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《轮渡》风
和平岛
举人


Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 1277
Location: Victoria, Canada
和平岛Collection
PostPosted: 2006-11-23 22:05:57    Post subject: 《轮渡》风 Reply with quote

一拉罐追着糖纸追着遥远年代
山庄灯笼里的狗吠声
偷渡的人夜黑风高
借用头顶的几颗星星
钻透亿万光年的铁板

我们行走着黑白相间的年轮
波浪似翻卷的双手
握紧之后又弹开的形状
沿着一条碎石子铺就的长堤
一簇簇黑莓野藤为我们打开
层层荆棘的时间之门
又在门的背后关上了奇形怪状的水响

在家园深处的坐标,我们
迅速勾画出成圈的牛羊,并用
芦苇之上一字人形的雁群
篆刻荒蛮时代特有的幸运符号
那几只麻雀不解其中的深意
它们把它们小银铃似的快乐
一串串系在午后
不断伸向未来的电波

我们就这样一次次
把秋天遗忘在秋天,把绿色的意象
磨炼成霞光里的血泡。当冬季
再次临门,手心突然而来的幸福感
怎生拿捏。卷毛狗追着糖纸
追着空空空的啄木鸟凌乱的方言
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写诗是为了写更好的诗
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墨染红颜
童生


Joined: 08 Oct 2006
Posts: 69

墨染红颜Collection
PostPosted: 2006-11-23 22:22:28    Post subject: Reply with quote

这么忙还有新作,厉害:)学习!!

一个铁皮做成的小圆桶,下面用脚,踩风琴一样,将一小勺白色的糖,转悠,一根筷子一样粗长的棍子跟着旋转,然后糖就象棉花那样在棍子上,孩子举着用舌头舔着吃。估计没见过棉花糖吧:)很甜很好吃哦。 哈,想象一下,写出来哦......
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风花飞有态,烟絮坠无痕。
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杯中冲浪
进士出身


Joined: 29 Sep 2006
Posts: 2891
Location: 中国
杯中冲浪Collection
PostPosted: 2006-11-24 02:49:24    Post subject: Reply with quote

在家园深处的坐标上,我们
迅速勾画出成圈的牛羊,并用
芦苇之上一字人形的雁群
篆刻荒蛮时代特有的幸运符号
那几只麻雀不解其中的深意
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杯中冲浪.披履而行
http://blog.sina.com.cn/shoutao006
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蓝桥
秀才


Joined: 29 Sep 2006
Posts: 105

蓝桥Collection
PostPosted: 2006-11-24 02:57:51    Post subject: Reply with quote

很耐品!
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婉儿
童生


Joined: 18 Nov 2006
Posts: 43
Location: 西北
婉儿Collection
PostPosted: 2006-11-24 07:57:21    Post subject: Reply with quote

读了三遍, 才读出诗歌深埋的情感. 可谓曲高和寡.

我在想, 如果诗歌只有写诗歌的人, 或部分写诗歌的人理解, 会否渐渐失去读者.

直言了, 见谅.
Embarassed
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孙慧峰
童生


Joined: 09 Oct 2006
Posts: 97

孙慧峰Collection
PostPosted: 2006-11-26 05:20:47    Post subject: 密实而深 Reply with quote

意象密集有时形成阅读的阻滞,但同时加大了诗句信息的承载量,也是一格~
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遛达的七七
秀才


Joined: 07 Jun 2006
Posts: 329

遛达的七七Collection
PostPosted: 2006-11-26 13:54:26    Post subject: Reply with quote

过于密集堆积, 失控

.....抱歉, 打击一下哈! 莫生气哦
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左岸
秀才


Joined: 12 Oct 2006
Posts: 215
Location: 中国大连
左岸Collection
PostPosted: 2006-11-26 17:31:34    Post subject: Reply with quote

我们就这样一次次
把秋天遗忘在秋天,把绿色的意象
磨炼成霞光里的血泡。当冬季
再次临门,手心突然而来的幸福感
怎生拿捏。卷毛狗追着糖纸
追着空空空的啄木鸟凌乱的方言
意象疏朗,有意想不到的阅读快感。
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黑暗怎样焊住灵魂的银河
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一无
秀才


Joined: 20 Mar 2013
Posts: 576
Location: 中国
一无Collection
PostPosted: 2013-07-15 10:19:52    Post subject: Reply with quote

不但欣赏作品,也欣赏论坛当初的真诚的评论。



————从391页找出来。
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名心退尽道心生,如梦如仙句偶成。天籁自鸣天趣足,好诗不过近人情。

———清 张问陶



http://www.yizitong.org/weblog.php?w=397
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一无
秀才


Joined: 20 Mar 2013
Posts: 576
Location: 中国
一无Collection
PostPosted: 2013-07-15 10:20:12    Post subject: Reply with quote

不但欣赏作品,也欣赏论坛当初真诚的评论。



————从391页找出来。
_________________
名心退尽道心生,如梦如仙句偶成。天籁自鸣天趣足,好诗不过近人情。

———清 张问陶



http://www.yizitong.org/weblog.php?w=397
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博弈
榜眼


Joined: 21 Dec 2006
Posts: 4381
Location: SFO
博弈Collection
PostPosted: 2013-07-16 00:45:48    Post subject: Reply with quote

婉儿 wrote:
读了三遍, 才读出诗歌深埋的情感. 可谓曲高和寡.
...


The fountain of lights

不是為了那人曾割過耳朵
我不會來細看他的畫
我也看不出來哪裡好
但不敢坦白自己的無知
因為耳朵聽不見他的聲音
這不是的世界
乾枯的庭園
黑暗的入侵大地
如潮汐, 漲退之中
我看見時光的噴水池
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(在不斷的審醜裡終將建立起新的審美)
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