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夜的中央
下一个偶像是野兽
秀才


Joined: 16 Jan 2007
Posts: 504
Location: 西安
下一个偶像是野兽Collection
PostPosted: 2007-05-11 23:17:13    Post subject: 夜的中央 Reply with quote

你走了吗

留下空荡荡的结果
没有你离开的方向

我在时间的某个起点
所能做的仅仅是
让时间穿过
无力抗拒

城市的生命长过我
他见证更多的悲伤

他把悲伤写进人们的脸上
我把人们脸上的悲伤
用文字收藏
不肯释放

嘿 姑娘
你看到了我的心脏

我把我的心
撑开成
这个城市的晚上
希望和绝望同时光临
一切同在
夜的中央

夜的中央
你的心在跳
一下
一下
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杨海军
进士出身


Joined: 01 Mar 2007
Posts: 2205
Location: 吉林
杨海军Collection
PostPosted: 2007-05-11 23:39:26    Post subject: Reply with quote

不错的诗!!!
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走了很久了。还清晰地望见/身后那盏明灭的灯火/好像我们走的越久越远/故乡的那盏灯就越亮
——拙作《离开村庄》
http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1269376751
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一言
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Joined: 21 Feb 2007
Posts: 360

一言Collection
PostPosted: 2007-05-11 23:45:25    Post subject: Reply with quote

拜读
不过结尾和开头互相照应一下,让人掉进蒙胧分不清你所表达的意义了,也就让这首诗歌失去相当的透明度.这不过是我个人的见解,希见谅.
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我是个平凡的人,但我喜欢在平凡的日子里做不平凡的事情,每个人都可以这么来作去认为自己的存在。
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江晨
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Joined: 22 Feb 2007
Posts: 102
Location: 中国浙江
江晨Collection
PostPosted: 2007-05-12 05:03:55    Post subject: Reply with quote

嘿 姑娘
你看到了我的心脏
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中国龙泉剑瓷文化网:http://www.lqjcwh.com/ 我的博客网址: http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1246181482 http://aaabc888.bokee.com/ 我的创作室网址:http://www.zjlm.net/web/web_article.asp?wid=214
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下一个偶像是野兽
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Joined: 16 Jan 2007
Posts: 504
Location: 西安
下一个偶像是野兽Collection
PostPosted: 2007-05-12 06:02:41    Post subject: Reply with quote

谢谢支持和意见。
尝试新的写作方式。多提宝贵意见:)
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溪语
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Joined: 16 Mar 2007
Posts: 509
Location: 中国恩施
溪语Collection
PostPosted: 2007-05-12 07:55:25    Post subject: Reply with quote

杨海军 wrote:
不错的诗!!!
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韩少君
进士出身


Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Posts: 2558
Location: 吉林四平
韩少君Collection
PostPosted: 2007-05-12 18:37:37    Post subject: Reply with quote

有点猛。
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靠才华为自己带来幸福的是才子;靠才华为自己带来痛苦的是诗人!!http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanshaojun345
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nobody
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Joined: 31 Dec 2006
Posts: 2651
Location: Madtown
nobodyCollection
PostPosted: 2007-05-13 13:47:42    Post subject: Reply with quote

韩少君 wrote:
有点猛。


野兽一直很猛阿。应该是我们这里最猛的吧。我很欣赏。别具一格。
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