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Maple Review Home -> 西方文学　Western Literature

Haiku (51-60)

Lake
举人

Joined: 09 Jan 2007
Posts: 1286

LakeCollection

Posted: 2007-08-20 12:50:05 Post subject: Haiku (51-60)

51 the rapids run wild like an unbridled horse gulls hover above 52 the shark hunts the fish run swirls of bloody water 53 a smile breaks free thus a nirvana attained content in thatched house 54 inside old dogs are all old tricks no room for new 55 safe in his locker he fumbled to smoke a pot as a lone owl cried 56 I hear her sing her song knocks open my heart on that very night 57 the following day a cock crows to the new sun moon down, life goes on 58 new born eagle waits in nest watching mom fly 59 after the deluge a wrecked boat afloat her master unseen 60 the nest made of twigs and leaves heaven to birdies 感觉越来越粗糙了 _________________ the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins

William Zhou周道模
探花

Joined: 10 Jun 2007
Posts: 3950
Location: 中国四川广汉
William Zhou周道模Collection

Posted: 2007-08-21 02:33:27 Post subject:

要向你学习：多用短语、倒装等手法，这样语句才会丰富。第57首音韵效果特别好！ _________________ 诗歌是灵魂的歌唱. 周道模

kokho
进士出身

Joined: 30 Nov 2006
Posts: 2642
Location: Singapore
kokhoCollection

Posted: 2007-08-21 10:37:55 Post subject:

59 after the deluge a wrecked boat afloat her master unseen 55 safe in his locker he fumbled to smoke a pot as a lone owl cried 57 the following day a cock crows to the new sun moon down, life goes on 53 a smile breaks free thus a nirvana attained content in thatched house 《》ｒａｎｋｉｎｇ　ｙｏｕｒ　ａｔｔａｉｎｍｅｎｔ　；）． _________________ 乒乓、摄影、诗歌

Lake
举人

Joined: 09 Jan 2007
Posts: 1286

LakeCollection

Posted: 2007-08-21 12:39:23 Post subject:

William Zhou周道模 wrote:

要向你学习：多用短语、倒装等手法，这样语句才会丰富。第57首音韵效果特别好！

谢谢！向其他人多学吧，我还在用walker学走路。
再读57, 为何你觉得音韵效果好呢？
_________________
the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins

Lake
举人

Joined: 09 Jan 2007
Posts: 1286

LakeCollection

Posted: 2007-08-21 12:42:10 Post subject:

kokho wrote:

59
after the deluge
a wrecked boat afloat
her master unseen

55
safe in his locker
he fumbled to smoke a pot
as a lone owl cried

57
the following day
a cock crows to the new sun
moon down, life goes on

53
a smile breaks free
thus a nirvana attained
content in thatched house

《》ｒａｎｋｉｎｇ　ｙｏｕｒ　ａｔｔａｉｎｍｅｎｔ　；）

．

55， again a pleasant surprise!

Thanks much!

.
_________________
the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins

William Zhou周道模
探花

Joined: 10 Jun 2007
Posts: 3950
Location: 中国四川广汉
William Zhou周道模Collection

Posted: 2007-08-21 18:32:58 Post subject:

当然也要向其他几位学习，向所有提意见的朋友学习。我是特指你批评我句式的单一，我今后用英语写作时会特别注意。你的57音韵效果一读一听就出来了： sun ... down ... on ! _________________ 诗歌是灵魂的歌唱. 周道模

kokho
进士出身

Joined: 30 Nov 2006
Posts: 2642
Location: Singapore
kokhoCollection

Posted: 2007-08-22 11:34:40 Post subject:

he fumbled to smoke a pot as a lone owl cried 《》The contrast and surprise of choice of imagery .. _________________ 乒乓、摄影、诗歌

Lake
举人

Joined: 09 Jan 2007
Posts: 1286

LakeCollection

Posted: 2007-08-22 16:27:38 Post subject:

William Zhou周道模 wrote:

你的57音韵效果一读一听就出来了： sun ... down ... on !

不错。还有 cock crows

可是写的时候，并没刻意。
_________________
the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins

Lake
举人

Joined: 09 Jan 2007
Posts: 1286

LakeCollection

Posted: 2007-08-23 09:56:42 Post subject:

kokho wrote:

he fumbled to smoke a pot
as a lone owl cried

《》The contrast and surprise of choice of imagery Smile

yeah, the contrast, the imagery

一种烘托

Thanks, Smile

_________________
the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins

kokho
进士出身

Joined: 30 Nov 2006
Posts: 2642
Location: Singapore
kokhoCollection

Posted: 2007-08-27 12:01:22 Post subject:

Some more please .. _________________ 乒乓、摄影、诗歌

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