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Maple Review Home -> 古韵新音

七绝春花

qinghongh
榜眼

Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Posts: 4110

qinghonghCollection

Posted: 2014-03-26 12:18:11 Post subject: 七绝春花

七绝春花乍暖还寒冰雪融，含苞欲放待东风。一朝万物会春意，旧貌新颜别样红。新改如下：七绝春花乍暖还寒冰雪融，含苞欲放待东风。一朝万物会春意，满目山川尽绿红。

晓松
举人

Joined: 26 Feb 2007
Posts: 1192

晓松Collection

Posted: 2014-03-26 18:36:30 Post subject:

这首七绝，写的正是眼下的情景，感同深受，的确是乍暖还寒，含苞欲放。此外，写作手法上，拗救运用自如。问候庆宏兄！

黄洋界
探花

Joined: 23 Mar 2007
Posts: 3301
Location: 多伦多,加拿大
黄洋界Collection

Posted: 2014-03-27 06:55:44 Post subject:

“一朝万物会春意”，“会”字传神,炼得好。 _________________ ++++++++++++++ 喜金石书画，友竹菊梅兰

qinghongh
榜眼

Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Posts: 4110

qinghonghCollection

Posted: 2014-03-27 12:42:20 Post subject:

晓松 wrote:

这首七绝，写的正是眼下的情景，感同深受，的确是乍暖还寒，含苞欲放。此外，写作手法上，拗救运用自如。问候庆宏兄！

谢谢晓松兄雅赏！

qinghongh
榜眼

Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Posts: 4110

qinghonghCollection

Posted: 2014-03-27 12:42:47 Post subject:

黄洋界 wrote:

“一朝万物会春意”，“会”字传神,炼得好。

谢谢黄老师雅赏！

冰清
同进士出身

Joined: 29 Mar 2007
Posts: 1921

冰清Collection

Posted: 2014-03-28 18:47:56 Post subject:

赏读！会春意—— 转的生动、传神。好！只是，结句好像有些硬。

qinghongh
榜眼

Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Posts: 4110

qinghonghCollection

Posted: 2014-03-29 02:37:34 Post subject:

冰清 wrote:

赏读！

会春意—— 转的生动、传神。好！

只是，结句好像有些硬。

谢谢冰清老师赏读指点！作些修改如下：

七绝春花

乍暖还寒冰雪融，含苞欲放待东风。
一朝万物会春意，满目山川尽绿红。。

Daxia
秀才

Joined: 26 Apr 2013
Posts: 163
Location: Mississauga, Canada
DaxiaCollection

Posted: 2014-04-02 13:55:12 Post subject:

qinghongh wrote:

冰清 wrote:

赏读！

会春意—— 转的生动、传神。好！

只是，结句好像有些硬。

谢谢冰清老师赏读指点！作些修改如下：
...

欣赏。
_________________
Daxia

qinghongh
榜眼

Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Posts: 4110

qinghonghCollection

Posted: 2014-04-02 18:03:04 Post subject:

Daxia wrote:

qinghongh wrote:

冰清 wrote:

赏读！

会春意—— 转的生动、传神。好！

只是，结句好像有些硬。

谢谢冰清老师赏读指点！作些修改如下：
...

欣赏。

谢谢晓鸣兄雅赏!

连南河
秀才

Joined: 30 Aug 2008
Posts: 342
Location: Toronto
连南河Collection

Posted: 2014-04-05 06:29:01 Post subject:

春天的问候与祝福！ _________________ 一路雨丝一路风

qinghongh
榜眼

Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Posts: 4110

qinghonghCollection

Posted: 2014-04-05 16:33:17 Post subject:

连南河 wrote:

春天的问候与祝福！

问候连兄!

笑聊
探花

Joined: 05 Jan 2010
Posts: 3448
Location: 中国江苏无锡
笑聊Collection

Posted: 2014-04-11 22:29:37 Post subject:

问候庆宏兄！结句改得好，起、承、转、合一气呵成。由于登陆不上，故好久未与师友们交流，今日获新密码，得以进入。

qinghongh
榜眼

Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Posts: 4110

qinghonghCollection

Posted: 2014-04-12 04:53:33 Post subject:

笑聊 wrote:

问候庆宏兄！结句改得好，起、承、转、合一气呵成。
...

谢谢笑聊兄雅赏鼓励。

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2014-04-12 06:06:46 Post subject:

我在国内就被你的诗歌骗了一下，回Toronto好几天了，前天家门口的小花好不容易才开了几朵

qinghongh
榜眼

Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Posts: 4110

qinghonghCollection

Posted: 2014-04-12 08:05:53 Post subject:

白水 Moonlight wrote:

我在国内就被你的诗歌骗了一下，回Toronto好几天了，前天家门口的小花好不容易才开了几朵 Very Happy

这不是“待东风”嘛。

冷雨
秀才

Joined: 05 Nov 2010
Posts: 439

冷雨Collection

Posted: 2014-05-07 04:10:05 Post subject:

问好庆宏老师！

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