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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

再碎一个：恋爱五四三

博弈
榜眼

Joined: 21 Dec 2006
Posts: 4381
Location: SFO
博弈Collection

Posted: 2007-10-11 03:39:01 Post subject: 再碎一个：恋爱五四三

恋爱五四三妳烫着我的衣服,叫我别靠近友友提琴的乐音, 轻抚着柚木桌纹墙壁低回静静同妳的几句杨柳碎语默默推敲着妳无力的手, 我开始存取一些片断画面轴心处的肩膀是摇桨润肤如玉我在那里问过你到底爱不爱我你转身, 喷雾时说这样看起来就年轻多了熨着我的离别, 一颗心服服贴贴像导演般但不是戒色的, 我在心幕先放一遍可不愿一下子就被感动(我想的是劫欲) 但我又能删去哪一细节注：五四三是近来学到的台湾话，大概是说“说些有的没的” _________________ （在不斷的審醜裡終將建立起新的審美）

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2007-10-11 03:46:33 Post subject:

博士, 看来你近期是无法潜心研读了.

博弈
榜眼

Joined: 21 Dec 2006
Posts: 4381
Location: SFO
博弈Collection

Posted: 2007-10-11 05:24:30 Post subject:

夜宴舌尖芭蕾跳着宫廷药膳之舞盘碟编钟唱着鼎鼐铸文的歌我们又是一双竹筷子合起来夹住一块东坡肉 _________________ （在不斷的審醜裡終將建立起新的審美）

半溪明月
榜眼

Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection

Posted: 2007-10-11 06:19:09 Post subject:

我在那里问过你到底爱不爱我你转身, 喷雾时说这样看起来就年轻多了熨着我的离别, 一颗心服服贴贴句子很生动啊～

冰夕
童生

Joined: 10 Oct 2007
Posts: 92
Location: 台灣北部
冰夕Collection

Posted: 2007-10-11 07:06:00 Post subject: Re: 再碎一个：恋爱五四三

友友提琴的乐音忽使我想起马友友在中国特奥会上演出的“快乐”一曲，煞是动人心弦。然而此诗的“友友”一词，于整首阅读下来仿有一种双关语游走在似友迷离的微妙感而隐现。其诗的境景是生动生活的但心率亦波动未平整有句话说，诗会表述人心境而重现喔呵呵冰夕阅感挺乱的因今晚老断线被赶得脑袋不灵活，听听便罢　　　　　　　　　　　　　 _________________ 阅夜.冰小夕 http://blog.sina.com.tw/faninsa223/

博弈
榜眼

Joined: 21 Dec 2006
Posts: 4381
Location: SFO
博弈Collection

Posted: 2007-10-11 08:41:27 Post subject:

情诗乱弹知道童童过得好吗 ? 四肢瓦布破绽间隙的碎银沽得水酒钓竿簌手深向芦苇风髮稻草人终于脱下心事春泥曾在腋窝筑巢因此我为有巢氏　　来泼墨的不是仙人,是妳是泛谷而离去的云雨恣放而下上天幕的星语眨着眼睛, 寻找究竟欲说, 不独情事南国几番酷暑严冬, 岂不见山依旧,听海依旧情依栏杆, 数恋,倷可如旧其实我不知道在写什么就是看着股市读着几个帖顺着流了出来你可以拿去再改改 _________________ （在不斷的審醜裡終將建立起新的審美）

kokho
进士出身

Joined: 30 Nov 2006
Posts: 2642
Location: Singapore
kokhoCollection

Posted: 2007-10-18 14:20:22 Post subject:

妳烫着我的衣服,叫我别靠近友友提琴的乐音, 轻抚着柚木桌纹墙壁低回静静同妳的几句杨柳碎语默默推敲着妳无力的手, 我开始存取一些片断画面《》看了mark这么多首这首最喜欢！。前面这一段，让人遐思，台湾“纸醉金迷”的场所真的听得到马友友的音乐？。。 _________________ 乒乓、摄影、诗歌

nobody
进士出身

Joined: 31 Dec 2006
Posts: 2651
Location: Madtown
nobodyCollection

Posted: 2007-10-18 21:24:49 Post subject:

我在那里问过你到底爱不爱我生动，学了一招。昨天胡思乱想，就把这个构思盗用了。哈哈。 _________________ I'm nobody! Who are you?

半溪明月
榜眼

Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection

Posted: 2007-10-18 22:47:31 Post subject:

nobody构思的怎么不发上来让我们大家看看？

千里
秀才

Joined: 30 Jul 2007
Posts: 135

千里Collection

Posted: 2007-10-23 22:42:24 Post subject:

轴心处的肩膀是摇桨润肤如玉我在那里问过你到底爱不爱我博奕, 你好這二句怎麼看著教人眼紅

博弈
榜眼

Joined: 21 Dec 2006
Posts: 4381
Location: SFO
博弈Collection

Posted: 2007-10-24 00:16:28 Post subject:

千里 wrote:

轴心处的肩膀是摇桨润肤如玉
我在那里问过你到底爱不爱我

博奕, 你好

這二句怎麼看著教人眼紅

失之毫厘，哈哈，千里汹。
_________________
（在不斷的審醜裡終將建立起新的審美）

阿依琼裙
秀才

Joined: 09 Apr 2007
Posts: 920
Location: 废墟之上
阿依琼裙Collection

Posted: 2007-10-24 04:32:15 Post subject:

左旋右转　　生灵活现～～ _________________ 踏过废墟,走来 http://blog.sina.com.cn/m/weiyurong

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