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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

稻田

杨海军
进士出身

Joined: 01 Mar 2007
Posts: 2205
Location: 吉林
杨海军Collection

Posted: 2007-08-10 18:55:42 Post subject: 稻田

稻田早晨，阳光多么轻，稻田多么轻。蜻蜓飞出它们的村庄。蚱蜢忙着收割露水。风吹过，金黄的稻田奔跑一阵。更多的稻花飞起来。像涌出村庄的羊群。我知道稻田正趋于黄昏。从青开始走向黄昏的老，经历了多少苦与痛。多少饥和渴。五月和六月涉过沙漠。七月和八月泅渡洪水。我看见它身上倒映的身影像鹰的飞翔。啊，阳光下，它们的沉寂让人感动。父亲一个人坐在湖边，稻田里倒映两个人的影子。他向旁边望望，叹息的烟雾从他的愁里向四周弥漫，此刻，我看见稻田像笼罩一片雾霭的村庄 _________________ 走了很久了。还清晰地望见/身后那盏明灭的灯火/好像我们走的越久越远/故乡的那盏灯就越亮 ——拙作《离开村庄》 http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1269376751

hepingdao
Site Admin

Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 8106

hepingdaoCollection

Posted: 2007-08-10 19:44:25 Post subject:

一幅高蹈的画面气氛浓烈 _________________ 为网友服务: 端茶倒水勤打扫!

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2007-08-10 20:02:54 Post subject:

诗潮如涌, 问好诗人

桔子
秀才

Joined: 15 May 2007
Posts: 214

桔子Collection

Posted: 2007-08-10 21:13:16 Post subject:

亲切的稻田，欣赏学习．

红烛
童生

Joined: 30 May 2007
Posts: 16

红烛Collection

Posted: 2007-08-11 00:40:15 Post subject:

强烈的画面感。 _________________ 红烛的小港湾：http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1246828285

山城子
榜眼

Joined: 23 May 2007
Posts: 4771
Location: 中国贵州
山城子Collection

Posted: 2007-08-11 01:41:14 Post subject:

诗情画意透苦涩！ _________________ 诗是人生的雅伴儿。

半溪明月
榜眼

Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection

Posted: 2007-08-11 04:35:06 Post subject:

五月和六月涉过沙漠。七月和八月泅渡洪水。从海军的诗里总能看到村庄和父亲的身影,可以做一个系列了~问好海军!

韩少君
进士出身

Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Posts: 2558
Location: 吉林四平
韩少君Collection

Posted: 2007-08-11 16:37:31 Post subject:

这次语言风格有所改变。长短句摆布得当，会有宋词的效果。欣赏！ _________________ 靠才华为自己带来幸福的是才子;靠才华为自己带来痛苦的是诗人!!http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanshaojun345

杨海军
进士出身

Joined: 01 Mar 2007
Posts: 2205
Location: 吉林
杨海军Collection

Posted: 2007-08-12 15:23:08 Post subject:

谢和平岛、桔子、白水、红烛、山城子、半溪明月、少君诸位诗人的赏读！我很感动！祝各位诗人好！握手！ _________________ 走了很久了。还清晰地望见/身后那盏明灭的灯火/好像我们走的越久越远/故乡的那盏灯就越亮 ——拙作《离开村庄》 http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1269376751

博弈
榜眼

Joined: 21 Dec 2006
Posts: 4381
Location: SFO
博弈Collection

Posted: 2007-08-12 20:13:28 Post subject: Re: 稻田

杨海军 wrote:

稻田

早晨，阳光多么轻，稻田

多么轻。蜻蜓飞出它们的村庄。蚱蜢

忙着收割露水。风吹过，金黄的稻田

奔跑一阵。更多的稻花飞起来。像涌出村庄的

羊群。

just mention this part, it is a good example of mature imagery,
and also poetic words selction for thought flow, the sound expansions also link well.

other part also good.
_________________
（在不斷的審醜裡終將建立起新的審美）

kino
秀才

Joined: 23 Dec 2006
Posts: 411
Location: beijing
kinoCollection

Posted: 2007-08-12 20:17:06 Post subject:

我知道稻田正趋于黄昏。从青开始走向黄昏的老，经历了多少苦与痛。多少饥和渴。 ——————我读到的是巨大的沉痛和无尽的悲哀。

荷梦
进士出身

Joined: 19 Dec 2006
Posts: 2826
Location: 湖北，黄梅
荷梦Collection

Posted: 2007-08-13 17:22:52 Post subject:

现代文明已使我们的稻田趋于黄昏了，那样的稻田，那样的村庄已随着“父亲”的老去而老去。也许不久的将来，一切都不复存在了。

杨海军
进士出身

Joined: 01 Mar 2007
Posts: 2205
Location: 吉林
杨海军Collection

Posted: 2007-08-13 21:49:38 Post subject: Re: 稻田

博弈 wrote:

杨海军 wrote:

just mention this part, it is a good example of mature imagery,
and also poetic words selction for thought flow, the sound expansions also link well.

other part also good.

谢博弈诗人！！！！问好！！！远握！
_________________
走了很久了。还清晰地望见/身后那盏明灭的灯火/好像我们走的越久越远/故乡的那盏灯就越亮
——拙作《离开村庄》
http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1269376751

爱松
秀才

Joined: 28 May 2007
Posts: 208
Location: 中国昆明
爱松Collection

Posted: 2007-08-13 23:14:45 Post subject:

画面感异常强烈，词语运用衔接很娴熟，欣赏！

小聂鲁达
童生

Joined: 18 May 2007
Posts: 25
Location: 中国大陆广东
小聂鲁达Collection

Posted: 2007-08-14 04:48:38 Post subject:

本色。父亲一个人坐在湖边，稻田里倒映两个人的影子。这一句嵌于文中好极！

偶然
童生

Joined: 14 Aug 2007
Posts: 11

偶然Collection

Posted: 2007-08-14 05:31:00 Post subject:

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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

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