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江城子——中秋
湖南桑儿
童生


Joined: 28 Feb 2013
Posts: 4

湖南桑儿Collection
PostPosted: 2013-02-28 14:26:44    Post subject: 江城子——中秋 Reply with quote

一帘秋月照幽乡。梦魂长,忆成双。情丝百转,寸寸绕彷徨。地角天边练华泻,无一处,不牵肠。

清辉当解素面妆。翠竹篁,映徜徉。金风如剪,裁瘦去年裳。月里谁人思后羿,丹桂下,捣砧忙。
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笑聊
探花


Joined: 05 Jan 2010
Posts: 3448
Location: 中国江苏无锡
笑聊Collection
PostPosted: 2013-02-28 20:04:23    Post subject: Reply with quote

问好!格律上是否有误?

一帘秋月照幽乡。梦魂长,忆成双。情丝百转,寸寸绕彷徨。地角天边练华泻,无一处,不牵肠。

清辉当解素面妆。翠竹篁,映徜徉。金风如剪,裁瘦去年裳。月里谁人思后羿,丹桂下,捣砧忙。
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