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栽花插柳(小小说)
刘云云
童生


Joined: 26 May 2006
Posts: 89
Location: 中国广东广州市
刘云云Collection
PostPosted: 2006-06-07 17:03:31    Post subject: 事花插柳(小小说) Reply with quote

  我们单位的司机黄师傅,是个“钢琴迷”。他迷上了钢琴音乐,对钢琴更是情有独钟。他说,钢琴这种乐器,又高贵,又典雅。谁挨近了钢琴,谁就显得尊贵起来。他有句名言:“一个美女,配上一台钢琴,这就是天下间最美的画图!”怪不得逛街时,他总爱往乐器商店里打转,就是为了看钢琴。有同事劝他,既然如此,就干脆搬一台回家呗。可是,他却说:“我这粗人,不配!将来我有了女儿,我一定会,一定会,嘿嘿!”
  一年后,他娶老婆了。再过一年,老婆就给他生了个小千金。他高兴得整天都咧着嘴笑。女儿刚满月,他就把股票全抛了,然后,花了近两万块钱,把他所心仪的钢琴搬了回家。小小的客厅,因为摆设了一台钢琴,果真显得高贵起来了。他感到十分惬意。
  有一天,下班回到家,他就一手抱着女儿,一手随意地摁着琴键,好让女儿感受一下钢琴乐音的魅力。谁知,当他的手指摁到高音键的时候,女儿突然哇地惊叫了起来,还在他怀里撒了一泡尿......
  待到女儿三岁了,黄师傅决心节衣缩食,都要请个钢琴老师来,好给女儿进行早期艺术训练。好不容易才物色了一个好老师,可是,这位老师上任了三天,便沮丧地请辞了:“你的千金绕着钢琴,老跟我捉迷藏,我教不了......”黄师傅无奈地摇摇头,心想,还是等女儿上了小学再说吧。
  转眼之间,黄师傅的女儿,已经是个小学五年级学生了。放学回家,这位千金小姐就爱趴在钢琴盖上,写作业,画图画。每逢寒暑假到来了,黄师傅便哄着女儿去学钢琴。此时,女儿总是摇着头,努着嘴,连声说:“不!我不学弹琴,我要去少年宫学画画!”
  有一天,老师上门来了,告诉了黄师傅,他的女儿,被一位国画家看中了,要收她做门下弟子......黄师傅听了,不知是喜,还是忧,只是看着钢琴,没说一句话。老半天了,他才感叹道:“常言说,有心栽花花不发,哈,没错!”
  十二年过去了,黄师傅的那台钢琴,保养得蛮好,依然锃亮如新。如今,钢琴上却添放了一座小型的音响。此时,正播放着法国演奏家克莱德曼的钢琴曲《水边的阿狄丽娜》。乐曲的旋律优美,且带点儿忧伤。黄师傅闭着眼睛,坐在钢琴旁边的摇椅上,入神地听着,听着。墙上,挂着一幅他女儿的国画《春柳图》。画里的柳枝,仿佛在这乐曲声中,摇曳......
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雪泥
秀才


Joined: 26 May 2006
Posts: 255
Location: 西欧
雪泥Collection
PostPosted: 2006-06-07 21:55:33    Post subject: Reply with quote

Smile 事情常是这样,包括人生都没有精算的棋子
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《梅园文学》总编
欢迎各种体裁的投稿
雪泥博客:
http://xueniwriting.blog.sohu.com/
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张祖文
童生


Joined: 28 May 2006
Posts: 56
Location: 西藏拉萨
张祖文Collection
PostPosted: 2006-06-07 23:28:52    Post subject: Reply with quote

"常言说,有心栽花花不发,哈,不错",的确是不错,我也不得不感叹了,唉,就这样吧,谁叫我们每个人都会有自己的思想呢?
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今古奇
童生


Joined: 29 May 2006
Posts: 15

今古奇Collection
PostPosted: 2006-06-08 23:05:31    Post subject: 刘兄:您好! Reply with quote

读了您不少作品,觉得文笔非常自然老道,有不少的细节抓得很准,描写到位,给人留下深刻印象。觉得稍微有点遗憾的是,有的篇什显得平铺直叙了,如此篇就是,读下来,给人的震撼太小,所揭示的道理也显浅和旧了。
即使故事旧了点、平了点,假如构思得精巧些、剪裁得独到些,也许感染力就会加强些。讲故事的方法也应有变化。谨此与老朋友个人交流共勉!
握手!
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刘云云
童生


Joined: 26 May 2006
Posts: 89
Location: 中国广东广州市
刘云云Collection
PostPosted: 2006-06-08 23:27:24    Post subject: Reply with quote

 谢谢老朋友的指点!
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刘剡
童生


Joined: 06 Jun 2006
Posts: 58
Location: 中国神农架
刘剡Collection
PostPosted: 2006-06-10 04:14:14    Post subject: 问好,远握! Reply with quote

不错的小说,但"了"字在这里用的过多.......
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在诗里,生活比在现实本身里还显得更是生活。
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刘云云
童生


Joined: 26 May 2006
Posts: 89
Location: 中国广东广州市
刘云云Collection
PostPosted: 2006-06-10 16:17:35    Post subject: Reply with quote

 谢谢刘剡的指正。请多多来稿!
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郑勇浩
童生


Joined: 14 Jun 2006
Posts: 14
Location: 辽宁营口
郑勇浩Collection
PostPosted: 2006-06-16 16:40:57    Post subject: 拜读! Reply with quote

生活当中很多事情不能随心所欲的,特别是父母在成长中的孩子面前更是无可奈何,写的很真实,所以小说可以立足。拜读!
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文武双全
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刘云云
童生


Joined: 26 May 2006
Posts: 89
Location: 中国广东广州市
刘云云Collection
PostPosted: 2006-06-16 23:55:40    Post subject: Reply with quote

 谢谢郑勇浩先生的鼓励!
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