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[原创]省际班车(微诗)
行天
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Joined: 03 Feb 2014
Posts: 41
Location: 中国贵州贵阳
行天Collection
PostPosted: 2015-02-06 03:48:46    Post subject: [原创]省际班车(微诗) Reply with quote

省际班车(微诗)
◎行天

大包小包装满新春温情
车轮眨眼越过临近省份
路有多长思念有多长
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行天
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Joined: 03 Feb 2014
Posts: 41
Location: 中国贵州贵阳
行天Collection
PostPosted: 2015-02-06 03:51:17    Post subject: Reply with quote

微型诗,请各位诗友评议!
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歐陽里山
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Joined: 31 Dec 2014
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歐陽里山Collection
PostPosted: 2015-02-14 00:25:05    Post subject: Reply with quote

诗歌简单,但内容也简单。这样的微诗要想出彩很难,内容很容易沦于表面,难以深袭人心。另外,这种情景的瞬间化有助诗的简练,也有动人的效果,但其中如何布置转换是不易把握的。这首,能提醒人感动,但不会深刻,而诗歌上者,当是赋予人感动的。
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行天
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Joined: 03 Feb 2014
Posts: 41
Location: 中国贵州贵阳
行天Collection
PostPosted: 2015-02-15 03:34:02    Post subject: Reply with quote

Very Happy 谢谢诗友欧阳里山灼见的点评!
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歐陽里山
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歐陽里山Collection
PostPosted: 2015-02-15 03:48:04    Post subject: Reply with quote

我说这个。也不是很自信的,毕竟自己的思考不系统。别看我评得意气风发,其实我的水平不一定高过你。呵呵,祝福。
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行天
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Joined: 03 Feb 2014
Posts: 41
Location: 中国贵州贵阳
行天Collection
PostPosted: 2015-02-15 05:44:44    Post subject: Reply with quote

Very Happy 诗友客气了。某也系省评论家协会(文艺理论家协会)会员。你的评论颇有功底,欣赏!
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行天
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Posts: 41
Location: 中国贵州贵阳
行天Collection
PostPosted: 2015-02-15 05:46:23    Post subject: Reply with quote

Very Happy 的却如此,这类微诗不易写得深刻,一不留神就浅了,不是很好把握,今后还得继续探索。
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歐陽里山
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歐陽里山Collection
PostPosted: 2015-02-15 16:24:49    Post subject: Reply with quote

谢谢,大受鼓励。只是后面那句,关于感动是提醒还是赋予的问题,原本自信,但昨天评了子在川上曰的诗论,之后,我苦思良久,感觉自己的观点拿不出论据,有些后悔这样草率地评论,所以你对我说的话,思考便可,千万不能全信呢。这是大真话。另外,我也看过你的一首写棋圣的诗,其实启发了我。
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歐陽里山
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Joined: 31 Dec 2014
Posts: 37

歐陽里山Collection
PostPosted: 2015-02-15 16:25:55    Post subject: Reply with quote

谢谢,大受鼓励。只是后面那句,关于感动是提醒还是赋予的问题,原本自信,但昨天评了子在川上曰的诗论,之后,我苦思良久,感觉自己的观点拿不出论据,有些后悔这样草率地评论,所以我说的话,思考便可,千万不能全信呢。这是大真话。另外,我也看过你的一首写棋圣的诗,其实启发了我
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