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断不了的娘家路
天淡云闲
童生


Joined: 24 Mar 2007
Posts: 74

天淡云闲Collection
PostPosted: 2007-05-26 19:10:48    Post subject: 断不了的娘家路 Reply with quote

断不了的娘家路
文/天淡云闲



我在风中,飘来飘去
你开着家门
挂一串风铃于门楣
声声脆响,扬起儿时
妈妈高过月亮的呼唤

自从那天
我拎着烛火
到海上捡拾遗梦
你的目光一直被海风牵缠
月色里,总见你沉稳的笑颜

海风打断桅杆
茫茫的海面
没有包扎伤口的港湾
你用家常话搭一座小岛
收拾凌乱碎片
我在放不开的回忆里疼痛
你温暖的双手 紧握
我冰冷的指尖
让我在你的手心里入眠
粗糙的纹理
如九月的菊瓣


我们是同一株蒲公英的种子
你来到黄浦江畔
我落在黄河滩
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沙漠
秀才


Joined: 26 Jan 2007
Posts: 977
Location: 中国温州
沙漠Collection
PostPosted: 2007-05-26 19:47:01    Post subject: Reply with quote

美丽的诗,美丽的情!
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个人博客http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1056295180
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hepingdao
Site Admin


Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 8106

hepingdaoCollection
PostPosted: 2007-05-26 20:19:01    Post subject: Reply with quote

你来到黄浦江畔
我落在黄河滩
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为网友服务: 端茶倒水勤打扫!
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半溪明月
榜眼


Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection
PostPosted: 2007-05-26 20:43:09    Post subject: Reply with quote

欣赏,保持好心情~问好云闲,昨天和今天都要练车去了,原谅没有及时回复你~
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韩少君
进士出身


Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Posts: 2558
Location: 吉林四平
韩少君Collection
PostPosted: 2007-05-26 21:28:27    Post subject: Reply with quote

好!好!诗也!感叹!
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靠才华为自己带来幸福的是才子;靠才华为自己带来痛苦的是诗人!!http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanshaojun345
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天淡云闲
童生


Joined: 24 Mar 2007
Posts: 74

天淡云闲Collection
PostPosted: 2007-05-27 00:15:00    Post subject: Reply with quote

沙漠 wrote:
美丽的诗,美丽的情!

问好沙漠!还请多言不足呀
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天淡云闲
童生


Joined: 24 Mar 2007
Posts: 74

天淡云闲Collection
PostPosted: 2007-05-27 00:16:39    Post subject: Reply with quote

hepingdao wrote:
你来到黄浦江畔
我落在黄河滩

还请岛主直言不足。
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天淡云闲
童生


Joined: 24 Mar 2007
Posts: 74

天淡云闲Collection
PostPosted: 2007-05-27 00:20:25    Post subject: Reply with quote

半溪明月 wrote:
欣赏,保持好心情~问好云闲,昨天和今天都要练车去了,原谅没有及时回复你~

没事的明月。这诗是写给玄鱼的,我在新城市辞去版主职务时他说了“断不了娘家路的”,这句话感动了我,随即成诗给他表示感谢。
在这里还请你多直言不足
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天淡云闲
童生


Joined: 24 Mar 2007
Posts: 74

天淡云闲Collection
PostPosted: 2007-05-27 00:24:07    Post subject: Reply with quote

韩少君 wrote:
好!好!诗也!感叹!


问好朋友!请多言不足
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天淡云闲
童生


Joined: 24 Mar 2007
Posts: 74

天淡云闲Collection
PostPosted: 2007-05-27 18:21:29    Post subject: Reply with quote

改动了一下,请朋友们批
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品玉
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Joined: 18 Apr 2007
Posts: 156
Location: 吉林
品玉Collection
PostPosted: 2007-05-27 20:40:39    Post subject: Reply with quote

真情的感动,欣赏!
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天淡云闲
童生


Joined: 24 Mar 2007
Posts: 74

天淡云闲Collection
PostPosted: 2007-05-29 18:34:22    Post subject: Reply with quote

品玉 wrote:
真情的感动,欣赏!


谢朋友来读。问好
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俞伟远
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Joined: 02 Feb 2007
Posts: 282

俞伟远Collection
PostPosted: 2007-05-29 21:29:35    Post subject: Reply with quote

挂一串风铃于门楣
声声脆响,扬起儿时
妈妈高过月亮的呼唤
写得很特别.问好
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俞伟远:1967生,1987大学毕业、工作。1990年后几乎与诗绝缘,2006年春重拾笔,感悟生活,凝望心灵,自得其乐。http://blog.sina.com.cn/txyuweiyuan
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天淡云闲
童生


Joined: 24 Mar 2007
Posts: 74

天淡云闲Collection
PostPosted: 2007-06-03 04:50:10    Post subject: Reply with quote

俞伟远 wrote:
挂一串风铃于门楣
声声脆响,扬起儿时
妈妈高过月亮的呼唤
写得很特别.问好


问好!请多指点呀
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韩少君
进士出身


Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Posts: 2558
Location: 吉林四平
韩少君Collection
PostPosted: 2007-06-05 14:07:08    Post subject: Reply with quote

再读更感人。好诗!

再顶一次!

什么是好诗,就是读了让人感动。让热爱生活和诗歌的人感动。短短的诗歌,写出了母亲的一声担忧和疼爱,写出了哥哥关爱的眼神和兄长的胸怀。尤其结尾,把两种命运加以暗示,信息含量很大,将思想隐于感情的判断之中。全诗感情细而不腻,甜而不蜜,忧而不伤:语言、节奏、韵律优美,注重审美要求,为美文也。是我们(尤其是我)学习的榜样。

推荐阅读。斗胆提议作此类之诗的典型:加精!
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靠才华为自己带来幸福的是才子;靠才华为自己带来痛苦的是诗人!!http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanshaojun345
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杨海军
进士出身


Joined: 01 Mar 2007
Posts: 2205
Location: 吉林
杨海军Collection
PostPosted: 2007-06-05 15:57:43    Post subject: Reply with quote

“我在放不开的回忆里疼痛
你温暖的双手 紧握
我冰冷的指尖
让我在你的手心里入眠
粗糙的纹理
如九月的菊瓣 ”

觉得这个好!问候诗人,多回帖和发帖。
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走了很久了。还清晰地望见/身后那盏明灭的灯火/好像我们走的越久越远/故乡的那盏灯就越亮
——拙作《离开村庄》
http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1269376751
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