Maple Review :: View topic - 五绝

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Maple Review Home -> 古韵新音

五绝－落梅

莹雪
进士出身

Joined: 28 Sep 2006
Posts: 2520
Location: 中国－辽宁·三燕故都
莹雪Collection

Posted: 2007-04-05 19:29:15 Post subject: 五绝－落梅

娇梅剩晚容，伴雪落严冬。欲别群芳去，明年色更浓。

不亦悦乎
童生

Joined: 02 Apr 2007
Posts: 40

不亦悦乎Collection

Posted: 2007-04-06 12:03:15 Post subject:

“欲”字改用“暂”如何？记得MM擅长写意而不用其字的，我以为这次“梅”字也可避免。恕直言，别生气喲。

莹雪
进士出身

Joined: 28 Sep 2006
Posts: 2520
Location: 中国－辽宁·三燕故都
莹雪Collection

Posted: 2007-04-06 17:19:33 Post subject:

不亦悦乎 wrote:

“欲”字改用“暂”如何？
记得MM擅长写意而不用其字的，我以为这次“梅”字也可避免。
恕直言，别生气喲。

呵呵！我不是气球，没有那么多气的。 sticking tongue

谢谢GG提建议哈！我觉得“欲”，是要落，未落之意。“暂”吧，有些生硬。所以“欲”字我还是暂且保留。那个“梅”字吧，当避则避，不当避呢就不用避了。写意，也不是让人弄不懂呀！以上是我的浅见，GG听后别见怪哦！ thanks

王君明
秀才

Joined: 03 Apr 2007
Posts: 250
Location: 甘肃天水
王君明Collection

Posted: 2007-04-06 18:33:26 Post subject:

转结很好啊 _________________ 虚拟网络　真实生活

梅影三叠
秀才

Joined: 06 Feb 2007
Posts: 203

梅影三叠Collection

Posted: 2007-04-06 22:35:22 Post subject:

结尾不伤，问好莹雪

莹雪
进士出身

Joined: 28 Sep 2006
Posts: 2520
Location: 中国－辽宁·三燕故都
莹雪Collection

Posted: 2007-04-07 00:26:44 Post subject:

王君明 wrote:

转结很好啊

谢谢！

莹雪
进士出身

Joined: 28 Sep 2006
Posts: 2520
Location: 中国－辽宁·三燕故都
莹雪Collection

Posted: 2007-04-07 00:28:10 Post subject:

梅影三叠 wrote:

结尾不伤，问好莹雪

谢谢梅影！问好梅影

杏仁儿
童生

Joined: 22 Mar 2007
Posts: 30

杏仁儿Collection

Posted: 2007-04-09 03:44:36 Post subject:

明年色更浓。好句~~ _________________ 观静水之深沉，品智者之无声

莹雪
进士出身

Joined: 28 Sep 2006
Posts: 2520
Location: 中国－辽宁·三燕故都
莹雪Collection

Posted: 2007-04-09 16:50:13 Post subject:

杏仁儿 wrote:

明年色更浓。好句~~

谢谢！

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