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[原创] 新诗《还是夜晚》
东学王
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Joined: 08 Oct 2007
Posts: 3

东学王Collection
PostPosted: 2007-10-08 18:44:48    Post subject: [原创] 新诗《还是夜晚》 Reply with quote

还是夜晚
四川大学 王学东

成都夜晚的黑色被一群嘶叫的汽车淘空
眩晕的斑点从优美的天空生长到精致的广告牌
让失眠的肌肉更加结实更加有力
再一次用锋利的刀刃割开我的内衣和风扇

在这个释放着散乱和疲倦的热浪的夜晚
我不被任何人或者任何方向拥有
伫立在堆满杂物和寂寞的阳台
看见电视上跳动的画面怎样的缠绕着我
看到街道上的一辆辆汽车从尽头消失了又出现

与整个夜晚的空旷相比
真正的力量源于我这个被成都的夜扔掉的情人
因为所有飘忽的忧伤和卷曲的痛苦
都被我的目光和手指的纯洁所定型和囚禁



个人介绍:王学东,男,四川乐山人,在四川大学文学与新闻学院攻读中国现当代文学2007级博士。曾在《星星》、《诗潮》、《四川文艺》、《涉川》、《星期日》等报纸杂志上发表诗歌,自印诗集《回忆明天》。
诗歌观念:汉语诗歌可能性的高度首先在于汉语的表达。

联系地址:四川大学文新学院博2007级 中国现当代文学 王学东
邮编:610064
电话:(0)13036667781
QQ:191615760
邮箱:dengdengdongdong@tom.com
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hepingdao
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Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 8106

hepingdaoCollection
PostPosted: 2007-10-08 18:48:56    Post subject: Reply with quote

有所的力量,都集中在最后一节:

与整个夜晚的空旷相比
真正的力量源于我这个被成都的夜扔掉的情人
因为所有飘忽的忧伤和卷曲的痛苦
都被我的目光和手指的纯洁所定型和囚禁

在这里,
"情人"两字用得很好,
但"所定型和囚禁",用词又太过理性化了,反而削弱了诗意的表达
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东学王
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Joined: 08 Oct 2007
Posts: 3

东学王Collection
PostPosted: 2007-10-08 19:21:11    Post subject: Reply with quote

一个人的成都,就成为了一个人的絮语,杂乱、伤痛纷呈其中。
多谢hepingdao的斧正,为我的诗歌点睛!
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