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森林系列之十五:森林遐想
时东兵
举人


Joined: 23 Dec 2006
Posts: 1183
Location: 中国上海
时东兵Collection
PostPosted: 2007-12-08 16:33:18    Post subject: 森林系列之十五:森林遐想 Reply with quote

森林系列之十五:

森林遐想

晶莹的思想滑过
森林的第一根琴弦
拨动时间
只有人能感觉到的概念
人类进化的脚步
踩响几秒的距离
便学会了酝酿诗韵
洁白似乳的琼浆
留给森林长长的吻

崇高有时也会扭曲
在狂风中轰然倒地
而遍地卑微的小草
却生生不息
花瓣褪去铅华
再次回到泥土
灌木丛鼓掌欢迎
森林把上天的恩赐
奉献每一个生命
高低错落尽显价值

伟大的天空下
回故乡的鸟
排着队吟着诗
重新在这里安了家
能否解开森林的秘密

欢迎光临时东兵的博客:http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1246222181
欢迎光临“东方☆文坛”网站(http://xz.netsh.com/eden/bbs/811048/)
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杯中冲浪
进士出身


Joined: 29 Sep 2006
Posts: 2891
Location: 中国
杯中冲浪Collection
PostPosted: 2007-12-08 17:27:00    Post subject: Reply with quote

问好,尽力避免一些平面的词藻。如:灌木丛鼓掌欢迎
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白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2007-12-08 17:44:58    Post subject: Reply with quote

森林是令人向往的地方.很好的题材.

抽空盼和诗友多回帖交流, 问好.
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沙漠
秀才


Joined: 26 Jan 2007
Posts: 977
Location: 中国温州
沙漠Collection
PostPosted: 2007-12-10 18:05:22    Post subject: Reply with quote

这思绪可以再挖掘和提炼。少些笼统的概念,有细节更好。
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