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《柚子花开》(外一首)(中国重庆)
草根书生
童生


Joined: 24 Mar 2013
Posts: 9

草根书生Collection
PostPosted: 2013-03-25 09:51:05    Post subject: 《柚子花开》(外一首)(中国重庆) Reply with quote

《柚子花开》(外一首)

展开中国地图
故乡 这个小小的地名
恰如这柚子的果粒
被远方的我反复咀嚼

出门在外
浅浅的孤单 写在脸上
淡淡的惆怅 印在行囊
柚子花开的季节
雪白如浪的思念
成为我夜夜不断的春潮

柚子花盛开的天空
馥郁的清香背叛了尘世的浮华
纯洁的宁静屏蔽了世界的喧嚣
停在花瓣上那湿漉漉的蜜蜂啊
就是我昼伏夜出的乡愁
总在漫不经心的时候
跃然成我笔下的一个柚子




《菜花金黄》

万亩花海
我在打捞一个地名
故乡那个乡味十足的小镇
隐居在一朵油菜花的蕊里

一片金黄
在艳阳下浸润过来
穿过夜的黑暗
在我梦里起伏成一片海

横七竖八的田埂
阻挡不了我跳跃的诗行
循着花开的方向
故乡在梦的那端发酵陈酿

穿过开满油菜花的田野
一支短笛 心事荡漾
一只蝴蝶 花影芬芳
我就是故乡深处的那只蝶啊
永远翩飞在回家的路上




作者:胡云昌
地址:中国重庆市涪陵区兴华西路4号巴渝都市报社
邮编:408000
电话:023—72875008(办) 13638226919
邮箱:1303559912@qq.com
QQ:1303559912

作者简介:胡云昌,男,1974年10月出生于重庆市垫江县永安镇鱼龙村一组,现任重庆日报报业集团巴渝都市报社消费专刊工作室主笔、编辑,重庆市涪陵区作家协会会员。
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山城子
榜眼


Joined: 23 May 2007
Posts: 4771
Location: 中国贵州
山城子Collection
PostPosted: 2013-03-25 22:59:44    Post subject: Reply with quote

这两首乡情浓郁——语言还可以简约灵动一些。建议打磨。
第一首第一节可以不要;第二首第一节也可以不要。结尾设法别重复蝶。
——个见,仅供参考。
_________________
诗是人生的雅伴儿。
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