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[试作古韵] 浣溪沙。山行
李智强
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Joined: 07 Oct 2006
Posts: 169
Location: 莆田.福建.中国
李智强Collection
PostPosted: 2007-08-10 05:56:43    Post subject: [试作古韵] 浣溪沙。山行 Reply with quote
浣溪沙。山行

青苔驳树流水痕，黄叶漫道草木本，斜杨残梧倚双门。
谁道其中少真趣？松间石榻净无尘。愿入此山作樵人。



请各位老师指教!~
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白水
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Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2007-08-11 04:59:11    Post subject: Reply with quote
愿入此山作樵人。
佳境 Very Happy
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李智强
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Joined: 07 Oct 2006
Posts: 169
Location: 莆田.福建.中国
李智强Collection
PostPosted: 2007-08-13 04:50:15    Post subject: Reply with quote
其实就是突然想得末一句，才糊弄一首词的，而且格律又不懂．．白水老师见笑了．．
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白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2007-08-13 04:56:44    Post subject: Reply with quote
http://oson.ca/cpoetry/check.php

试试这个, 对初学者或许有帮助. Very Happy
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李智强
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Joined: 07 Oct 2006
Posts: 169
Location: 莆田.福建.中国
李智强Collection
PostPosted: 2007-08-16 05:23:13    Post subject: Reply with quote
很好。谢谢白水老师
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