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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

投稿《弯下腰》（外二首）

罗国雄
童生

Joined: 11 Jul 2007
Posts: 31

罗国雄Collection

Posted: 2007-08-29 01:32:28 Post subject: 投稿《弯下腰》（外二首）

《弯下腰》（外二首）　罗国雄牛弯下腰　看见春天蹄印里的青草　看见苍茫大地一茬鲜嫩的历史一颗谦卑的心熟透的稻子　弯下腰　看见秋天根部深深的皱纹一把镰刀不忍心收割土地命运里全部的波折父亲弯下腰　看见退役的犁耙丢弃在庭院的一角无数坚硬的日子在他眼角生锈母亲弯下腰　看见山峦上一朵秋菊她最小的女儿　粲然开放而后母亲把自己深深地弯进了一只蝴蝶梦里的亲情再也没有站起来现在，我弯下腰时常还能看见　母亲搀扶着我的童年和艰难岁月里小小的温馨走过一条一条田埂思念在低头的瞬间总能看见大地尽头的幸福而我们却无法避免 “一面生活，一面频频告别。” 　　《故　乡》那么多人为她洒下泪水那么多人需要坐上飞机、轮船、火车、汽车甚至牛车沉重的辙痕。那么多人只想回到夜晚看一眼油灯下的月光和月光里他们被抛离已久的隔阂那么多人聚在异乡的一杯酒里说到命运和生死那么多人抱头，痛哭…… 写下这个词的时候父亲在客厅的沙发上咳嗽想必他也在为这两个字而感冒发　烧　《风》上坡时的风有三级台阶下坡时，还有两道坎迈过第一道我懂得了一些爱迈第二道时影子踉跄了一下，没迈过这时的风哼着不够坚定的音乐绿色的泥床上，软弱的美像成群的少女在引诱我而我心中的那个风铃早已生锈地址：四川省乐山市纪律检查委员会邮编：６１４０００ lslgx168@163.com

kokho
进士出身

Joined: 30 Nov 2006
Posts: 2642
Location: Singapore
kokhoCollection

Posted: 2007-08-29 12:40:32 Post subject:

第一篇　非常好　深情　：）。。 _________________ 乒乓、摄影、诗歌

罗国雄
童生

Joined: 11 Jul 2007
Posts: 31

罗国雄Collection

Posted: 2007-08-29 18:38:22 Post subject:

kokho wrote:

　第一篇　非常好　深情　：）

。。

谢谢您的审阅,请多多批评,遥握!

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2007-08-29 18:46:29 Post subject:

这组诗歌立意, 行文都很好. 问好诗人

罗国雄
童生

Joined: 11 Jul 2007
Posts: 31

罗国雄Collection

Posted: 2007-08-30 00:13:07 Post subject:

白水 Moonlight wrote:

这组诗歌立意, 行文都很好. 问好诗人

谢谢先生的点评,问好,遥握

迪拜
同进士出身

Joined: 31 Oct 2006
Posts: 1588

迪拜Collection

Posted: 2007-08-30 00:45:59 Post subject:

<弯下腰>的第1,2节哲理非常深刻,足够了后面的,显得多余,可以修改, <故乡>最后几行,很好, 前面的,不明了.

罗国雄
童生

Joined: 11 Jul 2007
Posts: 31

罗国雄Collection

Posted: 2007-08-30 21:27:30 Post subject:

迪拜 wrote:

<弯下腰>的第1,2节

哲理非常深刻,足够了

后面的,显得多余,可以修改,

<故乡>最后几行,很好,

前面的,不明了.

谢谢先生阅读和批评,意见收下,学习,遥握,问好

杨海军
进士出身

Joined: 01 Mar 2007
Posts: 2205
Location: 吉林
杨海军Collection

Posted: 2007-08-31 14:15:48 Post subject:

好诗一组，欣赏并学习！！ _________________ 走了很久了。还清晰地望见/身后那盏明灭的灯火/好像我们走的越久越远/故乡的那盏灯就越亮 ——拙作《离开村庄》 http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1269376751

罗国雄
童生

Joined: 11 Jul 2007
Posts: 31

罗国雄Collection

Posted: 2007-09-11 19:11:35 Post subject:

谢谢海军兄阅读,请多批评.问候

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