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[原创] 五律.夜归

梦飞翁
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Joined: 03 May 2007
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Posted: 2007-05-06 16:54:31 Post subject: [原创] 五律.夜归

五律.夜归　　　梦飞翁聚友狂欢尽，孤身抱醉归。案头笺管乱，床角皱衣堆。洗手挪锅碗，沏茶入墨杯。醒来难知处，苦笑蹙愁眉。　　　　2007.5.6 （注：颌联、颈联乃写失意之独居人居室龌龊貌:案头作书的纸墨杂乱，穿脏的衣服胡乱堆在床角，欲洗手又见锅碗还没刷，沏茶又倒进了盛墨的杯子里......） _________________ 我愿意在这里结交更多的朋友，共同切磋学问，共同得以提高。希望大家多帮助我！谢谢！

莹雪
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Joined: 28 Sep 2006
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Posted: 2007-05-06 17:15:43 Post subject:

7、8两联不错。

梦飞翁
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Posted: 2007-05-06 22:44:42 Post subject:

谢版主雅评。 _________________ 我愿意在这里结交更多的朋友，共同切磋学问，共同得以提高。希望大家多帮助我！谢谢！

戴玨
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Posted: 2007-05-06 22:57:33 Post subject:

三句“箋墨”或可改成“箋管”以避免重字。 _________________ I labour by singing light 我的blog 我的專欄

梦飞翁
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Posted: 2007-05-07 07:36:45 Post subject:

戴玨 wrote:

三句“箋墨”或可改成“箋管”以避免重字。

很好！谢谢赐字！
_________________
我愿意在这里结交更多的朋友，共同切磋学问，共同得以提高。希望大家多帮助我！谢谢！

孙继廷
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Posted: 2007-06-04 03:31:28 Post subject:

兄之夜归于华灯酒下,不知我夜归于荒漠野岭.凄凉甚矣萧瑟秋风凛大漠草枯黄日暮孤灯远单车夜归乡

野航
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Posted: 2007-06-04 16:32:16 Post subject:

案头笺管乱，床角皱衣堆。洗手挪锅碗，沏茶入墨杯。真实有趣，如漫画鲜明活泼。 _________________ 回归自然回归心灵回归传统

晓松
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Joined: 26 Feb 2007
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Posted: 2007-06-04 19:07:49 Post subject: Re: [原创] 五律.夜归

梦飞翁 wrote:

五律.夜归
　　　梦飞翁
聚友狂欢尽，
孤身抱醉归。
案头笺管乱，
床角皱衣堆。
洗手挪锅碗，
沏茶入墨杯。
醒来难知处，
苦笑蹙愁眉。
　　　　2007.5.6
（注：颌联、颈联乃写失意之独居人居室龌龊貌:案头作书的纸墨杂乱，穿脏的衣服胡乱堆在床角，欲洗手又见锅碗还没刷，沏茶又倒进了盛墨的杯子里......）

你那还不算醉，看这位：

聚友狂欢尽，
孤身踉跄归。
撞上一棵树，
连声说sorry。
先是认错路，
未开锁硬推。
进屋倒地睡，
忽闻天上雷。

呵呵，开个玩笑。《夜归》写得不错，单身贵族，有朋友，有聚会，也很潇洒。

老山
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Joined: 05 May 2007
Posts: 319

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Posted: 2007-06-05 20:40:51 Post subject:

棋逢对手,梦飞翁和晓松的夜归,写得都不错,潇洒,有风趣.学习了!

梦飞翁
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Joined: 03 May 2007
Posts: 114

梦飞翁Collection

Posted: 2007-06-07 16:10:25 Post subject:

孙继廷 wrote:

兄之夜归于华灯酒下,不知我夜归于荒漠野岭.凄凉甚矣

萧瑟秋风凛
大漠草枯黄
日暮孤灯远
单车夜归乡

呵呵，仁兄比我更惨？
_________________
我愿意在这里结交更多的朋友，共同切磋学问，共同得以提高。希望大家多帮助我！谢谢！

梦飞翁
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Joined: 03 May 2007
Posts: 114

梦飞翁Collection

Posted: 2007-06-07 16:11:30 Post subject:

野航 wrote:

案头笺管乱，
床角皱衣堆。
洗手挪锅碗，
沏茶入墨杯。

真实有趣，如漫画鲜明活泼。

谢野航君清赏！问好！
_________________
我愿意在这里结交更多的朋友，共同切磋学问，共同得以提高。希望大家多帮助我！谢谢！

梦飞翁
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Joined: 03 May 2007
Posts: 114

梦飞翁Collection

Posted: 2007-06-07 16:14:19 Post subject:

你那还不算醉，看这位：聚友狂欢尽，孤身踉跄归。撞上一棵树，连声说sorry。先是认错路，未开锁硬推。进屋倒地睡，忽闻天上雷。谢晓松兄唱和！也是在下知音啊！ _________________ 我愿意在这里结交更多的朋友，共同切磋学问，共同得以提高。希望大家多帮助我！谢谢！

梦飞翁
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Joined: 03 May 2007
Posts: 114

梦飞翁Collection

Posted: 2007-06-07 16:15:02 Post subject:

老山 wrote:

棋逢对手,梦飞翁和晓松的夜归,写得都不错,潇洒,有风趣.学习了!

谢老山兄雅评！问好！
_________________
我愿意在这里结交更多的朋友，共同切磋学问，共同得以提高。希望大家多帮助我！谢谢！

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