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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

登鹳雀楼

狼孩
秀才

Joined: 17 Jan 2007
Posts: 206
Location: 中国
狼孩Collection

Posted: 2013-02-21 19:25:45 Post subject: 登鹳雀楼

我是撑着唐人王之涣的诗才湿漉漉游到这里的站在中州大地的支点上茫茫高原已连成一片鹳雀盘旋着衔起白日不让它想落山就落山黄河唱着五千年不变的歌敲打着沉睡的高原应和远处黄鹤楼的诗韵把华夏这条大船背在身上我见到王之涣才见到鹳雀楼我也想去登心里的鹳雀楼怎么也找不到当年的入口更无法体验更上层楼的意境我努力一伸双臂竟然飞成一直白色的鹳鸟飞的比鹳雀楼还要高飞的比所有的鹳雀还高我看到了白云和不落的太阳沿着整条黄河的跑道慈航 _________________ 我要让你看见我，却不知道我是谁。

hepingdao
Site Admin

Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 8106

hepingdaoCollection

Posted: 2013-02-22 07:47:47 Post subject:

有气势，如果能写得更自然就好了 _________________ 为网友服务: 端茶倒水勤打扫!

金金
进士出身

Joined: 08 Feb 2007
Posts: 2035
Location: 山东济宁
金金Collection

Posted: 2013-02-25 13:58:11 Post subject:

鹳鸟？？不太对，鹳雀楼之鹳雀指的是大鸨。你这诗过于联想 _________________ http://blog.sina.com.cn/shirenjinjin

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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

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