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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

梦幻的旅行<组诗>

半溪明月
榜眼

Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection

Posted: 2007-04-18 21:19:24 Post subject: 梦幻的旅行<组诗>

梦幻的旅行<组诗> 行囊从三月出发忘记带上那幅刺绣行李中有为你准备的陈酿抖落一场四月的雨让鲜苔爬上断桥苏堤上宴请阳光失眠一只、两只...无数头羊惊慌地拥挤在我的枕旁挥着漆黑的鞭子将羊群赶下床嘈杂的叹息被萤火虫驮走当晨曦打开窗我睡着了远行远方的来电信号混沌踩着沉闷的铃声一路前行水在流吗？桥的两端湮没在晨雾中当正午的阳光驱散一路辛劳沿路的风景已撩开它神秘的面纱梦的延续颠簸的梦中一种被碾压的姿势倾斜在回家的路上坍塌的梦延续在路的终点 “该醒了吗......”

kokho
进士出身

Joined: 30 Nov 2006
Posts: 2642
Location: Singapore
kokhoCollection

Posted: 2007-04-18 21:54:51 Post subject: Re: 梦幻的旅行<组诗>

半溪明月 wrote:

梦幻的旅行<组诗>

*行囊

从三月出发
忘记带上那幅刺绣
行李中有为你准备的陈酿

抖落一场四月的雨
让鲜苔爬上断桥
苏堤上宴请阳光

*失眠

一只、两只...无数头羊
惊慌地拥挤在我的枕旁

挥着漆黑的鞭子
将羊群赶下床

嘈杂的叹息
被萤火虫驮走

当晨曦打开窗
我睡着了

*远行

远方的来电信号混沌
踩着沉闷的铃声
一路前行

水在流吗？
桥的两端
湮没在晨雾中

当正午的阳光
驱散一路辛劳
沿路的风景已撩开
它神秘的面纱

*梦的延续

颠簸的梦中
一种被碾压的姿势
倾斜在回家的路上
坍塌的梦延续在
路的终点
“该醒了吗......”

问好

。
_________________
乒乓、摄影、诗歌

杨海军
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Joined: 01 Mar 2007
Posts: 2205
Location: 吉林
杨海军Collection

Posted: 2007-04-18 22:35:02 Post subject:

诗的感觉越来越好了，继续努力！问好诗人！！ _________________ 走了很久了。还清晰地望见/身后那盏明灭的灯火/好像我们走的越久越远/故乡的那盏灯就越亮 ——拙作《离开村庄》 http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1269376751

半溪明月
榜眼

Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection

Posted: 2007-04-19 20:34:05 Post subject:

感谢KOKHO及海军的提读,问好!

nobody
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Joined: 31 Dec 2006
Posts: 2651
Location: Madtown
nobodyCollection

Posted: 2007-04-20 17:46:21 Post subject:

越写越好。精炼有味。 _________________ I'm nobody! Who are you?

荷梦
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Joined: 19 Dec 2006
Posts: 2826
Location: 湖北，黄梅
荷梦Collection

Posted: 2007-04-20 20:10:09 Post subject:

很有味道的一组短诗。

半溪明月
榜眼

Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection

Posted: 2007-04-21 17:30:49 Post subject: 问好

nobody wrote:

越写越好。精炼有味。

问好NOBODY,还请多批~ Very Happy

半溪明月
榜眼

Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection

Posted: 2007-04-21 17:35:54 Post subject:

荷梦 wrote:

很有味道的一组短诗。

问好梦荷,还请多批~远握! Very Happy

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