聽雲館主 秀才

Joined: 03 Mar 2007 Posts: 361 Location: Canada 聽雲館主Collection |
Posted: 2007-07-24 23:03:25 Post subject: 七律 次韻遣懐五首之三 |
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七律 次韻遣懐五首之三
多君垂顧詰來由,何意殊方久滯留?
始信三椽容抱膝,終聞尺土足埋愁。
皓然星月魚龍夜,如拭風光海嶽秋。
心緒萬千渾不語,觀潮起落立橋頭。 _________________ 壇前易解拈花意 席上難逢顧曲心 |
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暗香如沁 秀才
Joined: 14 Jan 2007 Posts: 885 Location: 北京 暗香如沁Collection |
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白水 大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006 Posts: 14102 Location: TORONTO 白水Collection |
Posted: 2007-08-02 11:27:49 Post subject: |
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| 老师的诗歌总是透着厚重, 大气. |
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戴玨 秀才

Joined: 03 Jan 2007 Posts: 808
戴玨Collection |
Posted: 2007-08-02 14:16:54 Post subject: |
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| 暗香如沁 wrote: |
| 心緒萬千渾不語,觀潮起落立橋頭___喜欢。 |
我倒覺得心緒萬千太露且不必要,渾不語加後面的對句已經可以暗示出這點,改為其他內容可能更好。 _________________ I labour by singing light
我的blog
我的專欄 |
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聽雲館主 秀才

Joined: 03 Mar 2007 Posts: 361 Location: Canada 聽雲館主Collection |
Posted: 2007-08-08 19:30:28 Post subject: |
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多謝諸位詞長賜評!見笑了,胡亂寫寫! _________________ 壇前易解拈花意 席上難逢顧曲心 |
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