàng de fàn， chuān mā mā tāo qián gěi mǎi de yī fú。 xiàn zài wǒ yào jiào xùn nǐ， ràng nǐ zhī dào fān wǒ men shū jià de hǎo chù。 zhè xiē shū dū shì wǒ de， lián zhěng zuò fáng zǐ dōushì， yào bù guò jǐ nián jiù guī wǒ liǎo。 gǔn， zhàn dào mén biān qù， lí jìng zǐ hé chuāng zǐ yuǎn xiē。”
wǒ zhào tā de huà zuò liǎo， qǐ chū bìng bù zhī dào tā de yòng yì。 dàn shì tā bǎ shū jǔ qǐ， ná wěn dāng liǎo， lì qǐ shēn lái bǎi chū yào rēng guò lái de jià shì shí， wǒ yī shēng jīng jiào， běn néng dì wǎng bàng biān yī shǎn， kě shì wǎn liǎo、 nà běn shū jǐ jīng rēng guò lái， zhèng hǎo dǎ zhōng liǎo wǒ， wǒ yìng shēng dǎo xià， nǎo dài zhuàng zài mén shàng， pèng chū liǎo xuè lái， téng tòng nán rěn。 wǒ de kǒng jù xīn lǐ yǐ jīng yuè guò liǎo jí xiàn， bèi qí tā qíng gǎn suǒ dài tì。
“ nǐ shì gè 'è dú cán bào de hái zǐ！” wǒ shuō。“ nǐ xiàng gè shā rén fàn héng héng nǐ shì gè nú lì jiān gōng héng héng nǐ xiàng luó mǎ huáng dì！”
wǒ dú guò gē 'ěr sī mì de《 luó mǎ shǐ》， shí ní lù、 kǎ lì gǔ lā děng rén wù yǐ yòu zì jǐ de kàn fǎ， bìng 'àn 'àn zuò guò lèi bǐ， dàn jué méi yòu xiǎng dào huì rú cǐ dà shēng dì shuō chū kǒu lái。
“ shénme！ shénme！” tā dà jiào dà rǎng。“ nà shì tā shuō de má？ yī lì suō、 qiáo zhì yà nà， nǐ men kě tīng jiàn tā shuō liǎo？ wǒ huì bù qù gào sù mā mā má？ bù guò wǒ dé xiān héng héng”
tā xiàng wǒ zhí chōng guò lái， wǒ zhǐ jué dé tā zhuā zhù liǎo wǒ de tóu fā hé jiān bǎng， tā gēn yī gè pīn lǎo mìng de jiā huǒ niǔ dǎ zài yī qǐ liǎo。 wǒ fā xiàn tā zhēn shì gè bào jūn， shì gè shā rén fàn。 wǒ jué dé yī liǎng dī xuè cóng tóu shàng shùn zhe bó zǐ tǎng xià lái， gǎn dào yī zhèn rè là là de jù tòng。 zhè xiē gǎn jué yī shí zhàn liǎo shàng fēng， wǒ bù zài wèi jù， ér fā fēng sì dì tóng tā duì dǎ qǐ lái。 wǒ bù tài qīng chǔ zì jǐ de shuāng shǒu dào dǐ gān liǎo shénme， zhǐ tīng dé tā mà wǒ“ hào zǐ！ hào zǐ！” yī miàn shā zhū sì dì háo jiào zhe。 tā de bāng shǒu jìn zài zhǐ chǐ， yī lì suō hé qiáo zhì yà nà zǎo yǐ páo chū qù tǎo jiù bīng， lǐ dé tài tài shàng liǎo lóu tī， lái dào xiàn chǎng， hòu miàn gēn suí zhe bèi qiàn hé nǚ yōng 'ài bó tè。 tā men wǒ men lā kāi liǎo， wǒ zhǐ tīng jiàn tā men shuō：
“ āi yā！ āi yā！ zhè me dà de qì chū zài yuē hàn shàoye shēn shàng：”
“ shuí jiàn guò nà me huǒ mào sān zhàng de！”
suí hòu lǐ dé tài tài bǔ chōng shuō：
“ dài tā dào hóng fáng zǐ lǐ qù， guān qǐ lái。” yú shì mǎ shàng jiù yòu liǎng shuāng shǒu 'àn zhù liǎo wǒ， bǎ wǒ tuī shàng lóu qù。
I was glad of it: I never liked long walks, especially on chilly afternoons: dreadful to me was the coming home in the raw twilight, with nipped fingers and toes, and a heart saddened by the chidings of Bessie, the nurse, and humbled by the consciousness of my physical inferiority to Eliza, John, and Georgiana Reed.
The said Eliza, John, and Georgiana were now clustered round their mama in the drawing-room: she lay reclined on a sofa by the fireside, and with her darlings about her (for the time neither quarrelling nor crying) looked perfectly happy. Me, she had dispensed from joining the group; saying, "She regretted to be under the necessity of keeping me at a distance; but that until she heard from Bessie, and could discover by her own observation, that I was endeavouring in good earnest to acquire a more sociable and childlike disposition, a more attractive and sprightly manner -- something lighter, franker, more natural, as it were -- she really must exclude me from privileges intended only for contented, happy, little children. "
"What does Bessie say I have done?" I asked.
"Jane, I don't like cavillers or questioners; besides, there is something truly forbidding in a child taking up her elders in that manner. Be seated somewhere; and until you can speak pleasantly, remain silent. "
A breakfast-room adjoined the drawing-room, I slipped in there. It contained a bookcase: I soon possessed myself of a volume, taking care that it should be one stored with pictures. I mounted into the window-seat: gathering up my feet, I sat cross-legged, like a Turk; and, having drawn the red moreen curtain nearly close, I was shrined in double retirement.
Folds of scarlet drapery shut in my view to the right hand; to the left were the clear panes of glass, protecting, but not separating me from the drear November day. At intervals, while turning over the leaves of my book, I studied the aspect of that winter afternoon. Afar, it offered a pale blank of mist and cloud; near a scene of wet lawn and storm-beat shrub, with ceaseless rain sweeping away wildly before a long and lamentable blast.
I returned to my book -- Bewick's History of British Birds: the letterpress thereof I cared little for, generally speaking; and yet there were certain introductory pages that, child as I was, I could not pass quite as a blank. They were those which treat of the haunts of sea-fowl; of "the solitary rocks and promontories" by them only inhabited; of the coast of Norway, studded with isles from its southern extremity, the Lindeness, or Naze, to the North Cape -
"Where the Northern Ocean, in vast whirls, Boils round the naked, melancholy isles Of farthest Thule; and the Atlantic surge Pours in among the stormy Hebrides. "
Nor could I pass unnoticed the suggestion of the bleak shores of Lapland, Siberia, Spitzbergen, Nova Zembla, Iceland, Greenland, with "the vast sweep of the Arctic Zone, and those forlorn regions of dreary space, -- that reservoir of frost and snow, where firm fields of ice, the accumulation of centuries of winters, glazed in Alpine heights above heights, surround the pole, and concentre the multiplied rigours of extreme cold. " Of these death-white realms I formed an idea of my own: shadowy, like all the half-comprehended notions that float dim through children's brains, but strangely impressive. The words in these introductory pages connected themselves with the succeeding vignettes, and gave significance to the rock standing up alone in a sea of billow and spray; to the broken boat stranded on a desolate coast; to the cold and ghastly moon glancing through bars of cloud at a wreck just sinking.
I cannot tell what sentiment haunted the quite solitary churchyard, with its inscribed headstone; its gate, its two trees, its low horizon, girdled by a broken wall, and its newly-risen crescent, attesting the hour of eventide.
The two ships becalmed on a torpid sea, I believed to be marine phantoms.
The fiend pinning down the thief's pack behind him, I passed over quickly: it was an object of terror.
So was the black horned thing seated aloof on a rock, surveying a distant crowd surrounding a gallows.
Each picture told a story; mysterious often to my undeveloped understanding and imperfect feelings, yet ever profoundly interesting: as interesting as the tales Bessie sometimes narrated on winter evenings, when she chanced to be in good humour; and when, having brought her ironing-table to the nursery hearth, she allowed us to sit about it, and while she got up Mrs. Reed's lace frills, and crimped her nightcap borders, fed our eager attention with passages of love and adventure taken from old fairy tales and other ballads; or (as at a later period I discovered) from the pages of Pamela, and Henry, Earl of Moreland.
With Bewick on my knee, I was then happy: happy at least in my way. I feared nothing but interruption, and that came too soon. The breakfast-room door opened.
"Boh! Madam Mope!" cried the voice of John Reed; then he paused: he found the room apparently empty.
"Where the dickens is she!" he continued. "Lizzy! Georgy! (calling to his sisters) Joan is not here: tell mama she is run out into the rain -- bad animal!"
"It is well I drew the curtain, " thought I; and I wished fervently he might not discover my hiding-place: nor would John Reed have found it out himself; he was not quick either of vision or conception; but Eliza just put her head in at the door, and said at once -
"She is in the window-seat, to be sure, Jack. "
And I came out immediately, for I trembled at the idea of being dragged forth by the said Jack.
"What do you want?" I asked, with awkward diffidence.
"Say, 'What do you want, Master Reed?'" was the answer. "I want you to come here;" and seating himself in an arm-chair, he intimated by a gesture that I was to approach and stand before him.
John Reed was a schoolboy of fourteen years old; four years older than I, for I was but ten: large and stout for his age, with a dingy and unwholesome skin; thick lineaments in a spacious visage, heavy limbs and large extremities. He gorged himself habitually at table, which made him bilious, and gave him a dim and bleared eye and flabby cheeks. He ought now to have been at school; but his mama had taken him home for a month or two, "on account of his delicate health. " Mr. Miles, the master, affirmed that he would do very well if he had fewer cakes and sweetmeats sent him from home; but the mother's heart turned from an opinion so harsh, and inclined rather to the more refined idea that John's sallowness was owing to over-application and, perhaps, to pining after home.
John had not much affection for his mother and sisters, and an antipathy to me. He bullied and punished me; not two or three times in the week, nor once or twice in the day, but continually: every nerve I had feared him, and every morsel of flesh in my bones shrank when he came near. There were moments when I was bewildered by the terror he inspired, because I had no appeal whatever against either his menaces or his inflictions; the servants did not like to offend their young master by taking my part against him, and Mrs. Reed was blind and deaf on the subject: she never saw him strike or heard him abuse me, though he did both now and then in her very presence, more frequently, however, behind her back.
Habitually obedient to John, I came up to his chair: he spent some three minutes in thrusting out his tongue at me as far as he could without damaging the roots: I knew he would soon strike, and while dreading the blow, I mused on the disgusting and ugly appearance of him who would presently deal it. I wonder if he read that notion in my face; for, all at once, without speaking, he struck suddenly and strongly. I tottered, and on regaining my equilibrium retired back a step or two from his chair.
"That is for your impudence in answering mama awhile since, " said he, "and for your sneaking way of getting behind curtains, and for the look you had in your eyes two minutes since, you rat!"
Accustomed to John Reed's abuse, I never had an idea of replying to it; my care was how to endure the blow which would certainly follow the insult.
"What were you doing behind the curtain?" he asked.
"I was reading. "
"Show the book. "
I returned to the window and fetched it thence.
"You have no business to take our books; you are a dependent, mama says; you have no money; your father left you none; you ought to beg, and not to live here with gentlemen's children like us, and eat the same meals we do, and wear clothes at our mama's expense. Now, I'll teach you to rummage my bookshelves: for they ARE mine; all the house belongs to me, or will do in a few years. Go and stand by the door, out of the way of the mirror and the windows. "
I did so, not at first aware what was his intention; but when I saw him lift and poise the book and stand in act to hurl it, I instinctively started aside with a cry of alarm: not soon enough, however; the volume was flung, it hit me, and I fell, striking my head against the door and cutting it. The cut bled, the pain was sharp: my terror had passed its climax; other feelings succeeded.
"Wicked and cruel boy!" I said. "You are like a murderer -- you are like a slave-driver -- you are like the Roman emperors!"
I had read Goldsmith's History of Rome, and had formed my opinion of Nero, Caligula, &c. Also I had drawn parallels in silence, which I never thought thus to have declared aloud.
"What! what!" he cried. "Did she say that to me? Did you hear her, Eliza and Georgiana? Won't I tell mama? but first -- "
He ran headlong at me: I felt him grasp my hair and my shoulder: he had closed with a desperate thing. I really saw in him a tyrant, a murderer. I felt a drop or two of blood from my head trickle down my neck, and was sensible of somewhat pungent suffering: these sensations for the time predominated over fear, and I received him in frantic sort. I don't very well know what I did with my hands, but he called me "Rat! Rat!" and bellowed out aloud. Aid was near him: Eliza and Georgiana had run for Mrs. Reed, who was gone upstairs: she now came upon the scene, followed by Bessie and her maid Abbot. We were parted: I heard the words -
"Dear! dear! What a fury to fly at Master John!"
"Did ever anybody see such a picture of passion!"
Then Mrs. Reed subjoined -
"Take her away to the red-room, and lock her in there. " Four hands were immediately laid upon me, and I was borne upstairs.
wǒ dǎo shì qiú zhī bù dé。 wǒ xiàng lái bù xǐ huān yuǎn jù lí sàn bù， yóu qí zài lěng sōu sōu de xià wǔ。 shì xiǎng， yīn lěng de bó mù shí fēn huí dé jiā lái， shǒu jiǎo dū dòng jiāng liǎo， hái yào shòu dào bǎo mǔ bèi yīn de shǔluò， yòu zì jué tǐ gé bù rú yī lì suō、 yuē hàn hé qiáo zhì yà nà， xīn lǐ jì nán guò yòu cán kuì， nà qíng xíng wěi shí kě pà。
cǐ shí cǐ kè， gāng cái tí dào de yī lì suō、 yuē hàn hé qiáo zhì yà nà dōuzài kè tīng lǐ， cù yōng zhe tā men de mā mā。 tā zé xié yǐ zài lú biān de shā fā shàng， shēn bàng zuò zhe zì jǐ de xiǎo bǎo bèi men（ yǎn xià jì wèi zhēng chǎo yě wèi kū jiào）， yī fù 'ān xiǎng tiān lún zhī lè de shén tài。 ér wǒ ní， tā 'ēn zhǔn wǒ bù bì tóng tā men zuò zài yī qǐ liǎo， shuō shì tā hěn yí hàn， bù dé bù ràng wǒ dú gè 'ér zài yī bàng dāi zhe。 yào shì méi yòu qīn 'ěr cóng bèi qiàn nà 'ér tīng dào， bìng qiě qīn yǎn kàn dào， wǒ què shí zài jìn lì yǎng chéng yī zhǒng bǐ jiào dān chún suí hé de xí xìng， huó pō kě 'ài de jǔ zhǐ， yě jiù shì gèng kāi lǎng、 gèng shuài zhí、 gèng zì rán xiē， nà tā dàngzhēn bù ràng wǒ xiǎng shòu nà xiē zhǐ pèijǐ yú kuài lè zhī zú de hái zǐ men de tè quán liǎo。
“ bèi yīn shuō wǒ gān liǎo shénme lā？” wǒ wèn。
“ jiǎn， wǒ bù xǐ huān chuī máo qiú cī huò zhě páogēn jiū dǐ de rén， gèng hé kuàng xiǎo hái zǐ jiā zhè me gēn dà rén dǐng zuǐ shí zài ràng rén tǎo yàn。 zhǎo gè dì fāng qù zuò zhe， bù huì hé qì shuō huà jiù bié zhāng zuǐ。”
kè tīng de gé bì shì yī jiān xiǎo xiǎo de cān shì， wǒ liù liǎo jìn qù。 lǐ miàn yòu yī gè shū jià。 bù yī huì 'ér， wǒ cóng shàng miàn ná xià yī běn shū lái， tè yì tiǎo chā tú duō de， pá shàng chuāng tái， suō qǐ shuāng jiǎo， xiàng tǔ 'ěr qí rén nà yàng pán tuǐ zuò xià， jiāng hóng sè de bō wén chuāng lián jīhū wán quán lā lǒng， bǎ zì jǐ jiā bèi yǐn bì liǎo qǐ lái。
zài wǒ yòu cè， fēi hóng sè chuāng màn de zhòu xí dàng zhù liǎo wǒ de shì xiàn； zuǒ cè， míng liàng de bō lí chuāng bì hù zhe wǒ， shǐ wǒ jì miǎn shòu shí yī yuè yīn chén tiān qì de qīn hài， yòu bù yǔ wài miàn de shì jiè gé jué， zài fān shū de jiànxì， wǒ tái tóu xì kàn dōng rì xià wǔ de jǐng sè。 zhǐ jiàn yuǎn fāng bái máng máng yī piàn yún wù， jìn chù shī lù lù yī kuài cǎo dì hé shòu fēng yǔ xí jī de guàn mù。 yī zhèn chí jiǔ 'ér qī lì de kuáng fēng， qū gǎn zhe rú zhù de bào yǔ， héng kōng guī guò。
wǒ zhòng yòu dī tóu kàn shū， nà shì běn bǐ yóu yī kè de《 yīng guó niǎo lèi shǐ》。 wén zì bù fèn wǒ yī bān bù gǎn xīng qù， dàn yòu jǐ yè dǎo yán， suī shuō wǒ shì hái zǐ， què bù yuàn dāng zuò kōng yè suí shǒu fān guò。 nèi zhōng xiě dào liǎo hǎi niǎo shēng xī zhī dì； xiě dào liǎo zhǐ yòu hǎi niǎo qī jū de“ gū líng líng de yán shí hé hǎi jiǎ”； xiě dào liǎo zì nán duān lín nà sī ní sī， huò nà sī， zhì běi jiǎo dū biàn bù xiǎo dǎo de nuó wēi hǎi 'àn：
nà lǐ， běi bīng yáng xiān qǐ de jù dà xuán wō， páo xiào zài jí dì guāng tū qī liáng yuē xiǎo dǎo sì zhōu。 ér dà xī yáng de xiōng yǒng bō tāo， xiè rù liǎo kuáng bào de hè bù lǐ dǐ qún dǎo。
hái yòu xiē dì fāng wǒ yě bù néng kàn dū bù kàn， yī fān 'ér guò， nà jiù shì shū zhōng tí dào de lā pǔ lán、 xī bó lì yà、 sī pǐ cì bēi 'ěr gēn qún dǎo、 xīn dì dǎo、 bīng dǎo hé gé líng lán huāng liáng de hǎi 'àn。“ guǎng mào wú yín de běi jí dì dài hé nà xiē yīn qī qī de bù máo zhī dì， wǎn ruò bīng xuě de chǔ cún kù。 qiān wàn gè hán dōng suǒ jī jù chéng de jiān bīng， xiàng 'ā 'ěr bēi sī shān de céng céng gāo fēng， guāng huá jīng yíng， bāo wéi zhe dì jí， bǎ yǔ rì jù zēng de yán hán huì jí yú yī chù。” wǒ duì zhè xiē sǐ bái sè de dì yù， yǐ yòu yī dìng zhī jiàn， dàn yī shí nán yǐ zhuō mō， fǎng fó hái zǐ men mǒu xiē sì dǒng fēi dǒng de niàn tóu， méng méng lóng lóng fú xiàn zài nǎo jì， què chū qí dì shēng dòng， dǎo yán zhōng de zhè jǐ yè wén zì， yǔ hòu miàn de chā tú xiāng pèi， shǐ wù lì bō tāo zhōng de gū yán， gē qiǎn zài huāng liáng hǎi 'àn shàng de pò chuán， yǐ jí tòu guò yún dài fǔ shì zhe chén chuán de yōu yōu yuè guāng， gèng jiā hán yì juàn yǒng liǎo。
wǒ shuō bù qīng yī zhǒng shénme yàng de qíng diào mí màn zài gū jì de mù dì： kè yòu míng wén de mù bēi、 yī shàn dà mén、 liǎng kē shù、 dī dī de dì píng xiàn、 pò bài de wéi qiáng。 yī wān chū shēng de xīn yuè， biǎo míng shí hòu zhèng shì huáng hūn。
liǎng sōu lún chuán tíng bó zài shuǐ bō bù xīng de hǎi miàn shàng， wǒ yǐ wéi tā men shì hǎi shàng de guǐ guài。
mó guǐ cóng shēn hòu 'àn zhù qiè zéi de bēibāo， nà múyàng shí zài kě pà， wǒ gǎn jǐn fān liǎo guò qù。
yī yàng kě pà de shì， nà gè tóu shàng cháng jiǎo de hēi sè guài wù， dú jù yú yán shí zhī shàng， yuǎn tiào zhe yī dà qún rén wéi zhe jiǎo jià。
měi fú huà dōushì yī gè gù shì、 yóu yú wǒ lǐ jiě lì bù zú， xīn shǎng shuǐ píng yòu xiàn， tā men wǎng wǎng xiǎn dé shén mì mò cè， dàn wú bù qù wèi 'àng rán， jiù xiàng mǒu xiē dōng yè， bèi qiàn pèng qiǎo xīn qíng bù cuò shí jiǎng shù de gù shì yī yàng。 yù dào zhè zhǒng shí hòu， bèi yīn huì bǎ tàng yī zhuō bān dào bǎo yù shì de bì lú bàng biān， ràng wǒ men wéi zhe tā zuò hǎo。 tā yī miàn yùn lǐ dé tài tài de wǎng yǎn shì biān， bǎ shuì mào de biān yán tàng chū xí jiǎn lái， yī miàn ràng wǒ men pò bù jí dài dì qīng tīng tā yī duàn duàn 'ài qíng hé mào xiǎn gù shì， zhè xiē piàn duàn qǔ zì yú gǔ lǎo de shén huà chuán shuō hé gèng gǔ lǎo de gē yáo， huò zhě rú wǒ hòu lái suǒ fā xiàn， lái zì《 pà měi lā》 hé《 mò lán bó jué hēng lì》。
dāng shí， wǒ xī tóu tān zhe bǐ yóu yī kè de shū， xīn lǐ lè zī zī de， zhì shǎo shì zì dé qí lè， jiù pà bié rén lái dǎ rǎo。 dàn dǎ rǎo lái dé hěn kuài， cān shì de mén kāi liǎo。
“ shī！ kǔ nǎo xiǎo jiě！” yuē hàn · lǐ dé jiào huàn zhe， suí hòu yòu dǎ zhù liǎo， xiǎn rán fā jué fáng jiān lǐ kōng wú yī rén。
“ jiàn guǐ， shàng nǎ 'ér qù liǎo yā？” tā jiē zhe shuō。“ lì qiàn！ qiáo qí！”（ hǎn zhe tā de jiě mèi）“ qióng bù zài zhè 'ér nà， gào sù mā mā tā cuàn dào yǔ dì lǐ qù liǎo， zhè gè huài chù shēng！”
“ xìng kuī wǒ lā hǎo liǎo chuāng lián，” wǒ xiǎng。 wǒ zhēn xī wàng tā fā xiàn bù liǎo wǒ de cáng shēn zhī dì。 yuē hàn · lǐ dé zì jǐ shì fā xiàn bù liǎo de， tā yǎn jīng bù jiān， tóu nǎo bù líng。 kě xī yī lì suō cóng mén wài yī tàn jìn tóu lái， jiù shuō：
“ tā zài chuāng tái shàng， zhǔn méi cuò， jié kè。”
wǒ lì jí zǒu liǎo chū lái， yīn wéi yī xiǎng dào yào bèi zhè gè jié kè yìng tuō chū qù， shēn zǐ biàn zhí dǎ duō suo。
shénme shì yā？” wǒ wèn， jì gān gà yòu bù 'ān。
“ gāi shuō， shénme shì yā， lǐ dé ‘ shàoye？ ’” biàn shì wǒ dé dào de huí dá。“ wǒ yào nǐ dào zhè lǐ lái，” tā zài fú shǒu yǐ shàng zuò xià， dǎ liǎo gè shǒu shì， shì yì wǒ zǒu guò qù zhàn dào tā miàn qián。
yuē hàn · lǐ dé shì gè shí sì suì de xiǎo xué shēng， bǐ wǒ dà sì suì， yīn wéi wǒ cái shí suì。 lùn nián líng， tā cháng dé yòu dà yòu pàng， dàn fū sè huī 'àn， yī fù bìng tài。 liǎn pán kuò， wǔ guān cū， sì zhī féi， shǒu péng dà。 hái xǐ huān bào yǐn bào shí， luò dé gè gān huǒ hěn wàng， mù guāng chí dùn， liǎng jiá sōng chí。 zhè zhèn zǐ， tā běn gāi dāi zài xué xiào lǐ， kě shì tā mā bǎ tā lǐng liǎo huí lái， zhù shàng héng、 liǎng gè yuè， shuō shì yīn wéi“ shēn tǐ xū ruò”。 dàn tā lǎo shī mài 'ěr sī xiān shēng què duàn yán， yào shì jiā lǐ shǎo sòng xiē gāo diǎn táng guǒ qù， tā huì shénme dōuhěn hǎo de， zuò mǔ qīn de xīn lǐ què tǎo yàn zhè me kè bó de huà， ér qīng xiàng yú yī zhǒng gèng suí hé de xiǎng fǎ， rèn wéi yuē hàn shì guò yú yòng gōng， huò xǔ hái yīn wéi xiǎng jiā， cái nòng dé nà me miàn sè là huáng de。
yuē hàn duì mǔ qīn hé jiě mèi men méi yòu duō shǎo gǎn qíng， ér duì wǒ zé hěn yàn 'è。 tā qī wǔ wǒ， wǒ， bù shì yī zhōu sān liǎng cì， yě bù shì yī tiān yī liǎng huí， ér shì jīng cháng rú cǐ。 nòng dé wǒ měi gēn shén jīng dū pà tā， tā yī zǒu yùn， wǒ shēn zǐ gǔ shàng de měi kuài jī ròu dū huì shōu suō qǐ lái。 yòu shí wǒ huì bèi tā xià dé shǒu zú wú cuò， yīn wéi miàn duì tā de kǒnghè hé qī wǔ， wǒ wú chù kū sù。 yōng rén men bù yuàn zhàn zài wǒ yī biān qù dé zuì tā men de shàoye， ér lǐ dé tài tài zé zhuāng lóng zuò yǎ， ér zǐ dǎ wǒ mà wǒ， tā shú shì wú dǔ， jìn guǎn tā dòng bù dòng dāng zhe tā de miàn zhè yàng zuò， ér bēizhe tā de shí hòu bù yòng shuō jiù gèng duō liǎo。
wǒ duì yuē hàn yǐ guàn yú nì lái shùn shòu， yīn cǐ biàn zǒu dào tā yǐ zǐ gēn qián。 tā fèi liǎo dà yuē sān fēn zhōng， pīn mìng xiàng wǒ shēn chū shé tóu， jiù chā méi yòu bēng duàn shé gēn。 wǒ míng bái tā huì mǎ shàng xià shǒu， yī miàn dān xīn 'áidǎ， yī miàn níng shì zhe zhè gè jiù yào dòng shǒu de rén nà fù lìng rén yàn 'è de chǒu tài。 wǒ bù zhī dào tā kàn chū liǎo wǒ de xīn sī méi yòu， fǎn zhèng tā 'èr huà méi shuō， měng rán jiān hěn mìng zòu wǒ。 wǒ yī gè liàngqiàng， cóng tā yǐ zǐ qián dàotuì liǎo yī liǎng bù cái zhàn wěn shēn zǐ。
“ zhè shì duì nǐ de jiào xùn， shuí jiào nǐ gāng cái nà me wú lǐ gēn mā mā dǐng zuǐ，” tā shuō，“ shuí jiào nǐ guǐ guǐ suì suì duǒ dào chuāng lián hòu miàn， shuí jiào nǐ liǎng fēn zhōng zhī qián yǎn guāng lǐ lù chū nà fù guǐ yàng zǐ， nǐ zhè hào zǐ！”
wǒ yǐ jīng xí guàn yú yuē hàn · lǐ dé de mán mà， cóng lái bù yuàn qù lǐ cǎi， yī xīn zhǐ xiǎng zhe jiā hé qù rěn shòu rǔ mà yǐ hòu bì rán jiē zōng 'ér lái de 'ōu dǎ。
“ nǐ duǒ zài chuāng lián hòu miàn gànshénme？” tā wèn。
“ zài kàn shū。”
“ bǎ shū ná lái。”
wǒ zǒu huí chuāng qián bǎ shū qǔ lái。
“ nǐ méi yòu zī gé dòng wǒ men de shū。 mā mā shuō de， nǐ kào bié rén yǎng huó nǐ， nǐ méi yòu qián， nǐ bà bà shénme yě méi liú gěi nǐ， nǐ yīngdāng qù tǎo fàn， ér bù gāi tóng xiàng wǒ men zhè yàng tǐ miàn rén jiā de hái zǐ yī qǐ guò rì zǐ， bù gāi tóng wǒ men chī yī yàng de fàn， chuān mā mā tāo qián gěi mǎi de yī fú。 xiàn zài wǒ yào jiào xùn nǐ， ràng nǐ zhī dào fān wǒ men shū jià de hǎo chù。 zhè xiē shū dū shì wǒ de， lián zhěng zuò fáng zǐ dōushì， yào bù guò jǐ nián jiù guī wǒ liǎo。 gǔn， zhàn dào mén biān qù， lí jìng zǐ hé chuāng zǐ yuǎn xiē。”
wǒ zhào tā de huà zuò liǎo， qǐ chū bìng bù zhī dào tā de yòng yì。 dàn shì tā bǎ shū jǔ qǐ， ná wěn dāng liǎo， lì qǐ shēn lái bǎi chū yào rēng guò lái de jià shì shí， wǒ yī shēng jīng jiào， běn néng dì wǎng bàng biān yī shǎn， kě shì wǎn liǎo、 nà běn shū jǐ jīng rēng guò lái， zhèng hǎo dǎ zhōng liǎo wǒ， wǒ yìng shēng dǎo xià， nǎo dài zhuàng zài mén shàng， pèng chū liǎo xuè lái， téng tòng nán rěn。 wǒ de kǒng jù xīn lǐ yǐ jīng yuè guò liǎo jí xiàn， bèi qí tā qíng gǎn suǒ dài tì。
“ nǐ shì gè 'è dú cán bào de hái zǐ！” wǒ shuō。“ nǐ xiàng gè shā rén fàn héng héng nǐ shì gè nú lì jiān gōng héng héng nǐ xiàng luó mǎ huáng dì！”
wǒ dú guò gē 'ěr sī mì de《 luó mǎ shǐ》， shí ní lù、 kǎ lì gǔ lā děng rén wù yǐ yòu zì jǐ de kàn fǎ， bìng 'àn 'àn zuò guò lèi bǐ， dàn jué méi yòu xiǎng dào huì rú cǐ dà shēng dì shuō chū kǒu lái。
“ shénme！ shénme！” tā dà jiào dà rǎng。“ nà shì tā shuō de má？ yī lì suō、 qiáo zhì yà nà， nǐ men kě tīng jiàn tā shuō liǎo？ wǒ huì bù qù gào sù mā mā má？ bù guò wǒ dé xiān héng héng”
tā xiàng wǒ zhí chōng guò lái， wǒ zhǐ jué dé tā zhuā zhù liǎo wǒ de tóu fā hé jiān bǎng， tā gēn yī gè pīn lǎo mìng de jiā huǒ niǔ dǎ zài yī qǐ liǎo。 wǒ fā xiàn tā zhēn shì gè bào jūn， shì gè shā rén fàn。 wǒ jué dé yī liǎng dī xuè cóng tóu shàng shùn zhe bó zǐ tǎng xià lái， gǎn dào yī zhèn rè là là de jù tòng。 zhè xiē gǎn jué yī shí zhàn liǎo shàng fēng， wǒ bù zài wèi jù， ér fā fēng sì dì tóng tā duì dǎ qǐ lái。 wǒ bù tài qīng chǔ zì jǐ de shuāng shǒu dào dǐ gān liǎo shénme， zhǐ tīng dé tā mà wǒ“ hào zǐ！ hào zǐ！” yī miàn shā zhū sì dì háo jiào zhe。 tā de bāng shǒu jìn zài zhǐ chǐ， yī lì suō hé qiáo zhì yà nà zǎo yǐ páo chū qù tǎo jiù bīng， lǐ dé tài tài shàng liǎo lóu tī， lái dào xiàn chǎng， hòu miàn gēn suí zhe bèi qiàn hé nǚ yōng 'ài bó tè。 tā men wǒ men lā kāi liǎo， wǒ zhǐ tīng jiàn tā men shuō：
“ āi yā！ āi yā！ zhè me dà de qì chū zài yuē hàn shàoye shēn shàng：”
“ shuí jiàn guò nà me huǒ mào sān zhàng de！”
suí hòu lǐ dé tài tài bǔ chōng shuō：
“ dài tā dào hóng fáng zǐ lǐ qù， guān qǐ lái。” yú shì mǎ shàng jiù yòu liǎng shuāng shǒu 'àn zhù liǎo wǒ， bǎ wǒ tuī shàng lóu qù。
I was glad of it: I never liked long walks, especially on chilly afternoons: dreadful to me was the coming home in the raw twilight, with nipped fingers and toes, and a heart saddened by the chidings of Bessie, the nurse, and humbled by the consciousness of my physical inferiority to Eliza, John, and Georgiana Reed.
The said Eliza, John, and Georgiana were now clustered round their mama in the drawing-room: she lay reclined on a sofa by the fireside, and with her darlings about her (for the time neither quarrelling nor crying) looked perfectly happy. Me, she had dispensed from joining the group; saying, "She regretted to be under the necessity of keeping me at a distance; but that until she heard from Bessie, and could discover by her own observation, that I was endeavouring in good earnest to acquire a more sociable and childlike disposition, a more attractive and sprightly manner -- something lighter, franker, more natural, as it were -- she really must exclude me from privileges intended only for contented, happy, little children. "
"What does Bessie say I have done?" I asked.
"Jane, I don't like cavillers or questioners; besides, there is something truly forbidding in a child taking up her elders in that manner. Be seated somewhere; and until you can speak pleasantly, remain silent. "
A breakfast-room adjoined the drawing-room, I slipped in there. It contained a bookcase: I soon possessed myself of a volume, taking care that it should be one stored with pictures. I mounted into the window-seat: gathering up my feet, I sat cross-legged, like a Turk; and, having drawn the red moreen curtain nearly close, I was shrined in double retirement.
Folds of scarlet drapery shut in my view to the right hand; to the left were the clear panes of glass, protecting, but not separating me from the drear November day. At intervals, while turning over the leaves of my book, I studied the aspect of that winter afternoon. Afar, it offered a pale blank of mist and cloud; near a scene of wet lawn and storm-beat shrub, with ceaseless rain sweeping away wildly before a long and lamentable blast.
I returned to my book -- Bewick's History of British Birds: the letterpress thereof I cared little for, generally speaking; and yet there were certain introductory pages that, child as I was, I could not pass quite as a blank. They were those which treat of the haunts of sea-fowl; of "the solitary rocks and promontories" by them only inhabited; of the coast of Norway, studded with isles from its southern extremity, the Lindeness, or Naze, to the North Cape -
"Where the Northern Ocean, in vast whirls, Boils round the naked, melancholy isles Of farthest Thule; and the Atlantic surge Pours in among the stormy Hebrides. "
Nor could I pass unnoticed the suggestion of the bleak shores of Lapland, Siberia, Spitzbergen, Nova Zembla, Iceland, Greenland, with "the vast sweep of the Arctic Zone, and those forlorn regions of dreary space, -- that reservoir of frost and snow, where firm fields of ice, the accumulation of centuries of winters, glazed in Alpine heights above heights, surround the pole, and concentre the multiplied rigours of extreme cold. " Of these death-white realms I formed an idea of my own: shadowy, like all the half-comprehended notions that float dim through children's brains, but strangely impressive. The words in these introductory pages connected themselves with the succeeding vignettes, and gave significance to the rock standing up alone in a sea of billow and spray; to the broken boat stranded on a desolate coast; to the cold and ghastly moon glancing through bars of cloud at a wreck just sinking.
I cannot tell what sentiment haunted the quite solitary churchyard, with its inscribed headstone; its gate, its two trees, its low horizon, girdled by a broken wall, and its newly-risen crescent, attesting the hour of eventide.
The two ships becalmed on a torpid sea, I believed to be marine phantoms.
The fiend pinning down the thief's pack behind him, I passed over quickly: it was an object of terror.
So was the black horned thing seated aloof on a rock, surveying a distant crowd surrounding a gallows.
Each picture told a story; mysterious often to my undeveloped understanding and imperfect feelings, yet ever profoundly interesting: as interesting as the tales Bessie sometimes narrated on winter evenings, when she chanced to be in good humour; and when, having brought her ironing-table to the nursery hearth, she allowed us to sit about it, and while she got up Mrs. Reed's lace frills, and crimped her nightcap borders, fed our eager attention with passages of love and adventure taken from old fairy tales and other ballads; or (as at a later period I discovered) from the pages of Pamela, and Henry, Earl of Moreland.
With Bewick on my knee, I was then happy: happy at least in my way. I feared nothing but interruption, and that came too soon. The breakfast-room door opened.
"Boh! Madam Mope!" cried the voice of John Reed; then he paused: he found the room apparently empty.
"Where the dickens is she!" he continued. "Lizzy! Georgy! (calling to his sisters) Joan is not here: tell mama she is run out into the rain -- bad animal!"
"It is well I drew the curtain, " thought I; and I wished fervently he might not discover my hiding-place: nor would John Reed have found it out himself; he was not quick either of vision or conception; but Eliza just put her head in at the door, and said at once -
"She is in the window-seat, to be sure, Jack. "
And I came out immediately, for I trembled at the idea of being dragged forth by the said Jack.
"What do you want?" I asked, with awkward diffidence.
"Say, 'What do you want, Master Reed?'" was the answer. "I want you to come here;" and seating himself in an arm-chair, he intimated by a gesture that I was to approach and stand before him.
John Reed was a schoolboy of fourteen years old; four years older than I, for I was but ten: large and stout for his age, with a dingy and unwholesome skin; thick lineaments in a spacious visage, heavy limbs and large extremities. He gorged himself habitually at table, which made him bilious, and gave him a dim and bleared eye and flabby cheeks. He ought now to have been at school; but his mama had taken him home for a month or two, "on account of his delicate health. " Mr. Miles, the master, affirmed that he would do very well if he had fewer cakes and sweetmeats sent him from home; but the mother's heart turned from an opinion so harsh, and inclined rather to the more refined idea that John's sallowness was owing to over-application and, perhaps, to pining after home.
John had not much affection for his mother and sisters, and an antipathy to me. He bullied and punished me; not two or three times in the week, nor once or twice in the day, but continually: every nerve I had feared him, and every morsel of flesh in my bones shrank when he came near. There were moments when I was bewildered by the terror he inspired, because I had no appeal whatever against either his menaces or his inflictions; the servants did not like to offend their young master by taking my part against him, and Mrs. Reed was blind and deaf on the subject: she never saw him strike or heard him abuse me, though he did both now and then in her very presence, more frequently, however, behind her back.
Habitually obedient to John, I came up to his chair: he spent some three minutes in thrusting out his tongue at me as far as he could without damaging the roots: I knew he would soon strike, and while dreading the blow, I mused on the disgusting and ugly appearance of him who would presently deal it. I wonder if he read that notion in my face; for, all at once, without speaking, he struck suddenly and strongly. I tottered, and on regaining my equilibrium retired back a step or two from his chair.
"That is for your impudence in answering mama awhile since, " said he, "and for your sneaking way of getting behind curtains, and for the look you had in your eyes two minutes since, you rat!"
Accustomed to John Reed's abuse, I never had an idea of replying to it; my care was how to endure the blow which would certainly follow the insult.
"What were you doing behind the curtain?" he asked.
"I was reading. "
"Show the book. "
I returned to the window and fetched it thence.
"You have no business to take our books; you are a dependent, mama says; you have no money; your father left you none; you ought to beg, and not to live here with gentlemen's children like us, and eat the same meals we do, and wear clothes at our mama's expense. Now, I'll teach you to rummage my bookshelves: for they ARE mine; all the house belongs to me, or will do in a few years. Go and stand by the door, out of the way of the mirror and the windows. "
I did so, not at first aware what was his intention; but when I saw him lift and poise the book and stand in act to hurl it, I instinctively started aside with a cry of alarm: not soon enough, however; the volume was flung, it hit me, and I fell, striking my head against the door and cutting it. The cut bled, the pain was sharp: my terror had passed its climax; other feelings succeeded.
"Wicked and cruel boy!" I said. "You are like a murderer -- you are like a slave-driver -- you are like the Roman emperors!"
I had read Goldsmith's History of Rome, and had formed my opinion of Nero, Caligula, &c. Also I had drawn parallels in silence, which I never thought thus to have declared aloud.
"What! what!" he cried. "Did she say that to me? Did you hear her, Eliza and Georgiana? Won't I tell mama? but first -- "
He ran headlong at me: I felt him grasp my hair and my shoulder: he had closed with a desperate thing. I really saw in him a tyrant, a murderer. I felt a drop or two of blood from my head trickle down my neck, and was sensible of somewhat pungent suffering: these sensations for the time predominated over fear, and I received him in frantic sort. I don't very well know what I did with my hands, but he called me "Rat! Rat!" and bellowed out aloud. Aid was near him: Eliza and Georgiana had run for Mrs. Reed, who was gone upstairs: she now came upon the scene, followed by Bessie and her maid Abbot. We were parted: I heard the words -
"Dear! dear! What a fury to fly at Master John!"
"Did ever anybody see such a picture of passion!"
Then Mrs. Reed subjoined -
"Take her away to the red-room, and lock her in there. " Four hands were immediately laid upon me, and I was borne upstairs.
wǒ yī lù fǎn kàng， zài wǒ， zhè hái shì pò tiān huāng dì yī cì。 yú shì dà dà jiā shēn liǎo bèi qiàn hé 'ài bó tè xiǎo jiě duì wǒ de 'è gǎn。 wǒ què shí yòu diǎn 'ér nán yǐ zì zhì， huò zhě rú fǎ guó rén suǒ shuō， shī cháng liǎo。 wǒ yì shí dào， yīn wéi yī shí de fǎn kàng， huì bù dé bù zāo shòu gǔ guài lí qí de chéng fá。 yú shì， xiàng qí tā zào fǎn de nú lì yī yàng， wǒ héng xià yī tiáo xīn， jué jì bù gù yī qiē liǎo。
“ zhuā zhù tā de gēbo， ài bó tè xiǎo jiě， tā xiàng yī zhǐ fā liǎo fēng de māo。”
“ zhēn diū liǎn！ zhēn diū liǎn！” zhè wèi nǚ zhù rén de shì nǚ jiào dào，“ duō kě pà de jǔ dòng， ài xiǎo jiě， jū rán dǎ qǐ xiǎo shàoye lái liǎo， tā shì nǐ 'ēn rén de 'ér zǐ： nǐ de xiǎo zhù rén！”
“ zhù rén， tā zěn me huì shì wǒ zhù rén， nán dào wǒ shì pú rén bù chéng？”
“ bù， nǐ lián pú réndōu bù rú。 nǐ bù gànshì， chī bái shí。 wèi， zuò xià lái， hǎohǎo xiǎng yī xiǎng nǐ yòu duō huài。”
zhè shí hòu tā men yǐ bǎ wǒ tuō jìn liǎo lǐ dé tài tài suǒ zhǐ de fáng jiān， tuī cāo dào yī tiáo 'ǎi dèng shàng， wǒ bù yóu zì zhù dì xiàng tánhuáng yī yàng tiào qǐ lái， dàn lì kè bèi liǎng shuāng shǒu 'àn zhù liǎo。
“ yào shì nǐ bù 'ān 'ān wěn wěn zuò zhe， wǒ men kě dé bǎng zhù nǐ liǎo，” bèi qiàn shuō，“ ài bó tè xiǎo jiě， bǎ nǐ de wà dài jiè gěi wǒ， wǒ nà fù huì bèi tā yī xià zǐ bēng duàn de。”
ài bó tè xiǎo jiě zhuǎn 'ér cóng tā cū zhuàng de tuǐ shàng， jiě xià nà tiáo bì bù kě shǎo de dài zǐ。 kǔn bǎng qián de zhǔn bèi gōng zuò yǐ jí yóu cǐ 'ér 'é wài méng shòu de chǐ rǔ， lüè wēi xiāo jiě liǎo wǒ de jī dòng qíng xù。
“ bié jiě lā，” wǒ jiào dào，“ wǒ bù dòng jiù shì liǎo。”
zuò wéi bǎo zhèng， wǒ ràng shuāng shǒu jǐn 'āi zhe dèng zǐ。
“ jì zhù bié dòng，” bèi qiàn shuō， zhī dào wǒ què shí yǐ jīng píng jìng xià qù， biàn sōng liǎo shǒu。 suí hòu tā hé 'ài bó tè xiǎo jiě bào bì 'ér lì， chén zhe liǎn， mǎn fù hú yí dì dèng zhe wǒ， bù xiāng xìn wǒ de shén jīng hái shì zhèng cháng shìde。
“ tā yǐ qián cóng lái méi yòu zhè yàng guò，” mò liǎo， bèi qiàn zhuǎn shēn duì nà wèi 'ài bǐ gài 'ěr shuō。
“ bù guò tā shēng xìng rú cǐ，” duì fāng huí dá，“ wǒ jīng cháng gēn tài tài shuō qǐ wǒ duì zhè hái zǐ de kàn fǎ， tài tài yě tóng yì。 zhè xiǎo dōng xī zhēn jiǎo huá， cóng lái méi jiàn guò xiàng tā zhè yàng nián jì de xiǎo gū niàn， yòu nà me duō guǐ xīn yǎn de。”
bèi qiàn méi yòu dā qiāng， dàn bù yī huì biàn duì wǒ shuō：
“ xiǎo jiě， nǐ gāi míng bái， nǐ shòu liǎo lǐ dé tài tài de 'ēn huì， shì tā yǎng zhe nǐ de。 yào shì tā bǎ nǐ gǎn zǒu， nǐ jiù dé jìn pín mín yuàn liǎo。”
duì tā men zhè fān huó， wǒ wú huà kě shuō， yīn wéi tīng qǐ lái bìng bù xīn xiān。 wǒ shēng huó de zuì zǎo jì yì zhōng jiù bāo hán zhe lèi sì de 'àn shì， zhè xiē zé bèi wǒ lài bié rén guò huó de huà， jǐ chéng liǎo yì yì hán hú de lǎo diào， jiào rén tòng kǔ， ràng rén nán shòu， dàn yòu bù tài hǎo dǒng。 ài bó tè xiǎo jiě dá huà liǎo：
“ nǐ bù néng yīn wéi tài tài hǎo xīn bǎ nǐ tóng lǐ dé xiǎo jiě hé shàoye yī kuài fǔ yǎng dà， jiù yǐ wéi zì jǐ yǔ tā men píng děng liǎo。 tā men jiāng lái huì yòu hěn duō hěn duō qián， ér nǐ què yī gè zǐ 'ér yě bù huì yòu。 nǐ dé xué qiān gōng xiē， jìn liàng shùn zhe tā men， zhè cái shì nǐ de běn fèn。”
“ wǒ men tóng nǐ shuō de quán shì wèile nǐ hǎo，” bèi qiàn bǔ chōng dào， kǒu qì dǎo bìng bù yán lì，“ nǐ zuò shì yào bā jié xiē， xué dé guāi yī diǎn， nà yàng yě xǔ kě yǐ bǎ zhè dāng gè jiā zhù xià qù， yào shì nǐ yì qì yòng shì， cū bào wú lǐ， wǒ gǎn kěn dìng， tài tài huì bǎ nǐ niǎn zǒu。”
“ lìng wài，” ài bó tè xiǎo jiě shuō，“ shàng dì huì chéng fá tā， yě xǔ huì zài tā shuǎ pí qì shí， bǎ tā chǔsǐ， sǐ hòu tā néng shàng nǎ 'ér ní， lái， bèi qiàn， zán men zǒu bā， suí tā qù。 fǎn zhèng wǒ shì wú lùn rú hé dǎ dòng bù liǎo tā lā。 ài xiǎo jiě， nǐ dú gè 'ér dāi zhe de shí hòu， qí dǎo bā。 yào shì nǐ bù chàn huǐ， shuō bù dìng yòu gè huài jiā huǒ huì cóng yān cōng jìn lái， bǎ nǐ dài zǒu。”
tā men zǒu liǎo， guān liǎo mén， suí shǒu shàng liǎo suǒ。
hóng fáng zǐ shì jiān kòngyú de wò fáng， nán dé yòu rén zài lǐ miàn guò yè。 qí shí yě xǔ kě yǐ shuō， cóng lái méi yòu。 chú fēi gài cí hēi dé fǔ shàng 'ǒu 'ér yōng jìn yī dà qún kè rén shí， cái yòu bì yào dòng yòng quán bù fáng jiān。 dàn fǔ lǐ de wò shì， shù tā zuì kuān chǎng、 zuì táng huáng liǎo。 héng zhāng hóng mù chuáng hè rán lì yú fáng jiān zhèng zhōng， cū dà de chuáng zhù shàng， zhào zhe shēn hóng sè jǐn duàn zhàng màn， huó xiàng yī gè zhàng péng。 liǎng shàn zhōng rì chuāng lián jǐn bì de dà chuāng， bàn yǎn zài qīng yī sè zhì wù zhì chéng de liú sū zhī zhōng。 dì tǎn shì hóng de， chuáng jiǎo biān de zhuō zǐ shàng pū zhe shēn hóng sè de tái bù， qiáng chéng róu hé de huáng hè sè， lüè dài fěn hóng。 dà chú、 shū zhuāng tái hé yǐ zǐ dōushì wū hēi fā liàng de hóng mù zuò de。 chuáng shàng gāo gāo dì dié zhe rù diàn hé zhěn tóu， shàng miàn pū zhe xuě bái de mǎ sài bù chuáng zhào， zài zhōu wéi shēn sè diào chén shè de yìng chèn xià， bái dé huàn mù。 jīhū tóng yàng xiǎn yǎn de shì chuáng tóu biān yī bǎ pū zhe zuò diàn de dà 'ān lè yǐ， yī yàng de bái sè， qián miàn hái fàng zhe yī zhǐ jiǎo dèng， zài wǒ kàn lái， tā xiàng yī gè cāng bái de bǎo zuò。
fáng zǐ lǐ nán dé shēng huǒ， suǒ yǐ hěn lěng； yīn wéi yuǎn lí bǎo yù shì hé chú fáng， suǒ yǐ hěn jìng； yòu yīn wéi shuídōu zhī dào hěn shǎo yòu rén jìn qù， suǒ yǐ xiǎn dé zhuāng yán sù mù。 zhǐ yòu nǚ yōng měi féng xīng qī liù shàng zhè lǐ lái， bǎ yī zhōu nèi jìng qiǎo qiǎo luò zài jìng zǐ shàng hé jiā jù shàng de huī chén mǒ qù。 hái yòu lǐ dé tài tài běn rén， gé hǎo jiǔ cái lái yī cì， chá kàn dà chú lǐ mǒu gè mì mì chōu tì lǐ de dōng xī。 zhè lǐ cún fàng zhe gè lèi yáng pí wén jiàn， tā de shǒu shì hé， yǐ jí tā yǐ gù zhàng fū de xiào xiàng。 shàng miàn tí dào de zuì hòu jǐ jù huà， gěi hóng fáng zǐ dài lái liǎo yī zhǒng shén mì gǎn， yī zhǒng mó lì， yīn 'ér tā suī rán fù lì táng huáng， què xiǎn dé fènwài qī qīng。
lǐ dé xiān shēng sǐ qù yǐ jīng jiǔ nián liǎo， tā jiù shì zài zhè jiān fáng zǐ lǐ yànqì de， tā de yí tǐ zài zhè lǐ ràng rén zhān yǎng， tā de guān cái yóu bìn zàng gōng rén cóng zhè lǐ tái zǒu。 cóng cǐ zhī hòu， zhè lǐ biàn shǐ zhōng mí màn zhe yī zhǒng yīn sēn sēn de jì diàn fēn wéi， suǒ yǐ bù cháng yòu rén chuǎng jìn lái。
lǐ dé xiān shēng sǐ qù yǐ jīng jiǔ nián liǎo， tā jiù shì zài zhè jiān fáng zǐ lǐ yànqì de， tā de yí tǐ zài zhè lǐ ràng rén zhān yǎng， tā de guān cái yóu bìn zàng gōng rén cóng zhè lǐ tái zǒu。 cóng cǐ zhī hòu， zhè lǐ biàn shǐ zhōng mí màn zhe yī zhǒng yīn sēn sēn de jì diàn fēn wéi， suǒ yǐ bù cháng yòu rén chuǎng jìn lái。
bèi qiàn hé kè bó de 'ài bó tè xiǎo jiě ràng wǒ yī dòng bù dòng zuò zhe de， shì yī tiáo ruǎn diàn 'ǎi dèng， bǎi zài kào jìn dà lǐ shí bì lú de dì fāng。 wǒ miàn qián shì gāo sǒng de chuáng， wǒ yòu miàn shì hēi qī qī de dà chú， chú shàng róu hé、 bān bó de fǎn guāng， shǐ xiāng bǎn de guāng zé yáo yè biàn huàn。 wǒ zuǒ miàn shì guān dé yán yán shí shí de chuāng zǐ， liǎng shàn chuāng zǐ zhōng jiān yòu yī miàn dà jìng zǐ， yìng zhào chū chuáng hé fáng jiān de kōng kuàng hé sù mù。 wǒ chī bù zhǔn tā men suǒ liǎo mén méi yòu， děng dào gǎn yú zǒu dòng shí， biàn qǐ lái kàn gè jiū jìng。 āi yā， bù cuò， bǐ láo fáng suǒ dé hái jǐn nà。 fǎn huí yuán dì shí， wǒ bì xū jīng guò dà jìng zǐ gēn qián。 wǒ de mù guāng bèi xī yǐn zhù liǎo， jìn bù zhù tàn jiū qǐ jìng zhōng de shì jiè lái。 zài xū huàn de yìng xiàng zhōng， yī qiēdōu xiǎn dé bǐ xiàn shí zhōng gèng lěng luò、 gèng yīn chén。 nà gè mò shēng de xiǎo jiā huǒ chǒu zhe wǒ， bái bái de liǎn shàng hé gēbo shàng dū méng shàng liǎo bān bó de yīn yǐng， zài héng qiēdōu níng zhì shí， wéi yòu nà shuāng míng liàng kǒng jù de yǎn jīng zài shǎn dòng， kàn shàng qù zhēn xiàng shì yī gè yōu líng。 wǒ jué dé tā xiàng nà zhǒng bàn xiān bàn rén de xiǎo jīng líng， qià rú bèi yīn zài yè wǎn de gù shì zhōng suǒ miáo huì de nà yàng， cóng zhǎo zé dì dài shān jué cóng shēng de huāng gǔ zhōng mào chū lái， xiàn shēn yú chí guī de lǚ xíng zhě yǎn qián。 wǒ huí dào dīng wǒ de 'ǎi dèng shàng。
zhè shí hòu wǒ xiāng xìn qǐ mí xìn lái liǎo， dàn bìng méi yòu dào liǎo wán quán tīng píng bǎi bù de chéng dù， wǒ yǐ rán rè xuè fèi téng， fǎn pàn de nú lì nà zhǒng kǔ sè qíng xù yǐ rán jī lì zhe wǒ。 wǎng shì rú cháo、 zài wǒ nǎo hǎi zhōng bēn yǒng， rú guǒ wǒ bù jiā yǐ 'è zhì， wǒ jiù bù huì duì yīn 'àn de xiàn shí qū fú。
yuē hàn · lǐ dé de zhuān héng bà dào、 tā jiě mèi de gāo 'ào lěng mò、 tā mǔ qīn de yàn 'è、 pú rén men de piān xīn， xiàng yī kǒu hùn dùn de shuǐ jǐng zhōng hēi sè de chén diàn wù， yī gǔ nǎo 'ér fàn qǐ zài wǒ fán nǎo bù 'ān de xīn tóu。
wèishénme wǒ zǒng shì shòu kǔ， zǒng shì zāo rén bái yǎn， zǒng shì ràng rén gào zhuàng， yǒng yuǎn shòu dào zé bèi ní？ wèishénme wǒ yǒng yuǎn bù néng tǎo rén xǐ huān？ wèishénme wǒ jìn lì bó qǔ huān xīn， què yǐ rán wú jì yú shì ní？ yī lì suō zì sī rèn xìng， què shòu dào zūn jìng； qiáo zhì yà nà hǎo shǐ xìng zǐ， xīn cháng yòu dú， ér qiě qiǎngcí duó lǐ mù kōng yī qiē， piān piān dé dào suǒ yòu rén de zòng róng。 tā de měi mào， tā hóng rùn de miàn jiá， jīn sè de juǎnfà， shǐ dé tā rén jiàn rén 'ài， yī jùn biàn kě zhē bǎi chǒu。 zhì yú yuē hàn， méi yòu rén tóng tā dǐng zhuàng， gèng bù yòng shuō jiào xùn tā liǎo， suī rán tā shénme huài shìdōu gān： niǎn duàn gē zǐ de tóu jǐng， nòng sǐ xiǎo kǒng què， fàng gǒu qù yǎo yáng， cǎi zhāi wēn shì zhōng de pú táo， qiā duàn nuǎn fáng shàng děng huā mù de nèn yá。 yòu shí hái jiào tā mǔ qīn“ lǎo gū niàn”， yòu yīn wéi tā pí fū yǒu hēi xiàng tā zì jǐ 'ér pò kǒu dà mà。 tā mánhèng dì yǔ mǔ qīn zuò duì， jīng cháng sī huǐ tā de sī chóu fú zhuāng， ér tā què yǐ rán shì“ tā de bǎo bèi dàn”。 ér wǒ bù gǎn yòu sī háo shǎn shī， gànshénme dū quán lì yǐ fù， rén jiā hái shì mà wǒ táo qì guǐ， tǎo yàn pī， mà wǒ yīn sī sī， zéi liù liù， cóng zǎo shàng mà dào xià wǔ， cóng xià wǔ mà dào wǎn shàng。
wǒ yīn wéi 'āi liǎo dǎ、 diē liǎo jiāo， tóu yǐ rán téng tòng， yǐ rán liú zhe xuè。 yuē hàn sì wú jì dá dì dǎ wǒ， què bù shòu zé bèi， ér wǒ bù guò wèile miǎn zāo jìn yī bù wú lǐ 'ōu dǎ， fǎn kàng liǎo yī xià， biàn chéng liǎo zhòngshǐzhīdì。
“ bù gōng hē， bù gōng！” wǒ de lǐ zhì hū hǎn zhe。 zài tòng kǔ de cì jī xià wǒ de lǐ zhì biàn dé zǎo shú， huà zuò liǎo yī zhǒng duǎn zàn de lì liàng。 jué xīn yě tóng yàng gǔ dòng qǐ lái， jī fā wǒ qù cǎi qǔ mǒu zhǒng qí guài de shǒu duàn， lái bǎi tuō nán yǐ rěn shòu de yā pò， pì rú táo páo， yào shì bù néng zòu xiào， nà jiù bù chī bù hē， huó huó 'è sǐ。
nà gè yīn chén de xià wǔ， wǒ xīn lǐ duō me huáng kǒng bù 'ān！ wǒ de zhěng gè nǎo dài rú yī tuán luàn má， wǒ de zhěng kē xīn zài fǎn kàng： rán 'ér nà chǎng nèi xīn dǒu zhēng yòu xiǎn dé duō me máng rán， duō me wú zhī 'ā！ wǒ wú fǎ huí dá xīn dǐ nà yǒng wú xiū zhǐ de wèn tí héng héng wèishénme wǒ yào rú cǐ shòu kǔ。 cǐ kè， zài xiāng gé héng héng wǒ bù shuō duō shǎo nián yǐ hòu， wǒ kàn qīng chǔ liǎo。
wǒ zài gài cí hēi dé fǔ shàng gé gé bù rù。 zài nà lǐ wǒ gēn shuídōu bù xiàng。 tóng lǐ dé tài tài、 tā de hái zǐ、 tā kàn zhōng de jiā pú， dōubù róng qià。 tā men bù 'ài wǒ， shuō shí zài wǒ yě yī yàng bù 'ài tā men。 tā men méi yòu bì yào rè qíng duì dài yī gè yǔ zì yǐ hé bù lái de jiā huǒ， yī gè wú lùn shì gè xìng、 dì wèi， hái shì shì hǎo dū tóng tā men jīng wèi fēn míng de yì jǐ； yī gè jì bù néng wèitā men xiào láo， yě bù néng gěi tā men zēng tiān huān lè de fèi wù； yī gè duì zì jǐ de jìng jiè xīn cún bù mǎn 'ér yòu miè shì tā men xiǎng fǎ de tǎo yàn jiā huǒ。 wǒ míng bái， rú guǒ wǒ shì yī gè cōng míng kāi lǎng、 piào liàng wán pí、 bù hǎo shì hòu de hái zǐ， jí shǐ tóng yàng shì jì rén lí xià， tóng yàng shì wú qīn wú gù， lǐ dé tài tài yě huì duì wǒ de chǔjìng gèng jiā kuān róng rěn ràng； tā de hái zǐ men yě huì duì wǒ qīnqiè rè qíng xiē； yōng rén men yě bù huì yī zài bǎ wǒ dāng zuò bǎo yù shì de tì zuì yáng liǎo。
hóng fáng zǐ lǐ bái zhòu jiāng jìn。 shí hòu yǐ shì sì diǎn guò hòu， àn chén chén de xià wǔ zhèng zhuǎn wéi qī liáng de huáng hūn。 wǒ tīng jiàn yǔ diǎn réng bù tíng dì qiāo dǎzháo lóu tī de chuāng hù， kuáng fēng zài mén tīng hòu miàn de shù cóng zhōng nùháo。 wǒ jiàn jiàn dì lěngde xiàng kuài shí tóu， yǒng qì yě yān xiāo yún sàn。 wǎng cháng nà zhǒng qū rǔ gǎn， nà zhǒng quē fá zì xìn、 gū dú jù sàng de qíng xù， jiāo miè liǎo wǒ jiāng xiāo wèi xiāo de nù huǒ， shuídōu shuō wǒ huài， yě xǔ wǒ què shí rú cǐ bā。 wǒ bù shì yī xīn móu huá zhe ràng zì jǐ 'è sǐ má？ zhè dāng rán shì yī zhǒng zuì guò。 ér qiě wǒ gāi bù gāi sǐ ní？ huò zhě， gài cí hēi dé jiào táng shèng tán dǐ xià de mù xué shì gè lìng rén xiàng wǎng de guī sù má？ tīng shuō lǐ dé xiān shēng jiù cháng mián zài zhè yàng de mù xué lǐ。 zhè yī niàn tóu zhòng yòu gòu qǐ liǎo wǒ duì tā de huí yì， ér yuè wǎng xià xì xiǎng， jiù yuè hài pà qǐ lái。 wǒ yǐ jīng bù jì dé tā liǎo， zhǐ zhī dào tā shì wǒ jiù fù héng héng wǒ mǔ qīn de gē gē héng héng tā shōu yǎng liǎo wǒ zhè gè qiǎng bǎo zhōng de gū 'ér， ér qiě zài mí liú zhī jì， yào lǐ dé tài tài dāyìng， bǎ wǒ dāng zuò tā zì jǐ de hái zǐ lái fǔ yǎng。 lǐ dé tài tài yě xǔ rèn wéi zì jǐ shì xìn shǒu nuò yán de。 ér wǒ xiǎng jiù tā běn xìng 'ér lùn， yě què shì shí jiàn liǎo dāng chū de xǔ nuò。 kě shì tā zěn me néng zhēn xīn xǐ huān yī gè bù shǔ yú tā jiā de wài xìng、 yī gè zài zhàng fū sǐ hòu tóng tā yǐ liǎo què yī qiē gān xì de rén ní？ tā fā xiàn zì jǐ shòu zhè miǎn wéi qí nán de bǎo zhèng de yuē shù， chōng dāng yī gè zì jǐ suǒ wú fǎ xǐ 'ài de mò shēng hái zǐ de mǔ qīn， yǎn zhēng zhēng kàn zhe yī wèi bù xiāng tóu hé de wài rén yǒng yuǎn yìng jǐ zài zì jǐ de jiā rén zhōng jiān。 duì tā lái shuō， zhè xiǎng bì shì jiàn zuì nǎo rén de shì qíng liǎo。
hóng fáng zǐ lǐ bái zhòu jiāng jìn。 shí hòu yǐ shì sì diǎn guò hòu， àn chén chén de xià wǔ zhèng zhuǎn wéi qī liáng de huáng hūn。 wǒ tīng jiàn yǔ diǎn réng bù tíng dì qiāo dǎzháo lóu tī de chuāng hù， kuáng fēng zài mén tīng hòu miàn de shù cóng zhōng nùháo。 wǒ jiàn jiàn dì lěngde xiàng kuài shí tóu， yǒng qì yě yān xiāo yún sàn。 wǎng cháng nà zhǒng qū rǔ gǎn， nà zhǒng quē fá zì xìn、 gū dú jù sàng de qíng xù， jiāo miè liǎo wǒ jiāng xiāo wèi xiāo de nù huǒ， shuídōu shuō wǒ huài， yě xǔ wǒ què shí rú cǐ bā。 wǒ bù shì yī xīn móu huá zhe ràng zì jǐ 'è sǐ má？ zhè dāng rán shì yī zhǒng zuì guò。 ér qiě wǒ gāi bù gāi sǐ ní？ huò zhě， gài cí hēi dé jiào táng shèng tán dǐ xià de mù xué shì gè lìng rén xiàng wǎng de guī sù má？ tīng shuō lǐ dé xiān shēng jiù cháng mián zài zhè yàng de mù xué lǐ。 zhè yī niàn tóu zhòng yòu gòu qǐ liǎo wǒ duì tā de huí yì， ér yuè wǎng xià xì xiǎng， jiù yuè hài pà qǐ lái。 wǒ yǐ jīng bù jì dé tā liǎo， zhǐ zhī dào tā shì wǒ jiù fù héng héng wǒ mǔ qīn de gē gē héng héng tā shōu yǎng liǎo wǒ zhè gè qiǎng bǎo zhōng de gū 'ér， ér qiě zài mí liú zhī jì， yào lǐ dé tài tài dāyìng， bǎ wǒ dāng zuò tā zì jǐ de hái zǐ lái fǔ yǎng。 lǐ dé tài tài yě xǔ rèn wéi zì jǐ shì xìn shǒu nuò yán de。 ér wǒ xiǎng jiù tā běn xìng 'ér lùn， yě què shì shí jiàn liǎo dāng chū de xǔ nuò。 kě shì tā zěn me néng zhēn xīn xǐ huān yī gè bù shǔ yú tā jiā de wài xìng、 yī gè zài zhàng fū sǐ hòu tóng tā yǐ liǎo què yī qiē gān xì de rén ní？ tā fā xiàn zì jǐ shòu zhè miǎn wéi qí nán de bǎo zhèng de yuē shù， chōng dāng yī gè zì jǐ suǒ wú fǎ xǐ 'ài de mò shēng hái zǐ de mǔ qīn， yǎn zhēng zhēng kàn zhe yī wèi bù xiāng tóu hé de wài rén yǒng yuǎn yìng jǐ zài zì jǐ de jiā rén zhōng jiān。 duì tā lái shuō， zhè xiǎng bì shì jiàn zuì nǎo rén de shì qíng liǎo。
wǒ hū rán shǎn guò yī gè gǔ guài de niàn tóu。 wǒ bù huái yí héng yī yě cóng lái méi yòuhuái yí guò héng héng lǐ dé xiān shēng yào shì zài shì， yī dìng huì dài wǒ hěn hǎo。 cǐ kè， wǒ zuò zhe， yī miàn dǎliang zhe bái bái de chuáng hé yǐng yǐng chuò chuò de qiáng， bù shí hái yòng jīng bù zhù yòu huò de mù guāng， piǎo yī yǎn fàn zhe wēi guāng de jìng zǐ， bù yóu dé yì qǐ liǎo guān yú sǐ rén de zhǒng zhǒng chuán wén。 jù shuō yóu yú rén men wéi bèi liǎo tā men lín zhōng de zhǔ tuō， tā men zài fén mù lǐ fēi cháng bù 'ān， yú shì biàn zhòng fǎng rén jiān， yán chéng fā jiǎ shì de rén， bìng wéi shòu yā zhě bào chóu。 wǒ sī cǔn， lǐ dé xiān shēng de yōu líng wéi wài shēng nǚ de yuān qū suǒ dòng， huì zǒu chū jū suǒ， bù guǎn nà shì jiào táng de mù xué， hái shì sǐ zhě wú rén zhī xiǎo de shì jiè， lái dào zhè jiān fáng zǐ， zhàn zài wǒ miàn qián。 wǒ mǒ qù yǎn lèi， rěn zhù kū qì， dān xīn háo táo dà kū huì jīng dòng shénme bù kě zhī de shēng yīn lái fǔ wèi wǒ， huò zhě zài hūn 'àn zhōng zhào lái mǒu xiē dài guāng huán de miàn kǒng， lù chū qí yì lián mǐn de shén sè， fǔ shēn duì zhe wǒ。 zhè niàn tóu tīng qǐ lái hěn lìng rén xīn wèi， bù guò yào shì zhēn de zuò qǐ lái， xiǎng bì huì fēi cháng kě pà。 wǒ shǐ jìn bù qù xiǎng tā， tái qǐ tóu lái， dà zhe dǎn zǐ huán gù liǎo yī xià 'àn dòng dòng de fáng jiān。 jiù zài zhè shí， qiáng shàng shǎn guò yī dào liàng guāng。 wǒ wèn zì jǐ， huì bù huì shì yī lǚ yuè guāng， tòu guò bǎi yè chuāng de fèngxì zhào liǎo jìn lái？ bù， yuè guāng shì jìng zhǐ de， ér zhè tòu guāng què shì liú dòng de。 tíng qíng yī kàn， zhè guāng xiàn huá dào liǎo tiān huā bǎn shàng， zài wǒ tóu dǐng shàng dǒu dòng qǐ lái。 xiàn zài wǒ huì hěn zì rán dì lián xiǎng dào， nà hěn kě néng shì yòu rén tí zhe dēng lóng chuān guò cǎo dì shí shè jìn lái de guāng。 dàn nà huì 'ér， wǒ nǎo zǐ lǐ jìn wǎng kǒng bù chù qù xiǎng， wǒ de shén jīng yě yóu yú jī dòng 'ér fēi cháng jǐn zhāng， wǒ rèn wéi nà dào fēi kuài lüè guò de guāng， shì mǒu gè yōu líng cóng lìng yī gè shì jiè dào lái de xiān zhào。 wǒ de xīn pēng pēng luàn tiào， tóu nǎo yòu rè yòu zhàng， ěr duǒ lǐ hū hū zuò xiǎng， yǐ wéi nà shì chì bǎng pāi jī shēng， hǎo xiàng shénme dōng xī yǐ jīng bī jìn wǒ liǎo。 wǒ gǎn dào yā yì， gǎn dào zhì xī， wǒ de rěn nài lì bēng kuì liǎo， jìn bù zhù fā fēng sì dì dà jiào liǎo yī shēng， chōng xiàng dà mén， pīn mìng yáo zhe mén suǒ。 wài miàn men láng shàng xiǎng qǐ liǎo fēi páo 'ér lái de jiǎo bù shēng， yàoshì zhuàndòng liǎo， bèi qiàn hé 'ài bó tè zǒu jìn fáng jiān。
“ ā！ wǒ kàn dào liǎo yī dào guāng， xiǎng bì shì guǐ lái liǎo。” zhè shí， wǒ lā zhù liǎo bèi qiàn de shǒu， ér tā bìng méi yòu chōu huí qù。
“ tā shì gù yì luàn jiào luàn rǎng de，” ài bó tè yàn fán dì dāng zhe wǒ de miàn shuō，“ ér qiě jiào dé nà me xiōng！ yào shì zhēn tòng dé lì hài， dǎo hái kě yǐ yuán liàng， kě tā zhǐ bù guò yào bǎ wǒ men piàn dào zhè lǐ lái， wǒ zhī dào tā de guǐ jì。”
“ dào dǐ shì zěn me huí shì？” yī gè duō duō bī rén de shēng yīn wèn dào。 suí hòu， lǐ dé tài tài cóng zǒu láng lǐ zǒu guò lái， mào zǐ piāo hū zhe bèi fēng gǔ dé dà dà de， shuì páo xī xī sù sù xiǎng gè bù tíng。“ ài bó tè， bèi qiàn， wǒ xiǎng wǒ fēn fù guò， ràng jiǎn · ài dāi zài hóng fáng zǐ lǐ， yóu wǒ qīn zì lái guò wèn。”
“ jiǎn xiǎo jiě jiào dé nà me xiǎng， fū rén，” bèi yīn kěn qiú zhe。
“ fàng kāi tā，” zhè shì wéi yī de huí dá。“ sōng kāi bèi yīn de shǒu， hái zǐ。 nǐ jìn kě fàng xīn， kào zhè xiē bàn fǎ， shì chū bù qù de， wǒ tǎo yàn shuǎ huā zhāo， yóu qí shì xiǎo hái zǐ， wǒ yòu zé rèn ràng nǐ zhī dào， guǐ bǎ xì bù guǎn yòng。 xiàn zài nǐ yào zài zhè lǐ duō dāi yī gè xiǎo shí， ér qiě zhǐ yòu fú fú tiē tiē， yī dòng bù dòng， cái fàng nǐ chū lái。”
“ ā， jiù mā， kě lián kě lián wǒ bā： ráo shù wǒ bā！ wǒ shí zài shòu bù liǎo lā， yòng bié de bàn fǎ chéng fá wǒ bā！ wǒ huì biē sǐ de， yào shì héng héng”
“ zhù zuǐ！ zhè me nào nào rǎng rǎng tǎo yàn tòu liǎo。” tā wú yí jiù shì zhè me gǎn jué de。 zài tā yǎn lǐ wǒ shì gè zǎo shú de yǎn yuán， tā dǎ xīn dǐ lǐ rèn wéi， wǒ shì gè běn xìng 'è dú、 líng hún bēi liè、 wéi rén yīn xiǎn de huò sè。
bèi qiàn hé 'ài bó tè tuì liǎo chū qù。 lǐ dé tài tài duì wǒ fēng yě sì de tòng kǔ háo jiào hěn bù nài fán， wú yì zài wǎng xià tán liǎo， mò dì bǎ wǒ wǎng hòu yī tuī， suǒ shàng liǎo mén。 wǒ tīng jiàn tā táng 'ér huáng zhī dì zǒu liǎo。 tā zǒu hòu bù jiǔ， wǒ cāi xiǎng wǒ biàn yī zhèn jìng luán， hūn liǎo guò qù， jié shù liǎo zhè chǎng chǎo nào。
"Hold her arms, Miss Abbot: she's like a mad cat. "
"For shame! for shame!" cried the lady's-maid. "What shocking conduct, Miss Eyre, to strike a young gentleman, your benefactress's son! Your young master. "
"Master! How is he my master? Am I a servant?"
"No; you are less than a servant, for you do nothing for your keep. There, sit down, and think over your wickedness. "
They had got me by this time into the apartment indicated by Mrs. Reed, and had thrust me upon a stool: my impulse was to rise from it like a spring; their two pair of hands arrested me instantly.
"If you don't sit still, you must be tied down, " said Bessie. "Miss Abbot, lend me your garters; she would break mine directly. "
Miss Abbot turned to divest a stout leg of the necessary ligature. This preparation for bonds, and the additional ignominy it inferred, took a little of the excitement out of me.
"Don't take them off, " I cried; "I will not stir. "
In guarantee whereof, I attached myself to my seat by my hands.
"Mind you don't, " said Bessie; and when she had ascertained that I was really subsiding, she loosened her hold of me; then she and Miss Abbot stood with folded arms, looking darkly and doubtfully on my face, as incredulous of my sanity.
"She never did so before, " at last said Bessie, turning to the Abigail.
"But it was always in her, " was the reply. "I've told Missis often my opinion about the child, and Missis agreed with me. She's an underhand little thing: I never saw a girl of her age with so much cover. "
Bessie answered not; but ere long, addressing me, she said -- "You ought to be aware, Miss, that you are under obligations to Mrs. Reed: she keeps you: if she were to turn you off, you would have to go to the poorhouse. "
I had nothing to say to these words: they were not new to me: my very first recollections of existence included hints of the same kind. This reproach of my dependence had become a vague sing-song in my ear: very painful and crushing, but only half intelligible. Miss Abbot joined in -
"And you ought not to think yourself on an equality with the Misses Reed and Master Reed, because Missis kindly allows you to be brought up with them. They will have a great deal of money, and you will have none: it is your place to be humble, and to try to make yourself agreeable to them. "
"What we tell you is for your good, " added Bessie, in no harsh voice, "you should try to be useful and pleasant, then, perhaps, you would have a home here; but if you become passionate and rude, Missis will send you away, I am sure. "
"Besides, " said Miss Abbot, "God will punish her: He might strike her dead in the midst of her tantrums, and then where would she go? Come, Bessie, we will leave her: I wouldn't have her heart for anything. Say your prayers, Miss Eyre, when you are by yourself; for if you don't repent, something bad might be permitted to come down the chimney and fetch you away. "
They went, shutting the door, and locking it behind them.
The red-room was a square chamber, very seldom slept in, I might say never, indeed, unless when a chance influx of visitors at Gateshead Hall rendered it necessary to turn to account all the accommodation it contained: yet it was one of the largest and stateliest chambers in the mansion. A bed supported on massive pillars of mahogany, hung with curtains of deep red damask, stood out like a tabernacle in the centre; the two large windows, with their blinds always drawn down, were half shrouded in festoons and falls of similar drapery; the carpet was red; the table at the foot of the bed was covered with a crimson cloth; the walls were a soft fawn colour with a blush of pink in it; the wardrobe, the toilet-table, the chairs were of darkly polished old mahogany. Out of these deep surrounding shades rose high, and glared white, the piled-up mattresses and pillows of the bed, spread with a snowy Marseilles counterpane. Scarcely less prominent was an ample cushioned easy-chair near the head of the bed, also white, with a footstool before it; and looking, as I thought, like a pale throne.
This room was chill, because it seldom had a fire; it was silent, because remote from the nursery and kitchen; solemn, because it was known to be so seldom entered. The house-maid alone came here on Saturdays, to wipe from the mirrors and the furniture a week's quiet dust: and Mrs. Reed herself, at far intervals, visited it to review the contents of a certain secret drawer in the wardrobe, where were stored divers parchments, her jewel-casket, and a miniature of her deceased husband; and in those last words lies the secret of the red-room -- the spell which kept it so lonely in spite of its grandeur.
Mr. Reed had been dead nine years: it was in this chamber he breathed his last; here he lay in state; hence his coffin was borne by the undertaker's men; and, since that day, a sense of dreary consecration had guarded it from frequent intrusion.
My seat, to which Bessie and the bitter Miss Abbot had left me riveted, was a low ottoman near the marble chimney-piece; the bed rose before me; to my right hand there was the high, dark wardrobe, with subdued, broken reflections varying the gloss of its panels; to my left were the muffled windows; a great looking-glass between them repeated the vacant majesty of the bed and room. I was not quite sure whether they had locked the door; and when I dared move, I got up and went to see. Alas! yes: no jail was ever more secure. Returning, I had to cross before the looking-glass; my fascinated glance involuntarily explored the depth it revealed. All looked colder and darker in that visionary hollow than in reality: and the strange little figure there gazing at me, with a white face and arms specking the gloom, and glittering eyes of fear moving where all else was still, had the effect of a real spirit: I thought it like one of the tiny phantoms, half fairy, half imp, Bessie's evening stories represented as coming out of lone, ferny dells in moors, and appearing before the eyes of belated travellers. I returned to my stool.
Superstition was with me at that moment; but it was not yet her hour for complete victory: my blood was still warm; the mood of the revolted slave was still bracing me with its bitter vigour; I had to stem a rapid rush of retrospective thought before I quailed to the dismal present.
All John Reed's violent tyrannies, all his sisters' proud indifference, all his mother's aversion, all the servants' partiality, turned up in my disturbed mind like a dark deposit in a turbid well. Why was I always suffering, always browbeaten, always accused, for ever condemned? Why could I never please? Why was it useless to try to win any one's favour? Eliza, who was headstrong and selfish, was respected. Georgiana, who had a spoiled temper, a very acrid spite, a captious and insolent carriage, was universally indulged. Her beauty, her pink cheeks and golden curls, seemed to give delight to all who looked at her, and to purchase indemnity for every fault. John no one thwarted, much less punished; though he twisted the necks of the pigeons, killed the little pea-chicks, set the dogs at the sheep, stripped the hothouse vines of their fruit, and broke the buds off the choicest plants in the conservatory: he called his mother "old girl, " too; sometimes reviled her for her dark skin, similar to his own; bluntly disregarded her wishes; not unfrequently tore and spoiled her silk attire; and he was still "her own darling. " I dared commit no fault: I strove to fulfil every duty; and I was termed naughty and tiresome, sullen and sneaking, from morning to noon, and from noon to night.
My head still ached and bled with the blow and fall I had received: no one had reproved John for wantonly striking me; and because I had turned against him to avert farther irrational violence, I was loaded with general opprobrium.
"Unjust! -- unjust!" said my reason, forced by the agonising stimulus into precocious though transitory power: and Resolve, equally wrought up, instigated some strange expedient to achieve escape from insupportable oppression -- as running away, or, if that could not be effected, never eating or drinking more, and letting myself die.
What a consternation of soul was mine that dreary afternoon! How all my brain was in tumult, and all my heart in insurrection! Yet in what darkness, what dense ignorance, was the mental battle fought! I could not answer the ceaseless inward question -- WHY I thus suffered; now, at the distance of -- I will not say how many years, I see it clearly.
I was a discord in Gateshead Hall: I was like nobody there; I had nothing in harmony with Mrs. Reed or her children, or her chosen vassalage. If they did not love me, in fact, as little did I love them. They were not bound to regard with affection a thing that could not sympathise with one amongst them; a heterogeneous thing, opposed to them in temperament, in capacity, in propensities; a useless thing, incapable of serving their interest, or adding to their pleasure; a noxious thing, cherishing the germs of indignation at their treatment, of contempt of their judgment. I know that had I been a sanguine, brilliant, careless, exacting, handsome, romping child -- though equally dependent and friendless -- Mrs. Reed would have endured my presence more complacently; her children would have entertained for me more of the cordiality of fellow-feeling; the servants would have been less prone to make me the scapegoat of the nursery.
Daylight began to forsake the red-room; it was past four o'clock, and the beclouded afternoon was tending to drear twilight. I heard the rain still beating continuously on the staircase window, and the wind howling in the grove behind the hall; I grew by degrees cold as a stone, and then my courage sank. My habitual mood of humiliation, self-doubt, forlorn depression, fell damp on the embers of my decaying ire. All said I was wicked, and perhaps I might be so; what thought had I been but just conceiving of starving myself to death? That certainly was a crime: and was I fit to die? Or was the vault under the chancel of Gateshead Church an inviting bourne? In such vault I had been told did Mr. Reed lie buried; and led by this thought to recall his idea, I dwelt on it with gathering dread. I could not remember him; but I knew that he was my own uncle -- my mother's brother -- that he had taken me when a parentless infant to his house; and that in his last moments he had required a promise of Mrs. Reed that she would rear and maintain me as one of her own children. Mrs. Reed probably considered she had kept this promise; and so she had, I dare say, as well as her nature would permit her; but how could she really like an interloper not of her race, and unconnected with her, after her husband's death, by any tie? It must have been most irksome to find herself bound by a hard-wrung pledge to stand in the stead of a parent to a strange child she could not love, and to see an uncongenial alien permanently intruded on her own family group.
A singular notion dawned upon me. I doubted not -- never doubted -- that if Mr. Reed had been alive he would have treated me kindly; and now, as I sat looking at the white bed and overshadowed walls -- occasionally also turning a fascinated eye towards the dimly gleaning mirror -- I began to recall what I had heard of dead men, troubled in their graves by the violation of their last wishes, revisiting the earth to punish the perjured and avenge the oppressed; and I thought Mr. Reed's spirit, harassed by the wrongs of his sister's child, might quit its abode -- whether in the church vault or in the unknown world of the departed -- and rise before me in this chamber. I wiped my tears and hushed my sobs, fearful lest any sign of violent grief might waken a preternatural voice to comfort me, or elicit from the gloom some haloed face, bending over me with strange pity. This idea, consolatory in theory, I felt would be terrible if realised: with all my might I endeavoured to stifle it -- I endeavoured to be firm. Shaking my hair from my eyes, I lifted my head and tried to look boldly round the dark room; at this moment a light gleamed on the wall. Was it, I asked myself, a ray from the moon penetrating some aperture in the blind? No; moonlight was still, and this stirred; while I gazed, it glided up to the ceiling and quivered over my head. I can now conjecture readily that this streak of light was, in all likelihood, a gleam from a lantern carried by some one across the lawn: but then, prepared as my mind was for horror, shaken as my nerves were by agitation, I thought the swift darting beam was a herald of some coming vision from another world. My heart beat thick, my head grew hot; a sound filled my ears, which I deemed the rushing of wings; something seemed near me; I was oppressed, suffocated: endurance broke down; I rushed to the door and shook the lock in desperate effort. Steps came running along the outer passage; the key turned, Bessie and Abbot entered.
"Miss Eyre, are you ill?" said Bessie.
"What a dreadful noise! it went quite through me!" exclaimed Abbot.
"Take me out! Let me go into the nursery!" was my cry.
"What for? Are you hurt? Have you seen something?" again demanded Bessie.
"Oh! I saw a light, and I thought a ghost would come. " I had now got hold of Bessie's hand, and she did not snatch it from me.
"She has screamed out on purpose, " declared Abbot, in some disgust. "And what a scream! If she had been in great pain one would have excused it, but she only wanted to bring us all here: I know her naughty tricks. "
"What is all this?" demanded another voice peremptorily; and Mrs. Reed came along the corridor, her cap flying wide, her gown rustling stormily. "Abbot and Bessie, I believe I gave orders that Jane Eyre should be left in the red-room till I came to her myself. "
"Miss Jane screamed so loud, ma'am, " pleaded Bessie.
"Let her go, " was the only answer. "Loose Bessie's hand, child: you cannot succeed in getting out by these means, be assured. I abhor artifice, particularly in children; it is my duty to show you that tricks will not answer: you will now stay here an hour longer, and it is only on condition of perfect submission and stillness that I shall liberate you then. "
"O aunt! have pity! Forgive me! I cannot endure it -- let me be punished some other way! I shall be killed if -- "
"Silence! This violence is all most repulsive:" and so, no doubt, she felt it. I was a precocious actress in her eyes; she sincerely looked on me as a compound of virulent passions, mean spirit, and dangerous duplicity.
Bessie and Abbot having retreated, Mrs. Reed, impatient of my now frantic anguish and wild sobs, abruptly thrust me back and locked me in, without farther parley. I heard her sweeping away; and soon after she was gone, I suppose I had a species of fit: unconsciousness closed the scene.
“ zhuā zhù tā de gēbo， ài bó tè xiǎo jiě， tā xiàng yī zhǐ fā liǎo fēng de māo。”
“ zhēn diū liǎn！ zhēn diū liǎn！” zhè wèi nǚ zhù rén de shì nǚ jiào dào，“ duō kě pà de jǔ dòng， ài xiǎo jiě， jū rán dǎ qǐ xiǎo shàoye lái liǎo， tā shì nǐ 'ēn rén de 'ér zǐ： nǐ de xiǎo zhù rén！”
“ zhù rén， tā zěn me huì shì wǒ zhù rén， nán dào wǒ shì pú rén bù chéng？”
“ bù， nǐ lián pú réndōu bù rú。 nǐ bù gànshì， chī bái shí。 wèi， zuò xià lái， hǎohǎo xiǎng yī xiǎng nǐ yòu duō huài。”
zhè shí hòu tā men yǐ bǎ wǒ tuō jìn liǎo lǐ dé tài tài suǒ zhǐ de fáng jiān， tuī cāo dào yī tiáo 'ǎi dèng shàng， wǒ bù yóu zì zhù dì xiàng tánhuáng yī yàng tiào qǐ lái， dàn lì kè bèi liǎng shuāng shǒu 'àn zhù liǎo。
“ yào shì nǐ bù 'ān 'ān wěn wěn zuò zhe， wǒ men kě dé bǎng zhù nǐ liǎo，” bèi qiàn shuō，“ ài bó tè xiǎo jiě， bǎ nǐ de wà dài jiè gěi wǒ， wǒ nà fù huì bèi tā yī xià zǐ bēng duàn de。”
ài bó tè xiǎo jiě zhuǎn 'ér cóng tā cū zhuàng de tuǐ shàng， jiě xià nà tiáo bì bù kě shǎo de dài zǐ。 kǔn bǎng qián de zhǔn bèi gōng zuò yǐ jí yóu cǐ 'ér 'é wài méng shòu de chǐ rǔ， lüè wēi xiāo jiě liǎo wǒ de jī dòng qíng xù。
“ bié jiě lā，” wǒ jiào dào，“ wǒ bù dòng jiù shì liǎo。”
zuò wéi bǎo zhèng， wǒ ràng shuāng shǒu jǐn 'āi zhe dèng zǐ。
“ jì zhù bié dòng，” bèi qiàn shuō， zhī dào wǒ què shí yǐ jīng píng jìng xià qù， biàn sōng liǎo shǒu。 suí hòu tā hé 'ài bó tè xiǎo jiě bào bì 'ér lì， chén zhe liǎn， mǎn fù hú yí dì dèng zhe wǒ， bù xiāng xìn wǒ de shén jīng hái shì zhèng cháng shìde。
“ tā yǐ qián cóng lái méi yòu zhè yàng guò，” mò liǎo， bèi qiàn zhuǎn shēn duì nà wèi 'ài bǐ gài 'ěr shuō。
“ bù guò tā shēng xìng rú cǐ，” duì fāng huí dá，“ wǒ jīng cháng gēn tài tài shuō qǐ wǒ duì zhè hái zǐ de kàn fǎ， tài tài yě tóng yì。 zhè xiǎo dōng xī zhēn jiǎo huá， cóng lái méi jiàn guò xiàng tā zhè yàng nián jì de xiǎo gū niàn， yòu nà me duō guǐ xīn yǎn de。”
bèi qiàn méi yòu dā qiāng， dàn bù yī huì biàn duì wǒ shuō：
“ xiǎo jiě， nǐ gāi míng bái， nǐ shòu liǎo lǐ dé tài tài de 'ēn huì， shì tā yǎng zhe nǐ de。 yào shì tā bǎ nǐ gǎn zǒu， nǐ jiù dé jìn pín mín yuàn liǎo。”
duì tā men zhè fān huó， wǒ wú huà kě shuō， yīn wéi tīng qǐ lái bìng bù xīn xiān。 wǒ shēng huó de zuì zǎo jì yì zhōng jiù bāo hán zhe lèi sì de 'àn shì， zhè xiē zé bèi wǒ lài bié rén guò huó de huà， jǐ chéng liǎo yì yì hán hú de lǎo diào， jiào rén tòng kǔ， ràng rén nán shòu， dàn yòu bù tài hǎo dǒng。 ài bó tè xiǎo jiě dá huà liǎo：
“ nǐ bù néng yīn wéi tài tài hǎo xīn bǎ nǐ tóng lǐ dé xiǎo jiě hé shàoye yī kuài fǔ yǎng dà， jiù yǐ wéi zì jǐ yǔ tā men píng děng liǎo。 tā men jiāng lái huì yòu hěn duō hěn duō qián， ér nǐ què yī gè zǐ 'ér yě bù huì yòu。 nǐ dé xué qiān gōng xiē， jìn liàng shùn zhe tā men， zhè cái shì nǐ de běn fèn。”
“ wǒ men tóng nǐ shuō de quán shì wèile nǐ hǎo，” bèi qiàn bǔ chōng dào， kǒu qì dǎo bìng bù yán lì，“ nǐ zuò shì yào bā jié xiē， xué dé guāi yī diǎn， nà yàng yě xǔ kě yǐ bǎ zhè dāng gè jiā zhù xià qù， yào shì nǐ yì qì yòng shì， cū bào wú lǐ， wǒ gǎn kěn dìng， tài tài huì bǎ nǐ niǎn zǒu。”
“ lìng wài，” ài bó tè xiǎo jiě shuō，“ shàng dì huì chéng fá tā， yě xǔ huì zài tā shuǎ pí qì shí， bǎ tā chǔsǐ， sǐ hòu tā néng shàng nǎ 'ér ní， lái， bèi qiàn， zán men zǒu bā， suí tā qù。 fǎn zhèng wǒ shì wú lùn rú hé dǎ dòng bù liǎo tā lā。 ài xiǎo jiě， nǐ dú gè 'ér dāi zhe de shí hòu， qí dǎo bā。 yào shì nǐ bù chàn huǐ， shuō bù dìng yòu gè huài jiā huǒ huì cóng yān cōng jìn lái， bǎ nǐ dài zǒu。”
tā men zǒu liǎo， guān liǎo mén， suí shǒu shàng liǎo suǒ。
hóng fáng zǐ shì jiān kòngyú de wò fáng， nán dé yòu rén zài lǐ miàn guò yè。 qí shí yě xǔ kě yǐ shuō， cóng lái méi yòu。 chú fēi gài cí hēi dé fǔ shàng 'ǒu 'ér yōng jìn yī dà qún kè rén shí， cái yòu bì yào dòng yòng quán bù fáng jiān。 dàn fǔ lǐ de wò shì， shù tā zuì kuān chǎng、 zuì táng huáng liǎo。 héng zhāng hóng mù chuáng hè rán lì yú fáng jiān zhèng zhōng， cū dà de chuáng zhù shàng， zhào zhe shēn hóng sè jǐn duàn zhàng màn， huó xiàng yī gè zhàng péng。 liǎng shàn zhōng rì chuāng lián jǐn bì de dà chuāng， bàn yǎn zài qīng yī sè zhì wù zhì chéng de liú sū zhī zhōng。 dì tǎn shì hóng de， chuáng jiǎo biān de zhuō zǐ shàng pū zhe shēn hóng sè de tái bù， qiáng chéng róu hé de huáng hè sè， lüè dài fěn hóng。 dà chú、 shū zhuāng tái hé yǐ zǐ dōushì wū hēi fā liàng de hóng mù zuò de。 chuáng shàng gāo gāo dì dié zhe rù diàn hé zhěn tóu， shàng miàn pū zhe xuě bái de mǎ sài bù chuáng zhào， zài zhōu wéi shēn sè diào chén shè de yìng chèn xià， bái dé huàn mù。 jīhū tóng yàng xiǎn yǎn de shì chuáng tóu biān yī bǎ pū zhe zuò diàn de dà 'ān lè yǐ， yī yàng de bái sè， qián miàn hái fàng zhe yī zhǐ jiǎo dèng， zài wǒ kàn lái， tā xiàng yī gè cāng bái de bǎo zuò。
fáng zǐ lǐ nán dé shēng huǒ， suǒ yǐ hěn lěng； yīn wéi yuǎn lí bǎo yù shì hé chú fáng， suǒ yǐ hěn jìng； yòu yīn wéi shuídōu zhī dào hěn shǎo yòu rén jìn qù， suǒ yǐ xiǎn dé zhuāng yán sù mù。 zhǐ yòu nǚ yōng měi féng xīng qī liù shàng zhè lǐ lái， bǎ yī zhōu nèi jìng qiǎo qiǎo luò zài jìng zǐ shàng hé jiā jù shàng de huī chén mǒ qù。 hái yòu lǐ dé tài tài běn rén， gé hǎo jiǔ cái lái yī cì， chá kàn dà chú lǐ mǒu gè mì mì chōu tì lǐ de dōng xī。 zhè lǐ cún fàng zhe gè lèi yáng pí wén jiàn， tā de shǒu shì hé， yǐ jí tā yǐ gù zhàng fū de xiào xiàng。 shàng miàn tí dào de zuì hòu jǐ jù huà， gěi hóng fáng zǐ dài lái liǎo yī zhǒng shén mì gǎn， yī zhǒng mó lì， yīn 'ér tā suī rán fù lì táng huáng， què xiǎn dé fènwài qī qīng。
lǐ dé xiān shēng sǐ qù yǐ jīng jiǔ nián liǎo， tā jiù shì zài zhè jiān fáng zǐ lǐ yànqì de， tā de yí tǐ zài zhè lǐ ràng rén zhān yǎng， tā de guān cái yóu bìn zàng gōng rén cóng zhè lǐ tái zǒu。 cóng cǐ zhī hòu， zhè lǐ biàn shǐ zhōng mí màn zhe yī zhǒng yīn sēn sēn de jì diàn fēn wéi， suǒ yǐ bù cháng yòu rén chuǎng jìn lái。
lǐ dé xiān shēng sǐ qù yǐ jīng jiǔ nián liǎo， tā jiù shì zài zhè jiān fáng zǐ lǐ yànqì de， tā de yí tǐ zài zhè lǐ ràng rén zhān yǎng， tā de guān cái yóu bìn zàng gōng rén cóng zhè lǐ tái zǒu。 cóng cǐ zhī hòu， zhè lǐ biàn shǐ zhōng mí màn zhe yī zhǒng yīn sēn sēn de jì diàn fēn wéi， suǒ yǐ bù cháng yòu rén chuǎng jìn lái。
bèi qiàn hé kè bó de 'ài bó tè xiǎo jiě ràng wǒ yī dòng bù dòng zuò zhe de， shì yī tiáo ruǎn diàn 'ǎi dèng， bǎi zài kào jìn dà lǐ shí bì lú de dì fāng。 wǒ miàn qián shì gāo sǒng de chuáng， wǒ yòu miàn shì hēi qī qī de dà chú， chú shàng róu hé、 bān bó de fǎn guāng， shǐ xiāng bǎn de guāng zé yáo yè biàn huàn。 wǒ zuǒ miàn shì guān dé yán yán shí shí de chuāng zǐ， liǎng shàn chuāng zǐ zhōng jiān yòu yī miàn dà jìng zǐ， yìng zhào chū chuáng hé fáng jiān de kōng kuàng hé sù mù。 wǒ chī bù zhǔn tā men suǒ liǎo mén méi yòu， děng dào gǎn yú zǒu dòng shí， biàn qǐ lái kàn gè jiū jìng。 āi yā， bù cuò， bǐ láo fáng suǒ dé hái jǐn nà。 fǎn huí yuán dì shí， wǒ bì xū jīng guò dà jìng zǐ gēn qián。 wǒ de mù guāng bèi xī yǐn zhù liǎo， jìn bù zhù tàn jiū qǐ jìng zhōng de shì jiè lái。 zài xū huàn de yìng xiàng zhōng， yī qiēdōu xiǎn dé bǐ xiàn shí zhōng gèng lěng luò、 gèng yīn chén。 nà gè mò shēng de xiǎo jiā huǒ chǒu zhe wǒ， bái bái de liǎn shàng hé gēbo shàng dū méng shàng liǎo bān bó de yīn yǐng， zài héng qiēdōu níng zhì shí， wéi yòu nà shuāng míng liàng kǒng jù de yǎn jīng zài shǎn dòng， kàn shàng qù zhēn xiàng shì yī gè yōu líng。 wǒ jué dé tā xiàng nà zhǒng bàn xiān bàn rén de xiǎo jīng líng， qià rú bèi yīn zài yè wǎn de gù shì zhōng suǒ miáo huì de nà yàng， cóng zhǎo zé dì dài shān jué cóng shēng de huāng gǔ zhōng mào chū lái， xiàn shēn yú chí guī de lǚ xíng zhě yǎn qián。 wǒ huí dào dīng wǒ de 'ǎi dèng shàng。
zhè shí hòu wǒ xiāng xìn qǐ mí xìn lái liǎo， dàn bìng méi yòu dào liǎo wán quán tīng píng bǎi bù de chéng dù， wǒ yǐ rán rè xuè fèi téng， fǎn pàn de nú lì nà zhǒng kǔ sè qíng xù yǐ rán jī lì zhe wǒ。 wǎng shì rú cháo、 zài wǒ nǎo hǎi zhōng bēn yǒng， rú guǒ wǒ bù jiā yǐ 'è zhì， wǒ jiù bù huì duì yīn 'àn de xiàn shí qū fú。
yuē hàn · lǐ dé de zhuān héng bà dào、 tā jiě mèi de gāo 'ào lěng mò、 tā mǔ qīn de yàn 'è、 pú rén men de piān xīn， xiàng yī kǒu hùn dùn de shuǐ jǐng zhōng hēi sè de chén diàn wù， yī gǔ nǎo 'ér fàn qǐ zài wǒ fán nǎo bù 'ān de xīn tóu。
wèishénme wǒ zǒng shì shòu kǔ， zǒng shì zāo rén bái yǎn， zǒng shì ràng rén gào zhuàng， yǒng yuǎn shòu dào zé bèi ní？ wèishénme wǒ yǒng yuǎn bù néng tǎo rén xǐ huān？ wèishénme wǒ jìn lì bó qǔ huān xīn， què yǐ rán wú jì yú shì ní？ yī lì suō zì sī rèn xìng， què shòu dào zūn jìng； qiáo zhì yà nà hǎo shǐ xìng zǐ， xīn cháng yòu dú， ér qiě qiǎngcí duó lǐ mù kōng yī qiē， piān piān dé dào suǒ yòu rén de zòng róng。 tā de měi mào， tā hóng rùn de miàn jiá， jīn sè de juǎnfà， shǐ dé tā rén jiàn rén 'ài， yī jùn biàn kě zhē bǎi chǒu。 zhì yú yuē hàn， méi yòu rén tóng tā dǐng zhuàng， gèng bù yòng shuō jiào xùn tā liǎo， suī rán tā shénme huài shìdōu gān： niǎn duàn gē zǐ de tóu jǐng， nòng sǐ xiǎo kǒng què， fàng gǒu qù yǎo yáng， cǎi zhāi wēn shì zhōng de pú táo， qiā duàn nuǎn fáng shàng děng huā mù de nèn yá。 yòu shí hái jiào tā mǔ qīn“ lǎo gū niàn”， yòu yīn wéi tā pí fū yǒu hēi xiàng tā zì jǐ 'ér pò kǒu dà mà。 tā mánhèng dì yǔ mǔ qīn zuò duì， jīng cháng sī huǐ tā de sī chóu fú zhuāng， ér tā què yǐ rán shì“ tā de bǎo bèi dàn”。 ér wǒ bù gǎn yòu sī háo shǎn shī， gànshénme dū quán lì yǐ fù， rén jiā hái shì mà wǒ táo qì guǐ， tǎo yàn pī， mà wǒ yīn sī sī， zéi liù liù， cóng zǎo shàng mà dào xià wǔ， cóng xià wǔ mà dào wǎn shàng。
wǒ yīn wéi 'āi liǎo dǎ、 diē liǎo jiāo， tóu yǐ rán téng tòng， yǐ rán liú zhe xuè。 yuē hàn sì wú jì dá dì dǎ wǒ， què bù shòu zé bèi， ér wǒ bù guò wèile miǎn zāo jìn yī bù wú lǐ 'ōu dǎ， fǎn kàng liǎo yī xià， biàn chéng liǎo zhòngshǐzhīdì。
“ bù gōng hē， bù gōng！” wǒ de lǐ zhì hū hǎn zhe。 zài tòng kǔ de cì jī xià wǒ de lǐ zhì biàn dé zǎo shú， huà zuò liǎo yī zhǒng duǎn zàn de lì liàng。 jué xīn yě tóng yàng gǔ dòng qǐ lái， jī fā wǒ qù cǎi qǔ mǒu zhǒng qí guài de shǒu duàn， lái bǎi tuō nán yǐ rěn shòu de yā pò， pì rú táo páo， yào shì bù néng zòu xiào， nà jiù bù chī bù hē， huó huó 'è sǐ。
nà gè yīn chén de xià wǔ， wǒ xīn lǐ duō me huáng kǒng bù 'ān！ wǒ de zhěng gè nǎo dài rú yī tuán luàn má， wǒ de zhěng kē xīn zài fǎn kàng： rán 'ér nà chǎng nèi xīn dǒu zhēng yòu xiǎn dé duō me máng rán， duō me wú zhī 'ā！ wǒ wú fǎ huí dá xīn dǐ nà yǒng wú xiū zhǐ de wèn tí héng héng wèishénme wǒ yào rú cǐ shòu kǔ。 cǐ kè， zài xiāng gé héng héng wǒ bù shuō duō shǎo nián yǐ hòu， wǒ kàn qīng chǔ liǎo。
wǒ zài gài cí hēi dé fǔ shàng gé gé bù rù。 zài nà lǐ wǒ gēn shuídōu bù xiàng。 tóng lǐ dé tài tài、 tā de hái zǐ、 tā kàn zhōng de jiā pú， dōubù róng qià。 tā men bù 'ài wǒ， shuō shí zài wǒ yě yī yàng bù 'ài tā men。 tā men méi yòu bì yào rè qíng duì dài yī gè yǔ zì yǐ hé bù lái de jiā huǒ， yī gè wú lùn shì gè xìng、 dì wèi， hái shì shì hǎo dū tóng tā men jīng wèi fēn míng de yì jǐ； yī gè jì bù néng wèitā men xiào láo， yě bù néng gěi tā men zēng tiān huān lè de fèi wù； yī gè duì zì jǐ de jìng jiè xīn cún bù mǎn 'ér yòu miè shì tā men xiǎng fǎ de tǎo yàn jiā huǒ。 wǒ míng bái， rú guǒ wǒ shì yī gè cōng míng kāi lǎng、 piào liàng wán pí、 bù hǎo shì hòu de hái zǐ， jí shǐ tóng yàng shì jì rén lí xià， tóng yàng shì wú qīn wú gù， lǐ dé tài tài yě huì duì wǒ de chǔjìng gèng jiā kuān róng rěn ràng； tā de hái zǐ men yě huì duì wǒ qīnqiè rè qíng xiē； yōng rén men yě bù huì yī zài bǎ wǒ dāng zuò bǎo yù shì de tì zuì yáng liǎo。
hóng fáng zǐ lǐ bái zhòu jiāng jìn。 shí hòu yǐ shì sì diǎn guò hòu， àn chén chén de xià wǔ zhèng zhuǎn wéi qī liáng de huáng hūn。 wǒ tīng jiàn yǔ diǎn réng bù tíng dì qiāo dǎzháo lóu tī de chuāng hù， kuáng fēng zài mén tīng hòu miàn de shù cóng zhōng nùháo。 wǒ jiàn jiàn dì lěngde xiàng kuài shí tóu， yǒng qì yě yān xiāo yún sàn。 wǎng cháng nà zhǒng qū rǔ gǎn， nà zhǒng quē fá zì xìn、 gū dú jù sàng de qíng xù， jiāo miè liǎo wǒ jiāng xiāo wèi xiāo de nù huǒ， shuídōu shuō wǒ huài， yě xǔ wǒ què shí rú cǐ bā。 wǒ bù shì yī xīn móu huá zhe ràng zì jǐ 'è sǐ má？ zhè dāng rán shì yī zhǒng zuì guò。 ér qiě wǒ gāi bù gāi sǐ ní？ huò zhě， gài cí hēi dé jiào táng shèng tán dǐ xià de mù xué shì gè lìng rén xiàng wǎng de guī sù má？ tīng shuō lǐ dé xiān shēng jiù cháng mián zài zhè yàng de mù xué lǐ。 zhè yī niàn tóu zhòng yòu gòu qǐ liǎo wǒ duì tā de huí yì， ér yuè wǎng xià xì xiǎng， jiù yuè hài pà qǐ lái。 wǒ yǐ jīng bù jì dé tā liǎo， zhǐ zhī dào tā shì wǒ jiù fù héng héng wǒ mǔ qīn de gē gē héng héng tā shōu yǎng liǎo wǒ zhè gè qiǎng bǎo zhōng de gū 'ér， ér qiě zài mí liú zhī jì， yào lǐ dé tài tài dāyìng， bǎ wǒ dāng zuò tā zì jǐ de hái zǐ lái fǔ yǎng。 lǐ dé tài tài yě xǔ rèn wéi zì jǐ shì xìn shǒu nuò yán de。 ér wǒ xiǎng jiù tā běn xìng 'ér lùn， yě què shì shí jiàn liǎo dāng chū de xǔ nuò。 kě shì tā zěn me néng zhēn xīn xǐ huān yī gè bù shǔ yú tā jiā de wài xìng、 yī gè zài zhàng fū sǐ hòu tóng tā yǐ liǎo què yī qiē gān xì de rén ní？ tā fā xiàn zì jǐ shòu zhè miǎn wéi qí nán de bǎo zhèng de yuē shù， chōng dāng yī gè zì jǐ suǒ wú fǎ xǐ 'ài de mò shēng hái zǐ de mǔ qīn， yǎn zhēng zhēng kàn zhe yī wèi bù xiāng tóu hé de wài rén yǒng yuǎn yìng jǐ zài zì jǐ de jiā rén zhōng jiān。 duì tā lái shuō， zhè xiǎng bì shì jiàn zuì nǎo rén de shì qíng liǎo。
hóng fáng zǐ lǐ bái zhòu jiāng jìn。 shí hòu yǐ shì sì diǎn guò hòu， àn chén chén de xià wǔ zhèng zhuǎn wéi qī liáng de huáng hūn。 wǒ tīng jiàn yǔ diǎn réng bù tíng dì qiāo dǎzháo lóu tī de chuāng hù， kuáng fēng zài mén tīng hòu miàn de shù cóng zhōng nùháo。 wǒ jiàn jiàn dì lěngde xiàng kuài shí tóu， yǒng qì yě yān xiāo yún sàn。 wǎng cháng nà zhǒng qū rǔ gǎn， nà zhǒng quē fá zì xìn、 gū dú jù sàng de qíng xù， jiāo miè liǎo wǒ jiāng xiāo wèi xiāo de nù huǒ， shuídōu shuō wǒ huài， yě xǔ wǒ què shí rú cǐ bā。 wǒ bù shì yī xīn móu huá zhe ràng zì jǐ 'è sǐ má？ zhè dāng rán shì yī zhǒng zuì guò。 ér qiě wǒ gāi bù gāi sǐ ní？ huò zhě， gài cí hēi dé jiào táng shèng tán dǐ xià de mù xué shì gè lìng rén xiàng wǎng de guī sù má？ tīng shuō lǐ dé xiān shēng jiù cháng mián zài zhè yàng de mù xué lǐ。 zhè yī niàn tóu zhòng yòu gòu qǐ liǎo wǒ duì tā de huí yì， ér yuè wǎng xià xì xiǎng， jiù yuè hài pà qǐ lái。 wǒ yǐ jīng bù jì dé tā liǎo， zhǐ zhī dào tā shì wǒ jiù fù héng héng wǒ mǔ qīn de gē gē héng héng tā shōu yǎng liǎo wǒ zhè gè qiǎng bǎo zhōng de gū 'ér， ér qiě zài mí liú zhī jì， yào lǐ dé tài tài dāyìng， bǎ wǒ dāng zuò tā zì jǐ de hái zǐ lái fǔ yǎng。 lǐ dé tài tài yě xǔ rèn wéi zì jǐ shì xìn shǒu nuò yán de。 ér wǒ xiǎng jiù tā běn xìng 'ér lùn， yě què shì shí jiàn liǎo dāng chū de xǔ nuò。 kě shì tā zěn me néng zhēn xīn xǐ huān yī gè bù shǔ yú tā jiā de wài xìng、 yī gè zài zhàng fū sǐ hòu tóng tā yǐ liǎo què yī qiē gān xì de rén ní？ tā fā xiàn zì jǐ shòu zhè miǎn wéi qí nán de bǎo zhèng de yuē shù， chōng dāng yī gè zì jǐ suǒ wú fǎ xǐ 'ài de mò shēng hái zǐ de mǔ qīn， yǎn zhēng zhēng kàn zhe yī wèi bù xiāng tóu hé de wài rén yǒng yuǎn yìng jǐ zài zì jǐ de jiā rén zhōng jiān。 duì tā lái shuō， zhè xiǎng bì shì jiàn zuì nǎo rén de shì qíng liǎo。
wǒ hū rán shǎn guò yī gè gǔ guài de niàn tóu。 wǒ bù huái yí héng yī yě cóng lái méi yòuhuái yí guò héng héng lǐ dé xiān shēng yào shì zài shì， yī dìng huì dài wǒ hěn hǎo。 cǐ kè， wǒ zuò zhe， yī miàn dǎliang zhe bái bái de chuáng hé yǐng yǐng chuò chuò de qiáng， bù shí hái yòng jīng bù zhù yòu huò de mù guāng， piǎo yī yǎn fàn zhe wēi guāng de jìng zǐ， bù yóu dé yì qǐ liǎo guān yú sǐ rén de zhǒng zhǒng chuán wén。 jù shuō yóu yú rén men wéi bèi liǎo tā men lín zhōng de zhǔ tuō， tā men zài fén mù lǐ fēi cháng bù 'ān， yú shì biàn zhòng fǎng rén jiān， yán chéng fā jiǎ shì de rén， bìng wéi shòu yā zhě bào chóu。 wǒ sī cǔn， lǐ dé xiān shēng de yōu líng wéi wài shēng nǚ de yuān qū suǒ dòng， huì zǒu chū jū suǒ， bù guǎn nà shì jiào táng de mù xué， hái shì sǐ zhě wú rén zhī xiǎo de shì jiè， lái dào zhè jiān fáng zǐ， zhàn zài wǒ miàn qián。 wǒ mǒ qù yǎn lèi， rěn zhù kū qì， dān xīn háo táo dà kū huì jīng dòng shénme bù kě zhī de shēng yīn lái fǔ wèi wǒ， huò zhě zài hūn 'àn zhōng zhào lái mǒu xiē dài guāng huán de miàn kǒng， lù chū qí yì lián mǐn de shén sè， fǔ shēn duì zhe wǒ。 zhè niàn tóu tīng qǐ lái hěn lìng rén xīn wèi， bù guò yào shì zhēn de zuò qǐ lái， xiǎng bì huì fēi cháng kě pà。 wǒ shǐ jìn bù qù xiǎng tā， tái qǐ tóu lái， dà zhe dǎn zǐ huán gù liǎo yī xià 'àn dòng dòng de fáng jiān。 jiù zài zhè shí， qiáng shàng shǎn guò yī dào liàng guāng。 wǒ wèn zì jǐ， huì bù huì shì yī lǚ yuè guāng， tòu guò bǎi yè chuāng de fèngxì zhào liǎo jìn lái？ bù， yuè guāng shì jìng zhǐ de， ér zhè tòu guāng què shì liú dòng de。 tíng qíng yī kàn， zhè guāng xiàn huá dào liǎo tiān huā bǎn shàng， zài wǒ tóu dǐng shàng dǒu dòng qǐ lái。 xiàn zài wǒ huì hěn zì rán dì lián xiǎng dào， nà hěn kě néng shì yòu rén tí zhe dēng lóng chuān guò cǎo dì shí shè jìn lái de guāng。 dàn nà huì 'ér， wǒ nǎo zǐ lǐ jìn wǎng kǒng bù chù qù xiǎng， wǒ de shén jīng yě yóu yú jī dòng 'ér fēi cháng jǐn zhāng， wǒ rèn wéi nà dào fēi kuài lüè guò de guāng， shì mǒu gè yōu líng cóng lìng yī gè shì jiè dào lái de xiān zhào。 wǒ de xīn pēng pēng luàn tiào， tóu nǎo yòu rè yòu zhàng， ěr duǒ lǐ hū hū zuò xiǎng， yǐ wéi nà shì chì bǎng pāi jī shēng， hǎo xiàng shénme dōng xī yǐ jīng bī jìn wǒ liǎo。 wǒ gǎn dào yā yì， gǎn dào zhì xī， wǒ de rěn nài lì bēng kuì liǎo， jìn bù zhù fā fēng sì dì dà jiào liǎo yī shēng， chōng xiàng dà mén， pīn mìng yáo zhe mén suǒ。 wài miàn men láng shàng xiǎng qǐ liǎo fēi páo 'ér lái de jiǎo bù shēng， yàoshì zhuàndòng liǎo， bèi qiàn hé 'ài bó tè zǒu jìn fáng jiān。
“ ā！ wǒ kàn dào liǎo yī dào guāng， xiǎng bì shì guǐ lái liǎo。” zhè shí， wǒ lā zhù liǎo bèi qiàn de shǒu， ér tā bìng méi yòu chōu huí qù。
“ tā shì gù yì luàn jiào luàn rǎng de，” ài bó tè yàn fán dì dāng zhe wǒ de miàn shuō，“ ér qiě jiào dé nà me xiōng！ yào shì zhēn tòng dé lì hài， dǎo hái kě yǐ yuán liàng， kě tā zhǐ bù guò yào bǎ wǒ men piàn dào zhè lǐ lái， wǒ zhī dào tā de guǐ jì。”
“ dào dǐ shì zěn me huí shì？” yī gè duō duō bī rén de shēng yīn wèn dào。 suí hòu， lǐ dé tài tài cóng zǒu láng lǐ zǒu guò lái， mào zǐ piāo hū zhe bèi fēng gǔ dé dà dà de， shuì páo xī xī sù sù xiǎng gè bù tíng。“ ài bó tè， bèi qiàn， wǒ xiǎng wǒ fēn fù guò， ràng jiǎn · ài dāi zài hóng fáng zǐ lǐ， yóu wǒ qīn zì lái guò wèn。”
“ jiǎn xiǎo jiě jiào dé nà me xiǎng， fū rén，” bèi yīn kěn qiú zhe。
“ fàng kāi tā，” zhè shì wéi yī de huí dá。“ sōng kāi bèi yīn de shǒu， hái zǐ。 nǐ jìn kě fàng xīn， kào zhè xiē bàn fǎ， shì chū bù qù de， wǒ tǎo yàn shuǎ huā zhāo， yóu qí shì xiǎo hái zǐ， wǒ yòu zé rèn ràng nǐ zhī dào， guǐ bǎ xì bù guǎn yòng。 xiàn zài nǐ yào zài zhè lǐ duō dāi yī gè xiǎo shí， ér qiě zhǐ yòu fú fú tiē tiē， yī dòng bù dòng， cái fàng nǐ chū lái。”
“ ā， jiù mā， kě lián kě lián wǒ bā： ráo shù wǒ bā！ wǒ shí zài shòu bù liǎo lā， yòng bié de bàn fǎ chéng fá wǒ bā！ wǒ huì biē sǐ de， yào shì héng héng”
“ zhù zuǐ！ zhè me nào nào rǎng rǎng tǎo yàn tòu liǎo。” tā wú yí jiù shì zhè me gǎn jué de。 zài tā yǎn lǐ wǒ shì gè zǎo shú de yǎn yuán， tā dǎ xīn dǐ lǐ rèn wéi， wǒ shì gè běn xìng 'è dú、 líng hún bēi liè、 wéi rén yīn xiǎn de huò sè。
bèi qiàn hé 'ài bó tè tuì liǎo chū qù。 lǐ dé tài tài duì wǒ fēng yě sì de tòng kǔ háo jiào hěn bù nài fán， wú yì zài wǎng xià tán liǎo， mò dì bǎ wǒ wǎng hòu yī tuī， suǒ shàng liǎo mén。 wǒ tīng jiàn tā táng 'ér huáng zhī dì zǒu liǎo。 tā zǒu hòu bù jiǔ， wǒ cāi xiǎng wǒ biàn yī zhèn jìng luán， hūn liǎo guò qù， jié shù liǎo zhè chǎng chǎo nào。
"Hold her arms, Miss Abbot: she's like a mad cat. "
"For shame! for shame!" cried the lady's-maid. "What shocking conduct, Miss Eyre, to strike a young gentleman, your benefactress's son! Your young master. "
"Master! How is he my master? Am I a servant?"
"No; you are less than a servant, for you do nothing for your keep. There, sit down, and think over your wickedness. "
They had got me by this time into the apartment indicated by Mrs. Reed, and had thrust me upon a stool: my impulse was to rise from it like a spring; their two pair of hands arrested me instantly.
"If you don't sit still, you must be tied down, " said Bessie. "Miss Abbot, lend me your garters; she would break mine directly. "
Miss Abbot turned to divest a stout leg of the necessary ligature. This preparation for bonds, and the additional ignominy it inferred, took a little of the excitement out of me.
"Don't take them off, " I cried; "I will not stir. "
In guarantee whereof, I attached myself to my seat by my hands.
"Mind you don't, " said Bessie; and when she had ascertained that I was really subsiding, she loosened her hold of me; then she and Miss Abbot stood with folded arms, looking darkly and doubtfully on my face, as incredulous of my sanity.
"She never did so before, " at last said Bessie, turning to the Abigail.
"But it was always in her, " was the reply. "I've told Missis often my opinion about the child, and Missis agreed with me. She's an underhand little thing: I never saw a girl of her age with so much cover. "
Bessie answered not; but ere long, addressing me, she said -- "You ought to be aware, Miss, that you are under obligations to Mrs. Reed: she keeps you: if she were to turn you off, you would have to go to the poorhouse. "
I had nothing to say to these words: they were not new to me: my very first recollections of existence included hints of the same kind. This reproach of my dependence had become a vague sing-song in my ear: very painful and crushing, but only half intelligible. Miss Abbot joined in -
"And you ought not to think yourself on an equality with the Misses Reed and Master Reed, because Missis kindly allows you to be brought up with them. They will have a great deal of money, and you will have none: it is your place to be humble, and to try to make yourself agreeable to them. "
"What we tell you is for your good, " added Bessie, in no harsh voice, "you should try to be useful and pleasant, then, perhaps, you would have a home here; but if you become passionate and rude, Missis will send you away, I am sure. "
"Besides, " said Miss Abbot, "God will punish her: He might strike her dead in the midst of her tantrums, and then where would she go? Come, Bessie, we will leave her: I wouldn't have her heart for anything. Say your prayers, Miss Eyre, when you are by yourself; for if you don't repent, something bad might be permitted to come down the chimney and fetch you away. "
They went, shutting the door, and locking it behind them.
The red-room was a square chamber, very seldom slept in, I might say never, indeed, unless when a chance influx of visitors at Gateshead Hall rendered it necessary to turn to account all the accommodation it contained: yet it was one of the largest and stateliest chambers in the mansion. A bed supported on massive pillars of mahogany, hung with curtains of deep red damask, stood out like a tabernacle in the centre; the two large windows, with their blinds always drawn down, were half shrouded in festoons and falls of similar drapery; the carpet was red; the table at the foot of the bed was covered with a crimson cloth; the walls were a soft fawn colour with a blush of pink in it; the wardrobe, the toilet-table, the chairs were of darkly polished old mahogany. Out of these deep surrounding shades rose high, and glared white, the piled-up mattresses and pillows of the bed, spread with a snowy Marseilles counterpane. Scarcely less prominent was an ample cushioned easy-chair near the head of the bed, also white, with a footstool before it; and looking, as I thought, like a pale throne.
This room was chill, because it seldom had a fire; it was silent, because remote from the nursery and kitchen; solemn, because it was known to be so seldom entered. The house-maid alone came here on Saturdays, to wipe from the mirrors and the furniture a week's quiet dust: and Mrs. Reed herself, at far intervals, visited it to review the contents of a certain secret drawer in the wardrobe, where were stored divers parchments, her jewel-casket, and a miniature of her deceased husband; and in those last words lies the secret of the red-room -- the spell which kept it so lonely in spite of its grandeur.
Mr. Reed had been dead nine years: it was in this chamber he breathed his last; here he lay in state; hence his coffin was borne by the undertaker's men; and, since that day, a sense of dreary consecration had guarded it from frequent intrusion.
My seat, to which Bessie and the bitter Miss Abbot had left me riveted, was a low ottoman near the marble chimney-piece; the bed rose before me; to my right hand there was the high, dark wardrobe, with subdued, broken reflections varying the gloss of its panels; to my left were the muffled windows; a great looking-glass between them repeated the vacant majesty of the bed and room. I was not quite sure whether they had locked the door; and when I dared move, I got up and went to see. Alas! yes: no jail was ever more secure. Returning, I had to cross before the looking-glass; my fascinated glance involuntarily explored the depth it revealed. All looked colder and darker in that visionary hollow than in reality: and the strange little figure there gazing at me, with a white face and arms specking the gloom, and glittering eyes of fear moving where all else was still, had the effect of a real spirit: I thought it like one of the tiny phantoms, half fairy, half imp, Bessie's evening stories represented as coming out of lone, ferny dells in moors, and appearing before the eyes of belated travellers. I returned to my stool.
Superstition was with me at that moment; but it was not yet her hour for complete victory: my blood was still warm; the mood of the revolted slave was still bracing me with its bitter vigour; I had to stem a rapid rush of retrospective thought before I quailed to the dismal present.
All John Reed's violent tyrannies, all his sisters' proud indifference, all his mother's aversion, all the servants' partiality, turned up in my disturbed mind like a dark deposit in a turbid well. Why was I always suffering, always browbeaten, always accused, for ever condemned? Why could I never please? Why was it useless to try to win any one's favour? Eliza, who was headstrong and selfish, was respected. Georgiana, who had a spoiled temper, a very acrid spite, a captious and insolent carriage, was universally indulged. Her beauty, her pink cheeks and golden curls, seemed to give delight to all who looked at her, and to purchase indemnity for every fault. John no one thwarted, much less punished; though he twisted the necks of the pigeons, killed the little pea-chicks, set the dogs at the sheep, stripped the hothouse vines of their fruit, and broke the buds off the choicest plants in the conservatory: he called his mother "old girl, " too; sometimes reviled her for her dark skin, similar to his own; bluntly disregarded her wishes; not unfrequently tore and spoiled her silk attire; and he was still "her own darling. " I dared commit no fault: I strove to fulfil every duty; and I was termed naughty and tiresome, sullen and sneaking, from morning to noon, and from noon to night.
My head still ached and bled with the blow and fall I had received: no one had reproved John for wantonly striking me; and because I had turned against him to avert farther irrational violence, I was loaded with general opprobrium.
"Unjust! -- unjust!" said my reason, forced by the agonising stimulus into precocious though transitory power: and Resolve, equally wrought up, instigated some strange expedient to achieve escape from insupportable oppression -- as running away, or, if that could not be effected, never eating or drinking more, and letting myself die.
What a consternation of soul was mine that dreary afternoon! How all my brain was in tumult, and all my heart in insurrection! Yet in what darkness, what dense ignorance, was the mental battle fought! I could not answer the ceaseless inward question -- WHY I thus suffered; now, at the distance of -- I will not say how many years, I see it clearly.
I was a discord in Gateshead Hall: I was like nobody there; I had nothing in harmony with Mrs. Reed or her children, or her chosen vassalage. If they did not love me, in fact, as little did I love them. They were not bound to regard with affection a thing that could not sympathise with one amongst them; a heterogeneous thing, opposed to them in temperament, in capacity, in propensities; a useless thing, incapable of serving their interest, or adding to their pleasure; a noxious thing, cherishing the germs of indignation at their treatment, of contempt of their judgment. I know that had I been a sanguine, brilliant, careless, exacting, handsome, romping child -- though equally dependent and friendless -- Mrs. Reed would have endured my presence more complacently; her children would have entertained for me more of the cordiality of fellow-feeling; the servants would have been less prone to make me the scapegoat of the nursery.
Daylight began to forsake the red-room; it was past four o'clock, and the beclouded afternoon was tending to drear twilight. I heard the rain still beating continuously on the staircase window, and the wind howling in the grove behind the hall; I grew by degrees cold as a stone, and then my courage sank. My habitual mood of humiliation, self-doubt, forlorn depression, fell damp on the embers of my decaying ire. All said I was wicked, and perhaps I might be so; what thought had I been but just conceiving of starving myself to death? That certainly was a crime: and was I fit to die? Or was the vault under the chancel of Gateshead Church an inviting bourne? In such vault I had been told did Mr. Reed lie buried; and led by this thought to recall his idea, I dwelt on it with gathering dread. I could not remember him; but I knew that he was my own uncle -- my mother's brother -- that he had taken me when a parentless infant to his house; and that in his last moments he had required a promise of Mrs. Reed that she would rear and maintain me as one of her own children. Mrs. Reed probably considered she had kept this promise; and so she had, I dare say, as well as her nature would permit her; but how could she really like an interloper not of her race, and unconnected with her, after her husband's death, by any tie? It must have been most irksome to find herself bound by a hard-wrung pledge to stand in the stead of a parent to a strange child she could not love, and to see an uncongenial alien permanently intruded on her own family group.
A singular notion dawned upon me. I doubted not -- never doubted -- that if Mr. Reed had been alive he would have treated me kindly; and now, as I sat looking at the white bed and overshadowed walls -- occasionally also turning a fascinated eye towards the dimly gleaning mirror -- I began to recall what I had heard of dead men, troubled in their graves by the violation of their last wishes, revisiting the earth to punish the perjured and avenge the oppressed; and I thought Mr. Reed's spirit, harassed by the wrongs of his sister's child, might quit its abode -- whether in the church vault or in the unknown world of the departed -- and rise before me in this chamber. I wiped my tears and hushed my sobs, fearful lest any sign of violent grief might waken a preternatural voice to comfort me, or elicit from the gloom some haloed face, bending over me with strange pity. This idea, consolatory in theory, I felt would be terrible if realised: with all my might I endeavoured to stifle it -- I endeavoured to be firm. Shaking my hair from my eyes, I lifted my head and tried to look boldly round the dark room; at this moment a light gleamed on the wall. Was it, I asked myself, a ray from the moon penetrating some aperture in the blind? No; moonlight was still, and this stirred; while I gazed, it glided up to the ceiling and quivered over my head. I can now conjecture readily that this streak of light was, in all likelihood, a gleam from a lantern carried by some one across the lawn: but then, prepared as my mind was for horror, shaken as my nerves were by agitation, I thought the swift darting beam was a herald of some coming vision from another world. My heart beat thick, my head grew hot; a sound filled my ears, which I deemed the rushing of wings; something seemed near me; I was oppressed, suffocated: endurance broke down; I rushed to the door and shook the lock in desperate effort. Steps came running along the outer passage; the key turned, Bessie and Abbot entered.
"Miss Eyre, are you ill?" said Bessie.
"What a dreadful noise! it went quite through me!" exclaimed Abbot.
"Take me out! Let me go into the nursery!" was my cry.
"What for? Are you hurt? Have you seen something?" again demanded Bessie.
"Oh! I saw a light, and I thought a ghost would come. " I had now got hold of Bessie's hand, and she did not snatch it from me.
"She has screamed out on purpose, " declared Abbot, in some disgust. "And what a scream! If she had been in great pain one would have excused it, but she only wanted to bring us all here: I know her naughty tricks. "
"What is all this?" demanded another voice peremptorily; and Mrs. Reed came along the corridor, her cap flying wide, her gown rustling stormily. "Abbot and Bessie, I believe I gave orders that Jane Eyre should be left in the red-room till I came to her myself. "
"Miss Jane screamed so loud, ma'am, " pleaded Bessie.
"Let her go, " was the only answer. "Loose Bessie's hand, child: you cannot succeed in getting out by these means, be assured. I abhor artifice, particularly in children; it is my duty to show you that tricks will not answer: you will now stay here an hour longer, and it is only on condition of perfect submission and stillness that I shall liberate you then. "
"O aunt! have pity! Forgive me! I cannot endure it -- let me be punished some other way! I shall be killed if -- "
"Silence! This violence is all most repulsive:" and so, no doubt, she felt it. I was a precocious actress in her eyes; she sincerely looked on me as a compound of virulent passions, mean spirit, and dangerous duplicity.
Bessie and Abbot having retreated, Mrs. Reed, impatient of my now frantic anguish and wild sobs, abruptly thrust me back and locked me in, without farther parley. I heard her sweeping away; and soon after she was gone, I suppose I had a species of fit: unconsciousness closed the scene.