Maple Review :: View topic - 《轮渡•天生我材必有用》

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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

《轮渡•天生我材必有用》

hepingdao
Site Admin

Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 8106

hepingdaoCollection

Posted: 2007-06-07 11:24:37 Post subject: 《轮渡?天生我材必有用》

《轮渡?天生我材必有用》做一棵树多好从不多浪费一寸光阴能茁壮成长的感觉多好红旗飘飘枫叶也飘飘能公平地成为有用之材的感觉多好选下雪的日子出门走得愈急陷得就愈深我看见120年前的那列火车在风雪中迎面撞来在轰鸣声中消逝感觉只是一秒还有什么样的感觉可以用十指紧紧攥牢那怕只是一秒一秒的感觉多好但什么也抓不住呀! 我愿意学一枚钉子钉入大地的心脏像火焰一秒一秒地推进的感觉埋得了躯体埋不了雪花飞起的悲壮呀连悲壮也要入土为安! 送得走木炭送不走随落日腾空而起的那一缕大漠孤烟送得走一杯烈酒送不走胸中缓缓跌落的那一口比月亮还幽深的井

韩少君
进士出身

Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Posts: 2558
Location: 吉林四平
韩少君Collection

Posted: 2007-06-07 12:55:16 Post subject:

美人身的森林边难行走的乳峰前心灵的旅客啊莫留连有爱神大盗在期间送得走木炭送不走随落日腾空而起的那一缕大漠孤烟晚上好！（我们是早上）健康快乐！ _________________ 靠才华为自己带来幸福的是才子;靠才华为自己带来痛苦的是诗人!!http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanshaojun345

hepingdao
Site Admin

Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 8106

hepingdaoCollection

Posted: 2007-06-07 13:11:53 Post subject:

问好少君兄这里是下午2点多你的几句有力度 _________________ 为网友服务: 端茶倒水勤打扫!

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2007-06-07 20:10:44 Post subject:

岛斑, 这首大气感人. 但觉的气息似不够匀, 有张力却感弛不足. 己见, 不妥见谅.

hepingdao
Site Admin

Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 8106

hepingdaoCollection

Posted: 2007-06-07 20:14:11 Post subject:

嗯，主要还是没有现实的衬托显得内力不足了需要其它章节的衬托才行 _________________ 为网友服务: 端茶倒水勤打扫!

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2007-06-07 20:21:12 Post subject:

或许你是对的. 长诗, 只读一节有如瞎子摸象.

半溪明月
榜眼

Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection

Posted: 2007-06-07 21:22:36 Post subject:

白水 Moonlight wrote:

或许你是对的. 长诗, 只读一节有如瞎子摸象.

同感~

溪语
秀才

Joined: 16 Mar 2007
Posts: 509
Location: 中国恩施
溪语Collection

Posted: 2007-06-08 01:17:27 Post subject:

送得走木炭送不走随落日腾空而起的那一缕大漠孤烟送得走一杯烈酒送不走胸中缓缓跌落的那一口比月亮还幽深的井好! _________________ 溪语的博客:家住鄂西

上城
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Joined: 15 Mar 2007
Posts: 2024
Location: 江夏黄鹤楼
上城Collection

Posted: 2007-06-08 01:37:08 Post subject:

饭后百步走，人活九十九一天诗一首，下菜不须酒送得走一杯烈酒送不走胸中缓缓跌落的那一口比月亮还幽深的井送得走朋友送不走随飞骏而绝尘道外的一缕清愁真羡慕岛主的《轮渡》 _________________ 每个诗人都很重要

hepingdao
Site Admin

Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 8106

hepingdaoCollection

Posted: 2007-06-08 08:46:54 Post subject:

送得走朋友送不走随飞骏而绝尘道外的一缕清愁这句也不错呀谢谢朋友们 _________________ 为网友服务: 端茶倒水勤打扫!

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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

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