莹雪
进士出身
Joined: 28 Sep 2006
Posts: 2520
Location: 中国－辽宁·三燕故都
莹雪Collection |
 Posted: 2007-08-13 17:30:43 Post subject: 月思 |
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月辉如霜
在这清冷里
淡去了白昼匆忙
暂停时间脚步的浮躁与癫狂
保留古韵中些许
不知怎的
在这月辉里
我却有高歌冲动
便是“独醒”不在从众寻梦
品味凄清和孤冷
月辉如霜
雾般的弥漫
除了碧空中群星
其他都早早进入酣浓睡境
唯我欣赏寂静 |
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荷梦
进士出身
Joined: 19 Dec 2006
Posts: 2826
Location: 湖北，黄梅
荷梦Collection |
| Posted: 2007-08-13 18:30:12 Post subject: |
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一种古典的沉静！问好莹雪！
个人愚见，现代诗的语言不同于古体，如果语言能再放松些就好了。 |
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韩少君
进士出身
Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Posts: 2558
Location: 吉林四平
韩少君Collection |
| Posted: 2007-08-13 21:03:36 Post subject: |
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诗画同境.美好感受.
菏梦的建议可以考虑.
_________________
靠才华为自己带来幸福的是才子;靠才华为自己带来痛苦的是诗人!!http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanshaojun345 |
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半溪明月
榜眼
Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760
半溪明月Collection |
| Posted: 2007-08-13 21:48:15 Post subject: |
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| 恩,我也同意荷梦的意见~问好! |
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莹雪
进士出身
Joined: 28 Sep 2006
Posts: 2520
Location: 中国－辽宁·三燕故都
莹雪Collection |
| Posted: 2007-08-14 22:01:52 Post subject: |
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| 荷梦 wrote: |
一种古典的沉静！问好莹雪！
个人愚见，现代诗的语言不同于古体，如果语言能再放松些就好了。 |
谢谢关注和鼓励！问好荷梦！
由于我不常写现代诗，有点跳不出，我接受你的建议，以后放开点。  |
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莹雪
进士出身
Joined: 28 Sep 2006
Posts: 2520
Location: 中国－辽宁·三燕故都
莹雪Collection |
| Posted: 2007-08-14 22:02:55 Post subject: |
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| 韩少君 wrote: |
诗画同境.美好感受.
菏梦的建议可以考虑. |
谢谢点评！ |
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莹雪
进士出身
Joined: 28 Sep 2006
Posts: 2520
Location: 中国－辽宁·三燕故都
莹雪Collection |
| Posted: 2007-08-14 22:04:03 Post subject: |
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| 半溪明月 wrote: |
| 恩,我也同意荷梦的意见~问好! |
一定改进，问好！ |
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槛外人
童生
Joined: 15 Aug 2007
Posts: 12
槛外人Collection |
| Posted: 2007-08-15 04:47:13 Post subject: |
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金金
进士出身
Joined: 08 Feb 2007
Posts: 2035
Location: 山东济宁
金金Collection |
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