千里
秀才
Joined: 30 Jul 2007
Posts: 135
千里Collection |
 Posted: 2007-08-06 20:05:36 Post subject: ◎抛弃 |
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◎抛弃
没有诗了。
诗，在一次失手的句点之后
早已丢失早已丢失
早 —— 就已经
失去了
后来的一切
都是不顾后果的，任性
依旧挽留不住
在时间行走中温柔的
抛弃
彷佛一片落叶
在被刻意编写的版本中
沉默而突兀地
轻轻描划与季节完全不般配的
剧情
2007.08.06 2:00 pm ( Atlanta ) |
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hepingdao
Site Admin
Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 8106
hepingdaoCollection |
| Posted: 2007-08-06 21:00:46 Post subject: |
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感觉最后一节
写得很好
_________________
为网友服务: 端茶倒水勤打扫! |
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博弈
榜眼
Joined: 21 Dec 2006
Posts: 4381
Location: SFO
博弈Collection |
| Posted: 2007-08-06 21:52:57 Post subject: |
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like it, casual yet lingering poetic inside.
next time, try wriing one in a dream where there is no 刻意编写.
maybe there still is, at least there is no period, most of the time. 
_________________
（在不斷的審醜裡終將建立起新的審美） |
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金金
进士出身
Joined: 08 Feb 2007
Posts: 2035
Location: 山东济宁
金金Collection |
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韩少君
进士出身
Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Posts: 2558
Location: 吉林四平
韩少君Collection |
| Posted: 2007-08-08 21:58:47 Post subject: |
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彷佛一片落叶
在被刻意编写的版本中
沉默而突兀地
轻轻描划与季节完全不般配的
剧情
2007.08.06 2:00 pm ( Atlanta )
_________________
靠才华为自己带来幸福的是才子;靠才华为自己带来痛苦的是诗人!!http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanshaojun345 |
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