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叫床
博弈
榜眼


Joined: 21 Dec 2006
Posts: 4381
Location: SFO
博弈Collection
PostPosted: 2012-04-20 22:57:26    Post subject: 叫床 Reply with quote

叫床


她也愛叫床
但男人的叫床聲
她更喜歡
因可明確地知道
他多麼地享受與她一起
所有的形上
一下子濃縮成具體

她與他的床是一座花園
繡織的各色的花
早晨
小鳥還棲睡在枝間
偶一動動
她就會自然醒來
然後
細數鳥的羽毛

陽光無私透過窗戶
一瓣一瓣
將夜裏合起的花
又慢慢暖開
這時
鳥伸伸懶腰醒來
喔她愛叫床
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hepingdao
Site Admin


Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 8106

hepingdaoCollection
PostPosted: 2012-04-20 23:03:05    Post subject: Reply with quote

这个比喻清新
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司马策风
举人


Joined: 03 Dec 2006
Posts: 1211
Location: 温哥华
司马策风Collection
PostPosted: 2012-06-30 10:45:46    Post subject: Reply with quote

小鸟“叫床”出乎意料。色而不色。
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冷雨
秀才


Joined: 05 Nov 2010
Posts: 439

冷雨Collection
PostPosted: 2012-10-16 12:24:25    Post subject: Reply with quote

问好! love you
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白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2012-10-21 06:13:18    Post subject: Reply with quote

博士最近去哪里了?难道也是不能登陆 Question
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韩少君
进士出身


Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Posts: 2558
Location: 吉林四平
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PostPosted: 2012-10-22 19:21:33    Post subject: Reply with quote

啼时惊妾梦,不得到辽西。
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靠才华为自己带来幸福的是才子;靠才华为自己带来痛苦的是诗人!!http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanshaojun345
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金金
进士出身


Joined: 08 Feb 2007
Posts: 2035
Location: 山东济宁
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PostPosted: 2012-11-04 14:54:59    Post subject: Reply with quote

其实我觉得吧,只第一段改一下扩大一下,把人与鸟的叫床比较一下。诗歌的整体变成是一种人叫床与鸟叫床和景色交杂的感觉。以你的作品内在品质和事物自我在文字中存在的可信度,诗意会大增,堪比杨炼的色情诗。



好久上不来,终于上来了!问好!~!! Razz
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杯中冲浪
进士出身


Joined: 29 Sep 2006
Posts: 2891
Location: 中国
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PostPosted: 2012-11-04 18:11:53    Post subject: Reply with quote

里面有鸟么,我感觉都是人吧。叫床?床上叫!中国人很含蓄。
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