Lake
举人
zhùcèshíjiān: 2007-01-09
tièzǐ: 1286
Lakeběiměifēngwénjí |
 fābiǎoyú: 2007-09-25 10:20:10 fābiǎozhùtí: The Moon |
 |
|
我先起了个头， 两位诗友紧跟了上来 --
L
a water lily pad
sways like a cradle for
the mid autumn moon
S
the mid autumn moon
is stuck in the willow tree --
disfigured moonlight.
T
disfigured moonlight
from behind her veil
la luna flirts
。
_________________
the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins |
|
| fǎnyèshǒu |
|
 |
|
|
戴玨
秀才
zhùcèshíjiān: 2007-01-03
tièzǐ: 808
戴玨běiměifēngwénjí |
| fābiǎoyú: 2007-09-25 15:02:15 fābiǎozhùtí: |
|
|
這個頭起得不錯！ 
_________________
I labour by singing light
我的blog
我的專欄 |
|
| fǎnyèshǒu |
|
|
|
|
kokho
进士出身
zhùcèshíjiān: 2006-11-30
tièzǐ: 2642
láizì: Singapore
kokhoběiměifēngwénjí |
| fābiǎoyú: 2007-09-26 12:16:06 fābiǎozhùtí: |
|
|
L
a water lily pad ［５］ waterlily
sways like a cradle for ［６］
the mid autumn moon ［５］
S
the mid autumn moon ［５］
is stuck in the willow tree -- ［７］
disfigured moonlight. ［５］ moonshine
T
disfigured moonlight ［５］
from behind her veil ［５］
la luna flirts ［４］
.
.
Not 5-7-5 don't know how to play  )
..
_________________
乒乓、摄影、诗歌 |
|
| fǎnyèshǒu |
|
|
|
|
Lake
举人
zhùcèshíjiān: 2007-01-09
tièzǐ: 1286
Lakeběiměifēngwénjí |
| fābiǎoyú: 2007-09-26 15:45:09 fābiǎozhùtí: |
|
|
| 戴玨 xièdào: |
| 這個頭起得不錯！ |
谢谢戴玨。也跟一个有升华的结尾？
_________________
the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins |
|
| fǎnyèshǒu |
|
|
|
|
Lake
举人
zhùcèshíjiān: 2007-01-09
tièzǐ: 1286
Lakeběiměifēngwénjí |
| fābiǎoyú: 2007-09-26 15:55:31 fābiǎozhùtí: |
|
|
| kokho xièdào: |
L
a water lily pad ［５］ waterlily
sways like a cradle for ［６］
the mid autumn moon ［５］
S
the mid autumn moon ［５］
is stuck in the willow tree -- ［７］
disfigured moonlight. ［５］ moonshine
T
disfigured moonlight ［５］
from behind her veil ［５］
la luna flirts ［４］
.
.
Not 5-7-5 don't know how to play )
.. |
谢谢挑剔。
》Did I say it's haiku?——〉No.
》Does it have a sort of kaiku spirit?——〉We tried.
》Is it less than 17 syllables? ——〉 Yes, a trend of English haiku. Mark even suggested 4/6/4.
》How to play it? ——〉 Easy. Pick up the last line of the previous as your first line and jump on the train...
Here is one more, not that good, example only:
la luna flirts
to break a man down
all stars close their eyes
_________________
the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins |
|
| fǎnyèshǒu |
|
|
|
|
William Zhou周道模
探花
zhùcèshíjiān: 2007-06-10
tièzǐ: 3950
láizì: 中国四川广汉
William Zhou周道模běiměifēngwénjí |
| fābiǎoyú: 2007-09-26 18:06:13 fābiǎozhùtí: |
|
|
all stars close their eyes
only the moon is crying
for the dying time
_________________
诗歌是灵魂的歌唱.
周道模 |
|
| fǎnyèshǒu |
|
|
|
|
Lake
举人
zhùcèshíjiān: 2007-01-09
tièzǐ: 1286
Lakeběiměifēngwénjí |
| fābiǎoyú: 2007-09-27 09:46:11 fābiǎozhùtí: |
|
|
isn't it easy, William?
for the dying time
cicadas sing their last song
a squirrel listens
_________________
the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins |
|
| fǎnyèshǒu |
|
|
|
|
kokho
进士出身
zhùcèshíjiān: 2006-11-30
tièzǐ: 2642
láizì: Singapore
kokhoběiměifēngwénjí |
| fābiǎoyú: 2007-09-27 13:28:02 fābiǎozhùtí: |
|
|
| Lake xièdào: |
isn't it easy, William?
for the dying time
cicadas sing their last song
a squirrel listens |
。。 很好呀 ：）
。。
_________________
乒乓、摄影、诗歌 |
|
| fǎnyèshǒu |
|
|
|
|
博弈
榜眼
zhùcèshíjiān: 2006-12-21
tièzǐ: 4381
láizì: SFO
博弈běiměifēngwénjí |
| fābiǎoyú: 2007-09-28 19:14:31 fābiǎozhùtí: |
|
|
for a squirrel time
cicadas' dyeing last trunk&
straws-listen the ground
how does it look and sound?
in this way, a new breed of poetry in English , I think.
one could create (a) missing part(s) in a sentence to 'Zen' it
time (adv. clause)
noun (phase)
verb (+subject reversed or object)
subject is present and missing, up to you.
of course, I attempt to create two new words here
trunk& (rhyme relative to drunken), also give more meaning to it
straws-listen (a plural listen or hear, as if ears stand like straws) by subject(s)
just for fun
_________________
（在不斷的審醜裡終將建立起新的審美） |
|
| fǎnyèshǒu |
|
|
|
|
Lake
举人
zhùcèshíjiān: 2007-01-09
tièzǐ: 1286
Lakeběiměifēngwénjí |
| fābiǎoyú: 2007-09-28 19:56:27 fābiǎozhùtí: |
|
|
| 博弈 xièdào: |
for a squirrel time
cicadas' dyeing last trunk&
straws-listen the ground
how does it look and sound?
|
for a squirrel time?
you can’t do that, you're cheating.
back to listen, please.
_________________
the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins |
|
| fǎnyèshǒu |
|
|
|
|
博弈
榜眼
zhùcèshíjiān: 2006-12-21
tièzǐ: 4381
láizì: SFO
博弈běiměifēngwénjí |
| fābiǎoyú: 2007-09-28 23:40:09 fābiǎozhùtí: |
|
|
| Lake xièdào: |
| 博弈 xièdào: |
for a squirrel time
cicadas' dyeing last trunk&
straws-listen the ground
how does it look and sound?
|
for a squirrel time?
you can’t do that, you're cheating.
back to listen, please.
|
here, it's an old meaning (see ZT below) with new colloquial syntax like "tea time, jazz hours, punk rock," etc..
it will derive the meaning such as "for a time that shadows with its tail"
then what is shadow (v.) or shade (n.)? add more interpretations too:D
ZT
squirrel
1327, from Anglo-Fr. esquirel, O.Fr. escurel (Fr. écureuil), from V.L. *scuriolus, dim. of *scurius "squirrel," variant of L. sciurus, from Gk. skiouros "a squirrel," lit. "shadow-tailed," from skia "shadow" + oura "tail." Perhaps the original notion is "that which makes a shade with its tail." The verb meaning "to hoard up, store away" (as a aquirrel does nuts) is first recorded 1939; squirrely is from 1925. The O.E. word was acweorna, which survived into M.E. as aquerne.
_________________
（在不斷的審醜裡終將建立起新的審美） |
|
| fǎnyèshǒu |
|
|
|
|
William Zhou周道模
探花
zhùcèshíjiān: 2007-06-10
tièzǐ: 3950
láizì: 中国四川广汉
William Zhou周道模běiměifēngwénjí |
| fābiǎoyú: 2007-09-30 14:41:28 fābiǎozhùtí: |
|
|
straws-listen the ground
fall's wandering and reading
the sleeping fields
_________________
诗歌是灵魂的歌唱.
周道模 |
|
| fǎnyèshǒu |
|
|
|
|
Lake
举人
zhùcèshíjiān: 2007-01-09
tièzǐ: 1286
Lakeběiměifēngwénjí |
| fābiǎoyú: 2007-10-01 12:11:12 fābiǎozhùtí: |
|
|
| 博弈 xièdào: |
| Lake xièdào: |
| 博弈 xièdào: |
for a squirrel time
cicadas' dyeing last trunk&
straws-listen the ground
how does it look and sound?
|
for a squirrel time?
you can’t do that, you're cheating.
back to listen, please.
|
here, it's an old meaning (see ZT below) with new colloquial syntax like "tea time, jazz hours, punk rock," etc..
it will derive the meaning such as "for a time that shadows with its tail"
then what is shadow (v.) or shade (n.)? add more interpretations too:D
ZT
squirrel
1327, from Anglo-Fr. esquirel, O.Fr. escurel (Fr. écureuil), from V.L. *scuriolus, dim. of *scurius "squirrel," variant of L. sciurus, from Gk. skiouros "a squirrel," lit. "shadow-tailed," from skia "shadow" + oura "tail." Perhaps the original notion is "that which makes a shade with its tail." The verb meaning "to hoard up, store away" (as a aquirrel does nuts) is first recorded 1939; squirrely is from 1925. The O.E. word was acweorna, which survived into M.E. as aquerne. |
Meaning’s superb! Sounds good, looks not so sure. The sign ‘&’ appears like 乱码，the new-coined word ‘straws-listen’ made me stumble a bit。 Me me again...
Thanks for providing the information of the origin of the word ‘squirrel’, it really helps.
I was saying you almost derailed the train.
Hey, let’s get out of this arrangement.
Anyway, your demonstration shows me another way of thinking.
I'm still working on mine.
Thank you very much!
bales of straw lying
still in the scarecrow-less field.
all’s gone, in the end.
_________________
the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins |
|
| fǎnyèshǒu |
|
|
|
|
Lake
举人
zhùcèshíjiān: 2007-01-09
tièzǐ: 1286
Lakeběiměifēngwénjí |
| fābiǎoyú: 2007-10-01 12:18:14 fābiǎozhùtí: |
|
|
(back to sync)
straws listen, the ground
grinds her dreams to dust. restless,
the sleeping fields
_________________
the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins |
|
| fǎnyèshǒu |
|
|
|
|
戴玨
秀才
zhùcèshíjiān: 2007-01-03
tièzǐ: 808
戴玨běiměifēngwénjí |
| fābiǎoyú: 2007-10-01 13:34:26 fābiǎozhùtí: |
|
|
| Lake xièdào: |
(back to sync)
straws listen, the ground
grinds her dreams to dust. restless,
the sleeping fields |
讀了你這麽多俳句，覺得這幾行最有味道。 
_________________
I labour by singing light
我的blog
我的專欄 |
|
| fǎnyèshǒu |
|
|
|
|
William Zhou周道模
探花
zhùcèshíjiān: 2007-06-10
tièzǐ: 3950
láizì: 中国四川广汉
William Zhou周道模běiměifēngwénjí |
| fābiǎoyú: 2007-10-01 14:50:28 fābiǎozhùtí: |
|
|
the sleeping fields
waits for the kisses
of the coming Spring
_________________
诗歌是灵魂的歌唱.
周道模 |
|
| fǎnyèshǒu |
|
|
|
|
Lake
举人
zhùcèshíjiān: 2007-01-09
tièzǐ: 1286
Lakeběiměifēngwénjí |
| fābiǎoyú: 2007-10-03 06:38:57 fābiǎozhùtí: |
|
|
| 戴玨 xièdào: |
| Lake xièdào: |
(back to sync)
straws listen, the ground
grinds her dreams to dust. restless,
the sleeping fields |
讀了你這麽多俳句，覺得這幾行最有味道。 |
啊，第一行是 博弈的， 最后一行是 周道模的，我就是想法把它们连起来。
觉得有味就好。谢谢！
_________________
the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins |
|
| fǎnyèshǒu |
|
|
|
|
Lake
举人
zhùcèshíjiān: 2007-01-09
tièzǐ: 1286
Lakeběiměifēngwénjí |
| fābiǎoyú: 2007-10-03 06:47:16 fābiǎozhùtí: |
|
|
| William Zhou周道模 xièdào: |
the sleeping fields
waits for the kisses
of the coming Spring |
of the coming spring
everything but her heart springs
quietly spring flows
_________________
the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins |
|
| fǎnyèshǒu |
|
|
|
|
William Zhou周道模
探花
zhùcèshíjiān: 2007-06-10
tièzǐ: 3950
láizì: 中国四川广汉
William Zhou周道模běiměifēngwénjí |
| fābiǎoyú: 2007-10-03 07:58:17 fābiǎozhùtí: |
|
|
我昨天写的是未发出还是又被删了，再发：
the sleeping fields
waiting for the kisses
of the coming Spring
_________________
诗歌是灵魂的歌唱.
周道模 |
|
| fǎnyèshǒu |
|
|
|
|
William Zhou周道模
探花
zhùcèshíjiān: 2007-06-10
tièzǐ: 3950
láizì: 中国四川广汉
William Zhou周道模běiměifēngwénjí |
| fābiǎoyú: 2007-10-03 19:56:56 fābiǎozhùtí: |
|
|
the sleeping fields
waiting for the kisses
of the coming Spring
_________________
诗歌是灵魂的歌唱.
周道模 |
|
| fǎnyèshǒu |
|
|
|
|
|