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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌 Post new topic   Reply to topic
歌(请各位斑主批评指正)
王浥
童生


Joined: 11 Mar 2007
Posts: 55
Location: 中国广东肇庆
王浥Collection
PostPosted: 2007-04-01 20:32:47    Post subject: 歌(请各位斑主批评指正) Reply with quote



小草不能长成参天大树,
于是紧贴平地默默地将青春纵横万里;
一棵树不能与云彩一样展翅飞翔,
于是将根须深深地扎于大地的故乡。

一只荧火虫不能与星月比高,
于是在田园的夜空提着快乐的灯笼;
一只雄鹰不能像燕子筑巢于屋檐,
于是将家安置于悬崖峭壁迎风展翅。

一条小溪不能奔流成大浪淘天的江河,
于是将生活过得很低调很甘冽很清澈;
一面湖不能驰骋为飞瀑流泉,
于是围堤为抱蓄水修身。

一支莲花不能与桃李争春,
于是耐心等待夏季再绽放浓情;
一条蛇不能用眼睛观看世界,
于是造就了敏锐的舌剑来倾听。

现代城市不能负荷日益超载的人群,
于是向周围不断复制与扩张;
月亮追赶不上太阳的脚步,
于是与繁星结伴不离不弃。

每一个人生不一定要不同凡响,
只要谦让、勤奋、变通、坚强就是好样;
茫茫宇宙的情怀如此宽广,
任何一种生存方式同样精彩。

2007年4月1日星期日家中
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诗如生活,生活是诗!526020中国广东肇庆端州六路芙蓉西一街17号翠芙居705王晓辉
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kokho
进士出身


Joined: 30 Nov 2006
Posts: 2642
Location: Singapore
kokhoCollection
PostPosted: 2007-04-02 00:16:14    Post subject: Reply with quote

很好的尝试 。。
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乒乓、摄影、诗歌
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司马策风
举人


Joined: 03 Dec 2006
Posts: 1211
Location: 温哥华
司马策风Collection
PostPosted: 2007-04-02 01:38:35    Post subject: Reply with quote

这种以大量形象来铺垫的理趣诗歌,前面的罗列不可太多,最后的总结一般以简短为上。

你的作品基础很好,可以尝试在精简一点会更好的。

盼读到你更多的好诗歌。

问好
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白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2007-04-02 17:16:48    Post subject: Reply with quote

理性的思索
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yanxiao81
童生


Joined: 19 Mar 2007
Posts: 12

yanxiao81Collection
PostPosted: 2007-04-02 18:17:59    Post subject: Reply with quote

结尾部分很有现实意义的。
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王浥
童生


Joined: 11 Mar 2007
Posts: 55
Location: 中国广东肇庆
王浥Collection
PostPosted: 2007-04-02 18:39:11    Post subject: 谢谢各位版主! Reply with quote

谢谢各位版主真诚的意见和建议,一定会改进的
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诗如生活,生活是诗!526020中国广东肇庆端州六路芙蓉西一街17号翠芙居705王晓辉
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