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[原创]一河逝水
蓝郁
童生


Joined: 13 Nov 2007
Posts: 37

蓝郁Collection
PostPosted: 2007-11-27 19:10:48    Post subject: [原创]一河逝水 Reply with quote

富兰一家准备翻修旧房子
最后一面待拆的墙,让辛劳数天的人
看到希望。沉重的夯击声夹杂兴奋的咒语
---------倒!倒!倒!
那声音带着不容置疑的魅惑
仿佛施了魔法,那面墙在我懵懂的眼睛里
陷入巨大的倾斜。尘土飞扬
忙碌的人们飞奔着撤离现场

“富兰爸爸压墙底下了!”
至今,我清楚地记得那声音。那声音
像呼啸的炸弹,生生炸裂我的耳膜
那年我七岁。两耳充血
内容贫乏的思维彻底休克
呼啦啦的人群拥上去,呼天抢地,两手拨拉
我走上前,迷糊着想弄清发生了什么
富兰,我儿时的好伙伴,抬起一双泪眼
恶狠狠地盯着我:看什么??!!

那双泪眼一定因伤心变成了杀人的刀
我在刀前怯生生败下阵来。眼睛不曾目击血迹
心却好像因为眼睛的缺失,更加逼真地到席:
那个正当壮年的男人,被亲朋好友七手八脚地
抬上小推车,来不及推到医院,在桥边咽气

随后一段时间,富兰一家被哭声淹没
随着孤儿寡母远走东北,一场灾难销声匿迹
没有人注意到小小的我,陷进长长的梦靥
七岁那年,被大人们用如瓶的口
藏得严严实实的 死神 狰狞的脸
以如此残酷的方式,被我看见

那年春天,我常常独自站在桥边
长久地困惑着一个鲜活生命的瞬间消失
倒!倒!倒!那个魅惑般的声音再度响起
好像暗灰色天空下随风猎猎的魂幡
固执地要带走什么。我惶恐地抓住桥栏
桥下,一河逝水不舍昼夜
静静地见证着生命最初的忧伤和不安……

没有人注意到一场灾难之外附带的
小小的事件。如果我不写下
若干年以后,这事件就让风带走了
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kokho
进士出身


Joined: 30 Nov 2006
Posts: 2642
Location: Singapore
kokhoCollection
PostPosted: 2007-11-27 19:49:24    Post subject: Reply with quote



震撼的故事 :)

问好 :)

。。
_________________
乒乓、摄影、诗歌
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蓝郁
童生


Joined: 13 Nov 2007
Posts: 37

蓝郁Collection
PostPosted: 2007-11-27 20:00:07    Post subject: Reply with quote

[/quote]
kokho wrote:



震撼的故事 :)

问好 :)

。。
问候朋友,感谢第一时间回复~
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白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2007-11-27 20:08:05    Post subject: Reply with quote

难忘的记忆, 沉痛的思索.

商榷, 作为诗歌, 文字似可稍敛. 问好朋友.
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蓝郁
童生


Joined: 13 Nov 2007
Posts: 37

蓝郁Collection
PostPosted: 2007-11-27 20:21:37    Post subject: Reply with quote

白水版主说得是,写的有些过于散了。以前的诗歌,发上来大家指导。
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白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2007-11-27 20:27:18    Post subject: Reply with quote

蓝郁 wrote:
白水版主说得是,写的有些过于散了。以前的诗歌,发上来大家指导。


欢迎多交流. 很欣赏你这种言而有物的风格. 这种风格不太好写, 能写就是一个挑战. 该向你学习才是.
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杨海军
进士出身


Joined: 01 Mar 2007
Posts: 2205
Location: 吉林
杨海军Collection
PostPosted: 2007-11-28 17:11:13    Post subject: Reply with quote

如果再凝炼些会很好!!!希望多来贴你的好诗!!问好诗人!
_________________
走了很久了。还清晰地望见/身后那盏明灭的灯火/好像我们走的越久越远/故乡的那盏灯就越亮
——拙作《离开村庄》
http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1269376751
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蓝郁
童生


Joined: 13 Nov 2007
Posts: 37

蓝郁Collection
PostPosted: 2007-12-02 22:04:05    Post subject: Reply with quote

一并问候楼上各位朋友,感谢回复与鼓励。祝好~
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半溪明月
榜眼


Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection
PostPosted: 2007-12-03 01:36:10    Post subject: Reply with quote

童年时代的记忆,对生死的朦胧和恐惧~
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南岩
童生


Joined: 19 Mar 2007
Posts: 78
Location: 江西、临川
南岩Collection
PostPosted: 2007-12-03 03:50:58    Post subject: Reply with quote

这个作品震撼粒度很好,品
_________________
诗观:用犀利的语言穿越人们的身躯!
http://blog.sina.com.cn/nanyanfish
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迪拜
同进士出身


Joined: 31 Oct 2006
Posts: 1588

迪拜Collection
PostPosted: 2007-12-03 17:37:51    Post subject: Reply with quote

不错
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蓝郁
童生


Joined: 13 Nov 2007
Posts: 37

蓝郁Collection
PostPosted: 2008-03-17 20:55:25    Post subject: Reply with quote

问候南岩,感谢鼓励。
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蓝郁
童生


Joined: 13 Nov 2007
Posts: 37

蓝郁Collection
PostPosted: 2008-03-17 20:56:23    Post subject: Reply with quote

一并问好楼上的朋友们,感谢回复。祝春安!
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