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"HuaHe Cup" 2007 Chinese Mainland and Oversea Poetry Competition and Non-governmental Magazines and Newspapers Joint Exhibition starts on the first day of 2007.
  
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鱷鱼祭
雪硯
童生


Joined: 30 Apr 2007
Posts: 80
Location: 台灣‧苗栗
雪硯Collection
PostPosted: 2007-09-14 16:20:41    Post subject: 鱷鱼祭 Reply with quote

【鱷鱼祭】


不径而走的谎言带著风信子
流浪去了,整个夏天像一隻火鸡
一隻像牵牛花的火鸡,绞杀了沉默
爬虫一般的欠疚,尖嘴埋进米堆
让火掏空黄昏,还有数几蔴袋踉愴的爱
与尊严。山茱萸為谁隐匿承诺,為谁
叨念著灰烬的空旷与颤慄。举起
海浪,戏弄红橙橙的落日,珊瑚礁的影子
拾去了几个小孩的哭声。椰子树狂笑不止
鱷鱼剽窃了,他们的悲伤


秋天追赶那空了的城
整个夏天,广场上
烈日曝晒的髑髏,鄙视风的逃逸。鄙视
那花岗岩一般的坚硬,他们露出齿冷的笑
餐桌上的鱼头骨骸奏著羌笛七韵。成群排
列的,整个天空惊厄的眼睛,一到晚上
就空成一颗一颗洒下冰冷的泪的星星....
秋天骑著鱷鱼进城了,贩卖著枫叶的唐吉柯德
遗失族谱的枯枝敲打天上的云,它呼喊水
城在奔逃。一种断肠的痛,像膺币蔓延


一种麇裂
在菊花遍开的清晨
等待,等待驼铃
的倾洩,像蔷薇轻轻的绽放。撕裂的寓言
消失,在大漠,在流沙滚烫的乳房,时光
的笑靨,繁殖如多梦的蹼趾。颠躓著去
飘摇著来,情人的眼是流萤闪烁的轻嘆,板车
晃悠著,漂泊的乳汁迴转入夜的深沉,躺进了
笛音轻盪的缠绵,蛺蝶从你的眼入眠。薄翼
如愁,在默默的后龙溪畔,瘦瘦的小镇山城


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白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2007-09-14 21:40:33    Post subject: Reply with quote

相比那矩形诗, 更喜欢这种排版. 读起来更自然, 感人. 起始就很抓人视线:
不径而走的谎言带著风信子
流浪去了
而让人有兴趣读下去.
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半溪明月
榜眼


Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection
PostPosted: 2007-09-14 21:54:40    Post subject: Reply with quote

喜欢这首,
椰子树狂笑不止
鱷鱼剽窃了,他们的悲伤

让火掏空黄昏

餐桌上的鱼头骨骸奏著羌笛七韵


成群排
列的,整个天空惊厄的眼睛,一到晚上
就空成一颗一颗洒下冰冷的泪的星星....


遗失族谱的枯枝敲打天上的云,它呼喊水
城在奔逃。


撕裂的寓言
消失,在大漠,在流沙滚烫的乳房,时光
的笑靨,繁殖如多梦的蹼趾。颠躓著去
飘摇著来,情人的眼是流萤闪烁的轻嘆,板车
晃悠著,漂泊的乳汁迴转入夜的深沉,躺进了
笛音轻盪的缠绵,蛺蝶从你的眼入眠。


这样的句子形象,通感,学习了,问好!
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金金
进士出身


Joined: 08 Feb 2007
Posts: 2035
Location: 山东济宁
金金Collection
PostPosted: 2007-09-16 20:30:10    Post subject: Reply with quote

很好玩,觉得这种写法
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nobody
进士出身


Joined: 31 Dec 2006
Posts: 2651
Location: Madtown
nobodyCollection
PostPosted: 2007-09-17 00:54:32    Post subject: Reply with quote

恕直一家之言, 还是感觉华丽得耀眼.
当然我个人并没有您的修为,造诣和才华, 但也曾经喜欢罗列意象新奇比喻等.
随着年龄的增长,反而喜欢简单表达, 让 道理/情节 本身发光.
但也理解很多人喜欢. 所以说,并不是反对. 还反对艾略特呢,哈哈.
风格吧. 很感谢带来这种风格. 并纯粹和极致.
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杨海军
进士出身


Joined: 01 Mar 2007
Posts: 2205
Location: 吉林
杨海军Collection
PostPosted: 2007-09-17 04:28:09    Post subject: Reply with quote

喜欢这样的风格!问好!
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走了很久了。还清晰地望见/身后那盏明灭的灯火/好像我们走的越久越远/故乡的那盏灯就越亮
——拙作《离开村庄》
http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1269376751
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杯中冲浪
进士出身


Joined: 29 Sep 2006
Posts: 2891
Location: 中国
杯中冲浪Collection
PostPosted: 2007-09-17 05:06:08    Post subject: Reply with quote

不错
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杯中冲浪.披履而行
http://blog.sina.com.cn/shoutao006
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荷梦
进士出身


Joined: 19 Dec 2006
Posts: 2826
Location: 湖北,黄梅
荷梦Collection
PostPosted: 2007-09-17 05:45:32    Post subject: Reply with quote

拜读!
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