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请批《父亲》
韩少君
进士出身


Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Posts: 2558
Location: 吉林四平
韩少君Collection
PostPosted: 2007-04-26 14:19:54    Post subject: 请批《父亲》 Reply with quote

父亲

太匆忙了
你没有背负个婴儿上路
啊,父亲

没有你,在开始的日子
我只能模仿劣等的男人
叨烟卷转酒杯讨女人欢心
甚至狂笑,甚至呻吟

啊,父亲
你是英雄么
我多么希望你是
你应该带着满身的伤痕和履历
来告诉我
英雄有几个情人
英雄有多少儿女

多年来我一分一分地
积攒感受,面对最初的世界
我缝合伤口一样地紧闭我的嘴
我只向我的爱
才低下坚硬的头颅
我不能没有勇敢
我不再承认是你冲动的延续
我不再观察我像谁
我开始观察谁更像我

每当伫立海岸,我想
这就是父亲般的胸怀吗
不,大海太小气了
动不动就发脾气
就使性子,就咆哮嚎叫

啊,父亲
凡在你肩头站立过的
都是宠儿
而永远在你肩头站立的
都将成为无赖

我不是第一个吻你的人
我必是最后一个吻你的人
当你连制造一个象样的微笑
都很吃力的时候

我会告诉你:
我们都是流浪者
只不过方式不同

注:该诗写于1989年10月,再此交流并检验一下是否过时。请朋友们不要客气地批评!
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靠才华为自己带来幸福的是才子;靠才华为自己带来痛苦的是诗人!!http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanshaojun345
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hepingdao
Site Admin


Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 8106

hepingdaoCollection
PostPosted: 2007-04-26 14:39:17    Post subject: Reply with quote

情感真挚

喜欢这几句:

我只向我的爱
才低下坚硬的头颅
我不能没有勇敢
我不再承认是你冲动的延续
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为网友服务: 端茶倒水勤打扫!
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刘海澄
童生


Joined: 26 Apr 2007
Posts: 53
Location: (邮编476200)河南省商丘市柘城县上海中路236号 二高语文组
刘海澄Collection
PostPosted: 2007-04-26 21:19:56    Post subject: Reply with quote

啊,父亲
凡在你肩头站立过的
都是宠儿
而永远在你肩头站立的
都将成为无赖
喜欢这样的诗句。
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冷水
童生


Joined: 09 Apr 2007
Posts: 53

冷水Collection
PostPosted: 2007-04-27 01:34:19    Post subject: Reply with quote

太匆忙了
你没有背负个婴儿上路
啊,父亲

第一节不理解,以为我们的父亲是背负最多的人
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越来越蠢
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上城
进士出身


Joined: 15 Mar 2007
Posts: 2024
Location: 江夏黄鹤楼
上城Collection
PostPosted: 2007-04-27 06:35:50    Post subject: Reply with quote

喜欢.有种情不自禁的阅读的快感.
一首好诗.尤其第一节
"太匆忙了
你没有背负个婴儿上路
啊,父亲 "
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每个诗人都很重要
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半溪明月
榜眼


Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection
PostPosted: 2007-04-27 08:25:54    Post subject: Reply with quote

我不再观察我像谁
我开始观察谁更像我

欣赏学习!
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