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看见乌鸫衔虫飞
William Zhou周道模
探花


Joined: 10 Jun 2007
Posts: 3950
Location: 中国四川广汉
William Zhou周道模Collection
PostPosted: 2014-06-24 03:37:48    Post subject: 看见乌鸫衔虫飞 Reply with quote

看见乌鸫衔虫飞

文:周道模

一只乌鸫鸟,衔着虫子
飞过我的头顶
飞上水冬瓜树,喂儿女
如果我是种地的陶渊明
定会写温馨的诗
可拿着照相的手机
拍下的是虫子挣扎的悲情
我不能怪罪鸟儿啊
只怪自己的胡思乱语
我的灵与肉,梦与醒
哪个是乌鸫?哪个是虫子?
乌黑的时间从头顶飞过
我看见世界的虚无
在悲鸣 ……

2014-6-1 晚21:28 连山
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周道模
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chenrunmin
进士出身


Joined: 21 Nov 2009
Posts: 2427
Location: nanjing.jiangsu.china.
chenrunminCollection
PostPosted: 2014-06-26 04:21:15    Post subject: Reply with quote

我的灵与肉,梦与醒
哪个是乌鸫?哪个是虫子?
乌黑的时间从头顶飞过
我看见世界的虚无
在悲鸣 ……
感时花沾泪,祝马年快乐幸福。首复,问好。
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一个来自南京,普通大众中的人。
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William Zhou周道模
探花


Joined: 10 Jun 2007
Posts: 3950
Location: 中国四川广汉
William Zhou周道模Collection
PostPosted: 2014-06-28 15:56:46    Post subject: Reply with quote

chenrunmin wrote:
我的灵与肉,梦与醒
...


谢谢陈君的读引!清风的问候!
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周道模
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白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2014-06-29 01:03:38    Post subject: Reply with quote

哪个是乌鸫?哪个是虫子?
点睛之笔
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William Zhou周道模
探花


Joined: 10 Jun 2007
Posts: 3950
Location: 中国四川广汉
William Zhou周道模Collection
PostPosted: 2014-07-07 04:02:01    Post subject: Reply with quote

白水 Moonlight wrote:
哪个是乌鸫?哪个是虫子?
点睛之笔


谢谢白水君的鼓励!夏日清风的问候!
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周道模
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歐陽里山
童生


Joined: 31 Dec 2014
Posts: 37

歐陽里山Collection
PostPosted: 2015-02-11 07:34:09    Post subject: Reply with quote

不知怎么,北美枫里
偏偏对周君的诗有些特别感情,
我嘛,有时候想能不能用我的方式改写别人的作品
只是碰见的有三种:不想改,不敢改,不必改
你的是第三种。灵动,轻松,自然。上诗若水。
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歐陽里山
童生


Joined: 31 Dec 2014
Posts: 37

歐陽里山Collection
PostPosted: 2015-02-11 17:47:49    Post subject: Reply with quote




平安夜,苹果最不平安的
手还有温软南风的湿味
想起木储柜,想起酿酒
北方的酒庄,杉桶,壁灯
那年思辩果酒的绝美
她是高脚杯葡萄我偏爱圆杯的苹果哟
突然想自酿一桶
全汁的苹果啊天在下雨

与那个我爱的
绝美

最后想起七星街的箱果
上层尽好下层就算了,南方的苹果
想起米酒,想起外公来





我这首,看能否媲美你的灵动。
这是平安夜翌晨写的,那时我在南方,在七星街镇的不远处,却不能回去看看。七星是传说孔明放七星灯的地方,旧属桥头河,我在那里过了我很大一部分的童年,七星的街摊常有纸箱的苹果,两层。我也吃过不少。
前后的“绝美”不是同一个人,前个早成回忆,后者就在身边,在心里,记得我把这诗抄给她,这个死脑筋,硬说南方没有苹果树,我说啊,没有不知道运来吗!可是我也装傻,让她取笑我的不知地理,谁叫她可爱呢,恰好我也可爱。
我的外公外婆现在长沙,也很少回这个老家了。
老家滋味,只有自知。
我的外公是只酿米酒的,甜酒除外。
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chenrunmin
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Joined: 21 Nov 2009
Posts: 2427
Location: nanjing.jiangsu.china.
chenrunminCollection
PostPosted: 2015-02-15 03:38:22    Post subject: Reply with quote

再来品读,感受,问好
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William Zhou周道模
探花


Joined: 10 Jun 2007
Posts: 3950
Location: 中国四川广汉
William Zhou周道模Collection
PostPosted: 2015-02-22 03:32:44    Post subject: Reply with quote

歐陽里山 wrote:
不知怎么,北美枫里
...



谢谢欧阳君的鼓励!春节好!
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歐陽里山
童生


Joined: 31 Dec 2014
Posts: 37

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PostPosted: 2015-02-22 03:39:38    Post subject: Reply with quote

新年快乐!!!
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歐陽里山
童生


Joined: 31 Dec 2014
Posts: 37

歐陽里山Collection
PostPosted: 2015-02-22 03:46:35    Post subject: Reply with quote

新年快乐!!!
我曾给你留言,“网友论坛”上有我的帖子想请你帮忙指点,可是我怕家里人看到那帖子,已经删掉了,抱歉。
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William Zhou周道模
探花


Joined: 10 Jun 2007
Posts: 3950
Location: 中国四川广汉
William Zhou周道模Collection
PostPosted: 2015-02-27 15:07:37    Post subject: Reply with quote

歐陽里山 wrote:

...



思绪比较开阔、灵动,怎样意境圆融还可提高。
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周道模
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