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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

折翅的精灵——给南灵清心

荷梦
进士出身

Joined: 19 Dec 2006
Posts: 2826
Location: 湖北，黄梅
荷梦Collection

Posted: 2007-09-16 21:06:59 Post subject: 折翅的精灵——给南灵清心

（偶遇残疾女孩南灵清心，很想送她点什么。还希望各位帮忙提提意见！南这是一个多么温暖的词儿在萧飒里牵引着多少翅膀的向往灵八月的柳树还绿秋才开始上路你这性急的精灵稚嫩的羽翼，扇动向南的行程清那个清晨 “碧绿的荷叶上滚动着盈盈露珠” 还有精灵折断的翅心 “即使翅膀断了，心也要飞翔。”你说没有翅膀的行程一根稻草也是动力春，就在前方

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
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Posted: 2007-09-16 21:19:45 Post subject:

荷梦,很美的诗歌. 她一定会喜欢. 请你捎去诗友们给她的祝福. 谢谢.

韩少君
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Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Posts: 2558
Location: 吉林四平
韩少君Collection

Posted: 2007-09-16 21:22:53 Post subject:

千好莫过善万善莫过情无量有四一慈二悲三喜四舍荷梦有得-------- _________________ 靠才华为自己带来幸福的是才子;靠才华为自己带来痛苦的是诗人!!http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanshaojun345

金金
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Joined: 08 Feb 2007
Posts: 2035
Location: 山东济宁
金金Collection

Posted: 2007-09-16 21:22:56 Post subject:

对，送诗歌”）大家的祝福 _________________ http://blog.sina.com.cn/shirenjinjin

半溪明月
榜眼

Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection

Posted: 2007-09-17 03:33:00 Post subject:

很美的诗歌，请带去我们大家的祝福～

杨海军
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Joined: 01 Mar 2007
Posts: 2205
Location: 吉林
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Posted: 2007-09-17 04:15:04 Post subject:

意象轻灵．喜欢． _________________ 走了很久了。还清晰地望见/身后那盏明灭的灯火/好像我们走的越久越远/故乡的那盏灯就越亮 ——拙作《离开村庄》 http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1269376751

荷梦
进士出身

Joined: 19 Dec 2006
Posts: 2826
Location: 湖北，黄梅
荷梦Collection

Posted: 2007-09-17 05:53:44 Post subject:

谢谢大家的评阅！祝福，我一并代转！

Lake
举人

Joined: 09 Jan 2007
Posts: 1286

LakeCollection

Posted: 2007-09-17 08:39:03 Post subject:

断翅飞翔！ _________________ the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins

jemmy
秀才

Joined: 06 Jun 2007
Posts: 414
Location: china
jemmyCollection

Posted: 2007-09-17 19:42:32 Post subject:

lake,这行吗,换个词吧不过,也不错,可以借助外力,如飞机我真不够浪漫精神,对吧 _________________ http://blog.sina.com.cn/sowhy

荷梦
进士出身

Joined: 19 Dec 2006
Posts: 2826
Location: 湖北，黄梅
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Posted: 2007-09-22 05:23:45 Post subject:

呵呵，问好LAKE与JEMMY！ "南灵清心",一个心智非常优秀的女孩子,身残志不残,让我们都来关心和帮助她吧!这是她的博:http://blog.sina.com.cn/gongying0830

下一个偶像是野兽
秀才

Joined: 16 Jan 2007
Posts: 504
Location: 西安
下一个偶像是野兽Collection

Posted: 2007-09-23 07:21:10 Post subject:

滚动着天使受损的翅膀这句有点别扭。很喜欢前两首。问好。并交流。 _________________ 我的博客：http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1251343504

荷梦
进士出身

Joined: 19 Dec 2006
Posts: 2826
Location: 湖北，黄梅
荷梦Collection

Posted: 2007-09-28 06:16:27 Post subject:

下一个偶像是野兽 wrote:

滚动着天使受损的翅膀
这句有点别扭。

很喜欢前两首。

问好。并交流。

谢谢指教，的确别扭，改了！

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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

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