Lake
举人
Joined: 09 Jan 2007
Posts: 1286
LakeCollection |
 Posted: 2007-08-29 19:08:43 Post subject: Haiku (71-80) |
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71
Circles on the pond
Stir ripples of memory
Rainbows in water
72
The moon's left at dawn
The rooster calls the sun up
A brand new day sings
73
Purpose without art -
Petals open one by one
Art found in purpose
74
The days never end
So we can make our ends meet
Seasonal cycle
75
Lords of Illusion
failed to illude a young mind -
"The King is unclothed!"
76
"Till death us do part"-
pledge lasts for generations
Does it really work?
77
The universe hummed
As rivers surged, mountains shook -
A grand symphony
78
Not in this instance -
Harder you work, better results.
It needs natural gifts
79
Pie-crust promises-
Like "draw water with baskets"
We buy what we see.
80
Butterfly kisses
Like a spring shower on flowers
Bees become jealous
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the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins |
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kokho
进士出身
Joined: 30 Nov 2006
Posts: 2642
Location: Singapore
kokhoCollection |
| Posted: 2007-08-29 20:42:50 Post subject: Re: Haiku (71-80) |
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| Lake wrote: |
71
Circles on the pond
Stir ripples of memory
Rainbows in water
《》rainbow is swimming ...
73
Purpose without art -
Petals open one by one
Art found in purpose
<> Arts flourish in life
74
The days never end
So we can make our ends meet
Seasonal cycle
<> Only dream cycles
75
Lords of Illusion
failed to illude a young mind -
"The King is unclothed!"
illude ? allude ? too old a story..
78
Not in this instance -
Harder you work, better results. - 8
It needs natural gifts
<> don't you dare complain...
i didn't care for the rest (多义)
one enlightenment !
79
Pie-crust promises-
Like "draw water with baskets"
We buy what we see.
<> VERY VERY GOOD !!!
80
Butterfly kisses
Like a spring shower on flowers - 8
Bees become jealous |
<> Butterfly kisses
Like spring showers on flowers
Bees become jealous
<> I will show you how I composed a bilingual duet
on the same  later ..
..
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Lake
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Joined: 09 Jan 2007
Posts: 1286
LakeCollection |
| Posted: 2007-08-30 10:15:28 Post subject: Re: Haiku (71-80) |
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又来上课。
| kokho wrote: |
| Lake wrote: |
71
Circles on the pond
Stir ripples of memory
Rainbows in water
《》rainbow is swimming ...
好，动感出来了。 曾把 swim 用在别处，这里就没想到了。
73
Purpose without art -
Petals open one by one
Art found in purpose
<> Arts flourish in life
Arts flourish in life 确实是这样。而这首主要是在玩儿 wordplay - purpose, art 也没在意是否 make sense, 写出来后，读读，还有点儿意思。
74
The days never end
So we can make our ends meet
Seasonal cycle
<> Only dream cycles
想，一天到晚忙忙碌碌，日复一日，年复一年，不就是为了
make your ends meet 吗？
75
Lords of Illusion
failed to illude a young mind -
"The King is unclothed!"
illude ? allude ? too old a story..
Yes, the "King" is an old story, but "Lords of Illusion" is not - combine these two together.
'illude', did I coin it? True, I wanted to find a verb to the noun 'Illusion", so I wrote it down first and then went to the internet to check to see if it is legitimate. Ha, here is the definition :
v. t.
To play upon by artifice; to deceive; to mock; to excite and disappoint the hopes of.
It is also in your favorit dictionary.com
78
Not in this instance -
Harder you work, better results. - 8
It needs natural gifts
<> don't you dare complain...
i didn't care for the rest (多义)
one enlightenment !
yeah, eight syllables...
多义: 我不管其他人怎么想；我不管结果如何；其他我一概不在乎，只在意 enlightenment 。。。？
79
Pie-crust promises-
Like "draw water with baskets"
We buy what we see.
<> VERY VERY GOOD !!!
One out of ten. Thanks!
80
Butterfly kisses
Like a spring shower on flowers - 8
Bees become jealous |
<> Butterfly kisses
Like spring showers on flowers - 7
Bees become jealous
I have to be carefull with syllables.
<> I will show you how I composed a bilingual duet
on the same later ..
.. |
Looking forward to your duet!
谢谢 Kokho 坦诚交流，热情指导。在不断学习中。
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kokho
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Posts: 2642
Location: Singapore
kokhoCollection |
| Posted: 2007-08-30 22:48:55 Post subject: |
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..
don't you dare complain...
i didn't care for the rest (多义)
one enlightenment !
<> you missed this one - it is 5-7-5 too )
.
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kokho
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Location: Singapore
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| Posted: 2007-08-30 22:51:03 Post subject: |
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Please note that, those are not comments
they are the replacement - mostly for the last phrase
．．
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Lake
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Joined: 09 Jan 2007
Posts: 1286
LakeCollection |
| Posted: 2007-08-31 03:45:12 Post subject: |
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| kokho wrote: |
..
don't you dare complain...
i didn't care for the rest (多义)
one enlightenment !
<> you missed this one - it is 5-7-5 too )
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i think i missed your 多义, please advise.
i know it is 5-7-5, i was talking about my 5-8-5. i must admit sometimes, i don't care too much about syllables.
Wait a minute, your Haiku says it well:
don't you dare complain...
i didn't care for the rest
one enlightenment !
another note:
i didn't care for the rest (6, some phonologists would argue; unless it is 'i did not care for the rest'.)
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Lake
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Posts: 1286
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| Posted: 2007-08-31 03:58:26 Post subject: |
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| kokho wrote: |
Please note that, I what place there are not comments
they are the replacement - mostly for the last phrase
．． |
i Did get this part:
| Quote: |
| they are the replacement - mostly for the last phrase |
but Missed this:
| Quote: |
| I what place there are not comments |
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博弈
榜眼
Joined: 21 Dec 2006
Posts: 4381
Location: SFO
博弈Collection |
| Posted: 2007-08-31 06:28:27 Post subject: |
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哇, 都八十了,朝诗夕拾亱为襌,神来一百禅
期待, 鼓励!
见如此用功, 为二位点烛温酒, 幸就烛泪醉.
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Lake
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Joined: 09 Jan 2007
Posts: 1286
LakeCollection |
| Posted: 2007-08-31 12:40:54 Post subject: |
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| 博弈 wrote: |
哇, 都八十了,朝诗夕拾亱为襌,神来一百禅
期待, 鼓励!
见如此用功, 为二位点烛温酒, 幸就烛泪醉. |
I know Haiku to you is like 朗诵诗 to Kokho, not your taste...
So I feel honored to see your 期待, 鼓励! (希望这里没多义。）
其它那两句嘛 也打油一个
哈，朝湿柴，细炊烟，夜来孤影衣单，何来一百禅鞭？
俺烟酒不沾，睡眼强睁，泪腺干，哈欠响连天…
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博弈
榜眼
Joined: 21 Dec 2006
Posts: 4381
Location: SFO
博弈Collection |
| Posted: 2007-08-31 21:05:34 Post subject: |
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| Lake wrote: |
I know Haiku to you is like 朗诵诗 to Kokho, not your taste...
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I like to read though I can't write them well.
I did not want to write it simply because it is from Japan.
Pretty stupid, ain't I?
I admit it is a school of poetry. I admire more originality than
copying, in any creation.
Can my two lines be re-orgniazed to be "諧俳", just kidding
哇--都八十了
朝诗夕拾亱为襌
神来一百禅
见如此用功
为二位点烛温酒
幸就烛泪醉
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Lake
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Joined: 09 Jan 2007
Posts: 1286
LakeCollection |
| Posted: 2007-09-01 18:30:16 Post subject: |
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| 博弈 wrote: |
I did not want to write it simply because it is from Japan.
Pretty stupid, ain't I? |
The fact that the majority of my classmates chose Japaneses as a second foreign language （ages ago) but me proves that I wrote it not because it's from Japan ( though now a bit regretful).
Many reasons for me to start with Haiku, here are a few:
1. The poet I first knew of writes Haiku and writes well.
2. Its succinct form and expression, and imagery. And momentary inspiration, insight.
3. Some of my English-speaking friends like to read and share theirs with me.
4.
......
| 博弈 wrote: |
Can my two lines be re-orgniazed to be "諧俳", just kidding
哇--都八十了
朝诗夕拾亱为襌
神来一百禅
见如此用功
为二位点烛温酒
幸就烛泪醉 |
- By all means.
惭愧，看走眼了。
不过，第一句，怎么给我的第一感觉是 “哇--都七老八十了 ”
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kokho
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Posts: 2642
Location: Singapore
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| Posted: 2007-09-03 23:36:10 Post subject: |
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It is too young, any of two of us will be more than 100 ：）
。。
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William Zhou周道模
探花
Joined: 10 Jun 2007
Posts: 3950
Location: 中国四川广汉
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| Posted: 2007-09-17 06:29:12 Post subject: |
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i was away for 17 days,now i can read and learn your works and discussions once again.thank all of you!
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诗歌是灵魂的歌唱.
周道模 |
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Lake
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Joined: 09 Jan 2007
Posts: 1286
LakeCollection |
| Posted: 2007-09-17 08:56:08 Post subject: |
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Welcome back, William.
一定收获多多，佳作多多。
Kokho 在给我最后一句打气、加油，使劲呢。
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William Zhou周道模
探花
Joined: 10 Jun 2007
Posts: 3950
Location: 中国四川广汉
William Zhou周道模Collection |
| Posted: 2007-09-17 14:40:50 Post subject: |
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a poet is always young, especially the poet's heart is young forever. i will post my english poem"yonger and younger",please point out any mistakes
for me,thanks.
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诗歌是灵魂的歌唱.
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