莹雪
进士出身
Joined: 28 Sep 2006
Posts: 2520
Location: 中国－辽宁·三燕故都
莹雪Collection |
 Posted: 2007-07-16 18:11:28 Post subject: 七绝－荷塘月色 |
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酷夏素装波碧扩，微含磬韵自清真。
银辉也爱鲜灵体，拟把娇容饰己身。 |
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白水
大学士
Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection |
| Posted: 2007-07-17 12:54:56 Post subject: |
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寒辉也爱鲜灵体，拟把娇容饰己身。
_________________
好喻 |
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黄洋界
探花
Joined: 23 Mar 2007
Posts: 3301
Location: 多伦多,加拿大
黄洋界Collection |
| Posted: 2007-07-17 13:53:16 Post subject: |
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月色娇容,是一幅佷美的荷塘月色图,
第一句的"扩"字可否换"阔"字,以形容碧波之阔,"寒辉"换作"清辉",清辉用来
形容月色较妥,且夏月之辉,并无多少寒意,浅见,请酌定. |
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溪语
秀才
Joined: 16 Mar 2007
Posts: 509
Location: 中国恩施
溪语Collection |
| Posted: 2007-07-17 16:39:13 Post subject: |
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寒辉也爱鲜灵体，拟把娇容饰己身。
_________________
溪语的博客:家住鄂西 |
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莹雪
进士出身
Joined: 28 Sep 2006
Posts: 2520
Location: 中国－辽宁·三燕故都
莹雪Collection |
| Posted: 2007-07-17 17:46:08 Post subject: |
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| 白水 Moonlight wrote: |
寒辉也爱鲜灵体，拟把娇容饰己身。
_________________
好喻 |
谢谢GG点评！ |
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莹雪
进士出身
Joined: 28 Sep 2006
Posts: 2520
Location: 中国－辽宁·三燕故都
莹雪Collection |
| Posted: 2007-07-17 18:27:36 Post subject: |
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| 黄洋界 wrote: |
月色娇容,是一幅佷美的荷塘月色图,
第一句的"扩"字可否换"阔"字,以形容碧波之阔,"寒辉"换作"清辉",清辉用来
形容月色较妥,且夏月之辉,并无多少寒意,浅见,请酌定. |
谢谢黄兄！第一句已经改完。“寒辉”已改成“银辉”了。 |
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