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青春
阿依琼裙
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Joined: 09 Apr 2007
Posts: 920
Location: 废墟之上
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PostPosted: 2007-05-17 19:24:38    Post subject: 青春 Reply with quote

青春



在这杯酒中,泡沫撞击了年少的青涩

语无伦次的回忆,疯狂膨胀了剩余的空间

你曾经的辫子,辫稍艳丽的蝴蝶结

瘫痪在了既定的轨道上,笔直地,一往无前地进入了历史



那时不倦的耳朵,彻夜与激情共舞

你我视而不见城市的斑痕,年龄的变化茫然地挂在墙上

所有的钟表,一刻不停挥舞着时光的长鞭,鞭挞脊背 

把熟悉的情节一一陌生成灰烬



窗户两扇,一扇是挣扎后的疲惫,一扇是幻想的旋律

一张纸,正面是反面反反复复演算了的结果

要谁来评判这样模糊的字迹

逃避,逃避钟声的响起,它总是警醒沉睡的灵魂



回忆,就是一根绳索的散步

毫无顾忌自由的走过来

混乱的语言,失态的表情和贫血的现实

尴尬地站在成熟和纯洁之间,



青春就是隔岸流亡的风景,脚步踉踉跄跄

玉米丢失,桃子丢失,手中残存的只有青涩的变味

我要轻轻扣上发黄的盖子,哪怕内容真的已经变味
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hepingdao
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Joined: 25 May 2006
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PostPosted: 2007-05-17 19:30:10    Post subject: Reply with quote

质地很好
构筑出一个精美的容器,
来装载美好和激情
Very Happy
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hepingdao
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PostPosted: 2007-05-17 19:36:59    Post subject: Reply with quote

写诗歌最要真诚, 要有话讲, 有情要抒, 自然而然
这是写诗歌的第一步,
但光有这些还不够, 要把思绪放在另一个空间, 纯洁中舞蹈, 进入另一种更高境界的思想
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白水
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Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
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PostPosted: 2007-05-17 21:01:26    Post subject: Reply with quote

新颖的语言, 真切的情感. 问好
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韩少君
进士出身


Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Posts: 2558
Location: 吉林四平
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PostPosted: 2007-05-17 22:15:39    Post subject: Reply with quote

回忆,就是一根绳索的散步

毫无顾忌自由的走过来

混乱的语言,失态的表情和贫血的现实

尴尬地站在成熟和纯洁之间,


好感觉好句子。但诗中似乎有可剔成分,把握不准。顺便发一首应邀急就的悼陈小旭的十四行诗,供君一阅:


黛玉



韩少君



天生的尤物在梦中放牧

那些浅风都是幽怨的影子

她开着无比鲜嫩的姿容

为了心中的火焰而死



在水草如云的地方再次更生

任月下的园林兀自肥沃

那花蕊中的一滴露珠在痛

你的埋葬如狠毒之火



我的天窗颦眉彻夜蹙额难眠

有更多的青春在排队等待

这夜晚让噩耗惊艳

使众多的暗恋者进入愁哀



你被五月的芬芳时时提起

一本书,难遮祭文的纷纷细雨

格律:
A
B
A
B

C
D
C
D

E
F
E
F

G
G
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一言
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Joined: 21 Feb 2007
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一言Collection
PostPosted: 2007-05-17 23:11:43    Post subject: Reply with quote

Rolling Eyes Razz Smile Very Happy Twisted Evil
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舒中
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Joined: 11 Feb 2007
Posts: 133

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PostPosted: 2007-05-18 05:04:47    Post subject: Reply with quote

近乎完美的表达,字字句句,深入人心.问好琼裙
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阿依琼裙
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Joined: 09 Apr 2007
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PostPosted: 2007-05-19 15:28:14    Post subject: Reply with quote

hepingdao wrote:
写诗歌最要真诚, 要有话讲, 有情要抒, 自然而然
这是写诗歌的第一步,
但光有这些还不够, 要把思绪放在另一个空间, 纯洁中舞蹈, 进入另一种更高境界的思想


也许我始终在第一步的台阶上徘徊~~
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阿依琼裙
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PostPosted: 2007-05-19 15:30:28    Post subject: Reply with quote

问好白水 Moonlight,韩少君,一言,舒中!
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