我的几首诗，翻译的很粗糙，想请人帮忙重译，抱拳！

[林溪]

*《 crazy forefinger》
*《疯狂的食指》

It attempts to open the Milky Way
Let the flood wantonly cross the breach
Flood all constellations
它试图打开天河
任肆意的洪水穿过缺口
呼吸淹没所有星座
天使们发出兴奋的呼叫


It attempts to open your dream
It is you for the the imaginations one everything tentacle but and
You hover riding the sunshine and wind
No longer feel lonely from then on
它试图打开你的梦
让你想像的一切触手可及
你骑着阳光和风飞翔
从此不再感到孤单


It is doing his attempting
Already totally crazy forefinger
Fetch boiling water , open the sky one by one
I am gone out of dreamland by the flood
A vast expanse of water in the paradise
它做着他的试图
已经完全疯狂的食指
一一打开水、打开天空
我被洪水冲出梦境
天堂里一片汪洋


*《the Winter Solstice》
*《冬至》

The ones that will come appear finally
Want loss not to stay
The river dries up, water has disappeared gradually
The air is so coarse as to let you not dare to look at more
该来的终于出现了
如同要失去的留也留不住
河流干涸，水在渐渐消失
空气粗糙得让你不敢多看一眼


The cold must come one after another
The ones that look like you more in the heart of hearts at this moment are fragile and little
Swarm forward in instant turning round
冷是必定要接踵而至的
多像你此时内心深处的脆微
在转身的刹那蜂涌而至


You have no enough time to dodge and hide
Wave the arm like reflecting just
Heavy snow, cold frost begin to perform in turn
你来不及躲闪及掩藏
只是反射般地挥了挥手臂
大雪、寒霜便开始轮流上演


I appear at this time Not the audience
Have not given to you angrily or greeted
Have not hand-carried the brilliant sunshine . Just
Watch attentively and refuse an outsider's idea
我在这个时候出现 不是观众
也没送给你火或者问候
没有随身携带夺目的阳光。只是
注视并拒绝一个局外人的想法


*《winter》
*《冬 季》


We have been cooling gradually
Stone in the river like this season
Hold illusion and sleep
我们在渐渐冷却
像这个季节河流里的石头
抱着幻想沉睡


The snow has not floated
In this city. People come and go
Have fallen down after the wind has blown the rooftop
雪没有飘起来
在这个城市。人来人往
风吹过楼顶后掉下来


The river is forced to hold up the riverbed
All internal injury
Expose to the lonely sky
河水被迫托起河床
所有的内伤
暴露给孤独的天空


It is melancholy to take in sound of one's walking
Cross the wild animals of the forest
A new line Have taken a sniff at the distant place
脚步声里带着忧郁
穿过森林的野兽
抬头 嗅了嗅远方


*《the tree in winter 》
*《冬天里的树》


Those black one doing
Stretch to the sky
Like A lot of birds
Wings wanting to fly
那些黑色的枝干
伸向天空
仿佛　许多只鸟
欲飞起的翅膀


They jump over the incantation
With the dry and cold night
Put oneself into my health
它们跃过咒语
和干冷的夜
扑进我的身体

[kino]

诗写得不错，除第一首有点不知所云。如果确有必要翻译成英文，我可以试一试。请留言。

[林溪]

[余刃]

诗歌好翻译的也好

[kino]

不好意思，最近一段时间太忙了。等忙过这阵子就过来试着翻译一下。

[kokho]

拜读　问好　；））

。。
_________________
乒乓、摄影、诗歌

[kino]

*《 crazy forefinger》
*《疯狂的食指》

它试图打开天河
任肆意的洪水穿过缺口
呼吸淹没所有星座
天使们发出兴奋的呼叫
It plotted to breach the river of Heaven,
Watching the flood rushing out wantonly,
All comstellations surbmerged,
Yet the angels yelling excitedly.

它试图打开你的梦
让你想像的一切触手可及
你骑着阳光和风飞翔
从此不再感到孤单
It intends to open your dreams,
making all you imaged come into being.
You ride sunshine and wind, flying,
bothered not any more by solitude.

它做着他的试图
已经完全疯狂的食指
一一打开水、打开天空
我被洪水冲出梦境
天堂里一片汪洋
The forefinger has gone totally crazy,
Calculating its fantasies.
—open water, sky…
I was flooded out of the dreamland.
The heaven turns into seas.

先翻出了第一首。现在突然明白，原来这是一首写性的诗。不过我觉得结尾不够精彩。

[金金]

赘述有些`
_________________
http://blog.sina.com.cn/shirenjinjin

[林溪]

[林溪]

提起来寻找高人指点.

[William Zhou周道模]

本人不高，两米以下。在你译文的基础上稍作改动，供讨论、参考。
winter
we are getting colder gradually
like stones in this season river
sleeping with fantasies

the snows haven't fluttered
peaple come and go in this city
the wind fell down after passing the rooftops

the water has to support the riverbed
all the internal injuries
exposing to the lonely sky
_________________
诗歌是灵魂的歌唱.
周道模