Maple Review :: View topic - 《一切俱在》

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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

《一切俱在》

风动
秀才

Joined: 15 Dec 2006
Posts: 290

风动Collection

Posted: 2012-10-05 12:01:09 Post subject: 《一切俱在》

《一切俱在》 ---- 风动作从悬崖的冰山下来与你汇合在溪水潺潺的河谷和旷野，清风麦浪。我如影的轻盈掠过苍茫大地我俯视的山川湖泊，波光艳影。那永恒的静谧圣洁而丰盈。而我，丝毫未曾染足　一切俱在：脚下的路和未曾从可能的秘闭中踏出以沼泽的深含和杂芜的轻掩呈现着未曾呈现的一片从期待的虚妄中回归，移开依赖的目光：啊，多么完整而富足的世界啊，一切俱在一切俱在：你浮光掠影的水面未曾缘起丝毫的涟漪似变换莫测的云，终以雨的倾诉委身于大地，而大地未曾留住丝毫的云雾，从未计较从上面来来去去的：花开花落，沧海桑田 --2012年6月24日

和平岛
举人

Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 1277
Location: Victoria, Canada
和平岛Collection

Posted: 2012-10-05 13:09:38 Post subject:

心随风动,几分洒脱,几分爱恋,充满对自然的投入和赞美,对生活的真诚和超脱,一句话:从未计较,得失俱在笑谈中 _________________ 写诗是为了写更好的诗

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2012-10-05 20:47:48 Post subject:

不错的一首。大气，超脱。这超脱又是建立在理性认知之后的升华，便更可贵了。比如：以沼泽的深含和杂芜的轻掩呈现着未曾呈现的一片从期待的虚妄中回归，移开依赖的目光：啊，多么完整而富足的世界啊，一切俱在似变换莫测的云，终以雨的倾诉委身于大地，而大地未曾留住丝毫的云雾，从未计较从上面来来去去的：花开花落，沧海桑田喜欢这样的文字。鸡蛋里挑点刺，文字似可再敛。比如：从悬崖的冰山下来与你汇合在溪水潺潺的河谷从一个境到另一个境，打开一个思绪的铺垫，我意无须太细。适当的减少修饰，似更直切主题比如从冰山（or峰whatever)下来与你汇合在溪水潺潺的河谷

青洋
秀才

Joined: 25 Sep 2012
Posts: 342
Location: 溫哥華
青洋Collection

Posted: 2012-10-07 03:17:00 Post subject:

如風在說話，在感受。 _________________ 坐在方舟中的無用之人天天射落日的倒影

hepingdao
Site Admin

Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 8106

hepingdaoCollection

Posted: 2012-10-07 04:01:25 Post subject:

自然流畅的美感 _________________ 为网友服务: 端茶倒水勤打扫!

风动
秀才

Joined: 15 Dec 2006
Posts: 290

风动Collection

Posted: 2012-10-18 09:58:33 Post subject:

谢谢岛主、谢谢青洋的阅评。谢谢白水，建议考虑中。问好！

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2012-10-19 04:53:48 Post subject:

交流而已，不必深思。问好

韩少君
进士出身

Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Posts: 2558
Location: 吉林四平
韩少君Collection

Posted: 2012-10-19 06:10:15 Post subject:

阅读 _________________ 靠才华为自己带来幸福的是才子;靠才华为自己带来痛苦的是诗人!!http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanshaojun345

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2012-10-21 06:09:36 Post subject:

等新作

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2012-10-21 06:10:03 Post subject:

等新作

风动
秀才

Joined: 15 Dec 2006
Posts: 290

风动Collection

Posted: 2012-10-27 00:22:31 Post subject:

感谢各位。周末问好！

hepingdao
Site Admin

Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 8106

hepingdaoCollection

Posted: 2012-10-27 00:43:20 Post subject:

good weekend _________________ 为网友服务: 端茶倒水勤打扫!

山城子
榜眼

Joined: 23 May 2007
Posts: 4771
Location: 中国贵州
山城子Collection

Posted: 2012-10-27 15:21:03 Post subject:

磊落行于世，都在怀抱中！ _________________ 诗是人生的雅伴儿。

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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

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