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雪花的天堂(读许志摩的“雪花的快乐”联想)
贝多芬
童生


Joined: 17 Mar 2007
Posts: 94
Location: 中国上海
贝多芬Collection
PostPosted: 2007-06-05 04:21:19    Post subject: 雪花的天堂(读许志摩的“雪花的快乐”联想) Reply with quote

代苹果发
2004。2。22
我是一朵雪花
忧郁的在半空中飘舞
飘舞 飘舞
在天上拉开了序幕

我是一朵雪花
悲缓的在半空中游荡
游荡 游荡
哪里是我落脚的天堂

我是一朵雪花
一朵无奈的雪花
坠落是我的本分
何苦去寻那不属于
我的清香

我是一朵雪花
一朵哭泣的雪花
悲哀是我的故事
凄楚的泪滴只为那
落地的刹那

哪里还有翩翩
哪里还有潇洒
只有盈盈的水晶
融化 融化
快快让我融化

其实我是多么的不甘啊
因为我的内心只想飞扬
飞扬~ 飞扬~
你看,我有我的方向

是那清幽的深谷
是那幽静的月亮
是那冰冻的山峰
是那大海的波浪
等着我啊
我愿消失在属于你的天堂
_________________
我是一片沉睡的海
渴望苏醒的日子不会到来

http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1259454194
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韩少君
进士出身


Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Posts: 2558
Location: 吉林四平
韩少君Collection
PostPosted: 2007-06-05 05:01:37    Post subject: Reply with quote

阅。要进入思想,不能停留于感受。雪花,写的人无数,难以避免重复。必须独特写、写独特。个见,商榷。
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靠才华为自己带来幸福的是才子;靠才华为自己带来痛苦的是诗人!!http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanshaojun345
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hepingdao
Site Admin


Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 8106

hepingdaoCollection
PostPosted: 2007-06-05 06:22:36    Post subject: Reply with quote

少君兄说得对,
刚开始写诗,可以多模范,慢慢加入更多自我的东西
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为网友服务: 端茶倒水勤打扫!
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李智强
秀才


Joined: 07 Oct 2006
Posts: 169
Location: 莆田.福建.中国
李智强Collection
PostPosted: 2007-06-05 18:35:29    Post subject: Reply with quote

学习少君和岛主老师的话
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【狂到世人皆欲杀】
【醉来天子不能传】
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贝多芬
童生


Joined: 17 Mar 2007
Posts: 94
Location: 中国上海
贝多芬Collection
PostPosted: 2007-06-05 18:55:31    Post subject: Reply with quote

不是我写的~~哈哈
_________________
我是一片沉睡的海
渴望苏醒的日子不会到来

http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1259454194
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贝多芬
童生


Joined: 17 Mar 2007
Posts: 94
Location: 中国上海
贝多芬Collection
PostPosted: 2007-06-05 18:55:49    Post subject: Reply with quote

不是我写的~~哈哈
_________________
我是一片沉睡的海
渴望苏醒的日子不会到来

http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1259454194
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