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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

［原创］空房子（外一首）

赵雅君
童生

Joined: 07 Aug 2007
Posts: 99

赵雅君Collection

Posted: 2007-11-18 04:35:18 Post subject: ［原创］空房子（外一首）

空房子（外一首）吉林　赵雅君谁关上了那扇门？无形的手移出争吵移出隐私移出碎在梦靥深处的瓷器空了。风穿过空的轮廓映在心中，瘦成影子它的内部还有夜晚的灯光在喊拥挤怀念，摇摇欲坠坚持是个过程光阴也被移走了，飞回来的雨燕孵化出一堆瓦砾〈老碾盘〉村庄昔日的太阳在我转身时降落一半没入尘土，为故人碾米一半掩面沉思，呼唤蝼蚁石刻的光线还很温软，缭绕炊香久远的味道父老们以食为天天还在，天上的太阳还在机器在村庄内部欢快地轰鸣我在村外站了很久，很久用起伏的肋骨收藏石头最后的光芒

山城子
榜眼

Joined: 23 May 2007
Posts: 4771
Location: 中国贵州
山城子Collection

Posted: 2007-11-18 06:26:59 Post subject:

荒诞得惨淡被谁拆散？ ——这手法下用了什么修辞，待我学习一番。 ——问好！ ——20日可到评论栏目检验。 _________________ 诗是人生的雅伴儿。

半溪明月
榜眼

Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection

Posted: 2007-11-18 06:49:56 Post subject:

空了。风穿过空的轮廓映在心中，瘦成影子它的内部还有夜晚的灯光在喊拥挤空非空，却更拥挤。拥挤的是诗人的内心～一个“拥挤”在这里很有力感。也等待着山城子老师的评论～

子花
秀才

Joined: 08 Mar 2007
Posts: 722

子花Collection

Posted: 2007-11-18 09:53:56 Post subject:

妙句很多！欣赏

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2007-11-18 11:09:33 Post subject:

有内涵. 提

赵雅君
童生

Joined: 07 Aug 2007
Posts: 99

赵雅君Collection

Posted: 2007-11-19 01:11:27 Post subject:

山城子 wrote:

荒诞得惨淡
被谁拆散？
——这手法下用了什么修辞，待我学习一番。
——问好！
——20日可到评论栏目检验。

期待山城子先生的评论。问好！

赵雅君
童生

Joined: 07 Aug 2007
Posts: 99

赵雅君Collection

Posted: 2007-11-19 01:14:24 Post subject:

半溪明月 wrote:

空了。风穿过
空的轮廓映在心中，瘦成影子
它的内部
还有夜晚的灯光在喊拥挤

空非空，却更拥挤。拥挤的是诗人的内心～一个“拥挤”在这里很有力感。

也等待着山城子老师的评论～

谢半溪明月阅评。问好！

赵雅君
童生

Joined: 07 Aug 2007
Posts: 99

赵雅君Collection

Posted: 2007-11-19 01:16:40 Post subject:

子花 wrote:

妙句很多！欣赏

问候子花，感谢阅评了：）

赵雅君
童生

Joined: 07 Aug 2007
Posts: 99

赵雅君Collection

Posted: 2007-11-19 01:20:50 Post subject:

白水 Moonlight wrote:

有内涵. 提

感谢白水诗人的鼓励。问好！

kokho
进士出身

Joined: 30 Nov 2006
Posts: 2642
Location: Singapore
kokhoCollection

Posted: 2007-11-20 09:52:21 Post subject:

村庄昔日的太阳在我转身时降落一半没入尘土，为故人碾米一半掩面沉思，呼唤蝼蚁《》超喜欢使我想起梁吉林的诗歌：）。。 _________________ 乒乓、摄影、诗歌

韩少君
进士出身

Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Posts: 2558
Location: 吉林四平
韩少君Collection

Posted: 2007-11-21 23:56:12 Post subject:

非常欣赏！好诗！ _________________ 靠才华为自己带来幸福的是才子;靠才华为自己带来痛苦的是诗人!!http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanshaojun345

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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

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