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今天 蓝色 语言和思想
阿依琼裙
秀才


Joined: 09 Apr 2007
Posts: 920
Location: 废墟之上
阿依琼裙Collection
PostPosted: 2007-09-29 08:00:53    Post subject: 今天 蓝色 语言和思想 Reply with quote

今天 蓝色 语言和思想



侧身躲过了昨天的梦魇

今天,阳光要催醒一个灵魂



心脏柔软 直立挺拔的骨头铮铮有声

血液 奔涌着洗刷麻木了的神经末梢



西北 刀一样的风割在薄脆的皮肤上

锦缎的床 腐烂一个个将死身躯



锐化片刻的图像 转瞬 再雾化

不去维持常态 粗粝的质感手中摩挲



一双脚 破旧温暖的鞋子

一个方向 延伸无限
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韩少君
进士出身


Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Posts: 2558
Location: 吉林四平
韩少君Collection
PostPosted: 2007-09-29 15:55:52    Post subject: Reply with quote

问好女游侠!
风霜多保重!
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靠才华为自己带来幸福的是才子;靠才华为自己带来痛苦的是诗人!!http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanshaojun345
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迪拜
同进士出身


Joined: 31 Oct 2006
Posts: 1588

迪拜Collection
PostPosted: 2007-09-29 16:56:47    Post subject: Reply with quote

很好的诗歌

我建议

把最后一段去掉

全诗的意象已经满了.
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阿依琼裙
秀才


Joined: 09 Apr 2007
Posts: 920
Location: 废墟之上
阿依琼裙Collection
PostPosted: 2007-09-29 18:21:34    Post subject: Reply with quote

问好少君和迪拜!

谢迪拜点评!在理!

我去修改~~
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