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Maple Review Home -> 西方文学　Western Literature

王尔德译诗一首

William Zhou周道模
探花

Joined: 10 Jun 2007
Posts: 3950
Location: 中国四川广汉
William Zhou周道模Collection

Posted: 2007-07-02 05:27:12 Post subject: 王尔德译诗一首

王尔德诗一首周道模译 Requiescat 　愿她安宁 Tread lightly, she is near 步履要轻，她在附近 Uder the snow, 的雪被下面隐藏， Speak gently, she can hear 说话要柔，她才能听 The daisies grow. 这些雏菊的生长。 All her bright golden hair 她欢快的金色头发 Tarnished with rust, 都像锈斑失去光彩， She that was young and fair 天真美丽的她 Fallen to dust 现已落入尘埃。 Lily-like, white as snow 百合花般，像雪样洁白， She hardly knew 她几乎不知道 She was a woman, so 她已成女人，不明白 Sweetly she grew. 才甜蜜地长高。 Coffin-board, heavy stone, 木板棺材，石块笨重， Lie on her breast, 平压着她的胸脯， I vex my heart alone, 她现在静止不动， She is at rest. 我的心在独自痛苦。 Peace, Peace, she cannot hear 寂静,寂静,她已听不见 Lyre or sonnet, 里拉琴和商籁诗， All my life’s buried here, 我的生命都埋在里面 Heap earth upon it. 为坟墓把泥土堆积。 07-3-22上午译 07-07-09再改 _________________ 诗歌是灵魂的歌唱. 周道模

William Zhou周道模
探花

Joined: 10 Jun 2007
Posts: 3950
Location: 中国四川广汉
William Zhou周道模Collection

Posted: 2007-07-02 05:31:37 Post subject:

请方家指点。 _________________ 诗歌是灵魂的歌唱. 周道模

戴玨
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Joined: 03 Jan 2007
Posts: 808

戴玨Collection

Posted: 2007-07-02 09:21:28 Post subject: Re: 王尔德译诗一首

William Zhou周道模 wrote:

...
The daisies grown. 这朵雏菊的生长。

daisies是復數，用“這朵”不妥。

William Zhou周道模 wrote:

All her bright golden hair 欢快的金色的头发
Tarnished with rust, 都随铁锈失去光彩，
She that was young and fair 曾经年轻和公正的她

bright應該是明亮的意思，從後面那句便可看出。
Tarnished with rust是說像生了鏽一樣少了光澤。
fair是美麗的意思。

William Zhou周道模 wrote:

She hardly knew 她过去很难知晓
She was a woman, so 她是一位女性，不明白
Sweetly she grew. 她曾经甜蜜地长高。

這裏大致說她很可能不知道自己已長大成熟。
_________________
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William Zhou周道模
探花

Joined: 10 Jun 2007
Posts: 3950
Location: 中国四川广汉
William Zhou周道模Collection

Posted: 2007-07-02 16:31:39 Post subject:

感谢戴先生的帮助，初学翻译，还请今后继续指点。 _________________ 诗歌是灵魂的歌唱. 周道模

William Zhou周道模
探花

Joined: 10 Jun 2007
Posts: 3950
Location: 中国四川广汉
William Zhou周道模Collection

Posted: 2007-07-02 16:57:22 Post subject:

我已经根据戴先生的意见改译了，请方家继续指点。 _________________ 诗歌是灵魂的歌唱. 周道模

kino
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Joined: 23 Dec 2006
Posts: 411
Location: beijing
kinoCollection

Posted: 2007-07-02 16:59:21 Post subject:

改过之后的很好，欣赏并学习。

William Zhou周道模
探花

Joined: 10 Jun 2007
Posts: 3950
Location: 中国四川广汉
William Zhou周道模Collection

Posted: 2007-07-02 17:58:34 Post subject:

Thank you! Kino. _________________ 诗歌是灵魂的歌唱. 周道模

Lake
举人

Joined: 09 Jan 2007
Posts: 1286

LakeCollection

Posted: 2007-07-02 18:16:46 Post subject:

很美的诗。粗读了一遍，几个小意见，不见得对。

Quote:

Tread lightly, she is near 步履轻轻，她在附近
Speak gently, she can hear 话语柔柔，她能倾听

Tread lightly, Speak gently 我想是说给走路人和讲话人的，译成 “步履轻轻”， “话语柔柔” 倒象是在说“她”了。

Quote:

so 她已是女人，不明白
Sweetly she grew.所以才甜蜜地长高。

so 不是所以的意思，是用来形容 sweetly 的。

Quote:

Peace, Peace, 寂静，寂静

是否“安息”之类的意思更好些？

Quote:

Lyre or sonnet, 里拉琴或商籁体

商籁体, “体”不如译成“诗” 好。
_________________
the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins

William Zhou周道模
探花

Joined: 10 Jun 2007
Posts: 3950
Location: 中国四川广汉
William Zhou周道模Collection

Posted: 2007-07-02 19:26:34 Post subject:

谢谢Lake! 四个建议，采纳三个。都快成集体翻译了。说明三个问题：1、我的确是初学，2、翻译的不易， 3、加入《北美枫》的价值。感谢真诚、有水平的师友们！ _________________ 诗歌是灵魂的歌唱. 周道模

Lake
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Joined: 09 Jan 2007
Posts: 1286

LakeCollection

Posted: 2007-07-03 05:09:50 Post subject:

能有些许帮助，就很高兴了。 Take what you feel right. 翻译确实不易，你初学能译成这样已很好了。 Keep up your good work, William. _________________ the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins

William Zhou周道模
探花

Joined: 10 Jun 2007
Posts: 3950
Location: 中国四川广汉
William Zhou周道模Collection

Posted: 2007-07-05 16:59:54 Post subject: answer

OK! Lake. Becouse you are called "lake", I will post my poem "Qinghai Lake'' soon. please go on helping me ,thank you once again! _________________ 诗歌是灵魂的歌唱. 周道模

浩月
童生

Joined: 14 Jul 2007
Posts: 3

浩月Collection

Posted: 2007-07-14 02:50:12 Post subject:

William Zhou周道模
探花

Joined: 10 Jun 2007
Posts: 3950
Location: 中国四川广汉
William Zhou周道模Collection

Posted: 2007-07-23 19:16:54 Post subject:

浩月开口笑地球乐陶陶 _________________ 诗歌是灵魂的歌唱. 周道模

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