戴玨 秀才

Joined: 03 Jan 2007 Posts: 808
戴玨Collection |
Posted: 2007-04-17 04:06:53 Post subject: 夜九龍 |
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還未過半夜,
粉紅的天空中,
看不到星星,
它們全都
掉到了地上。 _________________ I labour by singing light
我的blog
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杨光 秀才
Joined: 01 Jun 2006 Posts: 683
杨光Collection |
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hepingdao Site Admin

Joined: 25 May 2006 Posts: 8106
hepingdaoCollection |
Posted: 2007-04-17 08:11:12 Post subject: |
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意境幽雅 |
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戴玨 秀才

Joined: 03 Jan 2007 Posts: 808
戴玨Collection |
Posted: 2007-04-19 04:38:39 Post subject: |
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謝二位賞閱! _________________ I labour by singing light
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杨海军 进士出身
Joined: 01 Mar 2007 Posts: 2205 Location: 吉林 杨海军Collection |
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William Zhou周道模 探花
Joined: 10 Jun 2007 Posts: 3950 Location: 中国四川广汉 William Zhou周道模Collection |
Posted: 2007-07-06 20:34:03 Post subject: |
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读了,学习了。可否不用“因为”?汉语诗不像英语诗,不用连词更好。 _________________ 诗歌是灵魂的歌唱.
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金金 进士出身

Joined: 08 Feb 2007 Posts: 2035 Location: 山东济宁 金金Collection |
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戴玨 秀才

Joined: 03 Jan 2007 Posts: 808
戴玨Collection |
Posted: 2007-07-06 22:59:36 Post subject: |
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William Zhou周道模 wrote: |
读了,学习了。可否不用“因为”?汉语诗不像英语诗,不用连词更好。 |
謝謝您的寶貴意見,已經改了。  _________________ I labour by singing light
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kino 秀才
Joined: 23 Dec 2006 Posts: 411 Location: beijing kinoCollection |
Posted: 2007-07-07 05:37:46 Post subject: |
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不错,寥寥数字,充满诗意!
還未過半夜, (夜未央)
粉紅的天空中,
看不到星星,
它們全都
掉到了地上。(掉-落) |
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曹东 童生
Joined: 15 Mar 2007 Posts: 37 Location: 中国 曹东Collection |
Posted: 2007-09-03 22:35:36 Post subject: |
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小意绪.稍轻浅了些.问好! _________________ 我的主页http://blog.sina.com.cn/caod |
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