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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌 Post new topic   Reply to topic
夜九龍
戴玨
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Joined: 03 Jan 2007
Posts: 808

戴玨Collection
PostPosted: 2007-04-17 04:06:53    Post subject: 夜九龍 Reply with quote

還未過半夜,
粉紅的天空中,
看不到星星,
它們全都
掉到了地上。
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杨光
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Joined: 01 Jun 2006
Posts: 683

杨光Collection
PostPosted: 2007-04-17 06:33:01    Post subject: Reply with quote

不错的画意
结句出彩,欣赏
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杨光的语言空间

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hepingdao
Site Admin


Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 8106

hepingdaoCollection
PostPosted: 2007-04-17 08:11:12    Post subject: Reply with quote

意境幽雅
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戴玨
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Joined: 03 Jan 2007
Posts: 808

戴玨Collection
PostPosted: 2007-04-19 04:38:39    Post subject: Reply with quote

謝二位賞閱!
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杨海军
进士出身


Joined: 01 Mar 2007
Posts: 2205
Location: 吉林
杨海军Collection
PostPosted: 2007-04-19 05:33:07    Post subject: Reply with quote

真的不错!问好!!
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走了很久了。还清晰地望见/身后那盏明灭的灯火/好像我们走的越久越远/故乡的那盏灯就越亮
——拙作《离开村庄》
http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1269376751
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William Zhou周道模
探花


Joined: 10 Jun 2007
Posts: 3950
Location: 中国四川广汉
William Zhou周道模Collection
PostPosted: 2007-07-06 20:34:03    Post subject: Reply with quote

读了,学习了。可否不用“因为”?汉语诗不像英语诗,不用连词更好。
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诗歌是灵魂的歌唱.
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金金
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Joined: 08 Feb 2007
Posts: 2035
Location: 山东济宁
金金Collection
PostPosted: 2007-07-06 20:47:06    Post subject: Reply with quote

帅!就这个感觉!!!
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戴玨
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Joined: 03 Jan 2007
Posts: 808

戴玨Collection
PostPosted: 2007-07-06 22:59:36    Post subject: Reply with quote

William Zhou周道模 wrote:
读了,学习了。可否不用“因为”?汉语诗不像英语诗,不用连词更好。

謝謝您的寶貴意見,已經改了。 Smile
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kino
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Joined: 23 Dec 2006
Posts: 411
Location: beijing
kinoCollection
PostPosted: 2007-07-07 05:37:46    Post subject: Reply with quote

不错,寥寥数字,充满诗意!

還未過半夜, (夜未央) 
粉紅的天空中,
看不到星星,
它們全都
掉到了地上。(掉-落)
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曹东
童生


Joined: 15 Mar 2007
Posts: 37
Location: 中国
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PostPosted: 2007-09-03 22:35:36    Post subject: Reply with quote

小意绪.稍轻浅了些.问好!
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