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记忆的浅层
下一个偶像是野兽
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Joined: 16 Jan 2007
Posts: 504
Location: 西安
下一个偶像是野兽Collection
PostPosted: 2007-09-18 19:30:31    Post subject: 记忆的浅层 Reply with quote

我已没有力量

九月的微风颤动心中的弦
男人的左手扶起远方的脸
宿命透明
那些季节已经枯黄

时间和阳光
跌落在果实的脚下
黑色的琴键敲响天空虚弱的雷声
石头漠视自己的存在和所有的虔诚
众神的表情 在钟声中
枯萎成烟
来自四个方向
悠长的水岸
记忆的浅层

蝴蝶交出翅膀
水交出倒影
你交出梦
透明的舍利
轮回的树上
长满来世的花朵
而洁白已早殇
栖息的枝头
于风中轻晃
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白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2007-09-18 20:10:53    Post subject: Reply with quote

很有特色的标题
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下一个偶像是野兽
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Joined: 16 Jan 2007
Posts: 504
Location: 西安
下一个偶像是野兽Collection
PostPosted: 2007-09-19 05:47:17    Post subject: Reply with quote

哈,没力气了,放弃
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迪拜
同进士出身


Joined: 31 Oct 2006
Posts: 1588

迪拜Collection
PostPosted: 2007-09-19 16:45:11    Post subject: Reply with quote

写的不错
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kokho
进士出身


Joined: 30 Nov 2006
Posts: 2642
Location: Singapore
kokhoCollection
PostPosted: 2007-09-20 12:25:32    Post subject: Reply with quote

形象开始互动转化 在努力哟 !!!

支持。。 赞:)

[ 朋友 一起来回贴哟。。。]


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下一个偶像是野兽
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Joined: 16 Jan 2007
Posts: 504
Location: 西安
下一个偶像是野兽Collection
PostPosted: 2007-09-21 20:07:27    Post subject: Reply with quote

问好kokho和迪拜。

尝试柔软一些。
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白水
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Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2007-09-21 20:20:48    Post subject: Reply with quote

下一个偶像是野兽 wrote:
问好kokho和迪拜。

尝试柔软一些。


很好的尝试. 一直在读你的诗歌,欣赏你的诗歌常含有对社会很敏锐的观察, 这是女性诗歌较难作到的. 但有时感到柔度不够, 使人产生担心折断的感觉.
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黑雨滴
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Joined: 11 Jun 2007
Posts: 144

黑雨滴Collection
PostPosted: 2007-09-22 07:09:53    Post subject: Reply with quote

说不好什么感觉,只是突然很伤感

也许是他的名字与题目间的反差
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