Maple Review :: View topic - [原创]兰亭风

	Chinese Literature Society of North America \| Maple Review \| Immigrants in Canada \| Angel Studio \| The Driftwood Artist Society \| Ocean of Poetry \| Island of Music "HuaHe Cup" 2007 Chinese Mainland and Oversea Poetry Competition and Non-governmental Magazines and Newspapers Joint Exhibition starts on the first day of 2007.
	FAQ Search Memberlist Usergroups Register Profile Log in to check your private messages Sign in Blogs Weblogs News Album



Dictionary Check Poems' Rules & Forms Search for Chinese Poems Poetry & Music

Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

[原创]兰亭风

徐业华
秀才

Joined: 14 Mar 2007
Posts: 129
Location: 安徽
徐业华Collection

Posted: 2007-03-31 19:49:15 Post subject: [原创]兰亭风

[原创]兰亭风徐业华清新的风再次吹拂一座不能逾越的山峰一支斗笔的重量至今无人能掂量东晋以后兰亭就开始缄默了曲水犹存流殇不复王羲之用其疏密有致的玄墨根植了一棵遮天蔽日的常青树墨香穿越时空金属般纯净的光泽蓝天样遥远注定无法躲避释放的锋芒箭簇一样穿透岁月的胸膛每一个偏旁和部首都粘贴着心灵的笑语每一处起伏和转折都着彰显节奏的韵律母亲的乳汁抚育了我的身体书圣的墨汁滋养了我的精神随着一根烟头的熄灭一切又重新化为乌有那篇恣意挥洒的行草已伴随一个君王沉寂于大地的摇篮惟有片片野菊年复一年的在风中独自荣枯通讯地址：243100安徽省当涂县文化局 _________________ 只有在寒冷的冬天，我们才能接近最纯净的光芒。

nobody
进士出身

Joined: 31 Dec 2006
Posts: 2651
Location: Madtown
nobodyCollection

Posted: 2007-03-31 23:39:19 Post subject:

欢迎。个人浅见：总体挺好，不足之处是没感到站在思想的制高点上。 _________________ I'm nobody! Who are you?

徐业华
秀才

Joined: 14 Mar 2007
Posts: 129
Location: 安徽
徐业华Collection

Posted: 2007-04-01 03:49:40 Post subject:

nobody wrote:

欢迎。
个人浅见：总体挺好，不足之处是没感到站在思想的制高点上。

谢谢斑竹鼓励与关注，我会继续努力。
_________________
只有在寒冷的冬天，我们才能接近最纯净的光芒。

杨海军
进士出身

Joined: 01 Mar 2007
Posts: 2205
Location: 吉林
杨海军Collection

Posted: 2007-04-02 16:22:22 Post subject:

整体不错！！！诗语言有张力，很凝练，只是由于切入角度的问题，有些感觉还没写出来。相信业华诗人会写出更好的诗！ _________________ 走了很久了。还清晰地望见/身后那盏明灭的灯火/好像我们走的越久越远/故乡的那盏灯就越亮 ——拙作《离开村庄》 http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1269376751

司马策风
举人

Joined: 03 Dec 2006
Posts: 1211
Location: 温哥华
司马策风Collection

Posted: 2007-04-02 17:10:12 Post subject:

通篇相当有概括力和穿透力，语言的弹性也不错。感觉是在最后一节没能“站起来”。另外，赞同nobody的观点。不过相信以兄台的功力，自可运功自疗。问好 _________________ 《北美枫》司马策风文集 http://www.maplereview.org/best.php?t=8676

徐业华
秀才

Joined: 14 Mar 2007
Posts: 129
Location: 安徽
徐业华Collection

Posted: 2007-04-03 04:18:45 Post subject:

整体不错！！！诗语言有张力，很凝练，只是由于切入角度的问题，有些感觉还没写出来。相信业华诗人会写出更好的诗！[/quote ] 谢杨老师批阅 _________________ 只有在寒冷的冬天，我们才能接近最纯净的光芒。

徐业华
秀才

Joined: 14 Mar 2007
Posts: 129
Location: 安徽
徐业华Collection

Posted: 2007-04-03 04:20:02 Post subject:

司马策风 wrote:

通篇相当有概括力和穿透力，语言的弹性也不错。

感觉是在最后一节没能“站起来”。另外，赞同nobody的观点。

不过相信以兄台的功力，自可运功自疗。

问好

谢司马鼓励，问好。
_________________
只有在寒冷的冬天，我们才能接近最纯净的光芒。

倾听书卷
童生

Joined: 26 Dec 2006
Posts: 49
Location: 江苏常熟
倾听书卷Collection

Posted: 2007-04-03 23:47:06 Post subject:

业华兄作品连连，真勤奋 _________________ 联系地址: 215500 江苏省常熟市地方志办公室浦君芝

金金
进士出身

Joined: 08 Feb 2007
Posts: 2035
Location: 山东济宁
金金Collection

Posted: 2007-04-04 00:24:06 Post subject:

前三段看着正要起来，后两段却平下去了。 _________________ http://blog.sina.com.cn/shirenjinjin

徐业华
秀才

Joined: 14 Mar 2007
Posts: 129
Location: 安徽
徐业华Collection

Posted: 2007-04-04 16:18:21 Post subject:

倾听书卷 wrote:

业华兄作品连连，真勤奋

问好君芝，紧握。
_________________
只有在寒冷的冬天，我们才能接近最纯净的光芒。

徐业华
秀才

Joined: 14 Mar 2007
Posts: 129
Location: 安徽
徐业华Collection

Posted: 2007-04-04 16:20:17 Post subject:

金金 wrote:

前三段看着正要起来，后两段却平下去了。

谢读，我喜欢先仰后抑。远握。
_________________
只有在寒冷的冬天，我们才能接近最纯净的光芒。

Display posts from previous:

Emoticons





View more Emoticons

Page 1 of 1 View previous topic View next topic

Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

Once you post your works here, that means you submits them to the magazine of Maple Review (North American Maple, or BeiMeiFeng), a bilingual journal published by Chinese Literature Society of North America. The magazine holds the right to translate them into Chinese, and publish them in both languages. You need to be responsible for the copyright issues of your own files uploaded.
Powered by phpBB © 2001, 2005 phpBB Group
phpBB Chinese interface was translated by iCy-fLaME