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风之上的云(组诗)1[2]  Next
赵福治
探花


Joined: 30 May 2006
Posts: 3456
Location: 中国北京
赵福治Collection
PostPosted: 2007-08-21 08:17:29    Post subject: 风之上的云(组诗) Reply with quote

风之上的云(组诗)


《鱼》

必须承认,是眼前的鱼
和身边异域的女子,使我想起故乡
鱼躺在油中,胡椒飘在油上
汤勺搅动的流动,让我想起童年的河
和娇小的脚丫,一路歪斜

酒应该是香的。语言沧桑
经年的日历。饭桌上
我看到一段夏天
一片竹叶,试图抽出的
却是过眼的尘。翠绿
渐去渐远

《鱼目》

反复回旋的是珠子吗?确切地说
是鱼的眼睛,从故乡望来
我找个借口推托下箸。心里
演绎鱼目混珠的成语

靠近心的地方,总是柔软
今夜的夜,与我无关
我是船上的月,在自己的心里浮起

《风之上的云》

听故事的样子,很专注
隔着风,竹篾用手指拨弄
是非,只是一个代词

倾听,有时是一个错误的描述
可以很累,也可以中伤
倒地

云上有字吗?可以断章
或取义,我不知道
我知道风上有云
云可以下雨,淋湿诗人的头
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kokho
进士出身


Joined: 30 Nov 2006
Posts: 2642
Location: Singapore
kokhoCollection
PostPosted: 2007-08-21 10:44:15    Post subject: Reply with quote

拜读 脱胎换骨 更上2或3层楼 :)


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乒乓、摄影、诗歌
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kokho
进士出身


Joined: 30 Nov 2006
Posts: 2642
Location: Singapore
kokhoCollection
PostPosted: 2007-08-21 10:47:23    Post subject: Reply with quote

完全倒装了 :)

形象不只互动,还能转化 - 高!!!

蒙太奇诗歌的层次 出现了。。。

《》你该把这些功夫,传给你那里50年不变的多位斑竹们 。。。


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杨海军
进士出身


Joined: 01 Mar 2007
Posts: 2205
Location: 吉林
杨海军Collection
PostPosted: 2007-08-21 13:48:21    Post subject: Reply with quote

鱼躺在油中,胡椒飘在油上
汤勺搅动的流动,让我想起童年的河
和娇小的脚丫,一脚歪斜
好句!!!
但第二首和第三首更让人感动!!!问候福治兄!!海军祝好!!!“我是船上的月,在自己的心里浮起 ”我也一样。
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走了很久了。还清晰地望见/身后那盏明灭的灯火/好像我们走的越久越远/故乡的那盏灯就越亮
——拙作《离开村庄》
http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1269376751
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白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2007-08-21 15:30:59    Post subject: Reply with quote

灵动, 新意
忍不住加精一个, 管你是不是版主 Very Happy
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新华
秀才


Joined: 29 Jul 2007
Posts: 225

新华Collection
PostPosted: 2007-08-21 18:20:08    Post subject: Reply with quote

鱼》

必须承认,是眼前的鱼
和身边异域的女子,使我想起故乡
鱼躺在油中,胡椒飘在油上
汤勺搅动的流动,让我想起童年的河
和娇小的脚丫,一脚歪斜

酒应该是香的。语言沧桑
经年的日历。饭桌上
我看到一段夏天
一片竹叶,试图抽出的
却是过眼的尘。翠绿
渐去渐远

学习。
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山城子
榜眼


Joined: 23 May 2007
Posts: 4771
Location: 中国贵州
山城子Collection
PostPosted: 2007-08-22 08:03:43    Post subject: Reply with quote

《鱼》

必须承认,是眼前的鱼
和身边异域的女子,使我想起故乡
鱼躺在油中,胡椒飘在油上
汤勺搅动的流动,让我想起童年的河
和娇小的脚丫,一脚歪斜

酒应该是香的。语言沧桑
经年的日历。饭桌上
我看到一段夏天
一片竹叶,试图抽出的
却是过眼的尘。翠绿
渐去渐远

问好!学习!
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诗是人生的雅伴儿。
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半溪明月
榜眼


Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection
PostPosted: 2007-08-22 13:19:45    Post subject: Reply with quote

学习赵老师的诗歌~问好!
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沙漠
秀才


Joined: 26 Jan 2007
Posts: 977
Location: 中国温州
沙漠Collection
PostPosted: 2007-08-22 18:20:49    Post subject: Reply with quote

读来美好、感人!学习!
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个人博客http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1056295180
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迪拜
同进士出身


Joined: 31 Oct 2006
Posts: 1588

迪拜Collection
PostPosted: 2007-08-22 19:12:57    Post subject: Reply with quote

<鱼>

写的很好

耐人琢磨.
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半溪明月
榜眼


Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection
PostPosted: 2007-08-22 21:09:16    Post subject: Reply with quote

三首各有各的味道~细品,收藏了!问好!
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韩少君
进士出身


Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Posts: 2558
Location: 吉林四平
韩少君Collection
PostPosted: 2007-08-23 02:27:36    Post subject: Reply with quote

这一组真的很好.尤其鱼
出其不意.意料之外,情理之中.

欣赏!
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靠才华为自己带来幸福的是才子;靠才华为自己带来痛苦的是诗人!!http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanshaojun345
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赵福治
探花


Joined: 30 May 2006
Posts: 3456
Location: 中国北京
赵福治Collection
PostPosted: 2007-08-23 05:45:18    Post subject: Reply with quote

kokho wrote:
拜读 脱胎换骨 更上2或3层楼 :)


多提意见,握手.
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赵福治
探花


Joined: 30 May 2006
Posts: 3456
Location: 中国北京
赵福治Collection
PostPosted: 2007-08-23 05:47:07    Post subject: Reply with quote

杨海军 wrote:
鱼躺在油中,胡椒飘在油上
汤勺搅动的流动,让我想起童年的河
和娇小的脚丫,一脚歪斜
好句!!!
但第二首和第三首更让人感动!!!问候福治兄!!海军祝好!!!“我是船上的月,在自己的心里浮起 ”我也一样。

海军兄弟好,握手.
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赵福治
探花


Joined: 30 May 2006
Posts: 3456
Location: 中国北京
赵福治Collection
PostPosted: 2007-08-23 05:48:52    Post subject: Reply with quote

白水 Moonlight wrote:
灵动, 新意
忍不住加精一个, 管你是不是版主 Very Happy

兄好,多批.
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赵福治
探花


Joined: 30 May 2006
Posts: 3456
Location: 中国北京
赵福治Collection
PostPosted: 2007-08-23 05:51:04    Post subject: Reply with quote

新华 wrote:
鱼》

必须承认,是眼前的鱼
和身边异域的女子,使我想起故乡
鱼躺在油中,胡椒飘在油上
汤勺搅动的流动,让我想起童年的河
和娇小的脚丫,一脚歪斜

酒应该是香的。语言沧桑
经年的日历。饭桌上
我看到一段夏天
一片竹叶,试图抽出的
却是过眼的尘。翠绿
渐去渐远

学习。
多来交流.
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赵福治
探花


Joined: 30 May 2006
Posts: 3456
Location: 中国北京
赵福治Collection
PostPosted: 2007-08-23 05:52:36    Post subject: Reply with quote

山城子 wrote:
《鱼》

必须承认,是眼前的鱼
和身边异域的女子,使我想起故乡
鱼躺在油中,胡椒飘在油上
汤勺搅动的流动,让我想起童年的河
和娇小的脚丫,一脚歪斜

酒应该是香的。语言沧桑
经年的日历。饭桌上
我看到一段夏天
一片竹叶,试图抽出的
却是过眼的尘。翠绿
渐去渐远

问好!学习!
问好兄.远握.
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赵福治
探花


Joined: 30 May 2006
Posts: 3456
Location: 中国北京
赵福治Collection
PostPosted: 2007-08-23 05:53:29    Post subject: Reply with quote

沙漠 wrote:
读来美好、感人!学习!

多提意见.
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赵福治
探花


Joined: 30 May 2006
Posts: 3456
Location: 中国北京
赵福治Collection
PostPosted: 2007-08-23 05:54:15    Post subject: Reply with quote

沙漠 wrote:
读来美好、感人!学习!

多来.
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赵福治
探花


Joined: 30 May 2006
Posts: 3456
Location: 中国北京
赵福治Collection
PostPosted: 2007-08-23 05:56:01    Post subject: Reply with quote

半溪明月 wrote:
学习赵老师的诗歌~问好!

多来论坛。
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